yoyo179
17-03-09, 21:18
Well I cant actually believe Im doing this. Im probably going to brain dump here just because of the general mood Im in. If anyone has any comments then feel free to give them to me.
In around 2006 I had a panic attack which lead me in to a state of constant anxiety. I guess many on here know about that. I took propanalol but insisted on not taking any medication. I went for CBT and gradualy started to chip away at this over worry habit of mine (GAD). I was doing really well, I was sociallising and had moved out of my folks and was doing well at work etc. I then Decided to move in with someone I didnt know that well (only through a friend of a friend). I was nervious but believed that this would be a good "next step" and kept telling myself that my anxiety would settle down once I got there as it always had in the past (that was one of my golden rules).
So along came the next panic attack which knocked me for 6. I hadnt had one in 2 years. I tried to tell my self that this was an experince and that it was was all part of life and that it was a good thing because it would show that I can get through it etc. But I just couldnt leave it alone. I then started to analyse how I felt in my new "home". I also then realised that I didnt get on that well with the person who I had moved in with. This might have been due to my mind state but it was also definately linked to her being a pain in the a*(e (very messy, asks you what you are doing every day, funny over money and bills despite being loaded). So what next. I decided to carry on because i had to beat my anxiety issues Gradually I slipped back into depression and started to cry myself to sleep on occassion. I kept battling and to this day (just) am still going to work and doing well in general. So my stress levels were extrememly high and I was down. Well....up and down. Trying desparately to be positive but getting down because I was exhausted. I then meet this girl who I start seeing. I hadnt had a regular sexual partner in ages (since my last panic episode - she left and kicked of the panic) and I felt proud of that. It was making me happy and I enjoyed hanging out with her. This then started to get more serious and my mind started to Jam up over this issue (it was already jammed over my flat). She told me she loved me and this really really scared me. New things do to me Im affraid. She was going travelling and I knew this so it came as a bit of a shock. But what is the rule. Give yourself outcomes, I told her that I was going through a difficult time but that I really enjoyed spending time with her and I didnt want it to stop. SO then I start analysing the situatuion....how do I feel about her.... what if I dont love her....what if Im just using her....what if Im a complete a******e.....she is lovely and deserves better....... and putting so much pressure on the whole thing.
SO now she is away travelling. We are still together but I am seriously suffereing. Im still worrying about how I feel about her. She calls me up saying she understands the place i am in because she has been there. I just feel so wrong but I literally dont know what to do. I dont know wether I should stay with her or not and I go round and round in my usual anxiety circle.
I was also put on prozac about the same time I started to see her which to be honest completely freaked me out. Full on anxiety and panic and shaking. Im now on 30mg citalopram (3 months at 20 1 month at 30) which is a little better but Im stilll crying alot. I assume when I see the doc next he will up my dose.
I feel like my life is unfolding infront of me and I just dont have the energy to keep in all together. My flat lease is now up. Im moving out but to where I dont know. The easy option is my parents but Im 29 and shouldnt be doing that.
So............hello
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In around 2006 I had a panic attack which lead me in to a state of constant anxiety. I guess many on here know about that. I took propanalol but insisted on not taking any medication. I went for CBT and gradualy started to chip away at this over worry habit of mine (GAD). I was doing really well, I was sociallising and had moved out of my folks and was doing well at work etc. I then Decided to move in with someone I didnt know that well (only through a friend of a friend). I was nervious but believed that this would be a good "next step" and kept telling myself that my anxiety would settle down once I got there as it always had in the past (that was one of my golden rules).
So along came the next panic attack which knocked me for 6. I hadnt had one in 2 years. I tried to tell my self that this was an experince and that it was was all part of life and that it was a good thing because it would show that I can get through it etc. But I just couldnt leave it alone. I then started to analyse how I felt in my new "home". I also then realised that I didnt get on that well with the person who I had moved in with. This might have been due to my mind state but it was also definately linked to her being a pain in the a*(e (very messy, asks you what you are doing every day, funny over money and bills despite being loaded). So what next. I decided to carry on because i had to beat my anxiety issues Gradually I slipped back into depression and started to cry myself to sleep on occassion. I kept battling and to this day (just) am still going to work and doing well in general. So my stress levels were extrememly high and I was down. Well....up and down. Trying desparately to be positive but getting down because I was exhausted. I then meet this girl who I start seeing. I hadnt had a regular sexual partner in ages (since my last panic episode - she left and kicked of the panic) and I felt proud of that. It was making me happy and I enjoyed hanging out with her. This then started to get more serious and my mind started to Jam up over this issue (it was already jammed over my flat). She told me she loved me and this really really scared me. New things do to me Im affraid. She was going travelling and I knew this so it came as a bit of a shock. But what is the rule. Give yourself outcomes, I told her that I was going through a difficult time but that I really enjoyed spending time with her and I didnt want it to stop. SO then I start analysing the situatuion....how do I feel about her.... what if I dont love her....what if Im just using her....what if Im a complete a******e.....she is lovely and deserves better....... and putting so much pressure on the whole thing.
SO now she is away travelling. We are still together but I am seriously suffereing. Im still worrying about how I feel about her. She calls me up saying she understands the place i am in because she has been there. I just feel so wrong but I literally dont know what to do. I dont know wether I should stay with her or not and I go round and round in my usual anxiety circle.
I was also put on prozac about the same time I started to see her which to be honest completely freaked me out. Full on anxiety and panic and shaking. Im now on 30mg citalopram (3 months at 20 1 month at 30) which is a little better but Im stilll crying alot. I assume when I see the doc next he will up my dose.
I feel like my life is unfolding infront of me and I just dont have the energy to keep in all together. My flat lease is now up. Im moving out but to where I dont know. The easy option is my parents but Im 29 and shouldnt be doing that.
So............hello
This post has been automatically edited by the NMP post filter