Mcched
30-07-05, 16:50
Well I cannot believe it!!!!! I have actually made it to work this week twice!!!!!! Battling with public transport on my own!!!!
On Thursday I went back to work, I haven't been back properly for 6 weeks and previous to that I did a week and a half and then had a bad time on the tram and had to go back to the doctors and previous to that I was off work for 10 weeks!!!! So haven't really been working since March this year!!!
I had been into to see them on the previous Friday and my GM was fab. I could come to work at what time I liked and leave whenever I needed to!!!!! There wasn't anything for me to specifically do but could do what I wanted as much or as little!!!! It was fab came away feeling like there wasn't any pressure on me. I was also going to have a phase back into the workplace buildingup my hours and days etc!!! My GM understood what I was going through as she suffered with depression and had, had to have 6 months off in a previous job where she then became agrophobic. So already I felt like there wasn't pressure to perform unlike last time I tried to go back!!!!
On Wednesday I didn't think about it. Then woke up Thursday and felt lousy!!!!! Heart flutters, sweating and feeling sick!!! I had decided to go in early so that my partner could take me to the station and I could get the tram from there. I have a fear of being out on my own and this causes me enormous anxiety!!! So I made it onto the tram. Had a book to try and distract me but felt quite nervous. (have changed my anxiety to nervousness now to see if I cope better!!!) Don't know how but I made it to my stop 30 mins later and managed to walk the 15 mins to work!!!! Result!! Then spent the day shadowing the GM. I was only going to stay for 2 hours, 6 hours later I am still there. I felt so tired and my head was pickled!!!! Information overload!!! It then took me 30 mins to pluck the courage up to get the tram back home!!! Which I did and because I was so tired I didn't get chance to be nervous.
I phoned my partner to pick me up but he was still in work 30 miles away so I had to take the bus!!! My worst fear ever!!! Got on the bus was alright for about 3 stops then started to feel bad. Dizziness, headache, dry mouth and heart flutterings. I kept telling myself I would be alright!!! Well I made the journey and managed to calm myself down!!! Felt so tired that I had an early night and had a great nights sleep!!!
Friday was a fab journey into work, taken to the station again!!! Got on tram, started to read book and before I knew it was at my stop. Even managed to go to Starbucks on the way in!!!! Had a very busy day and manged to last 8 hours!!!!! I was so tired that when I spoke to my partner from work he said he would come and pick me up!!! (I know a bit of a cop out but I was falling asleep near the end of the day!!!!) So went home had tea and went to bed!!!!!!! I can't believe work can be so exhausting!!!!!!
I am actually looking forward to going into work on Monday so that must be a good sign!!!!!! I am still taking my St Johns Wort and am keeping my Rescue remedy close at hand!!!! I went to my local shop alone today and actually enjoyed the experience. So here's to onwards and upwards!!!!!! :D:D:D
I'll keep you posted on how I am doing!!!!
Take care
Nikki
On Thursday I went back to work, I haven't been back properly for 6 weeks and previous to that I did a week and a half and then had a bad time on the tram and had to go back to the doctors and previous to that I was off work for 10 weeks!!!! So haven't really been working since March this year!!!
I had been into to see them on the previous Friday and my GM was fab. I could come to work at what time I liked and leave whenever I needed to!!!!! There wasn't anything for me to specifically do but could do what I wanted as much or as little!!!! It was fab came away feeling like there wasn't any pressure on me. I was also going to have a phase back into the workplace buildingup my hours and days etc!!! My GM understood what I was going through as she suffered with depression and had, had to have 6 months off in a previous job where she then became agrophobic. So already I felt like there wasn't pressure to perform unlike last time I tried to go back!!!!
On Wednesday I didn't think about it. Then woke up Thursday and felt lousy!!!!! Heart flutters, sweating and feeling sick!!! I had decided to go in early so that my partner could take me to the station and I could get the tram from there. I have a fear of being out on my own and this causes me enormous anxiety!!! So I made it onto the tram. Had a book to try and distract me but felt quite nervous. (have changed my anxiety to nervousness now to see if I cope better!!!) Don't know how but I made it to my stop 30 mins later and managed to walk the 15 mins to work!!!! Result!! Then spent the day shadowing the GM. I was only going to stay for 2 hours, 6 hours later I am still there. I felt so tired and my head was pickled!!!! Information overload!!! It then took me 30 mins to pluck the courage up to get the tram back home!!! Which I did and because I was so tired I didn't get chance to be nervous.
I phoned my partner to pick me up but he was still in work 30 miles away so I had to take the bus!!! My worst fear ever!!! Got on the bus was alright for about 3 stops then started to feel bad. Dizziness, headache, dry mouth and heart flutterings. I kept telling myself I would be alright!!! Well I made the journey and managed to calm myself down!!! Felt so tired that I had an early night and had a great nights sleep!!!
Friday was a fab journey into work, taken to the station again!!! Got on tram, started to read book and before I knew it was at my stop. Even managed to go to Starbucks on the way in!!!! Had a very busy day and manged to last 8 hours!!!!! I was so tired that when I spoke to my partner from work he said he would come and pick me up!!! (I know a bit of a cop out but I was falling asleep near the end of the day!!!!) So went home had tea and went to bed!!!!!!! I can't believe work can be so exhausting!!!!!!
I am actually looking forward to going into work on Monday so that must be a good sign!!!!!! I am still taking my St Johns Wort and am keeping my Rescue remedy close at hand!!!! I went to my local shop alone today and actually enjoyed the experience. So here's to onwards and upwards!!!!!! :D:D:D
I'll keep you posted on how I am doing!!!!
Take care
Nikki