View Full Version : General Anxiety Disorder
... how on earth do you overcome it???
I have had councelling, med's, hypno and I'm sick of still feeling this way.
The anxious thoughts just whirl around my head all the time. I can't concentrate on anything properly, can't hold a proper conversation, can't even watch a film because the anxious thoughts are always there.
I know that most nights I must even be anxious in my sleep. I wake up several times during the night then wake unrefreshed in the morning. My neck, back and shoulders are always aching, I think I must toss and turn a lot in my sleep.
I wake up and immediately start worrying. I try to distract myself, but the thoughts just wont let up at all.
How can you stop these constant worries, all of which are small niggles that get completely blown up out of all proportion. I have to think through everything that may happen regarding an issue, coming to endless conclusions and solutions. But then I have to start all over again reaching different conclusions.
I am so worn out and worn down by all this and at a loss to know what else I can do to stop the thoughts once and for all.
Kate x
hello Kate,
How I wish I had the answer to your question!! Negative thoughts always seem to there for me to ruining all the best times in my life!! Have you ever tried writing them all down when you wake up in the morning? Someone told me to do this once and I still haven't done it but might be worth a try. Basically, you set a half hour aside each day, always at the same time. During that half hour, you allow your mind to think of all the negative thoughts it wants to and you write them all down. Supposedly, this will allow you to get them all out of your system and get on with your day..
Sorry not to be of more use!! Take care.
Sarah :D
"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal
Hi Kate
It's the million dollar question isn't it!!!
I haven't overcome anxiety but I can honestly say that mentally I am 98% getting there, I still get lots of physical symptoms which occassionally make me panic but on the whole I try not to let them worry me by thinking positively which I think is the key to getting better.
Although it's hard I think distraction and relaxation have been 2 of the key things which have helped me along with the wonderful people on this site.
Don't know whether this helps or not, just want you to know that thereis light at the end of the tunnel.
Take care
Elaine x
hi kate,i know how you feel have gone from been housebound to a near normal life in 8 months i am still scared of long distance travel but i am workin on it.
basically i started doing more exercise(walking) and working from there and learnt how to relax more,also try breathing exercises.good luck
tony x
metal,rock, and hardcore music is my life!
Thanks, Sarah, Lainey and Tony for replying.
I have tried all of your suggestions at one time or another and I'm still in the same position unfortunately.
I have woken up today to pouring rain and black skies once again and I just feel so low and on edge.
I just am unable to switch the thoughts off and give myself some peace. If I could relax then I'm sure the distraction would be easier. There just seems no way out at the moment and it is just wearing me down.
Kate x
Hi Kate, Im sorry you are feeling low, I find the thoughts the hardest thing about this too, the physical symptoms I can cope with but the thoughts take over and I get cross and stroppy.
Since Ive changed meds they are definitly less.
I also decided to keep a very basic diary, just writing good day bad day and also listing my thoughts as they came along. I would then take time to look through and try to replace them with positive ones if they were to reappear.
I highlighted the date on the really bad days, since January I have had so many better days,
I know this isnt easy and sometimes everythng goes out the window because you feel they are never going but keep going Kate, you know we are all here for you.#
the weather is bad today not surprised you wake up gloomy.
Take care, Love Alexis,xx
PS I also buy an I LOVE ME PRESENT ever so often, nothing much or expensive last time was a portion of prawns (LOLOLO) but it makes me feel better.So take time to spoil yourself too Kate,xx
Thanks Alexis,
I used to have to keep a daily diary when I was having CBT, putting the worst feelings and best ones each day and rating them accordingly.
I do actually buy myself a bunch of flowers every week cos no one else ever does!
Hope you enjoyed your prawns!!
Love Kate x
Well, it would appear from the few replies that I got that there is no cure to the constant anxiety, which just confirms what I already thought.
Was a bit of a pointless post really but sometimes I just have to write things down on here as there is no one else for me to talk to about it all. At least when I was seeing the psychologist I could just offload on her and get it all off my chest. Shame the mental health team also thought I was a no hoper and booted me [:O]
Anyway, thanks to all who replied!
Love Kate x
aaaawwwww poor Kate!! You aren't a no-hoper Kate and if you are, then so are we!! It's pouring with rain here too - makes you feel even more miserable, doesn't it? [Ugh]
"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal
Kate,
I just wanted to say that I feel very similar to yourself. Nearly five months ago I awoke one day feeling panicky and anxious, and have had a "sense" or "sensation" of anxiety/worry/apprehension ever since.
Unlike yourself, I do not worry about specific things, but just have this constant feeling of anxiety. It has led to depression because of the constant nature of it, and the increasing belief that I will never be free from it. I have managed to keep functioning in work etc, but I feel awful, 100% of the time. It's amazing how we can carry on isn't it?
So I don't have many words of comfort, I'm afraid. Apart from to say that I believe that the human mind is very powerful, and has almost infinite ability to heal itself. The tricky part is going down the right road. I am currently having psychotherapy which focusses on a cruddy period in my childhood, which I can link to the way I feel. I have no idea whether it will help, but I do know that it is better to talk, than not to talk. I tried CBT but found it useful. I haven't yet tried anti-depressants but think about them every day. My decision so far has been to only take them when and if I can no longer function, (i.e. get up. go to work etc).
There are other things I do which can temporarily make me feel a little better. These are exercise, relaxation, heavy distraction, and a few pints of beer! Also I sometimes feel a little better after unloading to my psychotherapist. Letting out emotion often helps as well.
It is my belief that anxiety stems from the way we manage our emotions. We have not been taught correctly at some stage of our development how to look after ourselves emotionally. It leads us to having a sense of danger and trepidation. The answer is to find a place of total security and peace within yourself - it IS there, I do believe that. But finding it is very very difficult.
It is the thought that it is ME that is creating my anxiety that keeps me going. Might sound odd, but if it is ME doing it, then I can stop it. But how, how how???!!!
Can I ask how long you have been feeling this way? What books have you read? I can recommend the Claire Weekes books, which a lot of people on here have found useful.
What I think people like us need to do is to lose the fear. Not lose the fear of the world, but lose the fear of themselves. It is our own emotions, feelings, sensations, etc that we are afraid of and that trap us in the anxiety cycle.
If you want to talk more please do PM me.
be well,
Gareth
*** I think, therefore I'm anxious ***
Hi Gareth,
Thanks for your reply.
I don't always worry about specific things or, if I am, it is usually just an everyday worry that escalates and is in my thoughts all day.
If I haven't latched onto something specific, then it will just be free floating anxiety all day.
I too think Claire Weekes is very good and what she says makes 100% sense. It's just applying it and really believing in it being able to transform YOUR life.
I don't bother reading books on the subject anymore because I have read so many over the years and none of them have made the slightest bit of difference to my thinking patterns.
How long have I felt like this? Hmm, well I had my first panic attack at 19, I'm 43 now, and inbetween have had bouts of depression and anxiety and also periods of feeling I suppose 50% better. Though I have always been very wary of going to strange places and avoided a lot even when I was feeling a bit better.
The general anxiety I suppose has been with me for about the last 5 years or so, though saying this I do have some days when it is not as bad as others.
I'm sorry this has turned into a demoralising post for people. Wonder if I can change the title to include "do not read if you are already feeling low"?
Thanks again for taking the time to reply
Love Kate x
Kate
would you mind letting me know... how have you coped?
I feel presently that this is not a life worth living. Every small enjoyment is swallowed by the feeling of anxiety, and there is no joy or happiness in life, even though I have a good life
there is no way I could continue for years and years like this... how on earth have you managed to keep going and keep living your life?
sorry, we're a right pair of downers aren't we?!
Gareth
*** I think, therefore I'm anxious ***
Gareth,
I feel really bad now having posted my problems as I have now brought you down as well.
Sorry
Love Kate x
Kate,
No you haven't - I was down today already. If anything it is comforting to know that there are others out there that feel the same way or similar to the way I feel. That is what makes this forum invaluable.
For me, I think that the fact that I'll be hitting six months with this problem fairly soon has made me realise that maybe it is time to try some anti-depressants. They're the one thing left that I haven't tried, and I think I have to maybe admit defeat on my other methods. I am too ill to go on like this.
please do not feel bad about posting on here - all the very best to you,
Gareth
*** I think, therefore I'm anxious ***
Hi Gareth,
Would just like to say that even though I have suffered for years, most people don't!
You have started to try to overcome it at an early stage and this can only be beneficial.
Medication may well be the next route for you. It can give you a break from feeling so ill and enable you to tackle the problem with renewed energy.
Let me know how you get on at the doctors.
Love Kate x
I totally understand how you are feeling and I too have felt that I am trapped by the constant worrying thoughts about everything. ALthough my worrying thoughts are predominatly about my health.
What I have been doing over the last week or so is when I feel a worrying thought taking over my mind I ask myself several questions which I do believe are helping me keep things into perspective.... the best I can anyway
1. How true is this worrying thought/fear?
2. What proof do i have that it is true or will happen?
3. By having this thought/fear, how does it make me feel?
4. If I never actually had this thought/fear, how different would I feel?
This is helping me keep my thought s a bit better in check... It does takes patience and hard work but its worth it... dont you think?
I hope this helps you even just a little.
sadie
Kate
I was like you for years and I can totally unerstand what you are saying. I have tried to stop my thoughts and rationalise them, when they come into my head. What I found really good were guided meditation CDs. Whenever my mind would wonder, I would put my headphones on and do my meditating.
I couldnt get on to well with relaxation, as I still found myself worrying, but in time with the meditaition, I wasnt. Now I can rationalise my thoughts, into what is real and what is being blown out of proportion.
Good luck, and dont give up.
Feel free to PM me, if you want to talk.
Emma xx
Keep focused, keep positive.
EmmaJane
Could you let me know which guided meditation CDs you have used?
Thanks
Gareth
*** I think, therefore I'm anxious ***
Hi Sadie,
Thanks for your reply.
I am trying to follow the thinking that you set out in your reply and challenge the negative thoughts. You're right it isn't easy but I'm giving it a go!
Emma Jane, I would also like some further info about the guided meditation as I've never heard of it!
Kate x
Hi Kate
Well done for trying, like you i know it isnt easy but its a great start.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Hi Kate
Thanks for asking the $64 million dollar question :)
Like Gareth, my anxiety stems from my childhood experiences which had a profound effect on my adulthood and so I am seeing a psychotherapist for a long haul.
At the moment, I just have some faith that I will make some progress (maybe I have already done so but it is hard to judge) and that things will pick up for me. I feel that its important to think like that, otherwise I will be constantly depressed.
I had a distinct lack of love as a child which seems to have led to a thin social life for me, so when people starting chatting to me and valuing me, it makes me so much better. Just wondered if you have a major cause that you can identify and can work on turning that around to cheer you up?
My therapist is always saying that accepting your own anxiety will in fact help you in your recovery - I think he's saying that the more we tell ourselves that we are suffering from anxiety, the less we will worry about it being something else that's wrong with us.
I can tell that I store up a load of negative vibes overnight (maybe in my sub concious) and so wake up like a nervous wreck quite often - shakey and totally knackered. But if I have a 'fun' day planned that morning will be somewhat better. Its all in the mind.
Do you have time for much recreation? Be it gentle exercise or some hobby? When the weather is calmer and sunnier, take yourself out for a walk along the river or canal, preferably one in the countryside where it is peaceful. Take in the good vibes!
Sorry there's no easy solution Kate, but we have to make the best of our situation to bring in those positive thoughts.
By the way, what help have you had from the NHS Community Mental Health team?
Be Strong,
Ray
Don't wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you've got to make yourself.--Alice Walker
hi Kate,
sorry you are feeling low at the moment and I can understand why although I still believe things can improve for you and its never too late.
I just want to maybe give you a bit of hope by saying that my mum had a breakdown due to a failed marriage with my dad, when she was 36, was hospitalised, lost weight and couldn't ever see a way out.. It took her a long while, but she eventually built herself up again from feeling utterly worthless. She is now 63 and in the last 10 years she has been trekking the inca trail in peru, sailed to the galapagos, done a wine tour in chile, white water rafted down the zambezi, sailed up the amazon, got a scuba certificate, riden a camel through the pyramids, climbed table mountain... the list is endless. What I am saying is not only is it never too late to change things around, we all have the ability to do it. There is always a light on at the end of the tunnel and there is always hope. Anything is possible.
(I must remember these things myself - especially when she is driving me round the bend)
big hugs,
Lisa
xxx
"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"
Hi Sal,
Thanks for your message of encouragement.
Ray,as I child I had a very unstable time with my mom. When I was 2 she lost a baby, she carried him until full term, but his internal organs hadn't matured beyond a 6 month foetus, and he only lived for 48 hours.
After this she became agorophobic for a long time and I think the whole experience tipped her over the edge. From as early as I remember she would not speak to my sister and myself for days on end. I remember it being my 11th birthday and she wasn't talking to me. I went to give her a kiss before I left for school and she just turned her head away from me. I remember walking down to school in tears. I never did anything to deserve this, I was a very quiet and good child. It is just the way that the illness affected her I suppose.
I think due to this I have always had a fear of annoying people and even to this day cannot stand it if I think I have upset someone, even though I know I haven't, in case they stop speaking to me.
There is much more to it, but this is just a small insight as to why I might have the problems that I have today. My therapists in the past have said that this could be the case, but who can be certain eh?
Another thing I never do is find time for me. Always making sure everyone else is catered for. I only need to drive out about 3 miles to be able to walk in green belt land, lovely scenery, but I never have as yet. I will have to make the effort as soon as the sun decides to come back out!
I was assigned a CPN, saw a psychologist and also a psychiatrist. My CBT with the psychologist ran it's course, only allowed so many weeks, and that was that. Around the same time my CPN said that we "needed a break" and that was the last I heard of her.
Like a lot of us, I feel embarassed about asking for more support. When my psychologist had finished my course she merely said that I now had the tools and necessary skills to basically get well. Yes, maybe, but a bit of back up would have been good.
You are right, Ray, I have to make the most of it and try to grasp onto the positives rather than the negatives.
I wish you luck in your own personal journey and thanks for the good words.
Hi Lisa,
That is such a good story to hear! If you don't mind me asking, how did she manage to turn her life around so dramatically?
Thanks for your support.
Love Kate xx
Forgot to also mention I had a good chat with hubby about how I can't talk to him about any worries that I have.
If I get upset he asks me what is wrong and I give him a short explanation and he just jumps in with the practical answer. I know this is good and that he is very grounded and nothing gets to him, but I would still like it if he would hear me out, no matter how silly the worry, and then reassure me with the practical answer. He has agreed to listen to me in future so we will see how it goes.
He has also said he will help me to get on a bus for the first time in years. I will get the bus at the bottom of the road and attempt to travel about 6 stops up to Asda. He will go up to Asda in the car and wait for me there. If I have to get off earlier he is then only up the road and can come and get me!
I've said I will do this after our holiday as the thought of that is giving me enough stress for the time being.
He also said he will take me into Birmingham, which I haven't done for about 14 years. We will go on a Sunday when it is a lot quieter. He has suggested that we go, park up and just walk through town, not even going into the shops at first and take it from there.
Good advice from someone who has never suffered and drives a train as a profession!
Kate x
Hi Kate
Just caught up with your last few posts, after reading them I can honestly say that this was not a pointless post and that you have brought people down with you. We are all here to help each other and just from seeing what you have written since Thursday you sound a lot more positive, you have spoken to hubby and are going to attempt things you haven't done for years, this is all positive thinking and will help you move on.
Take care
Elaine x
michelleann
30-07-05, 18:10
hi kate
just read all the posts and you are one tremendous lady:D
hope everything turns out ok for you, you sound a really lovely person
love michelle xxx
Hi Lainey,
I honestly felt like I am carrying around all the problems and worried and because hubby is so laid back I felt I couldn't mention them to him. This makes me feel as though I'm responsible for everything and if I make the wrong decision about anything then it will all come back on me.
Since talking to him yesterday, it feels as if a weight has been lifted as he has some idea of what is worrying me even if he can't understand why such little things cause me such anxiety.
We are going on holiday to Devon next Saturday having not been away since 2000. I want to go and have a break away but I don't want to go because I find it hard coping with a change of routine and being away from home. I'm sure lots here can also relate to this. We booked the holiday 6 weeks ago and I haven't had one decent nights sleep since! One of my main worries are the animals. My daughters friend is coming to feed the cats, my poor old mom and dad are having the rabbit andhamster. I just keep on worrying and worrying about them especially that my cats will be lonely without me [:I]
To explain this to hubby is very embarassing. It even looks kind of daft when I've written it here! But this is the type of thing that gets stuck in my head and I just keep going over and over it.
Then of course there is the motorway travelling to get through and traffic jams which always occur around Bristol. Once I'm actually in Devon I will be able to start to enjoy myself. Probably wont want to come home!
I will take the good old rescue remedy with me and swig away at that and try challenging my negative thoughts as suggested by Sadie!
Michelle, thanks for the reply it made me [:I]
Love Kate x
Kate,
I know all too well that it is not an easy journey to dispell all those rotten feelings that have lain in our minds for 20, 30, 40 years or whatever.
I feel it is only relatively recently that better support for us has come along - No Panic is a relatively recent innovation and there is this site which would not have been possible 10 years ago.
So I see that as a big positive and we must see these new support systems as big shoulders to get us back on the road to recovery. I know you have a great sense of humour lurking inside you and that as well is a big plus.
That's fabulous news about your planned trips to Asda and the city. Once you get to Asda, don't forget to visit the flower stall and the cream cake counter as a reward!
But if you stumble on these, don't get cross with yourself as its been a long time - try again and you'll surely succeed.
Incidentally, I too always want to please people - I'm sure its all tied up with the fear of losing friends and others close to us. In fact I think its quite a common trait amongst us and is probably why we are all so nice on here lol
Ray
Don't wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you've got to make yourself.--Alice Walker
hi kate,
you do seem to have got alot more positive since starting this post 3 days ago.
i always found the most effective way to stop the 'daft' thoughts from being analysed to death was to talk about them. and to take the attitude of thats what you need to do for your mental welfare and not give yourself the choice. if you believe you are doing the right thing the embarssement wont last too long.
and it can only be good news that you are talking more openly with your husband. good luck tackling some of your fears, if your up to it, push yourself hard. when you are analysing your performance remember this - you'll never live up to how fast your anxiety can think. affirm the positives, put the negs on the 'to do' list and as sadie has suggested challenge those negative thoughts.
you take care hun x .. andrew
hi kate,
you are sounding more positive.. this is great.. just little steps. That is how my mum did it. from not knowing which way to turn at the end of the road, she began doing little things like starting a vegetable patch in the garden, then doing a sailing course.. confidence breeds confidence..
I love Devon, so know you will have a great time.. you'll be fine once you get there..
big hug,
lisa
xxx
"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"
Ray,
I will definately do my challenges when I get back off holiday. I know I may not succeed 100% but at least if I give it a go it may go some way to getting me back on the positive road.
Andrew,
It definately has helped talking to hubby at least now I wont feel so embarrassed when telling him what is the latest worry going through my head. I'm even boring myself with the constant thoughts at the moment but I am trying to talk positively to myself and at least get a few minutes peace from them.
Hope you are doing well at the moment, Andrew, nice to hear from you again.
Lisa,
I know I will enjoy myself once I get on holiday, it's just all the days leading up to it, there seems so much to arrange. Hubby said stop worrying about it until Friday, then he said I'm allowed to start rushing round getting everything organised! That probably means me doing his packing as well!
I just wish that Saturday would hurry up and come so I can get on with it!
Love Kate x
Hi all,
Well the holiday is over and I had a lovely time, weather was perfect!
I had a few "anxiety" moments, several on the motorway going there, a couple actually on holiday and a mega panic coming home. Overall though, I really enjoyed myself. I also noticed that my anxiety about going to new places was virtually nil, bearing in mind that we were out and about everyday.
We came back on Friday evening to beat the Saturday morning traffic and I felt really good all weekend with low level anxiety.
BUT, Monday morning I woke up to the familiar butterflies in the stomach, something which I had not experienced on holiday, and this has escalated.
All weekend and Monday I was doing constant washing, ironing and housework and yesterday I went to visit my parents. I think it has all caught up with me and I'm feeling exhausted.
Today I was supposed to be going to Shrewsbury with hubby and kids but I really wasn't too keen on going. I felt a little bit anxious about going but basically I just wasn't in the mood for going out.
I was in the shower this morning when I suddenly realised that I am never allowed the luxury of making a decision about going places without being judged for it. Going out ie on holiday is classed as success and I am then a good, clever person for doing it. If I don't want to do something, for whatever reason, then I am a failure that refuses to even try to do anything.
If anyone else in the family doesn't want to go somewhere/do something, then it is just accepted but when I do the same thing it is questioned, criticised and I'm left wallowing in guilt.
My husband is the worst culprit. If we row he always brings up the fact that there are certain places that I wont go and certain things that I wont do.
I haven't gone with them because I DIDN'T WANT TO but the husband will definately throw this back at me in the future. I'm actually not feeling in the slightest bit guilty this time for not going in fact I am going to go and buy choc and sit out in the garden! But it still annoys me that I'm not allowed to make my own decisions about my own life without it being open for discussion and judgement.
I also feel that I'm back to how I was feeling before my holiday. I can't be bothered to do anything, have got no motivation and just feel generally fed up and anxious.
I'm aslo supposed to be challenging myself by going on the bus and into town but I really can't be bothered at the moment.
Kate x
Hi Kate,
I've only just read this post - don't know where I was while its been being mulled over (on my own free floating cloud of anxiety I expect) LOL.
Totally identify with the original post and like Lisa's mum my beginning wobbly patch followed my marriage break up too! (I liked your mums story Lis - maybe I will go treking in Peru one day too)!
Couple of things that have helped me recently as have been suggested before, was keeping a sorta journal. Mine is more of an evaluation journal
eg Visit to dentist
Q) What if I have a panic attack while I'm in the surgery
A) If you feel panicky you can use the toilet there and splash you face with water all the staff know and like you there (hopefully) and have only ever been lovely to you in all the 17 years you've gone there.
Q) Yes but it will be so embarassing
A) No not really, you've done far more embaressing things in your time what about the time in that club when you ...........
Q) What if I have a heart attack in the chair
A) Is that really likely and if so well he's a trained medic!!
You get the idea - every time a situation is really getting my levels up too high I evaluate it, then even I can see how daft some of my thoughts are.
The other thing that I've been trying are Glenn Harrold Cd's which I try to make time for every day if poss - these never fail to bring some calm into me.
The other thing I know how your feeling on is the you making decisions whether you want to do things or not, and it being held against you in future conversations. Like you say if anyone else doesnt want to do things its a simple matter of choice, whereas with us it comes down to you having a 'problem'.
I think this is one of the reasons I don't tell many people about my anxiety as I don't want it used against me in the future. I have a reasonable circle of friends and aquaintances but there are two in that number who regularly bring up the time 5 years ago that I had my first major wobble. I hate it as I always feel with them I have to be extra cheerful to prove what a coper I am and look at me all better now just incase they think I'm slipping back.
It's such a shame as they were terrific when it first started but its almost like they want to keep me at that stage (does that sound ridiculous). I once read that not everyone will be happy with your progress and I think this could be true but do you know it underminds me everytime. Thankfully the rest of them are brilliant - espcecially my kids and my best mate.
Gosh this is the longest post ever - could never have got all this in in chat though could I!!!!
Love Piggy x:)
Hi Piglet,
Thanks for your reply.
I too am evaluating my feelings, replacing the negatives with positives but I'm finding it a real struggle since returning from holiday.
I'm feeling very low with no "get up and go". I slept for 9 hours solid last night but still feel drained today.
We are going uniform shopping for Hannah today:( so will make myself get out of the house. Perhaps it will do me good.
Alternatively, fancy joining me in a tour of Peru??
Love Kate xxx
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