my husband has ptsd

[jj551]

my husband was on one of the cars that got blown up on 7/7. he has ptsd. he didn't do therapy after because he was too afraid to leave his house. he tried to go back but the therapist did the eye movement therapy with him and he thought it was psychobabble bulls**t and never went back. he is very wary of therapy in general but is now recognizing that he needs some help.

every few months he gets an outburst of anger in which he is very violent toward me. the part of me says that i need to just get out because there is no excuse for abusive behavior. the other part of me says that he is not the abusive type...he doesn't have any of those angry domineering characteristics. he was never abusive before the bombing (he is good friends with his ex who he was with for 10 years and so am i, there was nothing like this in there relationship). he said something changed after the bombing and that he gets angry and cannot control it. and so because i know its related to illnes rather then a lifestyle thing, i am tempted to be more forgiving.

at the same time, i need to know whether it is something that can be healed. does anyone have any experience with this? i know that most abusive men will not change and no matter what they promise so it is best to get out of the relationship. but can someone with ptsd be fixed so that they aren't like this anymore?

(sorry, i know this is mostly anxiety related but i don't know where else to ask...and his anger outburts are absolutely caused by anxiety/stress)


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[kittyk]

Hello jj,
You do not have to put up with any abuse whatsoever and you must make sure that ptsd is not an excuse for abusive behaviour. You have rights despite any needs your husband may have. Your husband will need assistance and he has to recognise this. You seem a very understanding person....just the right person your husband needs to recover properly. I am a PTSD sufferer and know that family and friends have been treading on egg shells.....encourage counselling if possible and some medication can really help.

[Lynnann]

Hi JJ,

Most PTSD sufferers have a lot of inner rage over the situation that they experienced but does not excuse any violence towards you!!!!

I know he didn't react like this before but he does now and it needs to be addressed immediately. There can be no excuses for this behaviour and the more occasions that it happens the more likely it is to continue. He needs a push to start accepting the help that is available and there are lots of other treatments other than rapid eye movement; he needs to start exploring these avenues if you have any hope of a future together.

Personally I think you need to get out of this situation until he has at the very least completed an anger management course. While you make excuses for his behaviour so is he and he is only starting to think he might need help?
You can still love him and support him but not live with him until his outbursts are under control.

As a sufferer of PTSD and also a previous victim of domestic violence I implore you to keep yourself safe!

Lynnann

[sue681]

I suffered yrs of abuse from my husband,he was just a controling violent B**tard !
Sorry but readin between the lines yr hubby just sounds like he needs help.he's takin stuff out on you because yr the closest to him.This is no excuse to hurt you,that is wrong ! but he does'nt sound like a bad man to me just someone who needs help !

[spike 1]

I suffer with ptsd and i was explosive now out of the marriage she still sticks the knife in. I get very little sleep and still have major anger bouts but these are suppressed by medication. contact combat stress they have many avenues to help

[annette1]

Hi j551

I too have PTSD & although I agree that you need to keep yourself safe I can relate to your husbands anger. My ptsd was caused by domestic abuse & i have had some pretty horrendous angry outbursts, usually caused by flashbacks to my trauma, luckily I live alone so have been able to keep them mostly to myself & channel it into exercise. When this happens I have absolutely no control over how I feel & it's very frightening to find myself in that position, in fact I even argued with my psychologist when she told just how angry I was, I've always been so easy going!
I have been having therapy with a psychologist for 6mths & on medication for 2, it has been the best decision & although its expensive its worth not having a holiday this year. I have undergone 4 EMDR therapy sessons & have to say that at first I thought much the same as your husband. EMDR is very powerful therapy & you have to stick with it as it does make the memories more painful at first, but once it starts to work the results happen quite quickly. Now I am feeling the benefits of reprocessing my traumatic memories, they are beginning to get easier to live with, I have fewer flashbacks & my anxiety levels are reduce enough for me to return to work after 14mths off sick.
Six mths ago I was convinced that I would be in my anxious state for ever & that there was no help for me, the whole world was against me & no-one cared.
Living with PTSD is a very frightening experience for the sufferer & their families made even more so because we rarely want to speak about our experiences & our very deep thoughts. You begin to feel that you must be the only person to have such thoughts. Please try to get your husband to accept some help, its very hard work to get through your memories but it can be done.
Have you found this website, it's got loads of helpful info www.ptsduk.co.uk & sometimes it helps to talk to others in the same position.
Take care
Annette