anxiety is ruining my relationship!

[Oranges3]

I have been seeing a counselor for about a month now for my anxiety. My anxiety seems to stem from my relationship of 2 1/2 years. It started out as questioning my relationship with my boyfriend, which is normal. It then turned into a full-blown anxiety fest. I thought about our relationship 24/7. I became so obsessed and so unsure that I broke up up with him because I thought that that must be the answer. But breaking up with him made it worse. So we got back together (taking it slow) and I got off birth control pills because I thought maybe the hormones were throwing me for a loop. I was doing great with the help of my counselor and the evening out of my hormones. I was feeling great about my boyfriend and I, but was wary about only using condoms. So I got back on a lower dose of birth control pills, and a few days later it happened again! I started questioning everything with my boyfriend! I got off of them again and am still having anxiety about our relationship. I know he loves me and is here for me, but I can't help but question my feelings. One moment I know that we're meant to be together and everything will be ok, the next moment I am convinced that I can get by without him. The thought of being without him scares me! Every morning I wake up and realize that if I don't know how I feel about him, we can't be together... then my heart starts to race and I start to sweat, resulting in a panic attack. Now I'm scared to sleep because I don't want to question it. I don't want the panic. It all hurts too much!:weep:

I don't want to question my relationship anymore. I don't know what thoughts are the anxiety and what thoughts are actually my own! Someone reassure me that this will get better -- and that hopefully I will be able to live my life with my boyfriend again. I just miss the old me! :(

[tryinghard]

Hi There,

I feel for you. I too have suffered with many similar feelings as you. Mine have been hormonal as well as emotional. I have been on bio identical hormone replacement, I was only 35, I even tried some medication for anxiety, ocd, etc. and nothing helped really. As soon as a feeling comes up or an obsessive thought I just react, quickly. I question my boyfriend about things in the most ridiculous of ways it is embarrassing. It isn't even jealousy or trust related I just get going and can't stop. I do it in normal conversation. I can't let go of anything once I am talking about it. I lecture him during or after a fight, it goes on for hours. The poor guy just falls asleep most the time, which gets me enraged and just spins me faster and longer. What I have come up with is a couple things that help me. When I apply these things I am much better, always. When I don't, I suck and I am in a living hell and hate my life. I practice meditation and I go to a wonderful therapist a few times a month and luckily we are in couples counseling as well, which does help a lot because I know I can bring up issues there and I don't have to do it on my own in case I go off or he isn't emotionally available. I too wake up with thoughts of 'am I with the right guy?' or 'is this okay?' and I always remember that this is me and not him. He has his stuff and they all do but I notice a cycle of everything getting worse around my period and ovulation when my hormones are at their most unstable as well as if I drink alcohol or have caffeine. People like us shouldn't take anything in our bodies that exaggerates our emotional state. It is important to remember to take care of ourselves extra well. Good luck.