Drama Therapy Hard Soap Opera

[Quiet-Lift]

Hello out there...

Went to my dramatherapy group this afternoon and had some difficulties with my emotions. I ran from the room but returned after a short while feeling foolish. I didn't want anyone to see me losing control by crying.
I've been going to the group for about two months now and it is beginning to cause me a certain amount of distress.:weep:

I'm uncertain about the group leader who is a teacher and is still in the process of training to be a drama therapist. Because of this mistrust and uncertainty I am finding it hard to continue as a member of the group and am acting out some rebellious and disruptive behaviour. Some of it aimed towards her.

To be honest, I think she's up her own back-end a bit and may not know what she's doing. Perhaps she gets a power trip out of being in her role? I'm not sure.:shrug:

As I've been feeling particularly depressed and worried over recent weeks and am finding it more and more difficult to go out and do the ordinary things that other ordinary people manage to do, I was hoping that this group, which is held in a location with which I am familiar, would help me to build up my confidence and deal with my emotional problems.

I keep wondering if I've made a mistake by choosing to attend this group. I do 'know' several other people (though not as close or familiar friends) who attend it because I've met them before through Mental Health Services. This makes the whole experience of going to the group more bearable.

Perhaps I'm also angry because I get the impression we are being used as research material for the group leader's training and eventual graduation as a highly paid private therapist....it's all rather frustrating. :mad:

So I don't know what I'm asking or hoping for if anyone wants to respond to this. Any sensible feedback would be most welcome. Perhaps if anyone can relate to anything I've written you could let me know how you managed to deal with what I would call a sticky patch.

Thanks for reading.

Best wishes :byebye:

[Veronica H]

Hi Allan

I would trust your own instincts on this one and give it a miss. You could talk to other members of the group since you have met some of them before to gage how they are feeling. They may as unsettled by the whole thing as you are. It sounds as if this class is doing little to rebuild your confidence.

Veronica

[freakedout]

Hi Allan,

Sorry to hear you have been feeling depressed and struggling to go out and do ordinary things.

I am not familiar with what happens or what to expect from drama therapy so am not sure I am in a good position to comment but a couple of things stood out for me.

The therapy is causing you to feel distressed, you have felt foolish and are worried about losing control which possibly contributes to your disruptive and rebellious behaviour. It seems you are very uncomfortable during this therapy and I wonder if that is because you are afraid to show your feelings in front of others. I have never done group therapy it would be my worst nightmare because I would be worried about losing control in front of others.

I realise the potential benefits of being with others and especially people you 'know' in a place with which you are familiar, but if you are struggling to deal with your emotions and build confidence as the weeks pass then the benefits are questionable as your goals are not being met and your frustration may increase.

Having said that it is only two months since you started out, is the therapy weekly and for how long? Do you get the opportunity to speak to the leader on a one to one basis at the end of the session, it may help to tell her how you are feeling and it is possible you are not the only one who feels that way. It may at least help to ease some of your worry if you could speak to her briefly to explain your anxieties about the therapy, she may offer you some reassurance. You deserve to get the most out of this therapy.

I apologise if what I have written is a load of tripe but I can see why you are wondering whether or not you should continue.

Take care,

Freaky

[Quiet-Lift]

Hi Freaky...

What you have written is NOT a load of tripe. No need to apologise.

I was impressed with how you pinned down most (if not all) of the points I had mentioned and you've given me something to work with.

The dramatherapy sessions are about 90 minutes in length and are held once a week. We don't seem to have any opportunity to speak with the group leader on a one-to-one basis afterward. Perhaps I am not the only one who feels apprehensive about this group, but I do seem to be trying to throw a spanner in the works by undermining the Group Leader's authority and treating the whole thing like a lark or a playgroup.

To answer your question about showing emotions...yes I do find it very difficult to trust not only my own but also other people's ability to handle difficult and extreme feelings. Especially when those feelings may be potentially destructive (like rage and anger) or leave me feeling vulnerable (like fear or chronic sorrow).

Perhaps when i was younger I learned that anger led to a beating and tears led to ridicule and humiliation, because of my family circumstances. I still haven't managed to make that translation from the frightened or frustrated little boy and the (relatively) big boy I am now.

So, this group represents a volatile workplace and it's raising a lot of issues not only for me but for other members as well.

Many thanks for your reply and encouraging words. Feel free to respond again if you wish.

Best wishes

[Quiet-Lift]

Hi Veronica.

Thanks for your reply. I'm finding it difficult to trust my own instincts at present. To use an artistic analogy...maybe I want to keep some of my canvas blank for a little longer.

Perhaps some feedback from other group members may be useful.
Thanks for the advice.

[freakedout]

Hello again Allan, Thanks for your nice words.


The dramatherapy sessions are about 90 minutes in length and are held once a week. We don't seem to have any opportunity to speak with the group leader on a one-to-one basis afterward. Perhaps I am not the only one who feels apprehensive about this group, but I do seem to be trying to throw a spanner in the works by undermining the Group Leader's authority and treating the whole thing like a lark or a playgroup.That is a long time to be in therapy if you are feeling ill at ease. Are there a set number of sessions?
I wondered if you are trying to throw a spanner in the works as a way of trying to take some control of a situation that you fear could quickly become out of your control. Your rebellious streak does make me smile:D.


To answer your question about showing emotions...yes I do find it very difficult to trust not only my own but also other people's ability to handle difficult and extreme feelings. Especially when those feelings may be potentially destructive (like rage and anger) or leave me feeling vulnerable (like fear or chronic sorrow).I can very much relate to this, especially the concern over how or whether those on the receiving or observing end will know how to deal with it. I dare say that the group leader will have experience of handling highly emotionally charged situations and maybe you will need to test the water by letting go of just a tiny bit to see what happens. Ideally the leader will be non-judgemental and able to guide and support you with this but developing a trusting relationship is crucial and it seems as though you don't trust your leader, especially thinking she is on a power trip and using you as research material.


Perhaps when i was younger I learned that anger led to a beating and tears led to ridicule and humiliation, because of my family circumstances. I still haven't managed to make that translation from the frightened or frustrated little boy and the (relatively) big boy I am now.Exactly, as a child we learn how what behaviour is acceptable or unacceptable in order to keep ourselves safe and to protect ourselves from being hurt or humiliated. This behaviour is totally understandable but can be maladaptive once we are in the adult world. That is not a criticism, but a generalisation. I realise now that a lot of my behaviour is maladaptive but it is all I know and the very task of unravelling why and how we behave as we do is no mean feat. I can recognise this in myself but I am not very good at being able to change my maladaptive behaviour, largely because I don't trust others and I am scared of the reactions of others.

I would imagine that drama and role play type stuff is useful for replaying learned behaviour and then editing/changing it, but I expect it is challenging and requires some self confidanceand practise until new ways of handling/expressing feelings sinks in. I suppose that by watching others and how they dramatise situations you will be able to take an objective stance and maybe see how things could be handled in different ways.

It sounds as though it could be interesting and even entertaining. I admire your strength for attending and really do hope that you manage to get more out of it in future sessions. Believe in yourself, you are going there for help in dealing with your emotions, 'acting out' (literally) will be part and parcel of the therapy I am sure and I would expect most of the other clients can relate to how you feel.

Take care,

Freaky

[Quiet-Lift]

Hi Freaky...:)

Thanks for replying once again.

To answer your question about the number of sessions in my dramatherapy group, there are 30 in all and I think we've completed about 10. Because of various holiday breaks which affect the venue we are using, the group will not finish until the end of September!

This seems an extremely long time to me. A long time to persevere with an activity which I am uncertain about and which seems to be increasing my levels of distress.:unsure:

I realise that rebellion can seem very attractive and even noble perhaps, but it is not a style of behaviour which I am adept at persisting with over such a long period of time. I was never particularly rebellious as a child and managed to survive within my volatile family by either, 1: keeping my mouth shut, or 2: isolating myself. This Group is not my family of course, and I've managed to keep going in spite of repeatedly breaking those 2 forms of behaviour.

Thanks for your honesty about the difficulties you have in dealing with your own maladaptive behaviour. Unravelling why and how we behave seems almost impossible to me. Our interactions seem to happen so quickly and there seem to be so many variables which interfere with any attempt at attaining a true picture of events.

Thanks for your words of encouragement and praise. I've never really thought of myself as a courageously 'strong' person and am beginning to wonder if this group can provide me with what I need at present. I was hoping it would be fun as well as constructive and enlightening, but right now it just seems like everything else...scary and frustrating.

Trust is a risky business. Perhaps, like you, I have trusted and been betrayed in the past, even within other therapeutic endeavours. When abused, it can be twice as hard to risk trusting again.

Can't think of anything more to add. Bit tired now...:)

Take care and best wishes