Advice Needed

[LisaLisa]

I would really really appreciate some advice because I just feel so unable to move foward with this because I am so afraid.

I have posted before because I am very afraid that I have hiv. I have been tested at the same lab four times and they have all been negative. One of them when I had a baby, she was born in November.

The problem is that I have a great deal of the symptoms that are described on every web site. Including the one i have most recently became aware of which is nerve tingle in hands feet and tip of nose. Also I have noticed that my lips look bluish and sorrry but nipples too. I have suddenly developed something that feels like IBS but I am intensly worried is my immmune system being less effective in my digestive system and that is why this is happening. I have pain in my salivary glands almost every day and a dry mouth and can feel a swollen lymph node in my cheek and something that feels like a small cyst, and swollen glands in my neck all - although they are very small they are there and have been for three years. My periods have gone all strange and light.I seem to bruise more easily too.

I am so very depressed I jsut feel like I cant cope anymore. The guilt when I look at my daughter and my partner is overwhelming that I keep thinking i dont want to be here anymore, but I know that I cannot leave my daughter and my partner to deal with what I have done to them alone. I have told my doctor all of the symptoms that I have and they represtedly tell me they are not worried and they have done bl;ood tests regularly and tell me everything is okay apart fro last time had a raised white count and slightly higher CRP. They keep sayuing its just anxiety causing the tingling but I know its not. I just dont know where to turn next. I have phoned the Terrence Higins Trust and they tell me to trust the tests but when I have read on the internet that there are different subtypes and strains of the virus I just think that it makes perfect sense that that is whats happening.

Can someone please tell me what I should do I feel so lost and scared

Lisa

[serenity]

Hi Lisa,

I am so sorry you are feeling this way and can feel the pain in your post. I am fairly new here so I have not followed your previous posts but I wonder if you are receiving any therapy for this very distressing problem? I can say that all the symptoms you have described I have felt before with anxiety and I do believe that anxiety can make you feel almost any sort of pains/symptoms etc. It is just the nature of the beast and the more we focus on things the worse they become.

I too have swollen glands always, I have been like that for a long time so I don't worry about it. The numbness and tingling at extremities (tip of nose being an extremity also) is indicative of hyperventilation syndrome. The dry mouth anxiety also and the digestive system is very prone to being upset with anxiety. I have always been very regular and the same with my periods but when I experienced very intense anxiety a few years ago mine also were messed up.

You have had the tests a few times, please trust them and try to move forward and away from these very scary fears. I know it is easier to say than to do but I think that perhaps some talk therapy may be beneficial as well as you trying to distract yourself, lose yourself in things you enjoy and try to become absorbed in other ways. Spend good quality time with your beautiful daughter and your partner. I really feel for you because I do know how it is to become lost and all consumed by these awful fears. However, there comes a time when we must trust the professionals and try and move forward.

Huge hugs to you :bighug1:

[LisaLisa]

Serenity

Thank you so much for replying. What you have said has really comforted me I do agree that this much anxiety must cause something to show in your body. I am started to see a psychologist this Friday and I am hoping so much that everyone is right and that this is just anxiety.But in my head I am just glad to see the psychologist even if he is able to get me proper medical help if my fears are right. I argue in my head all day and night so much evidence for and then four tests against.. its horrible. But thank you so much again for replying , you have really helped me to cope with today a lot more than I was.

Lisa
x

[finny12000]

Lisa 4 tests is overwhelming evidence you have nothing and i would imagine hiv would show up very easily.
Anxiety can cause a huge array of symptons and as adrenaline is released into body it causes all sorts feelings sensations as ive had them myself including the nerve tingles all over cold hands feet ect
Because this is all your thoughts turn to and its on your mind 24/7 why not see doc about anxiety classes which you will be able to rationalize thoughts ,distract and ease .
Once you get a break from thinking about it even for 5 minutes ,those breaks will get longer and longer until days pass and weeks
keep in touch x

[Hollytree]

Hey there, I agree finny12000, you have had 4 tests and all were negative! i was a HIV worrier, had a test done 3 years ago and it was negative, i have faith in the testing, they can't afford to get it wrong. Also the test is looked at by 3 different people, so if its negative its negative!

Anxiety can cause the body to react in all kinds of ways, almost mimic symptoms of other diseases, but its anxiety related. If you focus as well on your symptoms you keep them there, you actively look for them, by doing this those bodily symptoms don't go away, unfortunately we then convince ourselves we have something terribly wrong.

Anxiety is like a naughty child, who likes to throw its toys out the pram when you don't pay it any attention!!

So please feel reassured you don't have HIV :)

xxx

[serenity]

Lisa,

I am so glad you are seeing a psychologist. I know that when I began seeing mine it really helped me. She challenged my thought processes (in a very nice and caring manner) and also taught me how to challenge my own thought processes. It is also SO good to talk to someone who is trained with our problems and know how to approach and help us. Anxiety can be so very lonely at times but just being heard and understood helps immensely doesn't it? I often come away from the psychologist in tears...tears of gratitude at being heard, not feeling so alone and the insight I gain into my own fears. You hang on tight...you will get through this just fine and just know that you are not alone :hugs:

[LisaLisa]

Thanks so much for replying everyone. Just been re reading yours posts back and they are making me feel bit more real when I read them.Fingers crossed fro psychologist

Thanks so much again

Lisa
xx

[Lissy43]

These tests are very accurate, if you have had 4 then you should not be concerned at all!

Also did you know that even if you sleep with someone who actually is HIV + then you have less than 0.5% chance of contracting the virus?

Honestly do not worry!