View Full Version : Don't know what to do so alone and scared
Hi everyone Im relatively new to this so I appologise for not replying to everyone who messaged me on my last thread (couldn't work out how to reply:blush: but I think I've go it now)
Im really in a bad, bad place at the moment I've suffered with panic and anxiety and depression for years on and off. About 18 months ago I moved into a house that I shared with an old school friend and we each had 1 child and were single parents. I started going out with an old friend who had spilt up from his wife, however to cut a long story short his ex burned our house down and seriously injured my friend lucky the children escaped with just smoke inhilation. I spent 8 months homeless and living in my car, my partner left me and then came back about 3 months later. My son lives with his father and I can only see him once a fortnight at a contact centre this in case of further attacks on my life. My partner as I now know is a chronic alcoholic and is at the point of killing himself he is so ill and bed bound. And my anxiety and panic is at an all time high. The doc gave me Venlafaxine yesterday because I was too afraid to take the citilopram he had given me previously. I am terrified to go out alone I just about manage the local shops and I am totally alone as I am in a new town in temp accommadation. I feel I have lost everything and everybody and really don't know what to do. Im too scared to take medication the mere mention of suicide in the leaflet and the dizziness really worry me. I just sit in my little flat while my other half is in bed. I really want to move forward. Has anyone tried 5 HTP I was thinking of giving it a go. What else can I do I am so isolated.
Hi i'm currently taking
Omega 3,6,9 oil capsules
vit b complex
5-Htp...i have found this is really helping me and there's no side effects,i know its working because i ran out for 2 days and my Anxiety came back and i didn't feel to good.I take100-150g
i also don't want to take citalopram as ive heard more bad things than good and it doesn't cure anyway it only helps also side effects can last for months.
This partner of yrs(please don't take this wrong way)has'nt exactly brought anything good into yr life has he. crazy ex wife,lost yr son,homeless and now all he does his drink and lay in bed !..he left u when u needed him why did he come back?..because he needed looking after ?...is this guy for you ?
I hope u get housed,u could look for a private place ?
would u then get yr son back ?
What area have u moved too ?
Sue x
Hello :hugs:
I am so sorry - you have been through and going through so much. Firstly I have just started taking Citalopram for the first time in my life since suffering with anxiety all my life and having a nervous breakdown last year. I can honestly say it is the best thing I have done and I really do not know why I didnt take medication when it was prescribed for me before. The reason that is was created is to help people who are suffering with anxiety and depression. As for side effects every medication has side effects of some sort, however most are minor and if you find you do get unpleasant side effects then simply get your gp to prescribe something else until you find one that is working for youI spent months of last year going through my breakdown taking 5-HTP and every natural supplement there was. They did help but no where near as much as the Citalopram has in the past few weeks.Looking back if I had took prescribed meds much sooner then I would not have gone through so much suffering. I think if your anxiety is not overwhelming then natural supplements are fine but if you are hugely anxious to the point of it really affecting you and your life, then people do benefit from prescribed meds. If you have a headache you take a anti headache tablet and the same for anxiety and depression taking meds.
I feel for you dealing with your alcoholic partner. I grew up with a violent alcoholic mother for most of my life from a little girl until 17. She is 81 now and still an alcoholic. I have seen everything there is to see with alcoholism. Alcoholics will only help themselves when they want to. My mum to this day will not admit she is an alcoholic and yet has been detoxed many times and has cirhhosis. I walked away from an alcoholic partner as he dragged me down. He would not accept he was an alcoholic and would not seek treatment. I loved him and was with him for 10 years yet he was making me really unhappy by his drinking.
Please see your gp and explain just how badly you are feeling - tell him everything. He can put you in touch with the mental health team, who will be able to help you. There are support groups that you can join if that is for you as regards your partners drinking - Al Anon. Do you have anyone that can help you in any way? any family? anyone? MIND are a very good organisation and they have their website online where they list their local groups. You need to think of yourself. Your partner chooses to drink - so let him get on with it. Please do not let him drag you down. My mum did that with my dad who died a few weeks ago. She put him through hell.
Keep posting as I am sure you will get a lot of support here. I really feel for you. I have been there and come out the other side. There is hope. Please take your meds as you have nothing to lose - what is a few minor side effects to begin with compared to what you are going through.
I hope I dont sound like I am preaching. I just really related to your post and wanted to be of some help.
Hello :hugs:
I am so sorry - you have been through and going through so much. Firstly I have just started taking Citalopram for the first time in my life since suffering with anxiety all my life and having a nervous breakdown last year. I can honestly say it is the best thing I have done and I really do not know why I didnt take medication when it was prescribed for me before. The reason is that is was created is to help people who are suffering with anxiety and depression. As for side effects every medication has side effects of some sort, however most are minor and if you find you do get unpleasant side effects then simply get your gp to prescribe something else until you find one that is working for youI spent months of last year going through my breakdown taking 5-HTP and every natural supplement there was. They did help somewhat but no where near as much as the Citalopram has in the past few weeks.Looking back if I had took prescribed meds much sooner then I would not have gone through so much suffering. I realise that now. I think if your anxiety is not overwhelming then natural supplements are fine but if you are hugely anxious to the point of it really affecting you then people do benefit from prescribed meds. If you have a headache you take a anti headache tablet and the same for anxiety and depression taking meds.
I feel for you dealing with your alcoholic partner. I grew up with a violent alcoholic mother for most of my life from a little girl until 17. She is 81 now and still an alcoholic. I have seen everything there is to see with alcoholism. Alcoholics will only help themselves when they want to. My mum to this day will not admit she is an alcoholic and yet has been detoxed many times and has cirhhosis. I walked away from an alcoholic partner as he dragged me down. He would not accept he was an alcoholic and would not seek treatment. I loved him and was with him for 10 years yet he was making me really unhappy by his drinking.
Please see your gp and explain just how badly you are feeling - tell him everything. He can put you in touch with the mental health team, who will be able to help you. There are support groups that you can join if that is for you as regards your partners drinking - Al Anon. They support family and partners of alcoholics. Do you have anyone that can help you in any way? any family? anyone? MIND are a very good organisation and they have their website online where they list their local groups. You need to think of yourself. Your partner chooses to drink - so let him get on with it. Please do not let him drag you down. My mum did that with my dad who died a few weeks ago. She put him through hell through all the years of her drinking. In the end he became an alcoholic too.
Keep posting as I am sure you will get a lot of support here. I really feel for you. I have been there and come out the other side. There is hope. Please take your meds as you have nothing to lose - what is a few minor side effects to begin with compared to what you are going through.
I hope I dont sound like I am preaching. I just really related to your post and wanted to be of some help.
Hi Sue
Thanks for replying its nice to know that im not the only one who hates anti depressants. I think Im definitely going to give the 5 HTP a go as I 've got to do something and I can't see me taking either of the anti depressants prescribed.
I know my partner sounds bad and in reality he probably is, but I entered into this relationship because I genuinely loved him and you're right he has been a complete pig at times, trouble is I have lost so much to be with him and I do still love him only now he is all I have - literally. God that sounds pathetic:blush. Im actually ashamed to admit it but I don't think I could handle it if he went too. Loneliness is a right (unmentionable word) and Im already struggling to get out, because of panic and ocd. Do you know admitting that to someone is really hard but I know Im the only one who can help myself so come Mon Im off to get some 5htp and see how I go.
Im in the Woking area in Surrey. I've just found an anxiety support group here all I have to do now is pluck up the courage to get there.:)
My partner is due to start a detox soon so Im not giving up yet, I know I've put up wit more than any sane woman should...but I am trying not to judge him too much after all alcoholism is a disease that is hard on everyone it involves.
Anyhow Im waffling now so I will shut up
Thanks for the chance to let off a bit of steam and Im glad the fish oils and 5htp seem to working for you.
Im actually looking forward to trying them
Tiz x
Like poppy,i also grew up with an Alcoholic mother,we ended up in foster care ,she ended up dead at 38.
so i know 1st hand what yr dealing with.
I suspected you were with him because u didn't want to be alone.
You have given up a lot to be with him,yr son !..i hope he's worth it and if he's not i hope you get strong enough to get the hell out or tell him to go.Hope he knows what you've given up and gets himself sorted out.sorry to be so blunt but Alcoholics wreck lives!
Try going out for a little walk each day,find a little cafe and go for a cuppa each day,gets u out,just sayin hello and goodbye to people helps u meet people in the area.
You don't sound very old can i ask how old u are ?
Hello :hugs:
I am so sorry - you have been through and going through so much. Firstly I have just started taking Citalopram for the first time in my life since suffering with anxiety all my life and having a nervous breakdown last year. I can honestly say it is the best thing I have done and I really do not know why I didnt take medication when it was prescribed for me before. The reason that is was created is to help people who are suffering with anxiety and depression. As for side effects every medication has side effects of some sort, however most are minor and if you find you do get unpleasant side effects then simply get your gp to prescribe something else until you find one that is working for youI spent months of last year going through my breakdown taking 5-HTP and every natural supplement there was. They did help but no where near as much as the Citalopram has in the past few weeks.Looking back if I had took prescribed meds much sooner then I would not have gone through so much suffering. I think if your anxiety is not overwhelming then natural supplements are fine but if you are hugely anxious to the point of it really affecting you and your life, then people do benefit from prescribed meds. If you have a headache you take a anti headache tablet and the same for anxiety and depression taking meds.
I feel for you dealing with your alcoholic partner. I grew up with a violent alcoholic mother for most of my life from a little girl until 17. She is 81 now and still an alcoholic. I have seen everything there is to see with alcoholism. Alcoholics will only help themselves when they want to. My mum to this day will not admit she is an alcoholic and yet has been detoxed many times and has cirhhosis. I walked away from an alcoholic partner as he dragged me down. He would not accept he was an alcoholic and would not seek treatment. I loved him and was with him for 10 years yet he was making me really unhappy by his drinking.
Please see your gp and explain just how badly you are feeling - tell him everything. He can put you in touch with the mental health team, who will be able to help you. There are support groups that you can join if that is for you as regards your partners drinking - Al Anon. Do you have anyone that can help you in any way? any family? anyone? MIND are a very good organisation and they have their website online where they list their local groups. You need to think of yourself. Your partner chooses to drink - so let him get on with it. Please do not let him drag you down. My mum did that with my dad who died a few weeks ago. She put him through hell.
Keep posting as I am sure you will get a lot of support here. I really feel for you. I have been there and come out the other side. There is hope. Please take your meds as you have nothing to lose - what is a few minor side effects to begin with compared to what you are going through.
I hope I dont sound like I am preaching. I just really related to your post and wanted to be of some help.
Hi Poppy
Thank you so much I really have tried with the citilopram and maybe when I can think a little clearer I will be brave enough to take the plunge. I will try the 5htp first as I have never tried them and I know this won't cause me as much panic as the other medication. I know there is a large possibility that it will help me but Im just too afraid of it at the moment and I know I will start to imagine side effects even if they aren't really there. But I have definitely taken your comments on board and will have a sit and think about it.
I do not have any family only my mother but she does not have any understanding of what panic and anxiety are like and just tells me to pull myself together, so on the rare occasion that I do see her I never mention it. We have never had a very close relationship.
I will look up mind as I think I really need to find somewhere I can go to air some of the pressures. I have found a local support group for depression but so far I haven't managed to get there as I always panic before I get halfway there. I used to suffer with ocd and seemed to have overcome that but now it seems to be creeping back in.
I have been attending alanon and they are great but my group is about 14 miles from my home and getting there is a nightmare even though I do drive. I have started to miss meetings telling myself I will go back next week but it is getting harder. The local shops is about my limit now.
It is hard living with an alcoholic and because I have been low and vulnerable he has begun to drag me down a bit, but I am trying really hard now not to get dragged down even further. Thank goodness he is not a violent alcoholic.
I know there has to be an end to this nightmare somewhere and Im hanging in there by the skin of my teeth:scared15:
I will definitely let you know if I manage to start on the citilopram My doctor is losing patience with me and I can't blame him really as he is only tryng to do his job and help me. But I will go back and talk to him.
Thank you for your encouraging words it has kind of got me sitting back on the fence again after deciding that prescribed anti depressants weren't for me.
But anyway thank you, you have not preached at all, Im sorry you have been through life with an alcoholic partner and parent this is my first experience of the disease and its not pretty. It must have been really hard for you to walk away and I truly admire your courage.
I will post again as there seems to be so many kind and encouraging people to talk to.
Thank you again
Tiz x
Its so true isnt it. Alcoholics wreck other peoples lives. My mums drinking wrecked the whole of my family. We may as well have been alcoholics for what she put and puts us through to this day. Everyone of my family has been deeply affected and are all on anti anxiety and anti depressants. Sue is right - get out every day in order to meet other people if only to say Hello.
You must love your partner but please dont ever stay with a man when everything else is wrong just because you may feel lonely. There is nothing more lonely than being in a relationship that is not bringing you any happiness! There are a lot of ways to combat loneliness - it does take courage and it isnt always easy but the rewards are worth it. I was agoraphobic and now as I am getting better I am thinking of doing a college course. It wont be easy but at least its a step in the right direction. I know if I dont do something then everything will stay the same. You deserve some happiness. No one is going to make your situation better other than yourself. This may sound harsh but if your partner wants to drink himself to death and not get help then let him go ahead if he wont get any help. My mum is the same. There is nothing anyone can do except the alcoholic themselves. Do not let him drag you down with him. You are not the alcoholic. I know it is an illness however if the alcoholic refuses help to cure that illness than why should you have to suffer because of that persons decision. Keep posting please. You are not alone in this honestly. I know what it feels like and there are lots of other people in the same situation. You sound like a person who is going through a lot who needs some support and I really hope you get it. Things can improve for you and it wont always be this crappy but you have to make that happen. I can understand you being anxious to take any prescribed medication as I was exactly the same. Try the 5-HTP - I found it helped me but not enough but that was just me. Please feel free to private message me if ever you want to. I really feel for you and I genuinely mean that :(
Hi sue
Just checking that I have replied to you because I seem to have sent my reply to you back to myself I really am terrible at this:blush:
Did you get my longer reply earlier?
Tiz x
Hi i'm currently taking
Omega 3,6,9 oil capsules
vit b complex
5-Htp...i have found this is really helping me and there's no side effects,i know its working because i ran out for 2 days and my Anxiety came back and i didn't feel to good.I take100-150g
i also don't want to take citalopram as ive heard more bad things than good and it doesn't cure anyway it only helps also side effects can last for months.
This partner of yrs(please don't take this wrong way)has'nt exactly brought anything good into yr life has he. crazy ex wife,lost yr son,homeless and now all he does his drink and lay in bed !..he left u when u needed him why did he come back?..because he needed looking after ?...is this guy for you ?
I hope u get housed,u could look for a private place ?
would u then get yr son back ?
What area have u moved too ?
Hi Sue
Just checking that I have sent my reply to you as I seem to have sent it back to myself.
Did you get my longer reply earlier
Im terrible at this:blush:
Tizx
Sue x
Yes its up there can't u see it ?
Sue -
Just reading through your post - You have been through an awful lot too! :hugs:
Sue -
Just reading through your post - You have been through an awful lot too! :hugs:
I have love,think that's why i'm having so many problems now,yrs of built up stress/Anxiety.i was with my ex for 12yrs before i got help to leave,he was very violent when he'd been drinkin we have a lot in common:hugs:
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