Bizarre thoughts... scared!!

[bananas13]

The root of my anxiety comes from my really bizarre, deep thoughts that scare me. I over-think and over-analyze every single little thought and situation to the point that it drives me insane! It's so hard to explain, but the best way I can put it is to take you through my thought process:

"I feel like watching TV... but do I really feel like watching TV?... I don't need TV to make me happy... but what really makes me happy?... what really makes ANYONE happy?... life is just an illusion... oh my god I'm in a body... oh my god I have to breathe to stay alive... what if i get tired of breathing?... what if i just can't cope with being alive anymore!? what if i get so freaked out and lost that i kill myself??? no no no no... i dont want to die! i have so much to live for! but everything is just an illusion... and im depressed... what if i'm thinking and analyzing like this my whole life AND I CAN NEVER BE HAPPY BECAUSE IM ALWAYS OVER THINKING?? no no no i do not want to die! i just want relief! theres too many people that i love! but what if i stop loving them?? what if i stop loving EVERYTHING?? oh my god im going insane... i dont want to kill myself!! i want to live a happy life free of overthinking! WHAT IF NOBODY UNDERSTANDS!!??"

My mind never stops! It's ruining my life... sometimes I just wish I had amnesia so I could forget about thinking and analyzing... I'm only 19 and I'm on every pill known to man and I've been in the psych ward TWICE in the past 4 months (this all started at the end of November). Luckily I have a loving, supportive family who let me come home from college to get my life together.

Is there anyone who can relate? I really need someone who understands and can help me find some relief! Medication can only do so much, I need to stop my thought patterns. My uncle committed suicide 4 years ago and I guess that scares me into thinking I'm doomed to do the same thing! I DON'T WANT TO! I constantly find myself anxiously thinking of reasons I have to live... it's so weird!

Help... I need some relief!!!

- Kaylee

[marius]

It is hard to stop thinking in a circular way; I am not a specialist, but I think you should find some gapes in the way you are thinking and exploit them. For example, if you say "I feel like watching tv", simply go and watch the tv before starting to ask yourself whether you need to watch the tv or not; If you don`t feel like watching tv, just shut down the tv set and do whatever you like. Once you made your decision, stop thinking about it.
Also, you have some parasitic ideas; e.g. you say: I don`t need watching tv to feel happy. In fact, we usually don`t watch tv to be happy. For example I am watching the news. Hardly can I say that watching the news will make me or anyone happy, except if he or she is winning the lottery. :)
Then, don`t just jump to: "what really makes us happy", cuz there is no such thing that makes everybody happy with no exception. Different people have different views about what makes them happy. This is only one example.
You can try to find as many other examples.
What I mean is that you have to try to shift from circular, parasitic thinking to more rational thoughts. You can do that.
Regards,
marius

[expecto patronum]

Hi, sorry if this is a bit brief, I'm at work. I just wanted to reassure you that racing, negative, over-analyzing thoughts are completely normal with anxiety. I know it seems like you will never get them to go away, but if you haven't already tried it, I would really recommend trying Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. According to the CBT school of thought, all emotional disturbance is the result of negative or 'unhelpful' thinking. CBT is widely acknowledged to be the most effective type of therapy as it shows you how to identify your negative thought patterns and challenge them. I'm currently working my way through the Dummies Guide to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which is a brilliant book, but if you are in a really bad way, you should probably see a professional CBT practitioner.
Hope this helps.

[Tankerton]

I to have spent most of my time saying "What if" you say this a lot in your messgae, I know its a hard, but its a cycle we/you have to break, I'm trying so hard at the moment to stop it, hopefully I'm making some progress.

Why dont you try and gauge the things that you analyse, go from 1-10 - 10 being the most important, if its below 5 its not worth worring about, watching TV should only take a moments thought that should not trouble you, its like a 1 or a 2 at the most, doesnt need any more energy wasted thinking about, scale down to the most important things, then try and get to a few route issues, you will feel better maybe you have removed unnecessary issues.

Its what I'm doing, maybe it could work for you.

All the best

Tank

[bananas13]

The thing is, I know my thoughts are rediculous, but I can't stop. I'm also constantly analyzing my happiness... it's like I don't know what makes me happy anymore because I'm constantly asking myself, "does this make me happy?", but the very questioning of it is what's making me unhappy.