When people come to visit

[fairymary]

Does anyone get panic attacks when people come to visit in there own house. This is crazy I know, but tomorrow I have invited some friends round for my daughters birthday, she will be 3 and I know all morning before they come I will be up and down stairs to the toilet and feel totally drained and pathetic. My panic attacks are all about needing the toilet as a few years ago I had a bowel operation and for a little while after had no control. I had to run out of a meeting at work and go home as I didnt get to the toilet on time.

[sMINT]

Hey fairymary,
I get like you with panicking in my own home. I hate people coming to visit. When they arrive I will constantly be screaming in my head 'will you hurry up and go away please' lol

Will there be anyone to look after your daughter if you happened to leave? If so, your in your own house so you would be able to go into your bedroom or somewhere to calm yourself down for a bit, No one would be the wiser if there will be a load of people there.

Try and reassure your self that if you need to rush to the toilet you will be able to at any time you wish as its your own house.

Hope it goes well :)

[Kells81]

I get panicky when people come to my house as well as I think I am in a situation where I cant just leave if I wanted to!
Hopefully if you have lots of fun you wont even think about it! Plus like sMINT said-you are in your own house so you can act however you want!

I even went as far as to get a spare key cut which I keep in my lounge so if I have people over and I feel that I need to go I can give them my key and say 'stay as long as you want and lock my door on your way out!' I hope I never do that though!

[Nechtan]

You are not alone. I experience this too and have done for some time. In my own case the apprehension is worse than the actual visit. Usually 20-30 minutes after someone arrives I feel a little calmer. Mind you I need to know they are leaving and not staying long. If there is no time limit or I know they are staying for a while then the anxiety is worse.

All the best

Nechtan

[belle]

Hi, I know exactly where you are coming from, i would even panic if neighbours were standing outside the front chatting!!!

What i would tell myself if that the worst came to the worst, i could ask these people to leave my house. It's that easy. Keep that in your mind and i am pretty sure it'll make you feel calmer.

x

[purplehaze]

I think its easier if people know about your panic attacks and then they will know how your feeling. I for one LOVE people coming round and visiting. Its part of being "normal" and is good for you in overcoming anxiety.
Try to see it as a chance to re-train your thoughts but best doing this with friends

all the best for the party

[freakedout]

I hate visitors.

I feel like jelly beforehand, running to the loo etc.... very anxious. I just hate visitors, I am nervous as hell if I know people are visiting but I also hate unexpected visitors. I have been known to hide in my bedroom when we had several family members visiting a couple of years ago. I also hide in my kitchen usually having stressy crying outbursts or hide in the bathroom. I cannot relax until visitors have gone. I avoid visitors as much as possible. I hardly ever invite people back.

Freaky

[Yvonne]

Thank god it's so common!!!

Yes, I get it as well. I can handle it if it's someone who I really trust and who knows all about my problem. At least the people who know what I suffer with won't be embarrassed/think I'm loony if I come over all unnecessary. It's awful though isn't it to feel like this in your own home. Also we need to socialise with people and it's just not fair!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't like people knocking unexpectedly. I deal with it, but with much discomfort. I'll give them a cup of tea and try to act normal but I'm all tightened up inside. Also, I get soooo bored with what people are talking about and a lot of what they're saying goes over my head. How bad is that?!! The reason for that of course is because I'm concentrating on how I feel.

This is a very cruel illness.

My advice is to try to sit it out - tell people how you feel if you do feel awful. Why hide it??? We must take the stigma out of this thing. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Lots of love to fellow sufferers xxxxx

[freakedout]

A good trick is to have your coat in your hand when the door goes, if you want to let them in you pretend you`ve just come in, and if you don`t you say you`re on your way out. Its a little white lie but it works a treat and helps you to feel in control.

Marvellous idea Paul, I think I will have to use that one!:winks:

Freaky:D

[sunshine-lady]

I am just the same. I hate having visitors and if anyone knocks on the door I run into the kitchen. A few times over the last few years, we have had some friends and their kids stay for a few days. I am totally on edge and anxious and as much as I am happy to see them I don't when them there - know it must sound odd. My brother comes up from London and stays at my Mum's regulary, I go to my Mum's to see him as it means I can leave when I like and I feel as if I have some control over the situation. If he comes to our house he is here for hours, talking constenatley and loudly and it drives me round the bend!

Like other people have mentioned, it is your house, you have easy access to the loo,you can ask them to leave and besides, all eyes will be on the birthday girl. Hope all goes well for you and Happy Birthday to your daughter.

take care xxx

[Nechtan]

I agree that it is better to tell people and this lifts a weight but its not always helpful. It took me a long time to realise what was happening to me and even longer to tell people. Since telling family I thought it would help but they still don't understand. If anything they visit more frequently now and stay much longer which I don't enjoy- wish I could but I don't.

What really annoys me is that even after telling them they still on occassion turn up out of the blue. My inlaws are the worst for it. They appear in the afternoon and hang about till tea time where they expect either to be fed or phone for a take away. And as soon as I know that is the case I am clock watching the whole time.

Nechtan

[Nechtan]

some peoplejust don`t listen, even ones that know I get on edge still think its a great idea to come and sit with me for company when its the last thing I want !

maybe its all part of the recovery, to state that you want space, speak up for yourself etc and assert yourself in the world? I was always terrified of offending people so now I have to be a bit brave or I end up being steamrollered.

so glad this forum is here, I don`t feel half as weird because people on here understand how it is to be scared.

take care, I`ll be back on in a day or two

Paul

Hi Paul,

That indeed is the paradox of the situation. You don't want people around but at the same time you know you need people around as avoiding them just makes it harder. But I went through a period where I had people around my flat almost constantly. Also my wife's sister and then her friend stayed overnight. It didn't make it any easier next time. No matter how much exposure I have had the next time is no easier. I have come to think ultimately avoidance at the moment is the best way until I have the tools to cope with these situations as without them I am having problems every time.

All the best

Nechtan