Richard25
21-03-09, 03:19
Ok, I've tried about everything else, so we'll give this a go and just vent for a minute.
Excuse the title, but it best describes the way that I've been feeling for the past few months. I used to be a fun loving go go adventurous guy, and now that has all changed.
About six months ago I moved across the country and started a new job, we moved so my girlfriend could go to a incredible grad school and in turn I had to leave a high paying job that I was great at and take a low paying job which I hate. Around this time I had what would become the first of many ordeals that I would think to be heart attacks.
The first time it was just out of the blue, sudden chest pain out of nowhere! I wasn't even too concerned for about 20 minutes, that's weird I thought, must have eaten something bad...but when the crushing pain got worse and dizziness appeared (not to mention some hasty googling of chest pain) I went to the er. I was convinced that I was having a heart attack! Stress! Stress was the explanation I was given. "Well, Ok then" I thought, stress. Made sense, after all I was dealing with I had been under a lot of stress! Good enough for me!
I went about life as normal, everything was fine...and then, a month later while traveling for work I was sitting in traffic and then the pain came back, but this time it was different, it started in my left shoulder and felt like someone was forcing their palm into heart...This time it was around my heart and felt more like pressure and this time, boy did I panic. There I was driving down the shoulder speeding by stopped traffic hoping to be pulled over so I could get help, cutting accross lanes and running red lights I got to the e.r and guess what....Stress and now, anxiety.
The next weeks became increasingly difficult. I felt more concerned about my health than ever before. I had never had more than a bad cold in my life but now I was growing ever fearful that something was wrong...Then it happened again.
This time at work, embarressed I flew out of work and hopped in the car, driving like a mad person and certainly putting myself at the greatest risk by driving obsurd speeds I jetted toward the hospital. I even saw a police car on the way and honked my horn till he stopped, I screamed I need the e.r, my chest hurts....He gave me a speedy escort to the hopsital....Stress and anxiety.
So here I am, about six more e.r trips in, countless visits to my doctor, a vast assortment of test including a stress echo and I am in the worst state yet.
I am wholy convinced that every day is my last, I suffer from severe chest pain all day every day. My left arm is always numb acompanied by constant nausia and fatigue. I am thinking about my heart beat and checking my pulse all day long, I feel as if I am always about to go into cardiac arrest, I can't leave my house without triple checking that I have my xanax wtih me. Even right now I am up writing this because my girlfriend cant sleep with me constantly turning over and taking "deep breaths" to try and calm myself, and I am desperate.
I think that the worst part of all this is that while everybody who I talk to wants to be supportive, none of them have a clue what this is like, and maybe on a site like this at least there may be some people who know what this feels like.
I am so sick of feeling this way, I miss feeling good, I miss feeling normal...But most of all, I miss being myself.!
Anybody else feeling this way?
Excuse the title, but it best describes the way that I've been feeling for the past few months. I used to be a fun loving go go adventurous guy, and now that has all changed.
About six months ago I moved across the country and started a new job, we moved so my girlfriend could go to a incredible grad school and in turn I had to leave a high paying job that I was great at and take a low paying job which I hate. Around this time I had what would become the first of many ordeals that I would think to be heart attacks.
The first time it was just out of the blue, sudden chest pain out of nowhere! I wasn't even too concerned for about 20 minutes, that's weird I thought, must have eaten something bad...but when the crushing pain got worse and dizziness appeared (not to mention some hasty googling of chest pain) I went to the er. I was convinced that I was having a heart attack! Stress! Stress was the explanation I was given. "Well, Ok then" I thought, stress. Made sense, after all I was dealing with I had been under a lot of stress! Good enough for me!
I went about life as normal, everything was fine...and then, a month later while traveling for work I was sitting in traffic and then the pain came back, but this time it was different, it started in my left shoulder and felt like someone was forcing their palm into heart...This time it was around my heart and felt more like pressure and this time, boy did I panic. There I was driving down the shoulder speeding by stopped traffic hoping to be pulled over so I could get help, cutting accross lanes and running red lights I got to the e.r and guess what....Stress and now, anxiety.
The next weeks became increasingly difficult. I felt more concerned about my health than ever before. I had never had more than a bad cold in my life but now I was growing ever fearful that something was wrong...Then it happened again.
This time at work, embarressed I flew out of work and hopped in the car, driving like a mad person and certainly putting myself at the greatest risk by driving obsurd speeds I jetted toward the hospital. I even saw a police car on the way and honked my horn till he stopped, I screamed I need the e.r, my chest hurts....He gave me a speedy escort to the hopsital....Stress and anxiety.
So here I am, about six more e.r trips in, countless visits to my doctor, a vast assortment of test including a stress echo and I am in the worst state yet.
I am wholy convinced that every day is my last, I suffer from severe chest pain all day every day. My left arm is always numb acompanied by constant nausia and fatigue. I am thinking about my heart beat and checking my pulse all day long, I feel as if I am always about to go into cardiac arrest, I can't leave my house without triple checking that I have my xanax wtih me. Even right now I am up writing this because my girlfriend cant sleep with me constantly turning over and taking "deep breaths" to try and calm myself, and I am desperate.
I think that the worst part of all this is that while everybody who I talk to wants to be supportive, none of them have a clue what this is like, and maybe on a site like this at least there may be some people who know what this feels like.
I am so sick of feeling this way, I miss feeling good, I miss feeling normal...But most of all, I miss being myself.!
Anybody else feeling this way?