View Full Version : I feel like a freak.
I've read lots of messages and, although I relate to lots of them, I can't find anyone who shares my particular 'fear'.
I have been attending the doctor for around 8 weeks, I am on 20mg citalopram and don't feel they are helping.
I suffer mild to severe panic attacks which I know I'm bringing on myself but can't control my nerves in order to stop it. Other sufferers describe a fear of dying or choking etc. however my fear is that I will wet myself. I'm thoroughly ashamed to admit this but I worry persistently about how awful it would be and when the panic attack starts and I feel the rush (I can describe it only as having 'butterflies' not only in my tummy but my whole body), I go numb and I am convinced that I will wet myself. I find myself going to the toilet all the time (only when I'm out, at home I feel fine) to make sure my bladder is empty just in case.
I know how crazy this sounds however this phobia has slowly gotten worse over the last year, and I find that I am aggrophobic now too, I can't go out alone anymore and I fear getting on buses and trains.
Does anyone else have this fear? As I say, the citalopram don't seem to be working - has anyone found a higher dosage (than 20mg) to be more beneficial?
I have considered acupuncture too - any experience of this would be welcome.
hi Holly,
Welcome aboard!! :)
Firstly, please don't be ashamed of your fear. I don't have this myself but we all have different fears as everyone is different. Do you know what this fear stems from? There is normally always a reason there somewhere. I too became agoraphobic about 18 months ago but am coping much better now. Have you considered seeing a counsillor?
Sarah :D
"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal
Hi seh,
My doctor has referred me to a psychologist, I have been warned though that the waiting lists are quite long.
My Sister and my friends have all asked me this - did I get a big row once for wetting myself as a kid or that, and I don't recall any such thing.
I'm interested in the idea that hormones play a part, my Hubby and I underwent fertiltiy treatment earlier this year (IVF) and I was taking hormones (injections etc.) - my 'fear' got worse afterwards.
As for my agoraphobia, I really do hope that the psychologist will be able to help with it. I am considering asking my doctor for a higher dosage of citalopram to see if that helps.
I watched an interesting show the other night, Paul McKenna (the hypnotist) helping a woman with agoraphobia. I am willing to try anything really, if it has a chance of working! I can't stop thinking that I won't ever beat this - that it's too much of a way of life now.
Holly xxx
hi again Holly,
There is always a way if beating this!! It doesn't happen overnight and it takes a lot of work but it can be done. I didn't leave my house for 3 months - not once!! I now go into town most days, travel around the country, drive (though I still hate motorways) and get on with life almost like I did before...It is true what you say though, the longer you leave it, the harder it will be!! The trick is to take it small steps at a time. Maybe start by just walking to the corner of your road and standing there for a minute or two..
Sarah :D
"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal
Thankfully, I can go out, but only if someone is with me and I don't let them park the car far away - I need to know the car is close by.
Everyone close to me knows now (I tried to hide it but people were thinking I was upset with them!), so sharing the problem has been a help. I go to the hairdressers with my sister and I go for mornings out at the weekends with my friends or Hubby, usually to somewhere quiet though. The supermarket and the high street are BIG no-no's for me if its a weeeknd or middle of the day. I can go up and down the high street and to the supermarket if it's at a quiet time though.
I know that it could be worse but I WANT to be able to go out alone again and to drive my car again (I drove it round the block about 2 weeks ago and was a heaving mess by the time I got back in). My doctor is very good and she has told me to go to Tesco late at night and avoid going anywhere if I am dreading it beforehand (I dread most things beforehand to some degree, however some things are worse than others).
Hi all, I know I'm replying to something that was posted ages ago but I just need to let everyone know that this is a common problem and you can get help.
The following is something I wrote on another forum but thought i would repeat it here just to help anyone else who may have this problem.
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I know exactly how you feel!!!! I have experienced this myself and it is actually quite common, its just that everyone who has it is too embarrassed to talk about it, so they think no one else has it... I know, because that is EXACTLY how I felt.
I will share my story with you, I can't belive I'm going to write this because I have never told anyone else this before! It all started in high school, I was watching a movie in science class when all of a sudden I had this overwhelming urge to go to the toilet even though I had just gone!? I went then came back, and about ten minutes later I had to go again! This time I just told the teacher I had to get a drink... and so the excuses began... I went home from school and felt fine but on the bus the next day the overwhelming urge came back, but this time I started to freak out because the bus trip was an hour long and I didn't know if I could last that long and all the kids were around me playing and I could just imagine how absolutely horribly embarrassing it would be if I wet my pants in front of them all! This is when it went from fear to almost a feeling of terror! The next year of my life was the worst. I never told anyone and just kept trying to hold it in all the time and went to the toilet as much as possible, but it only ever effected me when I was around other people!? Among the worst things that happened over that year was that I had to get the bus driver to stop the bus halfway to school and get my grandmother to pick me up from the middle of nowhere, kids at school used to laugh at me and I was 'that kid who always went to the toilet', and I suffered depression because I couldn't live a normal life. I saw a doctor but he couldn't help me because he didn't know what it was. Eventually (and this is the most embarrassing part) I ended up getting a large novelty balloon which I wore over the end of my you know what, just as a back up incase I ever actually did wet myself! I can't believe I've just told you all that! I hope your still reading, it was a bit long... :)
I hope you are still reading for another reason - this will help you!
If someone had told me what I'm about to tell you, at the time it would have saved me so much pain.
THIS PROBLEM IS PURELY PSYCHOLOGICAL!!! There is nothing medically wrong with you! Your bladder is fine! So the first thing you have to do is get yourself to a psychologist, they can help soooo much!
It is all based on fear, the more you fear you are going to wet yourself the more it feels like you will. And when you're around other people you become worried that you will wet yourself in front of them and the fear grows stronger making you think more and more that you are really going to wet yourself. Have you noticed how its not really a problem when you're by yourself? Thats because it's all in your head, if it were medical then it would be happening all the time! This is a good thing because it means that like most fears it is easily treated through counseling, I never got counseling myself but wish I had because it wouldn't have gone on anywhere near as long as it did.
If you want to try something yourself (and I know this is embarrassing but no one else needs to know), you can get some of those adult diapers that are really thin and can't be seen through clothing. This is just as a reassurance so when you are out you have a backup plan - like my umm... balloon. This will help you to gradually get used to social situations again without the fear. The more the fear goes away, the more it feels like you WONT wet your pants. It is a slow process but it will go away, trust me. I don't even think about it now and it used to consume my life!
I think the most important thing you want to hear though is - NO, I NEVER DID WET MYSELF!!! Not even a little drop. As strong as that fear got (and believe me, it did get strong) I never did wet my pants!
I really hope this has helped you and anyone else who may read this because it is such a common problem (I know, I'm studying psychology) that can really screw your life up if you don't seek help or at least talk to someone about it.
Ooh, all this talk about pee has made me really need to go now (for real!)
Dying_Swan
21-10-07, 12:54
Hello.
I don't suffer from the same fear, but just wanted to say that you are NOT a freak!!! :lac:
I think feeling an urgency to go to the loo (either 'type') is actually very common - and no doubt caused by an adrenaline rush. I'm sure that it can be helped, the same as all other symptoms of Panic.
Whilst I have not had this particular symptom, I've had horrid stomachy feelings when I've panicked, and thought I was going to have to run to the loo (for the other 'type') very urgently. Could I suggest that you try to stick it out and not rush off to the toilet? I am sure you will find that you won't wet yourself and it will all be fine :yesyes:. If you start off with situations where you don't feel too bad, and slowly increase the number of situations you get into without running off to the bathroom, I really think it will get much better.
Good luck :flowers: xxx
Dying_Swan
21-10-07, 12:55
Oh I've just seen the date of this thread. Lol. I've done this so many times now.....Grrrrrrrr.
I find this curious because I don't know why it happens.
When I get anxious I do need to go more but once I relax the feeling goes. My mother told me that when my brother was very young, a car sped round the corner and nearly hit him. He wet himself out of fear!
When I was at the dentists they had put a lovely picture on the ceiling but it was of a waterfall! Well.....it didn't help!
So why is it and what purpose does it serve? I'm interested. Does anyone know the actual medical or natures reason why fear causes this effect?:shrug:
So why is it and what purpose does it serve? I'm interested. Does anyone know the actual medical or natures reason why fear causes this effect?:shrug:
Its to do with the "fight or flight" adrenaline rush that we experience when we feel anxious, all down to our cavemen days apparently!
Its something like this: Back in the caveman days, if we were down at the lake and suddenly were confronted by a sabre tooth tiger, well we would obviously become terrified, and when we feel such fears, our body pumps that adrenaline to prepare us, so it will want us to "empty" our body, ie, throw up, urinate, etc. This way we are light and alert, and ready to fight or flight (run away).
In this day and age, its more likely to be a traffic jam, or a confined space than a sabre tooth tiger that makes us feel anxious, so we dont really need to empty our bodies to prepare us for anything, but we are still tuned to do it anyway!
This is kinda how I was explained it by a CBT counsellor. Someone will probably come along and explain it much better than me!:blush:
fretty freda
22-10-07, 22:13
Hiya Nice To Chat To You I Cant Say I Have This Particular Fear But I Do Have A Strange Fear I Fear Thinking Something And Saying It Out Loud Sometimes But No Matter How Much I Panick Over It I Can Honestly Say It Has Never Happened So With You I Would Say This Is Very Very Unlikley To Happen Either I Know That Wont Stop You Worring But Inajine The Millions Of Times You Have Been Out And It Has Not Happened And You Have Wasted Your Precious Energy Getting Anxious Sorry I Have Just Noticed I Am In Caps
Take Care
Thanks carlabarbie,
Often wondered why. It sounds quite logical.
Can you imagine fighting a sabre tooth tiger whilst erm, emptying! Can't imagine it'd wait while we spent a penny! :D Sorry, don't mean to sound flippant. It actually sounds a quite plausible. Thank you for the reply. Most interesting!:winks:
Come to think of it, I think all animals do this when they're nervous so yes, it would seem a perfectly logical explanation. Thank you!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fight_or_flight
I just typed it into Google and there's loads of info!
I know what you mean about spending a penny whilst the tiger stood there!!!!! I guess you'd just do it whilst running for your life! Nice.:ohmy:
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