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Claireabell
22-07-05, 11:06
Do other people with Social Anxiety feel guilty about how it can affect their children lives? My 5 year old daughter breaks up today for the school holidays. It is something I have been dreading for weeks. At least at school she can mix with other children. I do take her out, I live opposite Blaise Castle Estate in Bristol and anybody who has been there knows how lovely it is but it is never the same as playing with children that you know and have built close friendships with.
I can remember people say that they have made so many friends through their children but I can't say that I have. To be honest I think people think that I am a bit snobby and that I think I am better than them but they would be so wrong. I have never been able to just walk up to a group of mums and just start talking, I just feel that I am butting in and who do I think I am just coming up and barging in to the conversation. I also feel that I don't have anything to say that others would be intrested in. So I find myself just sitting in my car until the school bell rings. I have got out of the car a few times and have gone to wait but I just stood there and nobody spoke and that is what put me off. That's how it makes me feel. I know that I haven't got two heads and that I don't smell but I just feel so different. Does any body else feel the same and if so how do they deal with it, how do you overcome this? I have felt like this all through this school year and now that the school is breaking up it notices even more because I don't have that oh can I have your phone number and we can get together so our children can play together over the holidays.
It is really making me feel down, and I am crying as I type this. I feel so alone. You can PM me if you are unable to write anything here

A Very Sad Claire :(

seh1980
22-07-05, 11:09
hi Claire,

I think lots of us have that. I don't have any kids but I do feel guilty because there are lots of things that I don't do that I know my partner would love to do. i.e. go on holidays that involve a plane journey (YIKES), go go-carting, etc. We always feel like we're letting someone down..As long as you try your best though, there's nothing more you can do..

Sarah :D

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

existential crisis
22-07-05, 11:18
Claire, I think when you feel like that the best thing to do is just try and spend some time with people who you know well and who you trust. I am much the same as you. I have a 4 year old who is due to start school and when I took him for his visit, I sat apart from all the mums because I felt like I couldnt mingle with them and that they wouldnt really like me anyway. I just smiled at them and even though I couldnt really bring myself to get in on their conversation (for the same reasons as you) I dont think they took it funny. The other mums probably dont think your being funny, they probably just think you are a bit shy. I mean as long as you dont walk around with your nose in the air at them then they cant really think anything else except your probably just a bit shy. xx

*I think, therefore I am.*

Claireabell
22-07-05, 20:37
THANK YOU SOOOOOOOO MUCH TO EVERYONE FOR THEIR MESSAGES AND PM'S, I AM SO GLAD I FOUND THIS SITE. I TOO WISH WE LIVED CLOSE TO EACH OTHER AND WE COULD THEN FORM OUR OWN CLICKY GROUP IN THE PLAYGROUND :)

MY HUSBAND HAS TAKEN OUR LITTLE GIRL THERE AND HE FEELS THE SAME WAY. HE ACTUALLY WORKS WITH ONE OF THE OTHER MUM'S IN MY DAUGHTERS CLASS, HER DAUGHTER WAS KEPT BACK A YEAR. SHE SAID THAT SHE FELT EVERYONE WAS VERY CLICKY AND DID NOT SPEAK BUT THE YEAR BEFORE EVERYBODY GOT ONE FINE. THAT MADE ME FEEL LESS PARANOID.

CLAIRE, SNAP LOL SAID THAT SHE WAS BULLIED AND I WAS BULLIES ALSO FOR BEING OVERWEIGHT. I CAN REMEMBER AT PRIMARY SCHOOL WHEN WE HAD TEAMS FOE PE, I WAS ALWAYS THE LAST TO BE PICKED, WHICH DIDN'T HELP AND PROBABLY CONTRIBUTE'S TO HOW I FEEL AROUND OTHERS.

I DID DO SOMETHING POSITIVE THIS AFTERNOON. I BROWSED THE NET TO LOOK UP WHAT WAS ON OVER THE SUMMER HOLS. I NOW HAVE TICKETS FOR STORYTELLING AND CRAFT MAKING SESSIONS ETC WITH MY DAUGHTER., WHICH WERE ALL FREE. I HAVE EVEN MANAGED TO GET TICKETS FOR US TO FEED THE DEERS AT ASHTON COURT ESTATE IN BRISTOL, WE HAVE TO GET UP REALLY EARLY FOR THAT ONE [|)] IT'S AMAZING WHAT YOU CAN GET ON THE NET..

ONCE AGAIN, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND IT'S GREAT TO FEEL I AM NOT ALONE, YOU MAY WELL REGRET INVITING ME TO PM YOU :):)

ONCE I START BABBLING I CAN'T SEEM TO STOP, I'M A CHATTERBOX JUST WAITING TO ESCAPE.

CLAIRE X

seh1980
22-07-05, 21:36
Am so glad you managed to get those tickets Claire - hope you and your daughter have a great time together :D

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

Sue K with 5
22-07-05, 23:07
Hi claire

Listen I too have children five in fact and they suffer terribly because of my agoraphobia, but I bet your daughter loves you so much, and she doesn;t care about friendships as long as she has her mum, and you are obviously doing the best you can to make sure she grows up a stron and outgoing little person.

Dont cry, I know you are lonely but there are people in your area who must suffer the same or similar problems as you.

What might be an idea is next year to have a small tea party and invite a few children around to the house, then when the parents come to collect, hand them a card with your number on and ask them to call at anytime if the child wants to come round and play, this is a wonderful way to break yourself in gently, by the next summer hols you will have more contacts than you care for but at least you can organise things!

Dont be hard on yourself.


Take car and msn or Pm me anytime I have five children so I know how hard it is for you


sue with 5


scknight

Insomniac
26-07-05, 15:26
Hi Claire.

You're not alone in that feeling. My daughter is 6 years old. I feel exactly the same in the playground and always used to get there at the last minute to avoid the clicky ones. Over time I have made friends with a couple of the mums, and have realised the clickiness is more their problem than mine, as my friends feel the same. Our anxiety just makes it stronger.

I felt guilty all last summer thinking about the friends I didn't visit and the trip my husband and daughter missed out on because of me. Just getting to Cornwall was trial enough!

This year I feel a bit better. I have good times and bad, and find it hard to accept that sometimes it just sneaks up on you. But I am managiing it. I'm moving house this weekend and don't feel too stressed. I am now taking Hypericum Complex and Rescue Remedy when things start to get on top of me.

I find posting here really helpful. Having friends who understand you is great, and they can often suggest things to help. :D

Lisa.