View Full Version : Fiance walked out - anxiety spiralled
Hi all...
I know that this is a minor problem compared to some others on this site, but I was doing so well with my anxiety, taking my medication, and life was improving so much and then my fiance has walked out on me suddenly. He has left our house, and took his clothes and gone back to his mums. No arguments...no nothing...just gone and wont discuss, and said he wont be returning except briefly to collect a few things.:weep:
He wont give me any real reason other than he wants to spend time with his family. He has switched off all his phones and he called in last night, took his clothes and left hurriedly.
I thought I was doing ok but this morning woke up with that awful dreaded early morning anxiety and this is whilst I am on medication! I an trying my hardest to get the anxiety under control whilst this is happening but every so often the anxiety comes straight back and floors me. I had a breakdown last year for months. I am so scared that this will all trigger another breakdown. I dont know what to do.
I feel so alone. People keep telling me I am doing really well and appear calm but underneath I am falling apart. I am scared to let go and cry and all the rest because I am scared it will trigger another breakdown. It was horrific what I went through last year and I just dont want to back to how I was then. :weep:
eternally optimistic
17-03-09, 11:01
Poppy
Hang in there and if you feel the need, go see your Doctor for some support.
Otherwise, see if you have someone you can confide in who will help you through this difficult time.
Take care.
ladybird64
17-03-09, 11:07
Oh Poppy..:hugs:
Hun if you didn't cry and all the rest at the moment I would be a lot more worried for your mental health, you have had a hell of a shock and some of that emotion has got to have an escape route.
I don't think you are going to have a breakdown although I don't know your past circumstances..to me you sound like someone who is going through an awful time.
In other words, you sound normal.
For him not to even discuss his reasons with you is so hurtful and harsh..at least if you knew what the problem was you could either fight it or come to terms with it.
Now then, I don't know if you are having any therapy, counselling or the like but you know that it would be a good idea to go to the GP if you feel yourself getting very depressed? You may need a change in medication or dosage to help you through this time.
I don't know what to suggest regarding your fiance..I so hope that he will at least speak to you about whatever the problem is.
Don't forget that we are all here for you. :flowers:
Hi Ladybird
Thank you so much for your post. It means a lot. I have literally cried all day since I posted. I cant begin to describe how I feel. I feel like I am grief stricken again (my dad died at christmas) If I had a reason given why he just walked out, or if he would talk, and switch his phones on and had not cleared all his clothes out, I could make sense of it a little. I have no idea what has happened. We bought this house and moved in, in November, a big ordeal after recovering from a breakdown, my dad died suddenly at christmas, my mum is very ill again and I dont know anyone in this area at all as it is not where I am from. I couldnt face going out the door today - this is how I was when I had agoraphobia. I cant do anything. Why dont people think of how their actions may affect others? You think you know and love someone and together for a longish time, planning on marrying and then wham! they walk out the door without any explanation and their gone - no reason given - no arguments - nothing. I will go and see my gp when less upset and see if my citroplam can be increased. Thank you for your kind words - it means a lot
Sounds like you need some answers from your fiance. If he won't answer the phone why don't you email him or even send him a good old fashioned letter! It might help you to put it down on paper and sort out your own thoughts. Stress to him that whatever happens you need some sort of explanation in order to move forward. It's not fair of him to leave you wondering like this. If he's worth it he'll communicate with you.
poppy
i'm sorry to here this has happened.you are doing well,if you hadn't had a break down if you didn't suffer from Anxiety you would still be feeling the way you do now so don't think your going backwards this is just a normal reaction.
I feel for you as it was only last week you were telling us how supportive he was.
can you go round to where he is and comfront him and find out what the hells goin on ?
what does he mean more time with his family ?
Keep postin,here for you and you are doing really well !
Hi Poppy,
So sorry to hear you are going through this... I hope you can stay strong and hopefully find out from your fiancé what is happening so you can work through it. I hope he can find it in himself to come back and support you! :hugs:
Awww, thank you everyone for your lovely, kind and supportive words.:D It really has made a difference. I finally was contacted by ex. We chatted. I think I am going to remain single. I know my anxiety/moodiness/agorophobia at times. has put a huge strain on the relationship. He was very supportive but I suppose there is a limit to what other people will put up with obviously.
I am a lot calmer on Citalopram but I dont honestly think I will ever be the easiest person to be in a r'ship with!
I get agoraphobic at times and no one except other sufferers will understand how difficult it is. I have lost count of the times I have been told 'just get out there - it will get easier' Its not as simple as that is it? Its such a complex thing to overcome. Its not like I have it all the time and this is why people get confused with me I think. I am fine if I am with another person outdoors, but put me on my own outside and I fall to pieces mostly. I dont think anyone can truly understand just how awful anxiety and all the other related issues can make the sufferer feel. You cant just 'snap out of it' can you? I often end up feeling guilty too about the effects I am having on others.
Anyway thank you so much to all of you who replied and offered words of support - it means such a lot to me. :hugs:
Poppy,i know how you feel,i was on my own for 3 yrs but then met my partner,been with him 7 months then 2 weeks ago i had a word with him because i felt he was becoming a bit distant and wanting his own space !
i mean i only see him twice a week anyway.He told me that all my problems were "dragging" him down and he told me he gets abit fed up about hearing about my Anxieties etc and i should just "get on with life"
i was so upset as ive put a lot into this relationship.Not sure where this will go,i love him but not sure i feel same after what he said.Perhaps we do put a lot on others ? but were also nice people too that are trying our best to get over stuff...were not all perfect !
Feel for you,here if you need anything x
:hugs: guys its their loss!!!! and also they are weak!
like ladybird said (and others) you will be feeling grief stricken, this is how you are supposed to feel - please please dont fear your emotions triggering another breakdown - THEY WONT - but you have to feel them, if you try to bury them you do risk depression and worse - this is how ive been since my mum died - utterly terrified of feeling the grief and sadness - so much so that i have to stop myself dwelling on my daughter dying:lac: :weep: i would survive it, but ofcourse who wants to ever be that sad - no-one!!!! we are capable of sufferign greatly and suviving, but not if we wont let ourselves 'feel' our emotions - the book i call my bible taught me all of this, and it has stopped me from fearing how i feel and i have started to feel alive again after 8 years.
i so feel for you, but like the others said you dont have to be strong - let yourself feel what you are feeling and in time it will pass - maybe not straight away but eventually, and you will prob be glad in the long run - you need soemone who wont alow you to fester with your probs but who cares enough to stick around - i complain alot about my husband becasue i feel he is a major contributor to my anxiety, but ultimatley im in control and he stays. you can find someone who will stay - someone special:yesyes: everyone is here for you and rooting for you to recover and have happy times:hugs:
I suspect you are stronger than you realise, you've been through bereavement and moving house, two of the most stressful things anyone can experience and yet you're still standing, it's only natural to fear slipping back to the way you were during your breakdown.
I'm glad he finally got in touch so at least you know what happened, hopefully it will give you some level of closure. You deserve so much more than someone who just ups & leaves, especially after the hard time you've been through.
I get agoraphobic at times and no one except other sufferers will understand how difficult it is. I have lost count of the times I have been told 'just get out there - it will get easier' Its not as simple as that is it? Its such a complex thing to overcome.
I honestly had one person tell me the reason why I was agoraphobic was because I didn't go out & mix with people :ohmy:
Awww, thank you everyone for your lovely, kind and supportive words.:D It really has made a difference. I finally was contacted by ex. We chatted. I think I am going to remain single. I know my anxiety/moodiness/agorophobia at times. has put a huge strain on the relationship. He was very supportive but I suppose there is a limit to what other people will put up with obviously.
Sorry to hear about this Poppy, unfortunately it seems to be something thats quite common amongst people who suffer with what we do :( Unless someones been through it themselves it appears to be really hard for them to have any kind of idea of what you are going through which often makes me think someone should set up a dating site for people with anxiety loool.
I am a lot calmer on Citalopram but I dont honestly think I will ever be the easiest person to be in a r'ship with!
The Citalopram will help you get things under control but it's going to take a while before you proper settle down. Maybe some pressure will be lifted off of you by not being in a relationship though so it could turn out to be a good thing. When you are trying to regain some kind of confidence and self control after suffering with anxiety for so long it helps to do it in baby steps and like you said sometimes people only have so much patience :(
I get agoraphobic at times and no one except other sufferers will understand how difficult it is. I have lost count of the times I have been told 'just get out there - it will get easier'
Doesn't that just drive you nuts? :roflmao:
I often end up feeling guilty too about the effects I am having on others.
This also seems to be common but it's not necessary, a combination of things in your life may have contributed to you being the way that you are but it wasn't intentional I'm sure. If anything it can make you feel worse if you feel like you are a burden to others but try to keep thinking otherwise.
It does get hard but with a forum like this it's good to be able to log on, have a read and feel at ease because you know people there understand you and are only going to tell you the truth and reassurance can be a great comfort when you don't have it around you at home.
Good luck with everything Poppy things will get better you just need some time to get your head around what has just happened.
Take care :)
Sorry but I've only recently felt up to reading posts again and I came across this one, and felt I really needed to say something...
I've cared for my wife with her mental illness for 18 years and in all honesty her illness just isn't the same as anxiety. I can't say I've stayed out of love though but I do care but I also wouldn't want to be alone. However, I've never had the things you would normally expect from a partner in a normal relationship.
I Really don't understand what's wrong with some people! Don't they realise what they have when they decide to walk out on such a loving caring person??? Sorry but it just gets to me! It's like having a beautiful rose in your garden and deciding to cut it and throw it in the bin in the hope that something better exists! I would much rather have the special bloom in my house with me than force it to come out with me.
All I can say is if someone doesn't have the time and patience to help, support and care for something so beautiful in the first place then the rose would have only ended up being ruined later.
A beautiful caring rose will Always attract Lots of admiring honey bees!:hugs:
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