Best reply gets a prize..

[jonny]

Ok, i want an explanation of anxiety/panic disorders and what its like to live that life.
I want it in plain english so that anyone can understand and most importantly it must be in a language that is going to make those who don't understand us begin to understand us.

i have tried so hard to put it into words so that my partner can try to get a idea of what its all about but its so hard......come on meg i am relying on you!!

cheers

Jon

I used to be extremely indecisive but now I am not so sure...

[sarah]

Ok here's my best shot and how I feel at times....

Imagine something you are really scared of. Something that would terrify you so much you think you would faint or have a heart attack.
Whether it be something like being afraid of spiders, rollercoasters or confronted by burglars or war....anything.

Times that feeling by 100 and thats how we feel doing simple things from leaving the house, driving, standing in queues, busy places like pubs. Its different for all of us.

No one really knows what causes some people to feel like this, whether it is genetic or otherwise but a simple chemical imbalance in the brain starts our 'fight or flight' mechanism in situations that dont really warrant it.

It isnt a conscious descision to feel like this. It comes on one day when you are feeling fine and hits you so hard that you immediately feel theres something really wrong with you. Am I dying? am I having a heart attack? When you finally get diagnosed instead of relief you then think you are going mad.

Its almost like your subconscious mind takes over and for no reason it happens again, when you are out, when you are watching tv...anywhere and everywhere it feels.

Your body/mind has learnt to panic whether you feel anxiety or not. People who dont suffer from panic have no idea what its like...after all everyone gets nervous from time to time, but its not like being nervous, its like being terrified (shaking, sweating, dizzy) of nothing for no reason and its heartbreaking to feel like this and not be able to cure yourself with a magic remedy. It can totally ruin your life if you let it, but sometimes with medication, hypnotherapy, CBT or other methods you can learn to try to control the feelings.

I know some people that have suffered really badly with panic who now seem 'cured' and live good lives but speaking to them, they still have the feelings but have learnt to control it (obviously better then I have), although sometimes they still have the need to 'run away'.

It constantly runs in my thoughts, whether im thinking 'i cant do that or i might panic' or 'wow im driving and im 10 miles from home and i still feel ok'...as soon as I start thinking im doing ok the feeling wells up again and off it starts again. Its a viscious circle and the only one who can break it is you but its the hardest thing you have ever come across in your life and some days...........
you just cant deal!!!!!:(

love Sarah
xx

this was meant to be a short but sweet post but i guess i feel passionate about getting people to understand how hard it is, but by god it felt good writing all that down!!!!!!
With all that going on in the head its no wonder a lot of us suffer with depression too eh?

[stimpy]

Well speaking for myself, as everyone is different ...

It is very much like having a switch in your brain, which you cannot control. It turns "on" to panic mode, often for no real reason.
Once your "on" switch has stopped glowing bright red and starts turning "off", you feel exhausted, embarrased, and wonder if you are going mad.
Your brain feels full and even the telephone ringing is something extra that you feel you can no longer deal with.

When people ask you what set the panic attack off, you can't answer them as you don't know yourself.
One minute you are calm and watching tv, the next you are shaking, breathing fast, your heart is pounding and you feel completely over whelmed. A pain in your tummy becomes stomach cancer, and the pain in your chest becomes a heart attack, as you begin to imagine alsorts of terrible things. These of course are irrational, but to a panic attack sufferer they are a clear and present danger.

Living with panic - well that too is a personal thing as everyone is different ...

For me life stopped. Couldn't bath or shower. I couldn't sleep and being awake for an hour a day was more than I could stand. I didn't like loud noise, jumped when the telephone rang and I couldn't talk to anyone, fearing that I was talking nonsense and behaving like a mad person. I was filled with a "fear" of everything that took over every waking moment, and nothing I did distracted me from the feelings I felt. I lived on my sofa with the lights and tv on 24 hours a day. I didn't have the will, the desire to move. I was afraid to go to bed and even to sit on a different chair.
I was embrassed, ashamed and very sorry. I would spend hours crying, begging for someone to understand how I felt and praying for forgiveness, assuming that some higher force was punishing me for being a bad person.

Now with help and medication, I am slowly starting to rebuild my life and get back to normal.

Do I get a prize? [^][:p];)

[kate]

What is living with anxiety/panic like? For me I would say imagine something that makes you nervous ie going to the dentist multiply "normal" anxiety feelings by another 500% and that is how we feel ALL of the time. A constant feeling of dread and doom. If I need to go out in the car, will it break down? If I go to the shop, will I panic? etc etc, the list is endless. But the one main feature is that the feelings of trepidation take over your whole way of thinking, your whole being, your life. Any ache or pain is taken as a terminal illness, your family go out, you worry constantly about their well being also. Anything that does go wrong is always due to you not taking enough care or being negligent in some way, shape or form. Panic is the peak of the anxiety. Shaking, chest pains, feelings of being unreal, need to run, get away, any where, any way possible. Always having to plan the escape route or, as frequently happens, avoiding the feared situation altogether.
To a sufferer, all this is SO familiar, but trying to explain to a non sufferer is nigh on impossible. All we can do is to try to give them information about our feelings but unfortunately, we usually feel so embarassed about our problems, that we give the minimum information possible.
I could go on for at least another page, listing all the feelings etc but I think this is enough to be going on with.

Kate x

[Lottie32]

To walk round 24/7 with bowel churning, stomach gripping, palm sweating, heart palpitation FEAR!

Irrational, illogical, we'll never be understood by non sufferers. So don't even try. Just accept that the sound of a phone ringing, popping to the shop for a pint, or meeting your friends for a meal is the most frightening thing in the world. Ever.

And please be sympathetic - you don't know how we feel, and you most definitely don't want to.

Charlie

[Buby]

WELL HERES HOW I SEE AND FEEL IT.

CLOSE YOUR EYES AND PRETEND YOU'RE WALKING FORWARD. YOU DONT KNOW WHERE YOU ARE GOING,, WHAT YOU WILL WALK INTO. YOU HAVE BUTTERFLIES IN YOUR STOMACH, YOUR FACE IS BURNING WITH HEAT, THOUGH YOU HAVE CHILLS GOING THROUGH YOU BODY. SHAKING, STUMBLING, YOUR GOING DRY LIKE YOU HAVEN'T DRUNK ANYTHING FOR WEEKS. NOW PICTURE YOUR SELF ON A MOTORWAY. YOUR GETTING OUT OF YOUR CAR AFTER STOPPING IN THE MIDDLE OF A LANE. YOU CHOOSE TO WALK THROUGH THOUSANDS OF CARS WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH DEATH AND PAIN. YOU MAKE IT TO THE OTHER SIDE WITHOUT A SCRATCH ON YOU EXCEPT THE SCARS IN YOUR MIND FROM ALL THOSE FEELINGS RUSHING PAST YOU. YOU FEEL SICK RISE TO YOUR THROAT. AND THEN YOU FEEL WEAK, EMPTY, NO FEELINGS IN YOUR LEG, HANDS. YOU DON'T EVEN FEEL SAFE EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE.

OR PICTURE YOUR SELF IN AN ALLEY, ITS DARK, COLD, RAINING AND YOU CAN HEAR FOOTSTEPS BEHIND YOU. YOU LOOK AROUND BUT NO-ONE IS THERE. THEN YOU TURN AND FACE FORWARD AND A LARGE MAN IN DARK CLOTHING IS STARRING RIGHT AT YOU. YOU FORGET TO BREATHE AND HE STARTS TO TALK BUT YOU HAVE BUTTERFLIES IN YOUR STOMACH, YOU SHAKING, WET, COLD AND ALONE. BUT THEN ALL HE WANTS IS A LIGHTER FOR A FAG.

PICTURE THE WORST THINGS YOU THINK OF.


SORRY IF ANY OF THIS DISTURBED YOU.

HUGS RATCHIT AKA RACHEL