whats happened to my sex life

[noodle1]

I have become anxious about going to bed in case my husband wants to have sex! We had a good sex life (one we where both happy with anyway) which for some reason has stopped due to my sudden onset of fear of sex,Icuddle up at night, kiss but when bedtime comes, Ahhhhhh, I dont know what has triggered this and he is being really understanding but help please how can I stop this.

[Captain America]

try having sex in the morning or afternoon, not so close to bedtime. it will show you it's okay and then you can gradually work up to evenings again. if the thought of doing it at all is stll scary, you have to work up to it. talk to your husband and set a limit of how far you can go each time and gradually build up to 'it'.

all anxiety can be conquered by doing the thing you fear the most. you might not be able to do it all at once though. just treat it like fear of the supermarket. start with a walk to the store, then next time go in, then next time walk around. you'll be buying produce again in no time!!

[Bill]

See if this makes any sense as it's just my hunch as to what's going on.:shrug:

I found an earlier post of yours....

Ive suffered from anxiety for along time but it has been managed with avoidance of busy shops, buildings, clothes shopping on line.
I work as a nurse in general practice and enjoy spending my day on a one to one with all my patients.
Things got worse though before xmas problems with my vision (still not told GP about that) rght eye and i get terrible pains in my rght calf muscle twitching ect ect. before I went to the Dr I was that sure I had MS anxiety didnt even come into it. Dr started me on propanolol beta blocker which calmed the palpatations and tremours but not muscle tension and eye problems, I get into vicious circles with symptoms and diagnosis running around in my head.


I'm no nurse but I suspect your vision problem could be due to a weak eye or a tired eye and if you're on your feet alot, that the calf pain could be due to muscle strain.

I think though you maybe under alot of stress at work as nurses often are and perhaps you were also feeling under alot of stress in the build up to Christmas. The increased stress could easily cause your palpitations and tremors. However, worrying about them will also create them and keep them going!

Stress can cause alot of physical symptoms but the problem with being a nurse is you "know too much" about illnesses so when you're feeling very stressed your mind will start thinking about the worst possible things your symptoms could be rather than the rational.

Too much stress though also creates a feeling of being trapped because of the adrenalin it produces in your body produce. This is why I think you have a fear of busy shops etc because you feel hemmed in with no means of escape because you have too much adrenalin running around your body preparing you to fight or run.

This then leads to my hunch about your sudden fear of sex. Making love makes the heart pound causing palpitations which in themselves could produce fear and so create added stress leading to feeling trapped etc. However, also, how can I put it!?..making love can also make you feel trapped because how can I say politely, that you feel you can't move whilst in the act?

I think perhaps the underlying issue creating all your problems maybe due to too much stress. To overcome your fears, I feel you need to take time out to relax and find enjoyment in your life by taking up a hobby or a relaxation technique etc to stop you thinking about symptoms. Learn how to relax and you'll learn how to enjoy things again.

Hope that makes some sense.:hugs:

[Jhey]

Are there any details to what scares you the most about sex?
Maybe, getting pregnant? STIs?
Maybe you should try and remember a sexual encounter that made you happy and safe while you are preparing for sex?

[noodle1]

Thankyou for replys,
within 2 weeks of starting citalopram my tension in my calf and eye had settled, which has made me realise that MS is definately not my diagnosis, It actually does not cross my mind anymore, Bills reply make alot of sence to me, all this started when my husband was working 7 days a week 12 hour shifts, i was up at 6 walking the dog, before getting kids ready for school, going to work, walking dog at lunch, sorting tea, homework, housework and falling into bed to do it all again, this last 8 weeks. Trapped is how I felt and the stress and exhaustion left me with the health anxiety.
The sex issue Im unsure, STI and pregnacy defo not an issue (snip snip) may be the trapped think does come into it,
Ive been on the citalopram for nearly 4 weeks now and defo much much improved
still no sex though, guilt come with that though another pressure.

[Bill]

Try not to focus on guilt but instead on finding some relaxation time or enjoyable things to do for yourself to help you unwind. Sex isn't everything, even for men! I've not had any for years! Doing the full thing isn't the only way so there is always room for compromise to help ease your guilt feelings. If he is a loving caring husband, he'll understand because he'll love you for who you are rather than what you offer and he'll be patient by supporting you and giving you time to recover.

Try not to add more stress on yourself by adding pressures of guilt feelings. Don't think of what you can't do but rather what you can do within your present limitations. Don't force yourself. Be kind and patient with yourself as you would one of your own patients. Just accept you've had a very stressful period but now things will now improve if you allow yourself time, patience and relaxation time.:hugs:

[rocklover]

Hi, have you tried looking at sex in a different light? To be honest, for me, sex is one of the only times I feel myself, in control and happy. Bill is right, you don't need to go the whole way, you just take it steps at a time.

If you can desensitise yourself over a period of time to the panic it could be of great benefit to you. The endorphins that are released during sex or when orgasming make you feel good, and the relaxation you feel after is priceless for anxiety. It is often the only time I am fully relaxed, simply because my body is incapable of being anything else lol.

Plus it will have the obvious effect of bringing you and your partner closer. As I said, baby steps, maybe just kissing and touching gently at first, nothing more, then work upwards when you feel comfortable. Let your partner know how you feel and ask them to be patient and not push too hard.

Take your time and enjoy everything you do, Mindfulness is probably a good thing to try in this situation. That is allowing yourself take in everything that a situation gives you; what you see, hear, smell, feel, taste etc. Making a conscious effort to fill your mind with everything that is going on, completely stimulate all your senses. It really is a good way of shutting the "what if's" out of your head.

Anyway I'm rambling now, I hope that might be of some help, good luck with whatever you decide to do.