Please Help Me! I'm scared of dying. [Archive]

Noa

25-03-09, 21:46

Hi Everyone, I have been looking for a site like this for a while!
I am new to all this and seriously need some help. I am 23 years old and for last 6 months have been having really dark thoughts about death. I thought it was just a phase I was going through but it keeps getting worse :weep: . I just cant cope with this anymore. I am scared of dying young and every twinge or pain I get, I am convinced its something serious. I get scared about getting a terminal illness and being told I dont have long to live.
I have nothing to be down about, I am happily married with two wonderfuls sons aged 3yrs and 8 months. Each day that goes by the more depressed it makes me, it seems to be all I think about. I am moody and constantly snapping at my husband and kids. The only person I have told about this is my husband as it was obvious to him there was something wrong with me, although he is supporting me, he just doesnt understand and thinks I am ill. He has booked me into the doctors for friday but I dont want to go, I will end up breaking down and they will think I am mad.
I cant carry on like this but I dont see how I can make this problem go away, it cant go away because no matter what I am going to die at some point. I cant sleep properly, I get pains in my chest and feel faint when I think about dying, the thoughts rule my life now. I am so convinced that I am going to die now that I have stopped thinking about the future as I cant imagin having one. I used to believe in life after death but recently have changed my views (thanks to Derren Brown:mad: ). I now realise that once your dead thats it, final, a big fat nothing! Whats the point in eating healthy foods, exercising, trying to be happy when at the end of it you die?
Maybe I really am losing it, maybe I will feel like this for good now. If anyone else out there has similar thoughts or just any advice then would love to chat to you. I want to live a happy live again.
Please Help Me.

jadeyjade

25-03-09, 21:53

Just letting you know you're not alone! I'm 18 and feel just the same. I'm probably not much help as I'm in the same boat but maybe it will help a little to know you're not the only one :)

domino

25-03-09, 21:53

You will live a happier life again , what has made you have these thoughts? Welcome to n.m.p. you will find lots of useful advice on here . thinking of you , but please do,nt take it out on your children and husband, go to see your g.p. and ask for the help .

mom1982

25-03-09, 22:04

Hi Noa,

I also feel the same way you do. I'm 26 & every time i get aches n pains, i get very scared that it's something serious that might eventually kill me. i get chest pains and am scared of a heart attack, headaches make me think its a brain tumour and numbness in my arms make me think stroke and so on. I've been having this for almost 5 months now and I'm still alive and don't have any of those things. I"m still scared everyday. I"m scared to sleep a night in case i don't wake up the next morning. I also find it hard to look to the future when we're all going to die one day anyway.

I believe in heaven and life after death. But i'm still scared.

All this happened when my grandma suddenly passed away 5 months ago. She was well and one day woke up very sick.

belle

25-03-09, 22:07

Definitely not alone hun...

x

Noa

25-03-09, 22:09

Thank you both for your quick replies. I love my husband and sons so much and shouldn't take it out on them. I dont even know why I do it, as I actually feel guilty for bringing my children into the world, what happens if I die? Its my fault that they end up with no Mother then, I would of caused them pain.
I have had bad thoughts about death since I was young but its worse now that I have children and know it would effect thier lives if I died. I was dealing with these thoughts quite well untill 6 months ago when my uncle died, it made me realise that we dont all grow old and anything could happen. I hate the thought of just suddenly not existing.

JadeyJade- What started you feeling this way, tell me more if you don't mind, it is a comfort to know I am not the only one, I felt like I was going insane. I don't know how I am going to even begin to explain this to my doctor without sounding mad!

If there anything the doctor can do to help me? If the problem can't be removed (which it cant, we will all die) than does that mean I will feel like this forever?

Thanks again
Noa

Noa

25-03-09, 22:11

Hi Mom, your story sounds very simalar to mine. Have you seen your GP? how are you coping with this?

Noa

25-03-09, 22:18

Mom what makes you believe in life after death, is there any reason you feel that way or just something you've always believed in?x

snowdrop

25-03-09, 22:22

Hi Noa

Oh hun you are suffering really strong anxiety which sounds like its getting worse by the day.

The trouble with anxiety is its a vicious cycle, the more anxious you get, the more physical symptoms follow, then every twinge and ache makes you convinced you are ill...then you go through the motions in your mind of how that would feel to be told you are about to die? how would you tell your kids? whats life for anyway, why are we even here if we just die in the end? etc. You search for answers and often google your symptoms and bham in the space of a few seconds 'dr google' has diagnosed you with a terminal illness! Your anxiety gets out of control and the next minute each time you have these thoughts panic attacks start coming on, you can't breathe, you feel like you're going to faint, you have the shivers and break out in a cold sweat...Thats it you're sure your definitely going to die right here and now!

You will get better, you aren't ill and ALL of us here know exactly how you feel. Dont be afraid of breaking down to your gp, they have seen this all before and if you get a good one you will get help, there is lots that can be done so you can get rid of these feelings and thoughts and enjoy your family.

I want to reassure you that there is life once you've been diagnosed with anxiety or depression, it wont kill you but its awful and very lonely at times.

Please do come on here and talk and know you're not alone :hugs:

tc x

Noa

25-03-09, 22:30

Thank you snowdrop. I dont even understand exactly what anxiety attacks are to be honest. I have never felt like this before, I have felt down before but never depressed (at least I dont think so)! I feel like i have the big black cloud circling over my head and that it will never go away. What will the doctor do to help?

Has anyone been to the doctor about this same problem? If so what did they say and do to help? How can I possibly feel better when the problem can't be erased?x

mom1982

25-03-09, 22:35

Noa

25-03-09, 22:40

Yes have msn. Well doctor was no help then? How can you just tell thoughts to go away, doctors wind me up. So glad I came across this website now. Don't worry about writing about your beliefs, everyone has their own opinions Hun.

mom1982

25-03-09, 22:46

Just sent ya a private message with my msn addy.

if you believe in heaven & you die & there's no heaven, is there any loss?
but if you don't believe in it & die & see it is actually true but can't get in (cause we need faith in God(bible) to get in) then you're kinda screwed right?

that's what i always tell myself. but i believe in so many things in the bible. they are all so true to me. and of course sometimes i wonder about things & i have doubts but there's so much to get me round that & realise there's no point doubting. We cannot possibly know everything. every answer. It doesn't work that way. Nobody knows everything.

Noa

25-03-09, 22:54

Yeah can see where your coming from, your right no harm in trying but deep down I would still know that I don't believe, so i would only be fooling myself. it would help me anyway i don't think x

LadyBrackers

25-03-09, 23:26

Hi Noa,

Just read your thread and I'm wondering that these thoughts started about 6 months ago - could it be related to, or a severe reaction to post natal depression after your last child was born? Have u talked to your doctor about this?

Take care:flowers:

Noa

25-03-09, 23:30

Hi LadyBrackers. Husband has booked me into doctors for this Friday, although don't see how he can help me. i don't think its post natal depression, doesn't that usually make you feel badly towards your baby. If so thats definately not the case, I love my boys more than anything, its just this whole death thing thats getting to me x

mickh555

25-03-09, 23:31

Lol Noa .Derren Brown aint got all the answers.

Noa

25-03-09, 23:37

He shows that mediums can easily read minds and that its easy to fool ppl into believing theres life after death, he proves the minds very powerful and you can make anyone believe in something if you want to. He ruined the only thing that was stopping me panicking about being a nothing after death. Its a question that no one will ever no the answer to, if there was life after death then our loved ones would come back to us. Damn Derren Brown!!

mickh555

25-03-09, 23:44

You want to wait untill you are old and frail before you worry about it.Dont waste your life stressing about something no-one (including Derren Brown )knows about.

Noa

25-03-09, 23:51

Don't you think I tell myself that everyday? I know I am silly to be wasting time thinking about it and I also no how lucky I am 1. To be here 2. To be healthy 3.To have two sons and wonderful husband. I tell myself this everyday Mick but its too deep now, nothing I do or say changes the way I think or feel, its driving me mad. Thanks for your reply though

Haylesbells

26-03-09, 01:16

Hi Noa
I'm in the same boat only I've just hit 40 so more time has passed.
Lost my father in law last year just after reading Richard Dawkins and my belief (or the possibility of belief) fell away from me.
I think I was always anxious but that tipped me into a slide into depression.
My GP gave me citalopram and I have started psychotherapy which is starting to have an impact albeit slowly.
I can't go on with a life of worry and depression so I've decided to throw myself into the therapy. It's early days but I have to be hopeful. I also read, read, read everything I can on depression and anxiety and some of it does help.
Keep posting here and read through the links on the left and pop into chat if you need to talk to folk who know what you're going through.
Best wishes,
Hayley

mom1982

26-03-09, 01:52

If Mr Brown says that the mind is a powerful thing & people make you believe life after death when it's not true, don't you think it can be the other way around too. He is making you think life after death is false & controlling/changing your beliefs to what he believes in. It works both ways. Either there is life after death or there is not. So many people believe different things, why would he be correct. He could very well be wrong. It's for you to believe what you feel in your heart or in what makes sense. Like how beautiful & complex nature & the human body is. Do you really believe it was caused by an accident or was it God's creation? It's your choice, not Browns. He chose to believe it's an accident & there is not God. But it's his choice. You have your own, don't let him change your mind & cause you grief. Nobody forced me to believe in the bible, it's my choice & what I feel in my heart & what helps me feel safe & hopeful. Hope is very important. Anything/anyone that takes away your hope is not a friend. We cannot live life without hope. It will just kill us early. I believe my loved ones who have faith in God are in heaven. They are in a different place & can't come back to earth cause their earthly bodies are dead. We will join them when our bodies die too. Earth is a temporary place where the human body cannot last forever which is a fact. We have to join them, not them coming back. Heaven is not the temporary place, earth is. Anyway I don't know this Brown person but I do know that a lot of people don't believe in heaven & a lot of people do. And the ones that do, have this hope that they can see their loved ones again & this life is not the end & all the more reason to live a good & moral life. Derren Brown's own website says that " he describes his craft as a mixture of magic, suggestion, psychology, misdirection and showmanship". how can you trust or believe a magician who admits he uses suggestion & misdirection for his illusions/magic. Anyway just giving you my thoughts. I personally wouldn't trust someone who is a master at illusion & deception. http://www.derrenbrown.co.uk/

It's your choice what you choose to believe. What did you used to believe before Darren Brown. Why did you believe what you used to? Is there reasons? Ask yourself those questions.

Anyway having said all that, it does not make my life very easy eventhough I know there is a heaven. I still get scared cause heaven is not the same as our earthly life. Change scares many people & the unknown also seems scary. But it does make my life a little better cause I have hope of heaven. I still suffer from fear & anxiety everyday & I am trying to cope with it & battling it still. Every little symptom I get, I'm scared it's something terminal. I need to deal with it & many people are on medication & see psychologists that are helping them. But i personally have not found help in the psychologists. They give advice but it's not easy to follow. It takes a lot of time & effort. I hope your GP can help you but if they can't, don't feel hopeless. Mine can't help me. Talk to friends, share your problems. I don't have many friends, I moved to Australia a few years ago & don't have close friends & my parents are overseas so it's very difficult. I have my hubby & daughter & another one on the way but friends are still important. Talking & sharing helps to lift the burden even if it's for a few hours, every few hours of peace is something you have to hold on to.

I know it's hard. It's hard for me.

Raceworx

26-03-09, 08:24

hey noa..

i think everyone in the world has been where you are right now.. realising your own mortality is a huge step in growing up i remember the first time i realised i was going to die when i was younger.. its a very hard lesson to learn but it happenes all the time

i dont know how i got over it to be honest.. i dont believe in religeon but aslong as people are scared of death religeon will always be a part of our lives as people need that hope..

all i would say is if you havent believed before then why start now? it wont stop you dying.

realising your own mortality can often be quite rewarding and can give you a new lease of life realising somthing isnt going to be there forever means you treasure it even more!

so you will die... but the likelyhood is not till your very old and grey so in between now and then you should stop worrying (if you need help you could try anti-depressents see your GP) and enjoy the world around you :D

kittykat

26-03-09, 09:11

Hi Noa,

I feel what you are going through, i recently lost my mum and although am a christian just felt like god had abandoned me and there was nothing after death, it was really scary for me. But when reading a passage from the bible it does state that the living will not have contact with the dead,'' never again do the dead return to earth to take part in our lives''. So the bible really tells us that these psychics and spiritualists are not to be believed I still am scared of dying i think everyone is, but being a christian i am conscious of how i live my life now and try to be a better person for it not always easy, there is a fear there that i'm still not good enough to go heaven , but i just have to put my trust in God. I hope you can get over this and learn to cope a bit better as life is so precious and too short, not easy i know but i'm sure things will get better for you, hope ive not confused anyone to much with my rambling on :)

Noa

26-03-09, 13:14

Thank you all for your kind words. I just don't think that I can believe in life after death without proof, if someone I loved came back to visit me then maybe I would believe but thats not going to happen. I need proof to believe!! Well got doctors tomorrow and i am worried about breaking down and sounding mad, how can I possibly tell them how I feel?
Sounds like doctors can't really help with this issue now.
I just wish I knew what was wrong with me, whats happening?

hamptongirl

26-03-09, 13:43

hey noa,just reading all yor messages, i actually found it all to be very interesting,obviously a majority of people have this worry about death as it is part and parcel of our symptoms including myself, but in my opinion wat has got you thinking like you are now is because someone challenged your strong belief in life after death,and instead of keeping on believing in yor belief you are now believing in someone who does not know any different to anyone else, because nobody has come back to tell him any different either, have you ever thought it might be to difficult for the afterlife to return or maybe not possible to come back and be with the living,either way i think if you got your belief back your anxiety will go away, but i certainly would not take the word of someone who is on the tv for .amusement.you take care and carry on with your own beliefs and not someone elses.x

Qetta

26-03-09, 13:58

We are all going to die sometime that is a fact of life.

Death itself is not scary as once one is out of it then that is that, oblivion. Obviously if one has a faith then one believes in the concept of heaven, which is supposed to be wonderful. It is the bit leading up to death that is the scary part if one has an unpleasant illness, but these days pain management is pretty good so one can be pain-free.

I know it is easy to say and hard to do when you are afraid of death, but one is a long time dead so one does have to make the most of life whilst one has it.

My grandson, then five, was having nightmares about dying after my husband became critically ill after a brain haemorrhage in December 2006. I had a chat with him and suggested that some folk believed that after you died you would go to heaven, which they believe to a be fantastic place. I told him to visualise his idea of heaven and maybe it would be like that for him. His idea was a place where there was plenty of chocolate and his family around him!:D Mind you it backfired a bit. I got a phonecall from my daughter, his Mum, a week or so later. She had told 'Q' off for doing something very dangerous and said he could kill himself. "I don't mind dying, Mummy, Granny says heaven is a nice place!" WHOOPS :blush:

Noa

26-03-09, 21:05

Its not that I believe this Derren Brown on tele, he has just opened my eyes. We are humans with organs and when those organs shut down then thats it, how can I possibly believe that then your soul flies out of your body and you carry on living in heaven. Heaven must be a big place to fir everyone in!! Do people really believe that they will go to heaven and maybe met their great great great great Grandmother? I am not taking the mick out of people that do believe in this, I am just saying that it all sounds crazy to me and I have put alot of thought into.
I honestly think that I will feel like this for good now, the doctor cant stop me dying and cant stop me getting a terminal illness while I am young :weep:

snowdrop

26-03-09, 22:09

Noa

Please dont base your feelings on Derren Brown, I have met him and got to learn quite a few things about him:winks: which would reassure you NOT to believe a word he says!

Who knows what there is after death, no-one really knows for sure but its not worth worrying about it whilst your alive. I like to think there is a life after death or something, if I didnt I would have a hard time accepting death and there is only one thing we can all be sure of when we are born which is that one day we will also die.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, I dont mean it to...BUT do you ever wonder how we all got here in the first place? Humans are such complex beings, our brains are amazingly wired, I dont know what your thoughts are on how we got here...but I think its something really incredible, There are theories on how humans evolved but I dont think any1 can really know for sure. In which case why is it not possible for a life after death?

Food for thought, hope it goes well at the docs and as i said there is loads that can be done, mine has worked very well for me and a couple of months ago I was a total wreck!!

tc sweetie
x

Noa

26-03-09, 22:22

Whats the doctor likely to do for me Snowdrop? If he cant remove the problem (which he cant) then how can he make me feel better?
xx

Vanilla Sky

26-03-09, 22:33

Hi Noa , has this started after you had your kids ? Motherhood does make you realise how precious life is and add anxiety to that, its no wonder you feel the way you do. Im afraid the death thing is a symptom of anxiety, its one of the nasty ones isnt it. You will come to terms with it in time and learn to deal with it, in the meantime keep talking to us Love Paige x

mom1982

26-03-09, 22:42

The universe is infinite. There is no limit & nobody knows how big the universe really is. Billions & trillions of stars. Why do you think there's no room for all these people in heaven?

Also not everyone is in heaven. More people don't make it to heaven than do. You need faith in God & have asked forgiveness for your sins & continue not to sin(or try not to) if you want to be in heaven. And fair enough cause heaven is a place with no sin & with wonderful people.

I wouldn't want to be in heaven if it was full of immoral people who don't believe murder & crime is wrong & ask God to forgive them.

Noa

26-03-09, 22:49

Thanks for your reply Paige! I have always had these thoughts but manged to deal with them. It was when my Uncle died about 6 months ago that the problem seemed to get worse. I now think about it all the time and i am petrified x

hamptongirl

26-03-09, 23:05

hey noa,i have been following your messages throughout the day and as the day has gone on you seem to be getting more and more desperate and working yourself up into a right tizzy that you will make yourself ill.lets face it even the best doctor in the whole wide world cannot give you the answer you are looking for,"is there life after death"as for you dying young no one can predict that either, but that is not how the life cycle works but if it is inevitable then there is nothing anyone can do,you come across as an intelligent woman who at this moment in time is in a very negative frame of mind with anxiety and whilst you are like this, we can all talk to you till we are blue in the face,you just are not gonna believe us.go to the doctors tomorrow and maybe explain your fears at least he will beable to point you in the right direction of a counsillor and give you a small supply of diazapam just to calm your nerves,so you feel better about things,i hope you dont think i am being to hard on you,good luck for tomorrow, let us all know how you get on.x

Noa

26-03-09, 23:14

Not at all hamtongirl, I appreciate your posts, Yes I do feel its making me ill and its not fair on my children or my wonderful husband. I have decided to go to the doctors tomorrow but don't hold much hope that he can help me. I have a night out planned with my friends tomorrow night which I am looking forward to. I don't get to go out much but when I do I forget about it for a while, I like being around people, it helps me.
Thanks again and will post on here tomorrow about what doc says x

helpmeimworried

26-03-09, 23:29

my heart goes out to you darling, im new on here so i dont really know whats happening!

x

mom1982

26-03-09, 23:49

I had post natal depression. and it made me depressed & cry for no reason. but i never developed anxiety & fear of death until my grandma passed away 5 months after my PND started. Death of a loved one especially a sudden death makes many of us question our own mortality. But i have heard from many that this grief will pass & it gets better in time. Might be months or years.

Qetta

27-03-09, 08:08

Noa basically it is down to you, there is no magic wand which is going to make death go away, it is a reality. However if you want to waste your life thinking about it then go ahead. Whilst you are doing that you are making life miserable for your husband and children. When you eventually pop your clogs, probably in the distant future, do you really want your family's memory of you to be a person always going on about death, instead of the joys of living?

I have anxiety and panic attacks about daft things, but I try to keep cheerful for the sake of my family, it isn't fair on them to have me whingeing about how I am feeling all the time.

Noa

27-03-09, 14:50

Yeah Cheers Quetta, comments like that are not helpful, please kept them to yourself

hamptongirl

27-03-09, 14:55

hey noa did you attend a doctors appt today.x

Noa

27-03-09, 15:40

I did yeah, thanks for asking! Was very embarrassing breaking down infront of him. He said I have depression which is linked to this fear of dying. Didnt find it much helping talking to him but at least I have made the first step. He has given me some anti depressants, which he said could take up to 3 weeks to start working properly. He wants to see me again in 4 weeks to see how I am doing and also because my periods stopped in december (I apologise to any men that might read this)! He was bit concerned about it but thinks they have probably stopped due to stress.
Will keep you posted with how the medication goes.
Thanks for the message HamptonGirl
x

hamptongirl

27-03-09, 15:50

hey noa,first of all well done for going,after yesterday i thouhgt maybe you would talk yourself out of it,as for breaking down i should think the doc has seen alot worse than that, but at least you have a diagnosis now,as for antidepressants yes they do take about 3-4 weeks to work, but did the doc explain anything else that the pills could do,what pills did he prescribe for you,write back and let me know,take care noa.x

Qetta

27-03-09, 15:58

Yeah Cheers Quetta, comments like that are not helpful, please kept them to yourself

It is time someone kicked your backside for you, you appear to be a very self- pitying. Carry on as you are and you will probably lose your husband.

I feel very self-pitying at times but fortunately my family don't give into me when I am feeling like that!

My daughter's best friend (33) is terminally ill with cancer. She has two small children, but instead of saying 'woe is me', she is cheerfully getting on with the time she has left and creating happy memories for her children. She is the bravest person I have ever met.

hamptongirl

27-03-09, 16:28

hey quetta,even though i can see your point of view aswell, i think you are being very harsh on noa,i dont know what you are suffering with or what your symptoms are but what noa is experiencing feels very real to her,so if you have something in your head keep telling you that you are going to die and it terrifies you, the last thing anyone else would be thinking about is other people who unfortunately has a terminal illness, i dont really think that is being selfish as much as it is part of the illness,yes noa maybe feeling sorry for herself,but dont we all at times, she came on this site for help and yes yor advice was good in someways,but there are kinder ways of putting it, without making noa feel worse than she all ready does,and there is also no reason why she should lose her husband for a ailment she did not ask for.x

Noa

27-03-09, 17:01

Quetta I too have had loved ones suffer and die from cancer, people that have been very close to me, its these deaths that have made me feel how I do.
Do not judge me or my husband. My husband has been very supportive and does not care about these problems. I don't know what sort of people you are associated with but my Husband vowed 'In Sickness And In Health'. I have been open with him about my problems. I do put on a cheery face for him and my children. Are you trying to say that I sound like a bad mother or wife? My family are everything to me. I am a normal person with a normal life.
Its because of this that I joined this site, so I had someone to talk to that understood rather than keep bringing my husband down.
I am sorry to hear about your friend but would appreciate it if you did not make comments on my situation.

Noa

27-03-09, 17:10

Hamptongirl- He said the tablets should help to increase my positive thoughts over the negative ones. He cant remove the problem so this is best he can do for me, its worth a shot, willing to try anything at the moment. He has given me 4 weeks worth of Citalopram xx

snowdrop

27-03-09, 20:09

Noa

Just wanted to say a big well done for going to the docs and you have been prescribed my wonder pill 'citalopram' :yesyes:...now I just wanted to say give them time to work, dont give up in the 1st few days, you will probably get side effects in the 1st week or so (there is a section on cit in the forums) and you might want to throw them away, please dont.

Remember the saying no pain, no gain and be sure you will come out of the other side. I was exactly the same as you thinking I was going to die and have to leave my kids.

Citalopram has seriously changed my life...been 5 weeks so far.

Keep well hun, you will get there I promise

xx

hamptongirl

27-03-09, 20:47

hey noa,sounds like good advice snowdrop has given you,i cannot comment as i have never had this drug,i am on seroxat,which i was frightened the doctor had given you,cos a bad side affect of them is suicidal thoughts and that was the last thing you needed,but thank god you never got them, from what i percieve what other people on here that is on that drug the doc gave you is very effective and hopefully you will be patient long enough for them to kick in and work, i am sure you will get there and if you should get any other negative comments ,ignore them and stay calm,you take care and let me know how things are going once you start on your med.x

mom1982

27-03-09, 23:44

I have had health anxiety & fear of death for almost 5 months now. My hubby doesn't really understand what it feels like but he will never leave me cause of this. He is supporting me & helping out with our little one when it becomes too much for me. And i would do the same. Most families will support & not condemn. You are right NOA, in sickness & in health!

I'm glad you went to the doc NOA. i told you the night will come & go & soon you'll be at the docs & then it will be all over. I hope the meds work for you. I'm still trying to fight this med-free (also fear of side effects).

Have a good weekend!

Noa

28-03-09, 21:52

Snowdrop- I started my medication today. I felt sick, light headed, dizzy and felt really angry. I haven't been right all day. Surely they shouldn't be making me feel that bad (I actually had to go to bed this afternoon). Shall I keep taking them? Not sure I fancy feeling like that everyday!!x

Noa

28-03-09, 21:56

Hamptongirl- Just read the leaflet for my medication and one of the side effects is also suicidal thoughts! Don't think thats anythink to worry about, my problem is that I'm petrified TOO DIE!!! xx

snowdrop

28-03-09, 22:00

Noa

What dose are you on?

As I said it does pass, i was ready to pack them in by the end of day 3 but came on here and saw loads of positives so I just had to ride with it. Things got much better after that to the point now I dont know what I would do without them.

keep going and pm me if you need to.

x

hamptongirl

28-03-09, 22:35

hey noa,once again i will hav to agree wiv snowdrop,try and stick wiv it hun, sometimes we do hav to take the rough with the smooth,just keep thinking to yorself that it maybe horrible now,but soon i am gonna feel alot better and like snowdrop you can also pm me anytime you want and about anything you want,keep up the good work, you have dun the doc thing you hav taken yor meds and soon you will be feeling alot better,you take care and message me soon,by the way my name is patrice.x

Louise Louise

29-03-09, 00:39

Hi Noa

I am new to this site and I read your post and feel compelled to post back.
Beleive me you are not alone!
I too suffer with anxiety amongst others (depression and OCD) and as it has been said it can be so lonely even though you are not alone.

If you have a good GP, one you can trust, just go and see them and let it out.
When I saw my GP when I first admitted to myself that I needed help, I was shaking, trembling and in a right state, I tried to keep it together but failed :weep: I broke down in to a river of tears and sweetheart there was no judgement what so ever! He saw that I was in a dark place and I needed help that was all.
They see people with all sorts of conditions every day so please do not worry about being honest.
You are not weak if you show vunernrability, you are strong for aking the first step towards recovery!
They do say 'The first step is the hardest'

Thinking of you.

Louise x

P.s excuse any spelling mistakes- I am tired. :blush:

Liam

29-03-09, 02:53

Hi Noa. You are in good company here.

I have experienced the chest pains too. I thought I had heart disease for months but was too scared to go to a doctor. Lots of other people here had the same problem. They can be easily overcome with a few breathing techniques.

You should try the following: Take full deep breaths in the following ratio of 1:4:2. Example; Inhale for 5 seconds, hold for 20 seconds and exhale for 10. Do this 3 or 4 times 3 times a day and in a week you will notice a big difference!

Please read my story: http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=46525

GirlAfraid23

29-03-09, 21:11

Hello, I have the exact same thing and I'm going through it currently...I'm only 19 and I'm finding it really hard to cope also. If you need to talk...PM me

ginny

30-03-09, 17:12

Having suffered from depression and anxiety (including the occasional panic attack) since my dad died 13 years ago, I was thinking that this would be my life now and it wasn’t pleasant. I felt just the same as you Noa, scared of dying, scared of living and it occupied my mind all the time. I too am very happily married with grown up kids but just worried all the time about not only me dying but them dying. It's a viscious cicle that you can't get out of. But there is some hope -- at least there was for me. I started taking a natural anti-depressant called Filisa which was actually written about in the Sunday Times, for grief and depression, and my pal cut it out for me. I started taking it and, within a couple of months felt fantastic. I lowered my dose of citalopram to 5mg and eventually came off it altogether after 3 months taking Filisa. This has quite literally given me my life back and I recommend it whenever I can. If it helps one person who looks at this web site, it will be marvellous because I can’t even begin to tell you how good it’s made me feel. I’ve come out of the big black hole and am in a really good place now. I don't think about dying any more, just concentrate on living my life so I won't have any regrets. The feelings you have are all anxiety related and you should try some Filisa.

Liverbird67

30-03-09, 19:19

Just wanted to say hi you are not alone, the fear of death illness etc and the panics are all symptoms of depression I was like this 11 years ago after my little girl was born I too thought post natal depression meant that you wanted to harm your baby and didn't seek treatment for ages which probably made things worse my depression faded eventually and I went back to work sadly I have developed depression and anxiety again since last Feb due to acute stress and family illness and have had to give up work to repair myself, you are not self pitying or moaning depression and anxiety is a very real illness and people from the pull yourself together school of thought have never had proper true depression or anxiety if they had they would not dream of making such crash comments. keep posting on here the people are marvellous and have certainly helped me put myself back together this last year or so.

Debbie
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Noa

30-03-09, 21:37

Thank you Debbie, that was just what I needed to hear. Sorry to hear about your troubles and hope you are on the mend now? Are you on any medication?
xxxx

Noa

30-03-09, 21:42

Hi Ginny and thanks for your comment. I have never heard of Filisa, can you buy it over the counter or is it still an anti depressant for prescription only? Are you on it indefinately? How does it make you feel? I have stuck at the Citalopram and side effects are not nearly as bad now so will stick with them till see doctor again in four weeks, hoping they might be taking some effect by then! Thank you everyone for your comments, the advice has been great and in a strange way is comforting to know I am not alone and to hear some kind words xx

Noa

03-04-09, 16:55

Oh horrible, horrible! Day 6 on Citalopram and woke this morning with horrendous mygrain (at least I think thats what it was). Painful pressure around left eye and down left side of face, I was sick twice two. I still have headache now but feel loads better than I did this morning, I could hardly walk or see, the pain was so intense.
Has Citalopram effected anyone else like this? I want to stick with them in the hope that it was pass but on the other hand I am not sure how much more of this i can take, especially with two chilldren to look after. Maybe the tablets just aren't agreeing with me and I should stop them and go back to docter? Maybe I should cut tablets up and half my dose (I am on 20mg at the moment)? Can anyone advise me on what to do?
Many thanks x

Mudskipper

03-04-09, 21:13

Hi there

Only just found your thread and I'm not going to go over what others have covered before, other than to say you're not alone and you're in good company on here, but just to comment on citalopram. It can take a while to get used to and the side-effects can be unpleasant. My wife is on it and it took nearly a month to settle when she first started, but that was three years ago. She's been on it ever since and wouldn't be without it. Now the thought of being on medication for that long may frighten you, but don't let it. There are plenty of other illnesses out there that require long-term medication, so why should anxiety/depression be any different? If it solves the problem, stick with it; I've certainly seen a difference in my wife since she's been on it. I would say that if you're still having problems with side effects after a month or so, see your doctor. It may not agree with you, but there are others he can try.

Take care:flowers:

Noa

03-04-09, 22:50

Thanks for your reply Mudskipper. Glad to know its not just me thats its effected so badly.
You take care too x

Stressed32

04-04-09, 16:16

Noa- This summer my hubby and I moved into our dream home and for the 1st time I was happy. Then I began to think...wait something is going to happen to take it all away because I have made my share of mistakes and I don't deserve all of this. I had a plane ride schedule to Prague with my bestfriend, and I canceled the trip convinced that I was going to die. That plane was going to crash! Well, she went without me, and neither of us died and the plane did not crash. However, I missed out on doing something that I have always wanted to do because of my fear. Noa, we are all going to die. True happiness comes with living your life in that moment and not worrying about tomorrow. Please think about how your boys would feel and remember you if you did die tomorrow and their last day with you was today and you spent that precious day worring so much about dieing that you forgot to live. Dieing is the only guarantee we have in life so please, live your life today to the fullest as you, or any of us for that matter, may not see tomorow. We are all on borrowed time.
-Stressed32

Wee-Mee

04-04-09, 16:21

I feel like this aswell. I'm sorry you feel like this. It really isn't nice.

I fight with these stupid thoughts as do alot of people on here I think and it's hard to get rid of them.

I did but they came back. I'm trying to cling to the fact that they DID go away so it is possible to feel better

I'm thinking things just now but hopefully it will go away again

xxxx

angel 2

04-04-09, 16:33

I feel exactly the same... frightened to go to sleep and into unconsciousness...afraid I'm not going to wake up...I'm alot older than you and that's not helping either. I've lost my mum, dad cousins. lots of my family and I'm getting nearer the inevitable. I feel scared every day,bored with life worrying about going to sleep that night.A vicious circle. It's stupid I should be enjoying myself. I've 3 lovely children, 3 grandchildren another on the way but I can't focus on anything but morbid thoughts. I am awaiting therapy but the waiting list is very long, that doesn't help.I think losing people you love has an awful effect on you.I have got to get to grips with this or I am going to ruin other people's lives.I hope you can conquer your fears. It is depression that is doing this to you and one day I'm sure you'll be ok with the right support. all the best

Noa

04-04-09, 20:23

Angel I feel just like you, scared to go to sleep at night 'what if i dont wake up again'? I too know that these thoughts are silly, that i am going to die some day and theres nothing I can do about it. I have everything to live for and be grateful for two, two young boys, a wonderful husband, a nice home but this doesnt stop me feeling the way I do (although i know it should). I feel like now I have done these things (ie grown up, got house, had family) that i feel i have no future now, all i can see next in line is death. I want nothing more than to watch my two little boys grow up but what would happen if I wasn't around.
Had a good day today on meds (Citalopram), side effects weren't too bad and have been out most of the day which takes my mind off things.
Thanks everyone for your replies
Noa x

mom1982

05-04-09, 00:44

Meds alone cannot solve anx/fear problems. The underlying issue is always there. you need to work on why you're scared to die, the reasons that cause it & therapy like CBT. If you don't work on it, you'll end up being on meds your whole life. And meds don't work forever. A close friend of mine started hallucinating & almost went mental cause her meds which she had been taking for over 10 yrs started giving her new side effects all of a sudden. Now she's on another type of meds & slowly doing better.

I'm not on any meds but my anx is so much better now than it was 2 months ago & much better 2 months ago than when it started 4 months ago. It's taking time but it has improved. I still have bad days but many of the symptoms have gone away & I feel like I'm slowly getting out of this. I'm not saying meds are bad, some people need meds or they can't cope with their life & meds have saved the lives of many suicidal people but meds alone are not the solution & therapy is very impt too.

angel 2

05-04-09, 07:14

Noa reading LadyBrackers reply I think she's probably right in saying it could be 'post-natal'depression. It's worth following up. It started not long after the birth of your son.Post-natal depression can be severe but you will get there. Hormones really have a very strong impact on your 'psychi' My anxiety started 6 months ago on the day of my last period. I'm in the peri-menopause apparantly and my hormones are really out of balance. I didn't have these thoughts before and I'm sure you didn't either.We will get there.!!! I'm off to see a Gynaecologist Monday .Hope he does some more intensive tests and balance me out somehow. lv angel

starlight78

05-04-09, 11:53

Hi Noa,

I'm probably repeating alot of what others have already said but i just wanted to share my experience. A few years ago I suffered a full blown depressive episode. It was terrifying and I had a total preoccupation with death. It was as if I had only just realised that I was going to die. It came on the back of a relatively minor health scare.. It got me thinking about what if i got ill, then that led to thinking well one die I'm gonna die anyway, so what is the point of anything. My life seemed so futile all of a sudden.

I started to want to look for evidence of "something more" like God, an afterlife etc... I was convinced i had this huge overwhelming phobia that I would never get over unless i found faith... Didn't happen!

But then i read some accounts of depression and found that one of the most common symptoms of depression is preoccupation with death and morbid thoughts.. From then on i decided to treat the fear of death as a symptom of depression, something that would pass when I got better and I can tell you now a few years on that it went away and more than that i can think about dying without feeling fear at all.. I'm totally at peace with the knowledge that my time on earth will be time limited and that there may or may not be something more...

I know right now that you feel that you will never be able to enjoy life again because it will always be spoiled by the knowledge that one day you will pass on, but that isn't true.. most people have a stage like this in there life where they come to terms with their mortality and they come though it and lead normal happy lives... i certainly have.

I'm not saying that i dont still have down times and anxiety because i do, but i never get anxious about dying anymore.

The other thing i would say is that stop looking for proof in an after life or god.. it wont help you. The world is full of incredible beauty and wonder which no doubt you see in your children everyday. I personally dont believe in a God of any kind, but i do believe that this earth is miraculous.. Even science cannot answer some of the mysteries of the world.. and it would be kind of a shame if they could.

Immerse yourself in your beautiful family, challenge the negative thoughts using CBT techniques, read as much literature about depression as you can and remember that this fear will pass!

Wishing you lots of happiness. xx

Noa

05-04-09, 22:04

Really appreciated your reply Starlight and your right, I just need to comes to comes with this fear and start living my life while I have still got it (could be easier said than done) but its nice to hear a sort of success story, certainly gives me hope so thank you.
Did you use any medication to help you?
Thanks again xx

starlight78

06-04-09, 07:59

Hi Noa,
Yes i took Citalopram 20mg for the depression and i also had 6 sessions of CBT when i was feeling a bit stronger..

I really believe you will get over this.. Dont let yourself think too much about the big questions when your depressed. Depression distorts our thinking and makes things feel so much worse than they really are. So say to yourself, "i'll worry about that when i'm better" and distract yourself. It wont always work, but it will get easier and easier. xx

ginny

07-04-09, 14:06

Hi Noa, Yes you can buy Filisa from Little Herbal www.littleherbal-int.com (http://www.littleherbal-int.com)
They're so nice and very helpful. I took it for a while at the same time as Citalopram and then gradually lowered the citalopram dose. I'm now off it completely and just taking Filisa. I'm going to stay on it for probably another few months and then see how I feel. It does make you feel very 'in control' and somehow calm. I've looked at lots of web sites and it's mentioned so many times in a positive way. xxx

Noa

07-04-09, 18:06

Thanks all for your replies and I might look into Filisa Ginny.
Side effects are now starting to subside a little. Think we might of found a mutual exchange tenant on the council thats willing to swap houses with us! If all goes ok when we view their house tomorrow then it will put us nearer to my husbands side of the family, so got all that to look forward to. Hoping it will be a fresh start for us. We have only been living in our house for 5 months but have not felt happy here since neighbours told us the old tenant died here. Has a nasty feel to it now, I know I am being silly but because i am at home all day with kids it really depresses me.
Will keep you updated on possible house move and how Citalopram's going!
x

emmaw

08-04-09, 11:15

so glad to know that i'm not alone in this as well....i feel exactly the same i.e have lovely husband, two great boys and life should be really good. i feel that i'm not destined to be content but have to create an anxiety as i have nothing else to worry about. thoughts of dying are in my head several times a day and i'm suffering from night terrors too (waking up in a panic thinking i'm dying). any help out there????

lemongrass6

22-04-09, 23:55

I am suffering with exactly the same problem as you are! I was just panicking lay in my bed right now thinking about death so I had to come online and find a solution. My first real panic attack about death happened a few weeks ago whilst I was on holiday and I was crying and being sick I was so scared. Nothing anyone can say can make it better because there is no solution we will all die.
A friend helped a little when he said "It takes alot to kill a human" which is true but not altogether comforting.
My dad gave me a sleeping tablet and I had to trick myself by watching t.v and I just said to myself "you can close your eyes for a second" and before I knew it I was asleep.
This was a really helpful quick fix.
The doctor has prescribed me with Beta Blockers but I have taken one now and it has not helped.
I have been focusing on religion and mediums who contact the other side to try and comfort me. I just hope I begin to believe it.
Keep fighting.

Noa

27-04-09, 22:32

Hi LemonGrass, well you'r definately not alone.
I used to believe in life after death and when I did believe, this fear of death didnt bother me. Within the last 6 or 7 months my beliefs have changed and since then this fear has took over my life.
I keep thinking whats the point in anything when at the end its just a big fat nothing. Do you believe in life after death then? I wish I could find some proof that we live on but I will never find it. I thought about going to see a medium but after looking on the net, found lots of stuff about how they just mind read and are not contacting the dead at all, they pick on the most vunerable of people. If you want to believe something that much then anyone can make it feel real. I wish I could feel how I used to feel when I truely believed there was an after life.

kewy

28-04-09, 13:17

hi im new and so pleased to have found this site im not alone with this horrible illness anymore, anyway loa i agree with ladybrakers because when i had my first child went through the same constant fear..it went for years until i lost my beautiful daughter to traffic accident now im frightend of dying but also frightend of living but keep going for my yongest who is 12 i get some restbite from this illness when she gets home from school she makes me strong as i know she needs her mum...def go to gp you can get help cbt is a good therapy..thinking of you..good luck...kewy

Casey

28-04-09, 23:48

Hi Noa,

About a year ago I had the same problem. Actually it first started when my father and father in law died within 6 months of each other in 2001. I became very worried about people dying, what happened etc. Not sure exactly what happened mid last year but I had a minor health scare, became very worried about ME dying and it was on my mind constantly when I was awake and not otherwise distracted. My anxiety was very very high, I had trouble being home by myself or out by myself, or sometimes out with other people. Work for some reason has always been fine, probably because I'm busy there! Work was safe, my car was safe. Luckily! But aside formt hat every second I was thinking about it, it could be NOW etc.

When I wasn't worrying about dying itself (I don't believe in an afterlife) and how I could cease to exist, I worried about my husband finding me, how he would cope etc. I obsessively read the death column in the newspaper to see how old people were when they died (I'm 32). I did try AED when I was feeling quite depressed, (made me feel worse and I freaked out very badly) and therapy (made me feel crazy heheh).

Notice above I say I WAS, I HAD. The fear of death and dying did go away, I would say now I am at a point where I accept everyone dies, we don't have 100% control over when and where and it doesn't interfere with my life. I still have health anxiety, but I am keeping it under control, it pops up now and then but my reaction to it is not the same. The problem is I can't give you a map with I got from the sheer terror and anxiety to where I am now (90% ok). I have read a lot of books, I do a lot of relaxation exercises. It took time. I started having good days, then a good few days. Occasionally something would trip me off and I gradually realised when that happened it was fine, I wasn't back where I started from. I guess beginning to recover is different for different people. I tried lots and lots of things, some of which helped, some of which did not.

I do have a book I really love called "The worry trap". It has helped me a LOT. It is based on something called Acceptance and Committment Therapy. The book that helped me with the bad panic and physical symptoms was Claire Weekes "Self-help for your nerves". The Worry Trap then helped with what my mind was doing to itself :)

The other thing I have found most helpful is learning about what hyperventilation is and how we should breathe properly. Best of luck to you Noa, and others suffering with this dreadful fear.

xx Casey

jacqui doll

29-04-09, 18:05

Hi

Just a wee quickie to let you know i also feel the same. i have been feeling like this for 1 year now. I think i am starting to manage it but i have good days and bad days. My aniexty started 1 year ago when a friend died in her sleep (no reason). She left behind a 2yr old boy. I think i was scared at this and the thought of leaving my 3 beautful kidz started my aniexty. there is no soultion i have found but i'm tryin my darnest to try and live life but it is hard.

you can PM me anytime.

Take care:yesyes:

30-04-09, 18:55

Noa and all

I have been questioning death for a while and often find interesting answers in eastern philosophies rather than western thought and theories. Check the book "Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill" By Ricard Matthieu. My father gave it to me and it has been a delight to read.

I want to believe that if you live your life happily you will die happily. It is how you live that marks how you will die. Death could be the beginning of something great not the end. Enjoy every moment, living in fear is living half way! (from a Mexican song) Why living half way if you have all the rights and advantages to enjoy a wonderful and successful life?

freedom09

30-04-09, 21:17

The circle of life.
It may be a song but in fact its true.
Everyone has to die eventually so I think the fear is more how and when?

And you're not alone. Everyone will think how and when. No-body has any answers so we have to get on with it and enjoy the time we do have.

One thought though.......did you feel anything before you were born? No, thats because you weren't alive. But you are now, and you can now mark your name and when you do die, leave an amazing legacy.

Your life does not end when you die.

Redd Wolf

30-04-09, 22:00

Whats up Noa,

I just read through your thread and I am going through the same thing right now.

My Dad died 3 years ago, My Grandpa (my last remaining Grandparent) died a year ago and two friends in that same time span. I have become "the man of my family" so to speak. It put my life on hold, I have had to take care of my sisters, my brother, and my Mom. A task that I thought would never be put upon me. It made me feel screwed in life. I quit college and my career so that I could be with them and make sure my family wouldnt have to worry about how they would get by. I put all of that aside for my family and took on thier worries so they could get back to normal. And after all of them resumed their lives and my siblings got out of the house...it was just me.

I had my mind on, why did this happen to me? why was I the one on which this responsibility fell? Why did my Dad have to die? He was the person who had all the answers and now he wasnt here anymore. It made me realize how frail our circumstances in life are. It got me worrying about how I was going to die. Is there an afterlife? Whats the point in life? Does life even have a point? Why am I trying so hard to do things in life if it all just ends? It drove me insane not having the awnsers.

I developed Panic disorder through stressing about death and if I was ever going to do something with my life. It tore my life apart when I thought it couldnt be torn apart any more. I didnt know what was going on. I knew i was going to die and it scared the living bajeezus out of me. It was about 3 months into this torment before I even found out that it was "Extreme Anxiety and Severe Depression".

I went to a conselor and got some information. I bought a book The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne, Ph.D. (get it read it apply it) I read it applied it and my anxiety level dropped immensely. Which made my fear of death diminish a little as well.

I have not beaten this thing but I know that it is something that can be beaten. The "fear", I have found, is of dying not of death. The thought of things being unfinished in my life. Not having things to show that I was here. It was the first time that I started feeling better when I realized that statement.

You have to realize that you are apart of this world what you do impacts it. You need to start manipulating it. I know you have children and they require alot of your time but when you can, take some time for yourself. Do some little projects that take short amounts of your time. Things that are just for you and no one else things that can give you a little pride and you can be glad bout when you are finished. The feeling lasts throughout the day. You will feel a difference. Another thing is be a little selfish sometimes. Realize that you are someone who deserves to get what you want. It makes you feel like you are someone who influences your surroundings and gets you out of your own head. You start to feel like part of the world again. (im not saying go overboard with it but just enough. lol)

And lastly exercise. It sucks doing it but it makes you feel better in the long run.

I am not a professional but these are things that I have found that work in my life. I still have episodes daily and are steadily dealing with them. just know that this fear is in your head and body and you can have control of yourself.

"Ponder on life when you are living, ponder on death when you are dead" Bryan Giles

And smile for god sakes...:D

Redd

Noa

01-05-09, 22:42

Thank you all for your replies and thank you Redd Wolf for your helpful words.
I have now been on Citalopram for about 5 weeks and starting to feel some benefits, have some good days now when I don't think about it quite so much. Over the last few days I have started to look at things differently.
I hav enow realised that this problem/fear is never going away so now I just need to learn to live with it and hopefully get back to the happier person I used to be!!
For my families sake (and mine) I need to try to get back ontop of this.

rachibabes2008

03-05-09, 22:23

Hi,

I know this is not going to be much help at all but i wanted to share my views as i too am terrified of dying. The fact that it is inevitbale scares the life out of me and because i am more scientific rather than religious i have this view that when we die theres nothing. I get angry with myself because i think well if theres nothing whats there to be scared about? but thats jsut the thing - i dont want there to be a nothing! I am however not too keen on the thought of forever either, like we die and we are dead - foreever, which really is a hell of a long time! I think its unfair that we only get 80 or so years to live and them millions and billions of years of nothing before, and after our lives. I love the thought of heaven, but have problems believing in it, plus the forever thing haunts me again - the thought of being forever and ever in one place scares me just as much as dying! I love the idea of reincarnation tho, that would be great livingh different lives out again and again but how would i know because my minds my mind because of my brain and my body, so even if i did come back i wouldnt be me if ya know what i mean? Oh my God it really does scare the s**t out of me and makes me really upset and angry and gives me the shivers. Can anyone help me? I have had these thoughts since i can remember but they have got worse lately. To be honest i think its due to the stress of being in my final year of university and the fact that i split up with my boyfriend of 4 years last summer and so this is the first time since i was 11 that i have truly felt alone. Do you think i should talk to a doctor about it? Im so sorry that i havent helped you in any way, i just hope it gives you some peace knowing your not the only one feeling this way.

This post has been automatically edited by the NMP post filter

Noa

12-08-09, 11:40

Hi all.
I wanted to leave an update about how I am doing and to thank all of you for messages and support, it has helped me so much.
I am pleased to say I am on the mend.
After 6 months on Citalopram and some awful side affects I am glad to say I stuck with it. I feel really good now, we recently moved house which I think really helped with the depression. I am also now off the meds and expecting another baby which my Husband and I are over the moon about. Its the first time in ages I have been able to look forward to the future.

Thank you all again for your support
Noa xx

kiki18

07-09-09, 20:28

hi im 18 years old and have been scared of dying ever since i was in high school. It has gotten even worse this year I had a break down I couldnt eat I kept crying I sometimes felt like I couldnt breathe it was horrible. I went to the doctors and im on the waiting list for a cyciatrist (not sure on the spelling) I had counselling at my college which really helped however, this ended when I left for the summer. I am now back at college and its starting again I hate the thought of breaking down again but the thought of dying fears me even more. I dont know how to control it, it takes over my life I feel abnormal and i feel i cant enjoy my life when i have these thoughts. No one really understands my boyfriend and my mum try to comfurt me but i feel they cant no what im going through i hate this and want it to end please help me with any advice that has helped you

x

angiebaby

08-09-09, 18:48

Hi hun.
I think i have always had a thing about 'death'. But i was 'fine' until 5 years ago when i had a small operation and i thought i would die afterwards. The op went fine by everyone's standards, but it created such fear and panic in me that it created the problems that i have now.
I think it is a good idea to go and speak to your gp, i would never talk about my feelings until i started having problems and always talk about them now. It is amazing to find out that you are not alone in the way that you are feeling and reassuring also.
This site is amazing and all the people that are on here will help and support you - a great bunch!
Have you considered post natal depression. I remember going to my gp after i had my third child for a check up and the gp mentioned this, but i was fine at the time. Just a thought!
I hope you manage to go to the gp and discuss things and don't worry about crying or feeling like you are falling apart, i do it every time!
Let us know how things go hun.xx

Ruby94

14-10-09, 03:38

Hello, your not alone ive been suffering with your symptoms for about 3 years now, i am 15 years old yes, and im on anti depressents. I get ocasional thoughts of death and i cry histerically thinking im going to kill myself oneday (even though i really dont want to) its hard for people who dont understand what anxiety is like, i walk down the street and feel dizzy, i get a tight feeling in my chest and have to take in huge breaths everytime this happens. I cant sleep at night, i am now home educated because of this i feel like its ruining my life. I cant go out anywhere on my own i have to have my fiancé with me. Its horrible i know and people around me get tired of hearing me cry about my arm acheing or if i got a bad headache, or if im dizzy and cant breathe. Theres just a way of controlling this and yes it is very hard but im getting the hang of it now.

My advice to you is.
Not to be so hard on yourself look at it as you have two amazing boys who you would die for anyways :) just concontrate on looking after them and when you gets symptom just think, its all in my head im going to be fine. You can fight this hun i promise you something good will come out of this, it only makes you stronger.

Much love Ruby.

if you have any questions or you need help on this more then i am more than happy to ive suffered with alot of what you have had and to be honest its not a walk in the park so stay strong girl, because your family needs you to be. Just smile it away x

princes

26-11-09, 19:55

Hi, i am new to this site but know exactley what you are going through as i feel the same. im hoping their is light at the end of the tunnel.:flowers:

looking4answers

26-11-09, 20:57

Noa, Believe it or not I developed the same feeling about the same time in life as you .I was convinced I was going to die and leave my beautiful family behind. I was young just realized my mortality and didn't want to leave behind the happiness of my young family.

Stress takes over when you are trying to raise a family . You look at them and interact with them everyday and you feel happy and you are afraid to lose that happiness.. it causes dark thoughts such as this.Try to fight it.. I have been there before and back again.I raised my family found my first wife didn't really ever love me.. I left went across country and was single.. I was very hurt, I wouldn't let anyone close to me. I thought I had lost my family.

My kids were grown and my family I grew up with were all dead , I felt like an orphan.. for several years then I met a woman and somehow fell in love with her and her with I..She had three children we married , I felt like someone had given me my family back.. Now I had 5 children in all and three grandchildren..

A wife that did love me and new in laws.. that actually were crazy about me. WOW.. a new life.. Guess what Anxiety struck again just as it did when I was young..Its something about being too happy , it scares you sometimes and makes you think the worse is going to happen because its not possible to be this happy..

Well I have been fighting it the whole time for the last 8 years.. Im still around and still going but every once in awhile it pops up again thinking Im too happy so I have to be dying.. I hope maybe this might give you a little insight and help somewhat. I can't say for sure this is your issue but you might put some thought into it and question yourself ,Is it because im too happy that anxiety it trying to make me feel this way.. Just some food for thought.. Take care and hope things get better for you .Michael

Angel eyes

24-01-10, 16:03

Hi everyone

I'm 25 and I've been having exactly the same thing happening to me just recently. I have a 4 yr old little girl and my partener is working away for 6 months at the moment. There has been so many bad things happening lately... My friends 4 month old baby passed away, a family friend had a magor bleed on the brain and died suddenly. My friend who was only 24 passed away suddenly and another one of my friends has been diagnosed with cancer. I just keep thinking its going to be me soon, i think i get more scared at night because its only me and my 4 yr old daugher here at the moment, i get scared of her waking up in the morning and not being able to wake me up, its got worse recently and ive had to have to have my sister staying over just incase.

Just like you every twinge, ache or pain i get im at the doctors complaining i feel stupid and like a hypocondracte (check spelling) I'm actually making an appointment tomorrow because i keep getting a tight chest and a pain in my head, i keep thinking i have cancer or a brain tumor.

I know i've not been any help to you sorry. The same as you i'm not sure what it is or who to talk to.

RHUBARB57

26-01-10, 14:59

Hi, i started with exactly the same problems and symptoms as u 5 yrs ago, i was scared i was going to die or one of my children. I went to the doctor who sent me for a health m.o.t. (blood tests, etc) purely to put my mind at rest as he knew for sure i was suffering from anxiety disorder. I was given a very small dose of valium to keep me calmer while the other medication (citalopram) kicked in. And he arranged for some counselling. After a couple of months i felt back to 'normal'. I am now running my own business and doing a counselling course at college and my life is infact better than before i began suffering with anxiety! So get yourslf to the doctors for some help and please be reassured that everything will be ok!
:d

patmac

26-01-10, 17:40

hiya,
i am a mother of 2 girls, and this is my fear 2. i thought i was alone too. x

beckiomg

11-02-10, 19:27

njwknr427

21-02-10, 21:56

Dear Noa, and Mom I know exactly what your feeling, Im twenty years old and I have the same exact feelings. I feel if I have a headache it could be a brain tumor or an aneurysm, if I feel pain in my chest I immediately think heart attack, and when it comes to the night time Ill start to fall asleep then wake up every ten minutes and suddenly my heart is racing so fast because Im scared that I wont wake up, I even bother my boyfriend all the time and make him tell me that im ok but still thats not enough, I never used to be like this and I hate it, I dont want to live my life like this and im sure no one does, I put off sleep as much as possibly I dont go to bed until like 6 or 7 then I get up at 10 and just wake up being scared for the nighttime. My grandpa just passed away a few days agp and being int he funeral home and stuff just made me more worse. The only times I sometimes feel safe is when I sleep at my boyfriends house and then when I leave its like I cant wait till I get back there so I can have a normal night of sleeping. Help me:unsure:

beastsbeauty

21-02-10, 22:38

Hi Noa. I have suffered panic attacks for many years and have at times felt like I am dying. A very close friend of mine also used to suffer, I convinced her to go to the Doctors and it turned out she had postnatal depression. She thought it was odd as her youngest child was 14 months. After seeing a counsellor she realised it had gone undetected for such a long time that it had made the situation worse. After getting the help she needed and a short course of medication she's is back to her old self again and has even returned to work full time, something she thought she'd never be able to do. Please don't put off going to the Doctors, they'll be able to help you and soon you'll be back on track. Even the smallest steps amount to the biggest.
Trust me, it will get better xxx

XSillyBillyX

29-05-10, 08:34

I cant believe i have waited so long to join a forum like this. Im 26 years old and am so so scared of dying. I think about it all the time and it really gets me down. i have got to the point where its affecting me on a daily basis. I keep thinking about going to the doctors but am scared i will look stupid. I try to talk to my boyfriend about it, he tries to comfort me but i know deep down he is wondering why i put myself through it. I have never coped with death well. The only person really close to me who has died is my grandad and that was when i was 11. It still upsets me very much.

I can be going about my normal daily life and then it just hits me like a tonne of bricks that one day im going to know what it feels like to die. To just close my eyes and thats it? It scares me to think that there is nothing after. That i wont even know i have lived a life. Im sorry if im getting abit too deep but it feels good to finally know that im not alone in how i feel and that i can write exactly how i feel and not be judged. People dont seem to understand what a sensitive subject it is and how it needs to be treated with compassion.

It would be nice to hear if anyone has got any suggestions of how they make themselves feel better. I dont think i will ever accept it but ways of curbing the intense sad feelings would be much appreciated.

Also, not only am i scared of death but im scared of my health too. Im scared that im going to get a terminal illness and be told that i am going to die. The 'C' illness is what scares me the most (i cant even bring myself to write the word but im sure you know what i mean). When im thinking about dying i get it into my head that im going to have a heart attack or go to sleep and not wake up.

I understand how everyone is feeling on here and cannot suggest any solutions to make people feel 100% better. Its just comforting to know that we all feel the same and to share our stories and feelings is probably the best way of dealing with it.

hilly1985

29-05-10, 16:05

hi im 25 im having the same thoughts that it makes me feel sick, ive got three kids and im so scared of dying or even them dying, any lump or bump im convinced its cancer any twinge of pain i think im dying or if the world comes to an end im praying every moment of the day begging god not to end the world in our time,and that i love my kids so much i actually feel guilty for bringing them into the world incase there lives our snached away i have really dark thoughts about after life incase i dye first or if they dye all by them selfs i love them and really want them to grow up and live a long life im getting worse and worse and its almost the thoughts go so deep that i find my self crying alone i have visions of just being in the ground i lost my brother died 5 months ago

mary1

31-05-10, 01:13

Hi noa..it's been a while since you posted but unfortunately i've just popped in to read some posts and i found yours..well, I can't find the words to explain how similar your story is to mine!! i also fear dying and always have this thought in my mind. it started exactly 6 months after i gave birth to my son. my gp told me it will go away and its hormonal imbalance that bringing up these nasty fears..i know they are soo horrible but try not to focus on them and try to enjoy life coz we all will die in the end but why not enjoy it then :D i am typing this post while i have the fear lol but believe me it is in our hands we can control it coz we control our minds we can tell it what we want to think of :) if you have any question dont hesitate to send me ..you are not alone in this..i do feel for you :) xxxx
Mary

longliam

02-06-10, 21:38

Guys, Cut a long story short.....my auntie suffered from Depression and anxiety and she was the most wonderful person you could ever want too meet, unfortunately she passed away a few weeks ago, falling to pancreatic cancer. This is a link to a song i wrote and recorded for her, hope you can all find some inspiration from it. And thx for the lovely comments, L x http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAInrB5tlZM

Typer

05-06-10, 16:45

Fear of death has to be one of the worst fears, not that other fears are not worthy of anxiety, but I guess death is the ultimate fear.

I had a huge fear of dying after was diagnosed with a condition that turned out to be not life threatening. But I do remember how that felt.

I had to think/believe there was more life after death, then that scared me in as I got frightened that maybe it was not a nice experience and wanted there to be nothing.

In the end, Derren Brown or anyone else does not know for sure if there is or is not life after death.

However, and I hope this helps a little.

My brother was a complete sceptic and did not believe in any afterlife type theories. It s sad because he passed away some years ago....anyway...

When my mother was ill, my brother used to visit her every night and when she was dying, he was tired and went home for a break while someone else sat with her.

In the morning he woke up and his wife brought him a cup of tea. It was 6.30AM. he sat up to pick up the cup to drink the tea, when my mother appeared in the room, or at least her transparent head and shoulders. She told my brother that she was alright now and he was not to worry, she spun around fast and faster, through the window and up into the sky until she was no more than a dot of light and then gone. She looked really well and happy.

The phone rang and my brother answered it....they told him she had just passed away. Since he was such a non believer and was transformed by that experience, I like to think that there is life after death and Derren Brown can stuff his ideas.

The reason I say this is, you are young and should be enjoying the nice things you have in life. You may live until you are 100...but right now, in this moment is where all life takes place, in the moment. Seize it and love it as best you can

meditation6

05-06-10, 21:07

Noa,

I am 20 and I have had and still suffer from every single thing you listed. I have a very happy life with a loving family and wonderful boyfriend but everyday I am scared of dying and I get angry and everything. I have the same thoughts. I, too, have begun to think about life after death and have always had a hard time envisioning my future.

I think the idea of nothingness after death might have to do with the fact that we are so scared of dying that once we leave everyone we love behind there will be nothing. I still don't know if there's life after death or reincarnation or anything, but a part of me believes that the anxiety is making me think and fear that there is nothing.

Sometimes I think that it controls my life, like a leach feeding off of me and constantly reminding me of my worst fears and sometimes I can only think that I cannot possibly live another day trapped in this self-induced hell. But then I think of my friends, family and boyfriend and I can't imagine a day without them, so, even though I am terrified, I can still find the positive and try and turn it around. Its hard, but possible.

I hope you find some relaxation. Try yoga. I practiced Kundalini Yoga last summer, and I cannot even begin to explain how helpful it was. I have never had anything reduce my anxiety so quickly (short of drugs). Just one hour and I was a new woman for the rest of the day and the days following.

The doctors will not think you are crazy, that's just another trick the anxiety plays on us. They will help you. You should go to the appointment. When you're afraid of dying, sometimes talking to a doctor is the best thing you can do, because it's their job to know if your sick and if you are, to fix it. To have my doctor tell me that I'm fine and joke about my anxiety is very reassuring.

Ronster

16-06-10, 02:44

Noa,\

All Gp's have had plenty of experience with anxiety and depression. Trust us I am 47 and I have lot's of experience unfortunatly with this stuff. The anxiety is a fear reaction to a negative thought. The symptons are fear, chest pain, stomach illness, sweaty palms, head aches. You can get more than one ofd these symptons or only one. Also you can loose sleep feel depressed, ant-social. Many things. I like you started getting this when I was in my 20's I have NOT had this all along but it has come and gone over theyears. Usually there is a reason for this, it genreally comes from your up bringing in one form or another, Childhood abuses if many sorts can cause anxiety and depression in your adult life.
You really need to visit your GP, don't be afraid of braking down. I am 47 as I mentioned and I broke down last week to both my gp and therapist.

Good luck,

Ron

daybyday

16-06-10, 02:54

Are you having post partum depression?
I think all here can tell you have anxiety and depression.
Please let us know how your dr. appt. goes. Likely a basic physical check and blood work.
You are overwhelmed right now, and you will be helped. Do you have any good friends to talk to?

shannonC6525

29-09-10, 18:39

hi i am 13 and i really understand what your going through. a couple of years ago i went through a really bad phase of thinking i was going to die. i was petrified of going t sleep at night incase i didnt wake up and i was particularly scared of getting cancer and like you when i get aches and pains i automatically get scared and think its something serious. this all started when my gran sadly passed away. most nights i cried my self to sleep, it even got to the stage were i was so scared somenights i would sleep with my parents and my mum and dad took me to the doctors. it is even worse when noone understands what your going through. you just need to reasure your self and things will gradually get better. good luck xxx

PoppyC

29-09-10, 20:54

Hi
I have suffered with this fear on and off for ages. I find that when my anxiety is playing up then so the fear of dying gets worse. It is definitely linked to anxiety.
What helps me is reading lots about buddhism. I like this old quote too, which helps me:
To fear death
is nothing other than to think oneself wise when one is not.
For it is to think one knows what one does not know.
No one knows whether death may not even turn out to be
the greatest blessings of human beings.
And yet people fear it as if they knew for certain it is the greatest evil.

~ Socrates ~

AliceMay

29-09-10, 23:24

I feel the same most days, multiple times a day =( i'm 20 and it was only a few months ago i developed a fear of dying at every twinge my body makes and at every headache or dizzy spell. Mine started after my heart started skipping beats (palpatations). It's harder to be scared of something you can't escape from, you can leave the light on if you're scared of the dark or avoid hights if you're affraid of them. Yo can't escape the thoughts that fear of your own body give you. You definatly aren't alone in that one. I'm working through it but it's a long and lonely process. Just make everyday count and try to relax, the best piece of advise i use, i might have read it on this site, is to give each new symptom 30 minutes before i worry about it or try to find an answer. It works for me after 30 minutes it's usually gone and if it's not my anxiety will have reduced enough to think about it more logically.

I hope it works for you too
x

ginny

05-10-10, 14:48

I was never sure what I thought about life after death until my dear dad died at the age of 64. At the moment he died (in a hospital room) there was a firefly which flew round the room and then out of the window. About 2 weeks after his death, I had a tortoiseshell butterfly round my head all the time. Everywhere I went the butterfly was there with me. This went on all through the winter -- I never had to look very far to find the butterfly. It seemed to be asleep in my bedroom window and looking as if it was dead and then suddenly it would start flying round me. Even now, 14 years on, I am always aware of the butterfly which is near me throughout all the seasons of the year.

tambo12

06-10-10, 13:47

there are many ways to beat this condision .
I have had panic attacks and anxiety for 12 years .
I tried everything but it came down to me standing up to myself in the end .
You have to belive that you are stronger than the attacks .
I know they are scary and I know that you fell like your dying , but your not and they do pass.
Try to let it pass over you like a wave , the attack will happen but the more you fight it the worse it my feel .breath deep and try to let it pass .
this may help you as well http//tinyurl.com/2w5ngap

JavaJoy01

24-12-10, 22:55

Hi Noa, yes i've seen my GP & she referred me to a psychologist. I have also seen a counselor but it doesn't really help. The psychologist says it's all in my thinking and i need to change the way i think and rationalise that if i get tests done and they come back normal then i should not worry. that all the thoughts are garbage and i need to tell them to go away. i havent seen my psychologist & counselor for 1 month now. I"m just too lazy & it doesn't help me that much. My GP told me to take anti anxiety medication but i did not. I am afraid of the side effects of medication as well so prefer not to take anything. Everyday i up & down for me but a lot more downs lately. I believe in the bible & there's lots of evidence the bible is true & it says there's a heaven, that's why i believe in it. We can't be here for no purpose or reason. I don't believe the earth was an accident, a big bang & I don't believe we can possibly we evolved from apes. When there is still apes around that are not evolved. No offense to anyone else but I'm just stating my beliefs cause Noa asked me to.

Do you use msn? maybe we can chat there?

Just about all of us are scared of death in some way shape or form because it really is unknown. I'm not Christian, born Catholic but live in the Bible belt of the US and married a Christian. I don't consider myself religious but I do believe there is a God. I don't know much about the whole creation vs evolution argument, but I believe both could occur. The way I see it, for Evolution to happen the seed has to be placed just like the big bang. What created the matter and atmosphere for that to occur? There are bigger things out there that science just can't explain.

I also believe in Ghosts and the Paranormal, something that goes against my Catholic up bringing. I've been reading about it for years and have been in haunted places. Most would call me crazy since I believe that our energy can live on after we die. Basically I am on the side that there may be something there after we die. I'm in the middle of a book called 90 Minutes in Heaven (Don Piper is the author) about a gentleman that was in a horrific car accident. He died and went to Heaven and came back to his body and wrote about his experience. It's a very religious book so if that does not bother you, you might want to read it.

If the you believe in the Bible and it gives you comfort to read I say read it and let it guide you. I see the Bible as a guide to help you live your life if you choose that path.

I've been suffering with Anxiety for two years and have all the same fears. I had to go back on medication again because it all came back for no reason and here I sit with the side effects of the medicine.. I understand your fears..

tom123

15-01-11, 23:02

hi i feel the same i had these thoughts since i was about 8 i am now 19 and they just keep geting worse and worse i feel like i cannot plan for the future i just take it day by day i get alot of pains im scared of having a hart attack when i get them i just think im guna die i get horrible things going though my head like iv got internal bleeding or iv got cancer just there is always somethink wrong with me i cant sleep i avoid going to bed. i want to talk about it but i feel like people will laff at me and tell me im being perfetic but its so horrible i just want it all to go away i try telling myself its all in my head but then the pains come im so scared but now i no im not alone I NEED HELP

wane

21-01-11, 19:26

i have been having this a bit too lately

charlotte123

14-04-11, 23:52

I feel like this everyday. Its a bit different though, im not as scared of getting ill and dying, i worry about the fact that i cannot run away from death and eventually one day i will die.

charlotte123

14-04-11, 23:57

This first started when I was younger and my cousin died when she was just 10 years old from an accident. When that happened (i was also 10) it suddenly occurred to me that I would also one day have to die. I used to cope by speaking to my mum for comfort but now im 20 and dont live with her any more and now that im older and not as naive it is not that much of a comfort any more. I know it seems silly and my boyfriend does not understand and does not seem to be able to say anything that helps. It makes me feel better that there seems to be many more people out there that are also scared. But i wonder if believing in afterlife, heaven etc will help me? I have been considering attending church? Does anyone think this will help or not? I believe that if god exists then he wouldnt help me anyway as I come across as selfish as i am only seeking reassurance through religion now that i am in need of some reassurance. i need to get over this, its ruining my life, i feel sick all the time and cry everytime i think about it, im so depressed and i dont know what to do.

Guybrush45678

15-04-11, 14:04

Charlotte; I’m a Christian, and would also see myself as selfish and arrogant. But you see that’s the whole point of Christianity; all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, which is why Jesus died for our sins to save us :-) I promise you that God loves you, and he will help you if you seek him. Just like the father welcomed back the prodigal son (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+15%3A11-32&version=NIV (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+15%3A11-32&version=NIV)). In this parable, the father is God, and we are the son. God loves us, no matter what we have done, and if we turn to him for mercy and forgiveness, we receive this through Jesus Christ. Not only does God forgive us; he lavishes his love on us and gives us eternal life!

Definitely going to church will help you; I promise you. Try and find a lively, spirit-led church. You won’t regret it.

I used to be very scared of dying and stuff; a bit of a hypochondriac. But when I realised that God is real (I don’t just mean believed; I’ve heard him speak to me personally, and heard stories of miraculous healings such as stunted legs growing after prayer), I realised that death is not the end. Only the beginning :)

Put your faith in Jesus and you don’t need to be scared any more.