help with relationships

[wondawoman]

I have recently discovered I have an anxiety disorder, but I fear it's too late to make amends with my ex partner. We split because of terrible arguments after my constant accusations and paranoia got in the way of our love.
I've calmed down and we've been apart for six or so weeks, our last conversation was a bit of an eye opener and we discussed how he felt,
like a brick wall had been built up around his feelings, so much so that he's not sure if the feelings were ever there in the first place.
I've had therapy, CBT and am on tablets and the combination is really working, I've asked him to come and join a session of therapy and he's refused, not sure what he makes of it, but he's making a real effort to look up things on the internet, and even takes me to the hospital.
I know there's something still there and I need some advice, how do I take get the man who's been my rock back, and how do I convince him I am stronger than before?

[samc100]

I don't know how you get him back to be honest. First concentrate on you then hopefully he will see the woman he loves return and he will decide to return. I should think for our partners it is like living with an alien but with a familiar face. Not sure if you can force the issue but if it is a strong relationship you will both resolve this .

[CJH86]

Hiya....i had a similar kinda situation about a year ago. Me and my boyfriend split when i was going through a bad patch and I was put in the horrible position to either get help or he would never speak to me again (i had other issues beside anxiety + paranoia too). The strange thing was he went with me to my doctors appointments and everything. He said a similar thing to me about not being sure whether the feelings where still/ever there and said he felt more like my carer than boyfriend. I know how you feel, i remember exactly how i felt and its an absolutely horrible situation to be in.

If he is looking up things on the internet it means he wants to try and understand, its evident he still cares. I can understand why he is refusing to go the the therepy session, it may be that he feels its something you need to do for yourself and yourself only. He also needs to be reassured none of what has happened with your anxiety is his fault, i know my boyfriend thought it was something to do with him and id be better off without him.

Its going to take time to show to him you are stronger is...best thing is to stick to the therepy, prove to him you can do things for yourself and gain some independance again....this was a problem with me and my boyfriend, he thought i was too dependant on him (which i was because i was a wreck).

It may also do good to take a total break from each other as it might remind him of all the things he would miss and would allow him to think his feelings through by himself. What happened in my case was my boyfriend went away for a few weeks, thought things through and realised he wanted to be with me after it all (which i really didnt expect) and we are still together. I wish you the best of luck x

[longlife35]

I have similar problems with my relationships but this one has been more of an eye opener as to it being me. I finally admitted to myself and my b.f that I do have a problem ,after a tonne of reading I finally understand myself and reasons I do and think the way I do. We have been together since feb. even after 6 times I have dumped him and went through a lot of paraniod times. I cant help thinking the way I do especially when hes away from me if he doesnt answer his phone etc. I read way too much into everything and things keep popping up in my head , Ideas of him cheating or just stupid things. Its especially bad with my kids wonder a tonne of what if's and nightmares about them getting killed or hurt being very graphic and like a horror movie. I always get up and check on them to make sure theyre ok. my mind doesnt stop and neither does my cleaning, mostly for the bigger part of my life i kept it all in my head..how do I make it stop and keep my relationship. I dont want to go to a doctor i just feel stupid! SOS!