I Opened Up Then ....

[sal]

I know i havent being on the site much recently and before that i know i actually opened up and admitted to how i was feeling and that helped me so much and everyones replies gave me the encouragement i really needed.

My life has turned out so much better than i could have ever imagined, so i question myself as to why i still have days when i feel i have nothing. I console myself by the fact that before my life how it is now i still had Sam.

I have Simon now and i am part of a family that i never believed i would ever gain again and i am really happy, and although this might sound crazy i am so happy that i am waiting for the fall.

Not only now do i worry about hurting Sam i have someone else in my life and what happens if i hurt him or lose it and say something so well out of it.

Simon is great and he knows just how i feel but to suffer is different to understanding.

I dont cope well with the panic attacks which are quite bad at the moment but i know they are due to a situation at work but the thoughts i really cant cope with and i did once think i could cope with them but again i am here and i am struggling. Im scared to go to sleep as then i might lose totally control and i cant cope with the vivid dreams.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

[lainey]

Hi Sal

I'm sure that how you are feeling is only a blip brought on by circumstances at work. I like you am feeling much better but the fear of it coming back keeps raising it's ugly head. You are not going to hurt anybody they are just thoughts and us anxiety sufferers are expert thinkers aren't we!
Don't forget you have recently gone back to work after a long time at home, which considering what you have been through is a major feat in itself!
Try to be positive, I know it's hard but eventually you will beat this.

Take care chuck

Elaine x

[sal]

Hi Elaine

Thanks for your reply. I can cope with most of the anxiety now its just when i get really panicky and those horrible thoughts seem to take over and i cant slow it down and rationalise it all. I havent had a good day today but i have managed to get through it without taking my diazepam so i should look at that as a bonus. I think you are right, its all the hassle and pressure at work that seems to be making me feel like i do.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

[leo05]

hey sal you are doing really well so a BIG WELL DONE and i understand where you are coming from when you say you are waiting for the fall cause i wait everyday

here for you if you need me
tc luv leanne (leo05) [8D]

[LisaS]

Hi Sal,

You are so brave to let out your feelings like you have.. a sign of a very strong woman if you ask me.. When I look back on all my past worries/concerns/thoughts there is always such a heart warming response that is full of so much sense and honesty.. that makes you such a strong character that you should be so proud of and why so many people respect you and why your simon and sam love you so much! Sod those damn panic attacks.. let them come.. just go with it .. you know why they are there just like you know they will go.. get going with some positive visualisation about what tomorrow brings and know that you will come out the other side..
It is only natural you worry about what might go wrong, I and probably most people on this site worry about the same thing. I know I do daily and its because things haven't been good for so long we have forgotton what its like, but when those good days eek back in, we will forget what the bad days were like and we shall give them a large two fingered salute! and blow a rasperry at them!
onwards my dear !!!

love Lisa
xxx

"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"

[lainey]

Hi Sal

Hope you are having a better day today, here for you if you need a chat.

Take care

Elaine x

[kairen]

Hi Sal,

sorry to hear your not having a good few days, i know how you feel, as i have been doing so well these last few months but i still have the odd bad day when i think oh no thats it, its going to start again,

Having had a lovely weekend, i had a great day at the races, and had been really looked forward to it. Then after that day had gone, i felt so flat, plus having the girls off school, my routine has changed again and that always upsets me,

I'm just trying to keep busy, and ignore the doom and gloom voice, a frind recomended this to me, put on a good cd a really good one to sing to, and just go for it lol, god knows what my neighbours think cos im no charlotte church LOL, but it does lift yr mood ,

You have had a lot to deal with these last few months and have coped so well, i think your a lot stronger than you give your self credit for,

your a lovely mum you can see that with how well you get on with your daughter and the fact all your neighbours kids prefer to be in your house
and i'm sure simon knows you and understand you well enough to know you would never mean to hurt anyone no matter what you say or do,

do hope you feel a bit better soon hun take care


kairen x

[sal]

Thanks for ayour kind replies.

I can only think it is work that is adding the pressure and making me feel how i do, but never the less i dont want to give into it. I am just having stupid anxious moments and the thoughts are going crazy in my head and they are getting so stupid when i cant rationalise them.

Will keep going and will try to overcome this blip and hopefully move another step forward.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

[LisaS]

good luck with the blip sal..
the little bugger will pass soon, just accept it patiently and it will pass..
chin up..
Lisa
xxx

"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"

[sal]

Thanks Lisa

I really appreciate it especially when you havent being feeling too good. Will pm my mob number so if you ever want to talk you can.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

[sal]

Another panic attack but my consolation is that Simon is at work so one thing less to worry aboout. I cant cope with feeling so bad but the thoughts really scare me and i question what if i mess up me and Simon when i love him so much. How can an illness be so scarey and dictate your life.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

[alexis]

Hi sal, we all have difficult times, and sleepless nights,although I dont know you that well I know you are one lovely person, i cant go into just anybodies home like i did in yours and feel ok,you have found the happiness you deserve, you will be fine Sal, get in that pub, put on Rod and keep shaking your head, and get me a stella,text if you need a chat love Alexis,xx

[michelleann]

hi sal
hope you get pass this blip soon, its really disheartning when you come so far then have these horrid setbacks! im sure it will pass you seem a really strong caring person that wont let this beat you
thinking of you michelle xxx