tommy84
05-03-09, 22:00
Hello,
Thought i would tell you all my story as honestly as i can.
In my teens i was happy, i had a lot of freinds.
One weekend we went to amsterdam, i ate too many magic mushrooms and had a bad experience thinking i was going to die, asking my freinds to call me an ambulance. Little was i to know this was the start of my decline.
A few weeks later we found a shop that sold mushrooms, i did not buy any after my experience. Everyone ate their mushromms but i politely declined, but did smoke a couple of puffs on a joint that had a few mushrooms in. I had the same experience as before. Went to bed and the next day felt the same, was paranoid i was going to die. I thought this would go in a few days so stayed in bed (which now i knwo was the worst thing i could do).
I became spent the next 6 months as an agrophobe (if that is a word) only really left the house to go to the doctors to try and find something physical wrong wtih me so they could fix it. After having brain scans, chest xrays, blood tests, the Dr confirmed i had an anxiety disorder. I did not believe him and took myself to ER a few times. In March 2004 i found a part time job which was the best thing i did as it got me out of the house, i eventually started to get more confident, made new friends (didn't see my old ones because i feared they would judge me).
In september i went to university, this was the scariest thing i ever did, but survived living on my own, made many good friends, slept with lots of women (which is omething i didn't think i had the confidence to do).
I graduated from university with a 1st class honors degree which if it wasn;t for anxiety i know i would not acheived as i would be going out every nigth drinking (which is something i am scared to do).
After graduating i found a very good job at a large company, bought a house with my girlfriend, but then my anxiety started again.....
I was reading a post on facebook about Jamie Bulger (the kid who died in the early 90's). I read about him on wikipedia to see what really happend, i then started reading about serial killers, this was an enourmous mistake, from that monent until the present i am scared i am going to kill someone, i cant have knives near me when people are around.
I thought that was the worse of my worries until recently i had very bad GERD, i am now thinking i have got heart diesease/cancer, lung problems, pancreatis, stomach cancer, liver problems etc....
And now i have booked a holiday for 10 days time and i am soo scared, last year i went away, but the people i went with i trusted as it was my gf, my friend who also suffers from anxiety and her sister. This year i am going with some close freinds but also some people i don't know who i feel will judge me if i am unwell. I have even changed flights to them as i dont want them to see me if i attack on the journey.
That is my story, i know many of you will be able to relate to what i have said, i look forward to speaking with you in the future.
T
Thought i would tell you all my story as honestly as i can.
In my teens i was happy, i had a lot of freinds.
One weekend we went to amsterdam, i ate too many magic mushrooms and had a bad experience thinking i was going to die, asking my freinds to call me an ambulance. Little was i to know this was the start of my decline.
A few weeks later we found a shop that sold mushrooms, i did not buy any after my experience. Everyone ate their mushromms but i politely declined, but did smoke a couple of puffs on a joint that had a few mushrooms in. I had the same experience as before. Went to bed and the next day felt the same, was paranoid i was going to die. I thought this would go in a few days so stayed in bed (which now i knwo was the worst thing i could do).
I became spent the next 6 months as an agrophobe (if that is a word) only really left the house to go to the doctors to try and find something physical wrong wtih me so they could fix it. After having brain scans, chest xrays, blood tests, the Dr confirmed i had an anxiety disorder. I did not believe him and took myself to ER a few times. In March 2004 i found a part time job which was the best thing i did as it got me out of the house, i eventually started to get more confident, made new friends (didn't see my old ones because i feared they would judge me).
In september i went to university, this was the scariest thing i ever did, but survived living on my own, made many good friends, slept with lots of women (which is omething i didn't think i had the confidence to do).
I graduated from university with a 1st class honors degree which if it wasn;t for anxiety i know i would not acheived as i would be going out every nigth drinking (which is something i am scared to do).
After graduating i found a very good job at a large company, bought a house with my girlfriend, but then my anxiety started again.....
I was reading a post on facebook about Jamie Bulger (the kid who died in the early 90's). I read about him on wikipedia to see what really happend, i then started reading about serial killers, this was an enourmous mistake, from that monent until the present i am scared i am going to kill someone, i cant have knives near me when people are around.
I thought that was the worse of my worries until recently i had very bad GERD, i am now thinking i have got heart diesease/cancer, lung problems, pancreatis, stomach cancer, liver problems etc....
And now i have booked a holiday for 10 days time and i am soo scared, last year i went away, but the people i went with i trusted as it was my gf, my friend who also suffers from anxiety and her sister. This year i am going with some close freinds but also some people i don't know who i feel will judge me if i am unwell. I have even changed flights to them as i dont want them to see me if i attack on the journey.
That is my story, i know many of you will be able to relate to what i have said, i look forward to speaking with you in the future.
T