View Full Version : HIV worries
GirlAfraid23
08-03-09, 16:10
Right, so it all started when I had a rough patch on the inside of my mouth...I didnt think much of it, I bought some oraldine to wash my mouth out with because I thought it was an infection. I used that for about a week and a half, maybe longer...It didnt seem to be making much of a difference. Then one day I felt the dry, rough patches with my tongue and decided to google it {BAD IDEA} straight away the usual came up...mouth cancer...and the like. Then I scrolled down and saw HIV...I clicked on it and of course read through the symptoms as usual...at this point my heart was racing and I was scanning my memory, trying to think where I may have caught it.
I have only had two sexual experiences...both with the same person. We used protection both times. However, I became obsessed that we may have split the condom or after we had made love...as we were cuddling {without clothes on} he may have infected me like that...It sounds silly even writing it down but I am worried to the point of going insane. He doesnt have HIV to my knowledge. And whenever I see him or speak to him, he seems absolutley fine. I did ask him before we slept together if he had any STDs and he said no, but I'm worried (as usual) that he may have it and just not know about it.
Anyway, I've been to the doctors twice (as usual) and have told him my fears, he assured me I have nothing to worry about and its my imagination running away with me as usual, he did offer me a HIV test if I wanted one just to put my mind at rest but basically said he wouldnt if he was me because there was no point...I took this as he wasnt 100% sure and wanted to send me for a second opinion, which of course isnt the case when I think about it logically as it was me that went back a second time. I have to keep convincing myself if he thought there was anything wrong, he would have sent me to the hospital straight away, no questions asked.
I have visited my dentist twice in the past three weeks. Both times he has said he cant see anything either. And I can have a second opinion at the hospital if I WANT to...of course as many hypocondriacs/health anxiety sufferers know, I have a great fear of hospitals and do not want to get tested at any rate, although I know it is probably the only thing that will put my mind at rest.
I am driving myself mad and its runining my life! My parents are at the end of their tether and I cant confide in my friends because I feel like an idiot!
I still have the uncomfortable feeling in my mouth...and can feel dry/rough/pasty patches when I put my tongue around my inner cheeks and lips...another symptom of HIV is thrush and I am convinced I have that two as I am often itchy down below (sorry for details!) but my mum puts it down to anxiety AS ALWAYS. I'm so scared. And cannot bare having the burden or embarrasment of HIV/AIDS. I want a family and a normal life. I'm only 19, please help me!
P.S. I am new to this board so please be gentle with me :weep:
GirlAfraid23
08-03-09, 18:34
If anyone has any helpful advice, i'd be very grateful
I'm very worried
You say rough patches? Can you give more detail? is it on your inner cheeks? and if you look inside your cheeks do they look like small clusters of yellow dots?
angietomjimandcass
08-03-09, 19:30
i dont think you have anything to worry about but if it makes you feel better have a test, dont worry hun.
GirlAfraid23
08-03-09, 20:32
You say rough patches? Can you give more detail? is it on your inner cheeks? and if you look inside your cheeks do they look like small clusters of yellow dots?
The rough patches are inside my cheeks...there are no visual signs. Just feeling. This is why the dentist/doctor said nothing to worry about
why? what would you say it was?
justbananas
08-03-09, 21:44
the risk level you described is excessively low. even if the person did have HIV, which they probably don't. the chances i'd say are about 1 in a million at this point - so if you want to dwell on it, that'd be my guess on your odds.
The rough patches are inside my cheeks...there are no visual signs. Just feeling. This is why the dentist/doctor said nothing to worry about
why? what would you say it was?
the reason i asked is because i have patches like a rash inside my mouth and when you pull the skin to look at it they appear to be like tine yellow dots. They are called Fordyce's granules. A completely harmless phenomenon in most people. The same can also be seen under the skin if you stretch it in your upper lip, though can be seen anywhere in the mucous membrane, including down below. If the doc has checked it over I wouldnt worry. If in doubt speak to your dentist, but im sure it is nothing to worry about.
Well, of course he seems fine when you speak to him. With modern medication person lives 49 years on average from the time they were diagnosed with HIV.
Either way, even if you had sex with HIV-positive person, the change of you actually catching it is very low: I know chance of getting HIV from a girl for a guy (thru vaginal unprotected sex) is about 1 in 2000: for a girl it is a little higher due to the mechanics but it is still relatively low. Since you had protected sex: the chances are so low that most people wouldn't even suggest testing.
Unlike many other diseases that people (like me) choose to dwell on, HIV is pretty easy to rule out: get tested 3 months after the last intercourse and be relieved :-D
Good luck.
justbananas
09-03-09, 03:53
K255 - v. true. my senior year in college i spent our entire senior trip in florida convinced i had HIV, and ruined the trip for myself, and the other 4 people in the jeep with me on the 15 hour drive from chicago to florida. i actually got home from the trip, threw up anything i'd eat and therefore was an emaciated mess, and announced to my semi conservative parents that i had HIV. all before getting tested, of course. because that's what those with HA do! can you imagine?
anyway, my mom was like ummmmm ok let's just get you tested honey.. and sure enough, no.. no hiv.. no nothing. so that was an awkward conversation. lololololol. it's only funny now, 6 yrs later. per k255, the above facts are true - i researched it a lot at the time. nowadays this is very low on my concern list. especially because if i ever think about it for even a second, i basically slap myself (hard) and say out loud "repeat after me: do not do a redo of summer 03.. do not do a redo of summer 03.. u are an idiot, no really .. u are an idiot" .. and then i usually snap out of it.
GirlAfraid23
09-03-09, 10:34
the risk level you described is excessively low. even if the person did have HIV, which they probably don't. the chances i'd say are about 1 in a million at this point - so if you want to dwell on it, that'd be my guess on your odds.
Thanks
Yeah I'm pretty sure he doesnt have it, I'm just playing guess-work
which is fatal really for me anyway
...I'm too scared to get a test, so I'm just gonna leave it for the moment...
justbananas
09-03-09, 19:44
if you do decide to go get a test, find a place that does same day results so you don't spend a week or two biting your hands for no reason. i hate to say this and seldom do - but i know you are ok.
Hrm, in the USA the test I took usually took 20 minutes. Basically you get the results after filling out the questionnaire.
Please believe me when i say you really have nothing to worry about, I had this fear/obsession about 6 years ago after meeting my now husband and becoming fixated on all the stupid mistakes id made at uni with idiot boyfriends..anyway got myself in right state had al sorts of symtoms including really dry sore patches all round my eyes, went to doctor ending up crying he was really nice and told me he was 100% certain i did not have hiv and would send me for a number of blood tests to put my mind at rest but not an hiv one cos it wasn't necessary! To cut along story short even tho the bloods came back fine my anxiety got worse until my husband forced me to have a test ( clinic near here where you only have to wait hours for the results)and guess what...negative!!I have since had two more as have had two children and they test routinely when pregnant so please DO NOT worry xxxx
GirlAfraid23
10-03-09, 11:17
if you do decide to go get a test, find a place that does same day results so you don't spend a week or two biting your hands for no reason. i hate to say this and seldom do - but i know you are ok.
I'm glad you said this.
How can you be so sure though?
I would get a same day test but I'm too scared at the moment
I had the same anxiety when I was feeling ill in january. I decided to go for an HIV test just to rule out the possibility as Id never had one before. Trust me, you are getting it all out of perspective. I was truly convinced I had HIV, but the truth is, it is extremely extremely unlikely hun x
I agree with xfilme and I went thru the same thing myself (twice). Although the second twice I was much more informed about the odds so I didn't worry too much..
Seriously, just take a test: it will be quick negative and you'll be happy you've done it. Protected sex has virtually no risk.:)
GirlAfraid23
10-03-09, 14:54
I had the same anxiety when I was feeling ill in january. I decided to go for an HIV test just to rule out the possibility as Id never had one before. Trust me, you are getting it all out of perspective. I was truly convinced I had HIV, but the truth is, it is extremely extremely unlikely hun x
Thanks for these words...my symptoms just seem to be always present, and of course I relate it everytime to the HIV symptoms that I read on the internet...they seem to become more & more present. I know im blowing it out of all proportion and I dont even think he HAS the disease.
justbananas
10-03-09, 14:58
yes - as K said - the odds are just so unlikely. honestly .. from what you've described.. you're more likely to have dropsy at this point. dropsy is a fish disease. able to be caught only by aquatic life.
GirlAfraid23
10-03-09, 16:49
yes - as K said - the odds are just so unlikely. honestly .. from what you've described.. you're more likely to have dropsy at this point. dropsy is a fish disease. able to be caught only by aquatic life.
Lol this made me laugh...thank god!
anyway I am now developing a leg ache and I'm worried this may be connected, I'm also always very tired.
I dont know if its the stress.
Leg pain is not a symptom... How long has it been since the last time you did with him anyway?
GirlAfraid23
11-03-09, 22:50
Leg pain is not a symptom... How long has it been since the last time you did with him anyway?
It was about a month ago now i'd say...maybe abit longer
why?
justbananas
11-03-09, 23:06
ok also - if you had HIV related mouth sores - which you don't - they would be visible and obvious, not just a sensation of dryness in the mouth. i mean i'm not recommending you google further - but as of right now you aren't even operating with the correct information and are basically scaring yourself with inaccurate info. if you had extreme pustules of white patches etc in mouth i would tell you to have it looked at - but you've been to the dr. and they see nothing, so you're fine. as far as the test - i really think everyone should get tested regardless - it's a responsible thing to do when you're sexually active. and in your case, it will lay rest to some sleepless nights!
Thanks
Yeah I'm pretty sure he doesnt have it, I'm just playing guess-work
which is fatal really for me anyway
...I'm too scared to get a test, so I'm just gonna leave it for the moment...
I spent nearly 10 years frightened I had and believe me you dont want that. Trust me just have the test & you'll be fine!
GirlAfraid23
13-03-09, 16:26
ok also - if you had HIV related mouth sores - which you don't - they would be visible and obvious, not just a sensation of dryness in the mouth. i mean i'm not recommending you google further - but as of right now you aren't even operating with the correct information and are basically scaring yourself with inaccurate info. if you had extreme pustules of white patches etc in mouth i would tell you to have it looked at - but you've been to the dr. and they see nothing, so you're fine. as far as the test - i really think everyone should get tested regardless - it's a responsible thing to do when you're sexually active. and in your case, it will lay rest to some sleepless nights!
I had a look in my mouth last night and there were purple/red dots around the back of the mouth and around the tissue on the inside of my cheeks...it scared me so much, I nearlly had a panic attack.
I guess I was slightly working with the wrong information before but I am still as scared as ever. I dont know whether to take it further and get an appointment at the hopsital.
I know my dentist and doctor have both not seen anything but its stil not enough for some reason I feel they have missed something or new symptoms are now appearing
:weep:
GirlAfraid23
13-03-09, 21:08
Please someone put my mind at rest
CharlesLinden
13-03-09, 22:11
Please someone put my mind at rest
Because anxiety fuels 'what if' thoughts designed to do a 'risk assessment' during the fight or flight response, you immediately make the slightest cue, like the dry patch in your mouth, into the focus of those thoughts. Your mind then takes this and embellishes it using your powerful creativity and intellect. You research and latch onto the next piece of negative information you see, panic, fuel the anxiety, focus on the problem and the cycle continues!
Honestly, if I had £1 for every anxious person who comes to us concerned about symptoms they perceive as cancer or HIV, I'd be able to retire by now!!
STOP focusing on these, probably harmless, physical problems, project your consciousness out of your eyes into the beautiful world and stop internalising your consciousness, focusing on unthreatening imperfections and enjoy your life to the full!!
Charles
GirlAfraid23
13-03-09, 22:23
Because anxiety fuels 'what if' thoughts designed to do a 'risk assessment' during the fight or flight response, you immediately make the slightest cue, like the dry patch in your mouth, into the focus of those thoughts. Your mind then takes this and embellishes it using your powerful creativity and intellect. You research and latch onto the next piece of negative information you see, panic, fuel the anxiety, focus on the problem and the cycle continues!
Honestly, if I had £1 for every anxious person who comes to us concerned about symptoms they perceive as cancer or HIV, I'd be able to retire by now!!
STOP focusing on these, probably harmless, physical problems, project your consciousness out of your eyes into the beautiful world and stop internalising your consciousness, focusing on unthreatening imperfections and enjoy your life to the full!!
Charles
Thank you for these helpful words
I just have a serious habit of latching onto to a symptom and will keep worrying about it until it goes away. It becomes my everyday...all consuming life force
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