I had to ask my new boyfriend to leave due to panic

[chbun]

I've just been started on Sertaline for my panic attacks - I'm on day 5. I have noticed an increase in anxiety but I was expecting to feel a bit dodgy for a while. Stupidly I decided to go out drinking on Friday night (day 3 of new tablets). I ended up at a party with my new boyfriend (of one month). I think I was drinking to enable me to mask my anxiety for the evening so I could spend time with my boyfriend socially.

The next day I really paid for my mistake. I had a terrible hangover, tablet side effects and increased anxiety. I felt shocking! I just wanted to be on my own to sleep off the hangover and get myself together a bit but my new boyfriend was there. He wasn't showing any signs of leaving soon. I explained how awful I was feeling so he suggested watching some films.

I managed one film - my anxiety was creeping up and down. Half way through the second film I had to ask him to leave. I explained that it was because of my anxiety. He was worried that it was him (and to be honest it was). After he left I cried and cried. I didn't really want to be alone but I didn't want him to see me having panic attacks. I knew that if he didn't leave - the panic wouldn't leave.

Sorry this is so long but I feel so depressed about the whole thing. I'm worried that I am going to loose a really nice guy to anxiety. How do other people manage their relationships (new and old!)

Thanks,

Charlottex

[sMINT]

Hey, I know how you feel about wanting to be on your own with anxiety. Most people feel better with people when driving or going places etc.

Although, I'm assuming your like me, When I panic I like to be on my own. I don't like people knowing about it. This all adds to my panic and it gets worse until I leave the social situation I am in.

I'm sure if you explain to your new boyfriend that its really not him and you suffer with anxiety and need your own space he'll understand.

I'm single at the minute although a lot of my friendships suffer from my panic attacks. I hardly go out any more and hate having people in my car becuase I feel I cant go home when I get an attack if their with me. I always have to make an excuse to drop them all home first which is really hard to do. Id feel with a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship though it would be easier to handle as they should understand and be able to tell them everything.

Hope it works out for you

[timmymagic46]

I hid mine from my gf for ages....but eventually I gave in and had a full on panic attack whilst she was with me. In a way it made it worse because it made it accetable to do it in from of her as she didn't freak out and really helped me so it almost escalated?!?!! But it's great to have someone who understands. So if I were u I would b honest and if it works then it works....just coz we have anxiety issues
Doesn't make us weird!!! :-)

[bananas13]

my boyfriend knows i have anxiety (well, ive been hospitalized twice so obviously he knows lol) and although he's never had panic or anxiety and he doesnt understand what i go through, he is supportive. there are times when im just straight forward and say "im sorry but i just need to be alone." just be honest with him.

say something like "i suffer from bad anxiety and sometimes i just need to be alone for it to go away. it has nothing to with you and i know you probably dont understand, but just know its not you. its hard to explain, but i just need space sometimes."

if he's worth keeping around, he'll understand. ; )

[sue681]

i know how u feel, i was seein my bf for 6 months and he was really nice,i liked him alot but for me it was a struggle.many a time when we were in social situations where my anxiety was gettin worse i'd make up things like my son was i'll etc and i had to go.eventually i opened up he was o.k about it but then i felt him becomming distant,i asked him and he told me it was all to much for him and i "had to" get it sorted out once and for all !

"i'm a happy go lucky guy and your draggin me down abit"!!

lol would'nt we all just like to get it sorted !

As for the drinkin,i was just like u,drank to take the edge off things but then next day felt so bad that i could'nt see him..so more excuses !

if yr boyfriend cares for enough he'll understand !

i know my Anxiety ruined our relationship but i think he could of been abit more understanding...

[chbun]

Thanks for the replies.:hugs: I saw my boyfriend the next day and he seemed fine about it all. I told him that to if he wanted to be with me- he needed the patience of a saint. He said that he thought he could - 'pull this out the box.' I managed to stay round at his house the next day - anxiety was up and down still but at least I managed to stay.

I've accepted that if he doesn't like the anxiety - he is not worth it.

Cx

[CJH86]

Hi, i really feel for you:hugs: ive been in my relationship over 2 years and now live with my boyfriend, normally before we'd lived together id manage to hide most of my anxiety problems from him..although i told him i suffered 'the odd' panic attack. Naturally as we spent more time together and started to stop over each others houses he noticed things more and started to think he was making matters worse.

to cut a long story short he ended up splitting up with me for a while because he thought i was hiding things from him i.e. cheating or something along the lines of and he felt he was making me worse. Infact because i hadnt been open with him about the anxiety it pretty much caused all this...so my advice would to be open an tell him how it makes you feel, what you feel like when you have panic attacks...even if he cant relate he can at least bear it in mind

I ended up getting back together with my bf and everythings been ok since. Anxiety does cause problems once in a while like when i have to cut a night short or cant leave the house...or even if he is going away! Also if he sees me haing a panic attack he makes me worse as he starts panicing and gets convinced i need to go to A&E!!! so generally i stay in the other room when that happens! I personally feel when you get comfortable with someone you wont mind them seeing you in that state quite as much, although not always desirable! x