Raceworx
21-03-09, 13:40
hi there im ian im 24 been suffering with anxiety, panic attacks and depresion for a few years now.. i have never found this fourm before but reading it has made me feel better so thankyou to all on it :hugs:
just a little time line of where i was and where im up to..
my anxiety started in school i was very very unhappy throughout my school years i had freinds but they weren't that close to me and i never really fitted in with the whole school environment... from the age of 16 as with most boys i started putting myself under increased pressure to loose my virginity and to get a girlfreind, i was extreamly unconfident anyway so with every failure came more and more pressure i eventually ended up burying all those emotions and i came to think i would be alone for ever.. following school (16) i did what comes naturally to me i ran away from everything to a deadend job.
On top of this around that time my grandad was very ill he sufferd a hart attack and several strokes and ended up in a wheelchair trapped inside himself i could see the pain in his eyes when i visited him he couldnt speak only yes or no or the odd word but you could see in his mind he was trying to converse with you.. this added to my overall anxiety of my health i had had pallputations before but with each one i had i was certain i had a serious problem..
this all subsided when i finally did somthing positve i had kept in touch with a couple of freinds from school and had been going to a few parties with them.. i slowly started to come out of my shell and i decided i wanted to go to college with my freinds and try to better myself.. those years were the best of my life i have to say i was surrounded with a new set of people who liked me for me.. my confidence grew hand over fist i also deiscoverd a new passion in cars and threw this i have also found more very good freinds who help and suport me.. it didnt matter i didnt have a Girlfreind or lots of money as i was happy and respected.
At the end of college though i suffered my first panic attack i was going to an event in london with some freinds we were set to go on a train on the way there i had nothing but thoughts of dying and when on the train i got so wound up i felt trapped and all i could do was run i got of the train and wept i had never felt like that in my life before my parents picked me up but on the way back the feeling would not go away and i was stuck for the following 2 weeks i was bed ridden i couldnt even go to the toilet without being struck with such an overwhellming level of fear i had more pallputatoins my hart rate was racing constantly the doctor prescribed me with diazapam to put me to sleep at night but i slept whilst the tablets worked then woke up waiting for my next chance to take a tablet..
just before this attack i had secured myself a great job working for a big telecoms company it required training away from home. i dont know if this was the casue of my panic attack i have never really found a cause for it. anyway my parents refused to let me loose this job so my mum packed me up and did the hardest thing she has probably ever had to do as a mother she drove me to the training centre i was a wreck being sick every few hours shaking, crying but i knew aswell deep down that the only way i was going to move on was to push myself.. by this time the doctor had me on diazapam and fluoxatein with these and pure determination i managed to start enjoying my training my panic levels fell away and so did my need for the tablets..
by this time my confidence was at an all time high and i began to meet girls and i ended up in a long term relationship but all was not well i know now that i got into that relationship for all the wrong reassons.. it was purly a physical thing and somthing that filled the need in me to feel wanted but couldnt admit this to myself inside i new it was wrong for me to be with this person and to be leading her along but my fear of being alon and unwanted kept me there but eventually things broke down she was very possesive at the best of times and when i didnt really want to be there this drove me crazy so we splitt up.. it was for the best my conscience new this but my anxiety levels began to get away from me again as doubts and depression crept back in..
so now i was back on my tablets but i knew from my past experiance that the only way i would ever get better is through myself i joined a gym i concentraighted on work and i kept seeing my good freinds. and i have now mett someone else who is loverly and is the love of my life she is caring and understanding and will do anything for me.
lately though my anxiety levels have been starting to creep back up and with them i can feel myself getting more and more depressed as i loose intrest in my hobies and concentraight more and more on work lately my life seems to be work sleep work sleep and i hate the thought of the weekends beofre i would love to think of having nothing urgent to have to do at the weekend, it meant i could spend time with my partner and do the things i want but i just carn't muster up the passion for these intrests anymore and i feel down and feeling down makes me anxious and i feel more down i feel like im starting to slip back towards panic attacks and that horrible time i spend some years ago.. i have started having palputations again and i just feel light headed and detatched from reality.. even though i know these are all just symptoms of anxiety i carnt seem to muster the strength to fight them and carry on.. i find myself looking for as most people are for that instant cure the tablet that will remive it all and let me lead a panic free life, but i know aswell as you there is no such cure and the only thing i can do is either puch through or let it take me the idea of tablets is starting to apeal to me again but im desperate not to go back there.. having read the fourms i think ill be going to my GP for a general checkup and see if i can get to a support group to learn some techniques for dealing with panic..
sorry for the wall of text i didnt mean to write all that was meant to just be a simple hello but i do feel better for it :blush:
PS sorry if the spelling ect is bad my other weakness is im dyslexic (why do they make it so ard to spell)
so err yeah HI :yesyes:
just a little time line of where i was and where im up to..
my anxiety started in school i was very very unhappy throughout my school years i had freinds but they weren't that close to me and i never really fitted in with the whole school environment... from the age of 16 as with most boys i started putting myself under increased pressure to loose my virginity and to get a girlfreind, i was extreamly unconfident anyway so with every failure came more and more pressure i eventually ended up burying all those emotions and i came to think i would be alone for ever.. following school (16) i did what comes naturally to me i ran away from everything to a deadend job.
On top of this around that time my grandad was very ill he sufferd a hart attack and several strokes and ended up in a wheelchair trapped inside himself i could see the pain in his eyes when i visited him he couldnt speak only yes or no or the odd word but you could see in his mind he was trying to converse with you.. this added to my overall anxiety of my health i had had pallputations before but with each one i had i was certain i had a serious problem..
this all subsided when i finally did somthing positve i had kept in touch with a couple of freinds from school and had been going to a few parties with them.. i slowly started to come out of my shell and i decided i wanted to go to college with my freinds and try to better myself.. those years were the best of my life i have to say i was surrounded with a new set of people who liked me for me.. my confidence grew hand over fist i also deiscoverd a new passion in cars and threw this i have also found more very good freinds who help and suport me.. it didnt matter i didnt have a Girlfreind or lots of money as i was happy and respected.
At the end of college though i suffered my first panic attack i was going to an event in london with some freinds we were set to go on a train on the way there i had nothing but thoughts of dying and when on the train i got so wound up i felt trapped and all i could do was run i got of the train and wept i had never felt like that in my life before my parents picked me up but on the way back the feeling would not go away and i was stuck for the following 2 weeks i was bed ridden i couldnt even go to the toilet without being struck with such an overwhellming level of fear i had more pallputatoins my hart rate was racing constantly the doctor prescribed me with diazapam to put me to sleep at night but i slept whilst the tablets worked then woke up waiting for my next chance to take a tablet..
just before this attack i had secured myself a great job working for a big telecoms company it required training away from home. i dont know if this was the casue of my panic attack i have never really found a cause for it. anyway my parents refused to let me loose this job so my mum packed me up and did the hardest thing she has probably ever had to do as a mother she drove me to the training centre i was a wreck being sick every few hours shaking, crying but i knew aswell deep down that the only way i was going to move on was to push myself.. by this time the doctor had me on diazapam and fluoxatein with these and pure determination i managed to start enjoying my training my panic levels fell away and so did my need for the tablets..
by this time my confidence was at an all time high and i began to meet girls and i ended up in a long term relationship but all was not well i know now that i got into that relationship for all the wrong reassons.. it was purly a physical thing and somthing that filled the need in me to feel wanted but couldnt admit this to myself inside i new it was wrong for me to be with this person and to be leading her along but my fear of being alon and unwanted kept me there but eventually things broke down she was very possesive at the best of times and when i didnt really want to be there this drove me crazy so we splitt up.. it was for the best my conscience new this but my anxiety levels began to get away from me again as doubts and depression crept back in..
so now i was back on my tablets but i knew from my past experiance that the only way i would ever get better is through myself i joined a gym i concentraighted on work and i kept seeing my good freinds. and i have now mett someone else who is loverly and is the love of my life she is caring and understanding and will do anything for me.
lately though my anxiety levels have been starting to creep back up and with them i can feel myself getting more and more depressed as i loose intrest in my hobies and concentraight more and more on work lately my life seems to be work sleep work sleep and i hate the thought of the weekends beofre i would love to think of having nothing urgent to have to do at the weekend, it meant i could spend time with my partner and do the things i want but i just carn't muster up the passion for these intrests anymore and i feel down and feeling down makes me anxious and i feel more down i feel like im starting to slip back towards panic attacks and that horrible time i spend some years ago.. i have started having palputations again and i just feel light headed and detatched from reality.. even though i know these are all just symptoms of anxiety i carnt seem to muster the strength to fight them and carry on.. i find myself looking for as most people are for that instant cure the tablet that will remive it all and let me lead a panic free life, but i know aswell as you there is no such cure and the only thing i can do is either puch through or let it take me the idea of tablets is starting to apeal to me again but im desperate not to go back there.. having read the fourms i think ill be going to my GP for a general checkup and see if i can get to a support group to learn some techniques for dealing with panic..
sorry for the wall of text i didnt mean to write all that was meant to just be a simple hello but i do feel better for it :blush:
PS sorry if the spelling ect is bad my other weakness is im dyslexic (why do they make it so ard to spell)
so err yeah HI :yesyes: