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darkphantom
03-08-05, 12:20
as you know i aint thinking right at the minute doc said the anti depressants take couple of weeks to kick in. im getting real sad about next week.
last night was again bad, my mental health team close at 9pm which dont help.
i wanted to chat real bad, thankfully lea text me after i left the site and she somehow stopped me from going off and doing bad thing. i dont know how she does it, but one min i got suicide thoughts then she turns those in to positive ones.
but today i been clicking round the net and come across suicide sites didnt know they were there.
i thought they might help me understand but not sure if i doing the right thing at this moment, can anyone tell me.
i real tired took sleeping tabs again but didnt sleep much,
please dont get fed up with me. wish anti depressant pills would click in
love you all
sorry again just to much going on in my head
susie

seh1980
03-08-05, 12:24
What are these suicide sites Susie? What are they for?

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

sal
03-08-05, 12:33
Hi Susie

Dont apologise for how you are feeling and we are all here to try and help you.

What information have you found on these sites.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

darkphantom
03-08-05, 13:29
hi
some of sites just give you information if you need help, and they tell you bout leaving loved ones, and lists of books etc. it was in one of the newspapers the other day. that where i got it from. there are sites ive been told that tell you many ways to do it, that what a so called friend told me to look at once, havent gone on there yet.
came here first for advice .
just at home all day and thinking bout things
love ya
susie

leo05
03-08-05, 14:25
hey re sites ok i would rather you didnt look at them as i have b4 and they just made things worse

so if you ever feel like looking tell me first ok

YOU ARE DOING REALLY WELL

Piglet
03-08-05, 14:53
Hi Susie

Sounds like Leo is right - I think its better you come on here.

I know its an old cliche but surely suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Come and talk to us on here rather than dwelling on those sites.

Big hug

Piglet:D

sal
03-08-05, 16:59
Hi Susie

I would advise you like the others have to keep well away from the sites. There are plenty of people here for you to talk to and who can help you.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

seh1980
03-08-05, 20:14
Come on here when you need a chat Susie. Those sites can be pretty misleading and also very depressing, which isn;t what one wants in time of need..:D

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

tattybear
03-08-05, 20:35
I agree susie,

Looking at those sites will not do you any good at all - it will just put more thoughts into your head - the kind of thoughts you dont need.

Like Nigel said, instead of looking at these sites, looks for ones which are positive and help you get over the depression. And as Piglet said - your looking for a permenant solution to a temporary problem.

Most of us on her have been to the lowest point and so we do know what your going through. It has taken me 8-9 months of very very hard times to get where I am now. You have to fight it and be strong because you can get through this bad time.

You know how brilliant this site is and what a great support network it is. Focus on this and getting yourself better.

Tatty B xx

sal
04-08-05, 00:08
Hi Susie

How has today gone for you? Would be great to hear how you are feeling now.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

Piglet
04-08-05, 11:16
Hi Susie

Hows things today hun.

Love Piglet

leo05
04-08-05, 14:05
hey talk to me if you need to

darkphantom
04-08-05, 14:07
soz guys let you down i cut today, as hands are sore from hitting.
reason i find it hard with dad, is its my fault he died the stress of my wedding from his wife and my horrible mother stopping him from coming to it and not letting him give me away was too much for him it was my day and they ruined it. if i hadnt got married he be with me now, he was too young, that why i couldnt go to his funeral and say good bye. he had a 2 year old my sister that why she told me to kill myself.
it hard to live with that all these years. i miss him, ive out lived him and thats wrong, want to turn the clock back. and i know the afterlife is good you get healed there and i need that cause im not good
i love you guys
susie

leo05
04-08-05, 14:10
hey you plz dont talk like this YOU are not bad and it is deffinatly not YOUR fault trust me just think of what you have been telling me all morning so please dont do it iknow you are good cause you helping me

seh1980
04-08-05, 14:14
Susie - you have done nothing wrong as Leanne says. Everyone should outlive their parents. It's sad when children die before their parents. Your dad would want you to be happy so please hang in there hun..:D

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

leo05
04-08-05, 14:17
yeah i agree sarah but what do i know?

sal
04-08-05, 19:19
Hi Susie

It is hard what you have gone through and i can understand how you feel. By harming yourself you are not letting people down at the moment it is your way with coping with how you feel. This doesnt mean that you will never be able to break this pattern as in time and with a lot of help you will. You have a lot of stuff going on that you blame yourself for when anyone can clearly see that you were a victim in this too and are in no way to blame.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

sal
04-08-05, 21:59
Hi Susie

Would be good to hear how you are getting on hun.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

seh1980
04-08-05, 23:03
Hope you're coping ok Susie :D

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

darkphantom
05-08-05, 11:08
hi,
thankyou everyone for helping me, you are really getting me through this.
i talked to lea in morning and she helped alot again. but the day got worse, i had a lot of thinking time at work as no customers where in the arcade.
i cut again, and took some more pillls to try and make me go dopey. perhaps i will phone my doc to begg him to give me the diazpan to get me through this week, i dont think they can refuse can they? But the one thing i havent done yet is drink it been week now lea really helping with this one and though i want so much to drink last nite and i found some whiskey that steve had hidden i didnt do it cause i would of let lea down after all her hard work.
I felt so bad i went into chat, and it really help they turned my feelings of sucide round, and got me through the nite.
i worried if i feel like this now what next week gona be like?
i think nigel right i would like to try bearement counsilling but dont know how to go bout it, my doc would laugh and say get over it its over 20 years.
i know you say dont but soz for posting again, just wanted you to know i trying hard
please stay with me
love you
susie

pinkscrumpy
05-08-05, 12:01
Hi Sussie

If your doc laughs at you, then he is Crap.

My mum died over 21 years ago and I have only just started the councilling.

So go ahead and give it a try, it could help tremendously.

Love ya loads

Mandie

MANDIE XX

fran1888
05-08-05, 12:23
The only reason your doc will not give you diazepam is that they are additive but at the end of the day you need help..Ive been on and off then for three years. I fell out with my 18 year old son and told him not to come back.And he died the same night. I have lost 5 members of my family in 3 yrs. My brother killed his self feb this year.I have been through all the same moods and thoughs as yourself. But my belifes keep me going im a spiritual person go to church every sunday and get messages from my son brother and other love ones. But what im trying to say there is help out there and if your doctor seems not to care or help you change him. If you need to talk at eny time call me or pm me.At the end of the day ive been through hell and back and now i dont let anyone tell me how and what i should be feeling. But can i tell you this. what you are thinking is not the way.. You have alot of people on this site who care about you and will talk to you all night if they have to.

Frances Gill
Love & Respect to you all...

Piglet
05-08-05, 12:28
Susie

Whatever the reason you didnt attend the funeral must have been relevant at the time. I actually strongly think you dont need to be at a funeral to show respect or love for that person, this can be done totally in your own individual way such as Nigel sensibly suggested.

Your dad would be very proud of you for soldiering on when times are difficult - that shows strength of character.

Big hug

Piglet:)

Piglet
05-08-05, 12:36
Frances

I've just read your reply to Susie.

I admire you so much for having the strength to deal with the things life has thrown at you. You are an inspiration indeed!

With love

Piglet

fran1888
05-08-05, 13:02
Thanks piglet. But to be honest with you.Its been a hard fight. But i wont let it beat me...

Frances Gill
Love & Respect to you all...

leo05
05-08-05, 16:03
hey susie
As youknow i lost my mam when i was 11 and dont think i have got over it yet. I have had diffrent types of counselling some has help and some hasn't but main thing is you have to give it a go yeah, it will be hard to deal with once you first start going but that does pass and i am here to help you always promise. [8D]

i know bout you more now so i can try to help more as you know i self harm so i know how and what goes through your mind.

i know this may soon evil or cruel but i think for your own good that you should not be allowed to handle your meds as this is not helping you is it?

if you speak to your doc they should refer you to a counsellor like mine did after what happend last yr

as for drink yeah well you would be letting your self down more than me as you know i have not drank since last thurs and did tell you we were going to have a drink when you visit to celebrate your birthday did kick my butt for telling ppl plz!!!!

i know it is hard at the moment but you have me 1000% and i sure you will have support from everyone else in here [:P][Yeah!]

here for you when ever you need me as i know i will need you as you have told ppl i will done there ironing but you are going to help to ok

love ya lea

Meg
05-08-05, 16:18
Susie

You can refer yourself to http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/

They are the biggest bereavement charity and you do not need a referral from your doctor. They come and either see you at home or in their office. It also doesn't matter that its not a recent bereavement.

I think it would be very worthwhile to give them a ring . The website isn't very warm but the people on the end of the phone are, they are volunteers who have also had dreadful experiences and have now decided to gain extra training and help those in need now ...

Very, very well done on not drinking and slowly and methodically you can put this behind you and enter into a new happier chapter of your life.

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

darkphantom
05-08-05, 23:49
hi
today was fairly ok, but we had some bad letters about money again, i dont need this worry as well, this week. steve talked to me tonight he says i dont look well . and wants me go to docs again cant keep doing that they will get fed up with me. that problem i have i got lump there now and it causeing probs. which making me feel yuk.
at the min i feel like harming just to get the pressure out, that why writing this but i dont think it is going to work.
sorry
lea going on hol next week and i gona miss her alot as she wont be able to get on line, but i hope she has a great time cause she deserves it.
i still want to go off on weds out the way so no one can see me, but then i dont want to be alone, i confused by these feelings.
love you
susie
oh yeah i still didnt drink.

Karen
06-08-05, 00:20
Hi Susie

Well done for staying off the drink and also for coming on here and posting when you feel like harming yourself. I know how difficult it is to resist those feelings but taking steps like this will help you gain the strength to avoid letting the urge to self-harm overcome you.

I realise you will miss Leanne when she is away next week but we are all here still and will help you through this time. Keep posting here and you'll get support from other members.

Hang in there Susie.

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

Piglet
06-08-05, 11:45
Hi Susie

Well done on the drinking side of things!

Leanne will be back before you know it and like Karen says we are all still here.

See you chat

Love Piglet

darkphantom
08-08-05, 09:10
Hi
weekend wasnt very good, didnt want to do anything, still not drinking so i suppose that been ok, but i have brought a big bottle of dooleys and i gona drink all that on weds if i can get there.
was real bad last night steve is getting worried about my diabeties as he said he can spell pear drops on my breath which is a sign that things are going wrong, and i am drinkin soft drinks like theres no tomorrow as am always thirsty. havent had my insulin for a while, that is self harm way
Lea has been texting i tried to ignore them as she is on holiday but she gets panicky and she said theres something wrong as i dont sound myself.
also my brothers ex wifes sister, has sturred some trouble and i have been getting texts from him which isnt good,
so i dont think things are looking good for the 10th.
thanks everyone
love ya
susie xxxxx

Meg
08-08-05, 15:37
**spell pear drops on my breath which is a sign that things are going wrong, and i am drinkin soft drinks like theres no tomorrow as am always thirsty. havent had my insulin for a while, that is self harm way**

Have you done your urine tests or blood sugar level recently - sounds like its climbing which is not good at all. Dooleys is just about the worst thing you can drink as its sugar loaded.

Your Dad would certainly not want to see you making yourself ill - you need to take your insulin , get a level done and keep stable for a while instead of neglecting your body constantly.

Try to plan somthiong more appropriate for Wednesday - kinder to you all and that you can keep busy doing.



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?