I Can't Live Like This Anymore!!

[Katie1633]

Hi, I was wondering if any of you suffer as badly as me with Emetophobia and Agoraphobia. I am so bad at the minute, I can't even be left in house alone with my 3 yr old son, just in case he is sick. My husband needs to attend some appointments over the next couple of months, due to his ill health, and I am terrified of being left to look after my son. His first one is tomorrow and I am in a state of full blown anxiety, headache and nausea are making my emetophobia a nightmare. I have had these phobias for the past 19 yrs and I am really getting to the end of my tether. I just can't cope anymore living like this. I have no life stuck in the house 24hrs a day but I could cope when my husband is here. But now that I am going to be left with my son while he is out for 4 hrs at a time, I just feel like staying in bed and sleeping til it's all over. All the treatments and medication in world haven't helped me and I don't know what to do next. I'd appreciate any helpful advice from fellow sufferers. Katie x

[nomorepanic]

Katie

What treatments have you tried?

[Katie1633]

I have tried CBT, hypnotherapy, psychologists, psychiatrists, tapping, relaxation, linden etc etc. Don't think there's much left!

[ElizabethJane]

Katie I know it is very short notice but couldn't someone else look after your son whilst your husband attends his appointment tomorrow? Maybe a neighbour or a nursery for a few hours? Maybe you could look at the treatments that you have had before to see if there is something different they could offer you? Perhaps not tomorrow though! I have had many treatments as well and although I'm not agoraphobic have severe recurrent depression. Recently I looked again at CBT as a way of helping myself. Previously I had discounted it as I had been too depressed to allow it to work.

[Katie1633]

Thank you ElizabethJane for your reply. It is too short notice for me to get someone and as we both don't work due to long term illnesses, we can't afford day care. I was doing so well there for a while and suddenly with hubby having all these appointments, it has knocked me right back. I know a lot of people get loads of positive stuff on here, but I just feel that although you know you are not alone in suffering, in reality, no one on the other end of the internet can actually do anything physical to help you. I'm sorry for feeling so glum and depressed at the mo, but I have no friends because of my agoraphobia and feel so alone with so much to deal with. Katie x

[ElizabethJane]

I'm sorry Katie that you feel so alone. If I could scoop you up and put you in a better place then I would but I can't. I'm sorry for that.

[belle]

Katie.
I was in the exact same position as you. My son was 1 year old (in 1999), i was roombound and severely emetophobic. Couldn't be alone for any amount of time either. I was suffering from everything with no friends, it was a horrible time for me.

Is there anyone who could come and be with you? Realistically though, its not likely that your son will be poorly while your husband is away and i could promise you, IF he got sick, you WOULD cope. You might not like it, but you'd do it. My son (he's now 10) threw up just the other week. I was sat with him most of the night....i didn't like it and i wasn't all up in his face, but i did it, because he needed me. I spent the next 4 days worrying in case i caught it...so my emetophobia is definitely still there, but when i'm in the situation i just go into overdrive.

If there isn't anyone to help you, you need to try and plan your 4 hours with your son. Play with him, draw with him, make things....that is how i use to try and distract myself from my horrible panic. 4 hours may seem a long time, but its only 4 hours out of the week.

You're right, we're not there physically, but you can PM anyone at anytime to help you. Is there no one nearby you could call if you get too anxious? Sometimes just talking it out helps.

x

[samc100]

Hugs.
There is no reason your son will be sick tomorrow. So plan an easy day for you both. Perhaps DVD watching where you can sit and cuddle. Or make playdoh ? Think of the activities that your son will enjoy doing with you and try to think of this as an opportunity of time investment with your son instead of worrying about him being ill - because he won't be.

I know it is hard but do something your son loves to do and concentrate on that. Good luck but you will be ok. The anticipation is worse than the event

[Katie1633]

Thanks for all your replies. I know what you are saying Belle, but I'm afraid I'm like the woman who left her 1 yr old on his own while she waited for her Mum to arrive. I would do exactly the same. My daughter who is now 12, was sick once when she was about 3 and I immediately ran and phoned for my Mum to come. I sat on the stairs crying and in total panic until she arrived. I guess some of us have got emetophobia a lot worse than others. My biggest fear isn't that my son will be sick, as I know what my instant reaction will be, to get out, but I fear the fact that my son would be on his own if he was sick, as there would be nothing in the world that would give me the strength to be with him while he was.

[Katie1633]

Also I forgot to add that my son is one of those children that could choke on water! He's always gulping his food and taking much too much into his mouth at one time. He is always coughing because of this and he has been sick quite a few times, even tho he hasn't got a tummy bug! Trust me to have a child like this :(

[belle]

Hun.
My son had medical stomach problems until the age of 2 and vomited after EVERY feed (milk) and then after EVERY meal. He didn't get onto solids until he was 18 months, like your son he'd choke on the smallest crumb. I still have records in my drawer downstairs that express my "concern" with the amount he was puking, he was under a pediatrician until he was 5. To wean my son onto solids i had to sit upstairs while my ex tried to feed him, i couldn't see him choke/vomit.

Anyway, this isn't a who's emet is worse, because trust me, my phobia caused me to become roombound. I wouldn't/couldn't cook in my house for the fear that the smell would make me puke. I was a complete germ-a-phobe. My poor wee man missed out on playgroup because i was that worried about him picking up germs and the one time he was taken i didn't go near him for a week, just in case!!!!!!!!

So i KNOW what its like to have a pukey child. Trust me!
Its not nice, no.

[PUGLETMUM]

:) this is the same but different - i have so much grief for the years i lost becasue i was frightend i would kill my daughter so i gave her to my mother-in-law. once this is over you cant turn the clock back - you have a phobia and it can be overcome - but only by you! no doctor or therpapist can actually get you to stop thinking these irrational thoughts - it takes taime and patience and alot of love for yourself - if you dont want to live like this for the res tof your life then take this monster on! you have an equally powerful positive voice inside you - we all have - you think its gone but it isnt!!!! you have been helped by your husband being there but as you can see in reality he has only helped you to avoid your fear - for me personally the only method that has helped me is mindfulness - you may not be up to looking into that right now - when i firs tcame on nmp ppl were banging on about it all the time - but i turned to it last year in desperation as my situation was pretty grim - the person i was relying on was using their power overme and i just decided like you enough was enough - you are lettign this phobia take control of your whole life - think about who you used to be, you werent always like this - currently all your memories are of this phobia but you must be able to remember a time when you werent like this? i used this as motivation - if i hadnt always been like this - i didnt always need to be like this - it came and it can go - you have to beleive that you will not be like this forever - i dont htink you should have anyonwe help you tomorrow i think you should go towards this event as the start of your recovery - the worst that can happen is you would panic - all of this avoidace behaviour is making you worse not better!! surely you can see that? YOU WILL COPE - if you can cope living like htis you can cope with getting better - is exposure and increased anxiety for 4 hours worse or better than a lifetime at the mercy of this irrational phobia?:hugs: