is this depression?

[Melvingoo]

I recently had another period of severe OCD, and it focoused on my intrusive violent thoughts, coupled with nihalistic thoughts about caring and the value of other people which forced me to think it over and over. It feels as though It has won, since i can't really see any point in anything. The panic has largely passed, and i can still value people and know why the thoughts i was having are wrong, but it seems so different and, well thinly justified. I have been studying philosophy, and have to finnish a course to get to uni next year, and i think that is what has set it off. everytime i do anything is is questioned in my head. I feel very numb and out of touch with reality, fairly scared, have little motivation to do anything and have no appetite (just eat when i'm told to) and i wake up each morning not understanding what is going on, it takes me most of the day to reconsile any value on anything. Has anyone else had problems like this? is it likely to be because of depression? I wouldn't say i feel sad, but upset and destressed at what is happening and very numb emotionaly.

[Haylesbells]

Melvingoo,
it does sound like depression. I have the same atm and am finding it hard to keep a grip on things but therapy is helping.
It definitely sounds like time to get some help. Have you been to your GP yet? If not, I think you should.
Keep going and keep posting to let us know how you are.
Best wishes
Hayley
ETA sorry, that sounds like quite a cold post when, in reality, I completely understand how you feel. I know how scary it is to feel out of touch and confused, it's all a symptom of depression but it is treatable and you have found a really supportive site here.
Keep posting and don't feel alone. Do whatever you can to look after yourself, even small things, and see this as the turning point out of this.
xx

[Yvonne]

You're studying - you're worrying about yourself - it all creates a kind of burn out in the brain.

Could be mild depression. YOu may think the anxiety is under control but anxiety can manifest itself as low mood as well. Go and have a chat with your gp and explain everything.

You take great care. xx

[Katie27jt]

In my experience the stress of losing a parent, studying and just day to day life lead to anxiety and that can develop into depression!
The good thing is both are manageable conditions, Id recomend talking to your GP and seeing what they say
Good luck, take care and feel free to PM me if you want to talk more
xxx

[nettles]

Hi Melvingoo

I don't know whether you wondered whether the stress of your studies, or the nature of what you studied on a Philosophy course was causing the problematic thoughts and resulting depression. But having studied Philosophy for a while myself I think some of the issues it raises does lead you to over-question everything and can lead to negative thoughts and a confused and distant relationship to the world and people. I read JP Sartre's "Nausea" when I was a teenager and thought Existentialism made a huge amount of sense but it also compounded my feelings that life was largely pointless and futile, and for someone with a tendency towards depression this was a dangerous path to follow.
Your feelings of confusion and apathy and numbness along with loss of appetite do sound like depression. I would recommend going to see your doctor, but try to get him/her to give you different options to follow, not just fobbing you off with a prescription for antidepressants.
Hope this is of some help.

Nettles

[Melvingoo]

I am seeing a doctor tonight. Thankyou for all the advice, it's nice to know other people understand. I feel like i can function a little better now.

Thanks,
Sam

--UPDATE--

I have been to the doctors. He has put me back on sertraline at a lower dose than i was when i took it before to try to avoid side effects. I am also being refered to the community mental health team and am revisiting the doctor in a few days. I feel a little better, a little more reassured, though i'm still a bit scared and confused and still feeling very numb, but i'm thining about other things and i think i'm going to be ok.

Thanks for the reassurance.