He died. How can I cope?

[KaylaMarie]

I am barely eating, and I am worried that I am going to die because of it. I think It is just my anxiety working up...but Im scared

I feel dizzy and sick and I can barely even look at food much less eat it without feeling like I might throw up.

I had my wisdom teeth pulled last wed. My father died Last friday and I am so nervous, stressed, scared that I think I am going to die.



Is my lack of appetite and feeling sick Ok for what I am going through. I do eat at least one meal a day because I know I need to But I dont want to. I am also trying to drink a bunch of liquids.

NOt to mention the fights I am having with my mother as of yesterday.
Please help.

[becky_s]

I really do feel for you, I have lost some really close people to me and yes the way you are feeling is completely normal. I know every one says it but the only answer is to talk. You need to go straight to your doctor, speak to him/her, they may prescribe you anti depressants then get referred to a really good counsellor. I really do think that will help you deal with things. Have you tried just making your self eating little and often rather than huge meals? Then it may increase your energy levels. I really do understand hwo hard it is, but time is the best healer and when you talk to people it helps so much more. All the best

[Kay-Tee]

Hello KaylaMarie, Hang on in there...............what your feeling is a normal reaction to everything out of control around you. If you can make it to see your Doctor they could give you something to ease you through the funeral and all that involves. I am middle-aged and lost my parents within 10months of each other to cancer, I could n't believe it and my whole world was shattered. Still I am trying to find a way through. Hope you feel a bit better soon.

[ElizabethJane]

I'm so sorry that your Father has died. My Mum died twenty years ago at sixty one and I still think about her daily. The important thing here is time. Allow yourself time to grieve to cry and expresss those feelings that you have about your Dad positive memories and regrets. He will always be in your thoughts and the initial feelings of shock and grief will fade in time. I send you a healing hand in these sad times for you and your family.

[PUGLETMUM]

:hugs: hi kaylamarie, i can only say the same as the others - from personal experience wha tyou are going through is totally normal - no need to worry - i didnt eat for a month after my mum died and im still here - 16 years later! your appetite will come back naturally - try not to worry about it so much and get some protein drinks - i dont know what brands you have in the u.s but we have 'build-up' and 'complan' here for when your unwell or youve lost your appetite - they give them to sick ppl, so if you drink them you will worry less:hugs:

[Alabasterlyn]

hi kaylamarie, I can only reiterate what the others have already said, how you feel is a totally normal reaction to the grief of losing your father. I lost my father 8yrs ago and just like Elizabeth Jane, I think about him every day. We grow up thinking our parents will be there forever, they are immortal in our eyes and when something happens to them it's like our whole world crashes down around us.

You really should take the advice given already and go visit your GP so that you can get some help and I wish you well :hugs:

[deb141]

Hi kaylamarie
I lost my beloved grandad on 14 Jan suddenly and he was like a father to me, i was suffering from post natal depression with severe anxiety and panic (which i have previously recovered from). I felt out of control, could't/wouldn't eat and the panic was terrible. After a few days of not coping i saw my doctor and he gave me 14 diazepam tablets to take when i needed to (i was already on citalopram), they were just what i needed to calm down and cry without getting all panicky. I made sure i saved a few for the night before and the day of the funeral which i was glad of. Everything you are going through is normal, don't be frightened to ask your doctor for help, mine did not hesitate considering the circumstances. sending you big hugs x

[NoPoet]

I wanted to say I'm sorry for the losses everyone has suffered.

People aren't gone as long as someone remembers them. You have an obligation to carry on -- you're his child, you're his legacy to the world, and he would want you to keep going.

Your dad wouldn't want you to feel like this, would he? Every day you spend enjoying life, or trying to enjoy it, is a day you are honouring him.

You are NOT going to die, because no-one ever died of a broken heart. I'm not going to pretend that things will be okay any time soon, but you will handle it. Keep going, one day at a time.

[KaylaMarie]

I went to urgent care and Got some Alprazolam. Calmed me down a bit.

My father also had Panic disorder, and it really shook me up, Everytime I had a panic attack he was there to talk me through it. And Now, Im by myself. I love him so much.

I have to say that I feel better though. He has definately shown me that he is here watching me. You will all think Im nuts, but I feel so at ease. He let me know that he's OK.

Thank you to everyone. By the way, are there any forums that I can go to specifically to talk to others who have been through this? I am sure there are but what I find on google is wrong.

And to Emmas, Its called either "Slimfast" or "Ensure" over here. =)

[dbhiggy]

Hi guys,
You never get over the loss of someone you love dearly, you merely (eventually) get used to living with the pain. I lost my darling dad 10 years ago and it feels like yesterday from an emptyness point of view. I'm not obsessive but I do think about him nearly every day and I have plenty going on in my life so I'm not some saddo who just sits around. Get some rescue remedy and get some Filisa which is great for grief.
And be kind to yourself -- grief isn't a train you catch at the station -- there's no timetable. There's a bridge between the land of the living and the land of the dead and the bridge is LOVE...xxx

[xfilme]

I am so sorry to hear about your father. My mum died in June last year. She was my best and closest friend.

I understand your suffering. You are not going to die. I feel like I am going to die. But I know the reason I feel like this is because my mums death made me realise that I myself am not immortal. It made me feel fragile and was the basis for my health anxiety.

I would suggest the first thing you do whilst you are having difficulties is to go to a Health shop and get some advice on a really strong Multivitamin, including Vitamin B complex. The reason I say this is because the stress I went through when my mum died caused me to drain all the nutrients in my body to the point I became Iron Deficient, and have spent the lasts 3 months trying to correct it, which has sent my health anxiety off the scale.

I totally appreciate what you must be going through. It is luck you have found this site. It is so helpful to be around likeminded people who understand you. Be gentle on yourself and do not get your expectations too high too soon. Baby steps.

When it happened to me I found the best answer was educating myself about what I was going through. Have you ever hear of the "Five Stages of Grieving"? The stages are:

Denial - Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, reality, etc., relating to the situation concerned. It's a defence mechanism and perfectly natural.

Anger - Anger can manifest in different ways. People dealing with emotional upset can be angry with themselves, and/or with others, especially those close to them.

Bargaining - Traditionally the bargaining stage for people can involve attempting to bargain with whatever God the person believes in.

Depression - It's a sort of acceptance with emotional attachment. It's natural to feel sadness and regret, fear, uncertainty, etc. It shows that the person has at least begun to accept the reality.

Acceptance - This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

Understanding the feelings you are going through are part of a process makes it easier to recover. Understanding the stages is the only reason Im here right now. It may not work for you, but you need to allow yourself to express all your feelings... and give it time. You will get through it. We are all here for you, standing by your side. Give me a shout if you want to talk about anything in depth as I was in your position only 9 months ago xxx

[gofishing]

I'm sorry to hear the loss of your father.


Hi guys,
You never get over the loss of someone you love dearly, you merely (eventually) get used to living with the pain. .... There's a bridge between the land of the living and the land of the dead and the bridge is LOVE...xxx

I don't have first-hand experience of this kind of loss yet, so I don't understand the grief from loss and depression from it, but I know one person who sufferred from the death of his mother and, 3 month later, the death of his beloved wife...leaving 3 children to him alone. He said he sufferred really hard from the FEAR of death for several months of those losses, then he couldn't attend any funeral for years because of the fear. He was a pharmacisit before the death of his wife, but later, he went to a seminary school, became a pastor. He said that it was about 20 yrs ago. He has taught me Bible through a Bible class and He really understood my FEAR of death and has helped me through my PAs. My FEAR of death was caused by my own suffocation, and probably the expected birth of my son (in a very unstable and stressful situation) too. I really don't know which one is worse among grief or fear in the loss of loved one. I just think it is really thankful that my parents are still alive although they are not so healthy.

I really don't want to know this kind of grief. But, I know i can cope it better now than before, because I now believe in Heaven.

I hope you get strength and get well soon.

My story: http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=43558
Tips: :tongue:ositive songs http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=44347