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darkphantom
27-07-05, 12:49
I had great weekend, but now i think im not ment to be happy cause when i am something comes along to knock me down again,
i been bad girl again and took a few diazpan tablets from my secret tab box, i feel real dopey now and could do anything.
we had some worry news in the post today to do with money so looks like this is starting up again . it always the same bad bad bad all the time.
i still not eating great and this is now causing few probs especially with diabeties, but cause im down it real hard to make the call to the doc.
And now it just over a week til the 10th and dad annerversary, i really dont want this day to come, steve is not understanding and even when dad died he was not there for me, so this year i will have noone round me, i dont want this day to come perhaps theres something i can do to go into a coma, i should of said goodbye to him and i didnt what sort of daughter am i not to say bye to my dad, this is why all this bad happening and my family left me it must be. i sitting here now with his picture and pic of his memorial plaque why couldnt it of been me and not dad, everyone loved him he did lot for charity and run childrens charity, what have i done nothing just hurt people wish i could turn the clock back. i wish he was with me know . feel sleepy now hope i sleep for weeks.
sorry for this either this or hit wall
love you all
take care
susie

Sax
27-07-05, 12:58
Susie,

I am so sorry you are feeling so low again.

Think of this Susie - no one can ever take your special memories away. People often have money worries, they come and go again when sorted, but the memories in our heads will never go if we don't let them.

Think back to your wonderful weekend and smile about it. Think of the special moments you had and re read your positive post about it.

That was special and you know deep down that your Dad would want to be happy becasue he loved you so much. People who truely love us want us to be happy in life.

Take care Susie and you know we are all here for you.

Sax xx[8D]

seh1980
27-07-05, 13:24
hey Susie,

Try to think of the positive things and not dwell on the negative things. You had a great weekend, which means that you ARE capable of having a good time and putting negative thoughts to the back of your mind. As Sax says, your Dad would want you be happy so try your best to do so for him if even if you can't do it for yourself..All the best.

Sarah :D

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

Karen
27-07-05, 13:49
Hi Susie

Sorry you are feeling down today. It is natural to feel upset at the anniversary of your dad's death, but he wouldn't want you to be blaming yourself for not being able to say goodbye. What would he want for you Susie? I'm sure he would say he wants you to be able to move on and be happy.

I can understand how the financial problem is adding to your worries, as I have similar worries at present.

Hope you are OK and haven't taken too many of the diazepam. I think you know "finding a way to put yourself into a coma" is not the answer and just because you feel bad today, it doesn't mean things will always be like this. You had a lovely time with Leanne at the weekend and you can have many more times like that.

Look after yourself Susie.


Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

darkphantom
27-07-05, 18:10
thaks everyone,
soz this real hard time a friend of mine has hurt herself which has made things worse, i cant lose anyone else especially now.
ive taken some more tabs and started to drink, i trying so hard, i want to beat this but i cant seems everything is happening this week.
with the drink and that i feel so dopey, aint thinking right.
i want to come in the chat room tonight but scared you all shout at me feel so lonely right at this min hubby dont understand,
wish someone could hug me and not let go
keep clicking on the chat room but scared to come in when i was like this in the other one that when they all left me and scared to do it now.
i missing you all specially you guys who have been chatting to me you know who you are.
i was doing so well, i want to get better but i stuck cause of the day coming up and cant take that step forward because dont want it to come

Sax
27-07-05, 18:15
Hi Susie,

I'll go in there and wait for you if you want to talk, of course i'm not going to shout at you, come in if you want a chat!!

Sax

seh1980
27-07-05, 18:32
Do come into the chatroom later Susie as it will do you good to have a talk - no one will judge you :D

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

leo05
28-07-05, 16:56
hey susie it was not your fault that i hurt self other day honest hope you are ok now