Not doing something because of fear or because you don't want to?

[samtheman]

How do you decide between the two, Say for instance today I was invited to a stag party, I don't want to go, but am I not going because I'm scared or do I just not want to go? Do I make sence? How do you decide? The chosen activity for the stag party is go-karting as none of them drink, Well If I'm honest I can't drive, not that it matters in a go Kart, but I have no interest in flying around a race track either.

Can you relate to what I'm saying? I had a similar experience at work, they where all going paintballing, same story, I have no interest in it, but then I have noticed since anxiety kicked in I don't have interest in anything to be fair. I'm not anxious any more right enough but still don't have interests in much.

[Nechtan]

I suppose it is a fine line but I think you know deep down in each situation what the answer is. If its a function you have no wish to go to then its an easy call and really whether we are anxious or not why should we endure something we don't want to. If you want to go somewhere though but know you can't and know its just not going to happpen then that is very different. For example when my wife was in hospital having our 3rd child I would have done anything to get there but just couldn't. Probably more than anything if you feel intensely frustrated then you know it is fear rather than can't be bothered.

Nechtan

[honeybee3939]

Hi Sam

Its funny you should bring up Go Karting because i have been invited to a Go-Karting evening in a couple of weeks with work.

My work as had a few events in the past and i have always said im not going because i cant be bothered. But this time i thought sod it ! im been misreable im going to make a effort to go. Now i dont like go karting but i have told them i will go along and spectate!:)
Im terrible with the "cant be bothered" attitude, but to be honest when i have made the effort to go places i have always enjoyed it!:) :)

I hope you dont think im waffling on !!lol

Anyway my point is if you dont like the idea of go karting just go along for the social side of it like me and spectate.

Andrea
xxxx

[GFHarris]

I completely understand where you're coming from. It's been so long I've had anxiety that the lines are very blurred between what I want to do and what I think my mind STOPS me from wanting to do, KWIM?!

I guess the fact is that it's easier for us to say we don't enjoy things than to put ourselves through the awful panic...

[Crystaltips]

since I've been suffering from anxiety (Oct) i havent been to amy dance class. It was origiannly 'i can't, because i'm frightened' to now 'I can't be bothered'. But I went last week, and hated it! Felt out of body like it wasn't me. Didn't enjoy it and couldn't wait for it to be over. So, really it could still be the anxiety, or the can't be bothered issue!

[saragrace]

Hi Sam,

I can so relate to how you are feeling. Tonight my family wanted to go out to dinner and I did not want to go and they had to really talk me into it. Once I went though I am glad that I did go. Sometimes I think that I just get so comfortable and settled in my lifestyle that I don't want any upsets out of my routine. Saying that though I realize it is healthy to get out and about with friends and family. I hope that you do get out and have some fun.


Take care,

Saragrace

[nettles]

Glad you've all brought this up. I have exactly the same problem, I stopped doing a lot of things because they brought on anxiety; now I do very little but also the anxiety has lessened to the point where things are calm, but life is quite dull! When I think of doing something different, or going somewhere outside my "safety zone" I often feel immensely tired as if my body is refusing to do anything that threatens my calm state. I have almost completely lost sight of what I do or don't enjoy doing. I don't have the high anxiety or panic attacks that I'd encounter when leading a very busy and sociable life, but I do now suffer a lot of boredom and depression which is the result of narrowing my life down so much to avoid anxiety.

Nettles

[Coni]

This is very interesting...for me I have gradually stopped doing lots of 'non essential' things. I can do essentials like go to work (where I can hide behind my job) and even go food shopping if I really have no choice. But when it comes to doing things outside of these things I really struggle.

I hardly ever go out socially, I hear everyone talking at work about nights out or days out, and a tiny part of me would love to go without thinking twice about it. But the majority of me just cant do it, so now Ive stopped accepting invitations out, because I'm sick of letting everyone down (my colleagues now think I'm an antisocial freak lol). Even holidays with family are a trauma...

I think for me its hard stepping out of my comfort zone....I can function to a degree so I just leave it at that...and when I have pushed myself to do something, I find it so stressful I then dont want to repeat the experience.

I think anxiety has a limiting or even a disabling effect on our lives and then because of this we lose the confidence and motivation to do things which we may previously have enjoyed...so I guess for me its a vicious circle....the less I do the less I want to do (does that make sense?)

Coni X