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jammiebasket
04-08-05, 16:49
I have been feeling very frail and lonely that's why I've been coming into the chat room more, which I do enjoy, but when it's over and that I just start to feel really empty. It's like a deflated feeling, I just kind of sink into myself and have nothing to say. I don't know why I am feeling lonely as I live with my man and kids and I'm never on my own, I'm lucky if I get a moments peace!lol.

I'm fed up, deflated, sad, tired and feeling very lonely and sorry for myslef. I'm starting to feel like I don't have anybody. I'm feeling like no-body like's me and that the people I have round me i.e my man, mum, sister ect are only here because they have to be. I feel that if they were given the choice they would all be shot of me.

I just wanted to post this to get it out of my system as I feel that if I tell my family then they will just think 'of for goodness sake here she goes again. me, me, me!'.

Well anyway thanx to whoever reads this

Take Carexx

Claire

"Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!"

Quirky
04-08-05, 17:06
Hi Claire,

Do you suffer from depression? from your post you sound like you may be depressed?
I'm sure your man and family care for you alot, just try and believe that.
Sorry I can't help much more, take care,
LJ

jammiebasket
04-08-05, 17:31
I've suffered from depression for a long time (since my son was born 3 years ago) I have managed to cope with it previously to when I had my first pa in may. Since then everything just seems to have crumbled around me:(.

I'm just really sad:(. I don't know how else to describe it.


Claire

"Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!"

seh1980
04-08-05, 17:41
hi Claire,

Sorry to hear how you're feeling. This could be just a phase you're going through. I felt like you describe about 4 months ago for a few weeks and then it disappeared as quickly as it had come. Try to stay positive..

Sarah :D

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

Piglet
04-08-05, 17:50
Hi Claire

Sometimes its easy to get bogged down with just the routine of life in general and we need a little bit of a change to kick start us again.

You know the old saying a change is as good as a rest - is there anything you could do thats a bit new for you that would shake up your routine a little (difficult I'm sure if you are feeling low).

Have I remembered correctly that you are 21? If so and you've got a couple of kids by now then life must have been pretty busy since you left school/college. Maybe its now beginning to settle down into a pattern which although nice can be a bit too steady when the pace of new things happening slows down.

I'm sure your folks dont think your all me, me, me after all thats quite hard to be when you're a mum.

Until this phase passes keep coming into chat for a laugh.

Chat soon

Piglet[8D]

nomorepanic
04-08-05, 18:43
I used to feel like you - sad all the time etc - and I was put on Prozac. I am sure it lifted my mood a bit but never cured the panic attacks I am afraid to say.

Hope you feel a bit better tomorrow.

Nicola

"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"

sal
04-08-05, 19:16
Hi Claire

I think at times we all feel like that regardless as whether we are surrounded by family or friends or alone. Nobody will want rid of you and you are not alone at all in how you are feeling. And we are here to help you all we can.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

jammiebasket
05-08-05, 12:46
Thanx guys for your reply's.

I went into the chat room last night and spoke to exestential which was a good laugh and cheered me up. Then sax came in and asked how I was, at first I though she was being weird then realised she was giving me a hug!! lol[:o)]. I then went a watched 'Pirates of the Carribbean' , nothing like a bit of Johnny Depp to cheer a girl up eh,;).

Still feel a bit blah today though. I've taken the kids to nursery and done the weekly shop that's us back for lunch and I just want to sleep![|)]. I've still got my washing, bathroom and kids rooms to tidy, not to mention get tea ready and do the living room[V]:(:(.

Well I suppose I better get on with it or it will never get done, sigh!

Take Carexx

will be in the chat room tonight after eastenders, so maybe speak to you all then.

Claire

"Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!"

pips
05-08-05, 15:14
Hi Claire,

Glad your feeling a little brighter hun. I know how you feel i often get those sad days to.

Stay strong mate you will get through. Put you feet up later and pamper yourself.

Take care,

Love PIP'S X X

jammiebasket
06-08-05, 09:31
I'm still feeling really tired and low today, especially after all the running about I did yesturday. I wanted to keep myself distracted so that I wouldn't think about what was wrong but now I think I have just exhuasted myslef more.[|)] I just want to sleep all the time, why?

I'm really grumpy, snapping for trivial reasons. I feel like everyday I am loosing a little peice of myself and I am turning into this bitter, twisted, selfish and angry person. Am I turning into my mother[}:)]?! I don't like what I am becoming, I am begining to hate my self!

I find that I am asking 'what is the point' and 'why am I here', I feel like I have no direction or purpose in life! Don't worry I'm not suicidal or anything, I have kids that's not even an option to me, but other than my kids what do I have? I have lost my identity, I am a mother, a shopper, a house keeper, a girlfriend and that's it! Where is Claire?!

I know I am the only person who can change who I am becoming and how I am feeling, but how? I don't even know why everything is like this in the first place, never mind how to fix it. I am feeling empty, numb and cold and it's scary.

Just needing to offload again.

Clairexx




"Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!"

Piglet
06-08-05, 12:14
[
I find that I am asking 'what is the point' and 'why am I here', I feel like I have no direction or purpose in life! Don't worry I'm not suicidal or anything, I have kids that's not even an option to me, but other than my kids what do I have? I have lost my identity, I am a mother, a shopper, a house keeper, a girlfriend and that's it! Where is Claire?!

Clairexx
<div align="right">Originally posted by jammiebasket - 06 August 2005 : 09:31:11</div id="right">
[/quote]
Hi Claire (Jammie)

Oh that is so common - I felt like that when my kids were quite little (well before anxiety) and now and again I question quite where I'm going and what I'm hoping for.

It's so easy to lose the 'you' in all the family stuff and I think we all have little mini 'mid life crisises' even if we are not mid life - this happens to us all whether we suffer from anxiety or not.

Perhaps its time to sort a few things in your mind - our needs and wants are an evolving thing. Also do you think that this is the issue or its only an issue because you feel low (a little bit chicken and egg here).

Anyway keep coming into chat as we all do have a good time in there dont we.

Love Pig

jammiebasket
06-08-05, 15:54
Thanx Piglet:).

To be honest I don't know what came first I have been runing on auto-pilot for so long! When I had nathan I was only 18 (a very immature 18) and didn't have scooby what I was doing! I grew up soo quickly, I had my family commenting on how proud they were of me for changing so much and becoming this great young woman. It felt great to be praised for something, I had never had that before for anything. You see I was your typical teenager, 'I'll do what I want when I want and what are you going to do about it?!', I was horrible[}:)].

Just after I moved to perth with my partner (his great idea to give the kids a better start) nathan was going on 5 months and I found out that I was pregnant with twins! I went into shock that day, I still remember everything that I did, it's like a vivid dream. Anyways I was here in perth on my own with nathan and pregnant as ray kept doing dissapearing acts back home because he was home sick. The ****** cheek of him after moving me here, that's another story though! I didn't realise what a struggle it was looking after nathan, I missed my family, I had no phone so had to rely on having money and going to the phone box to phone them if I needed them. It was horrible, I felt like a little girls lost, I could cry just thinking back to it:(. One day though I had a realisation that if I wasn't coping with one how would I cope with 3, so I just decided to get up and get on with it! So that is what I did, I put my self into auto pilot. Unfortunatly that was only the begining to the problems I would have, I won't bore you guys with that.

I just don't know what part of the past 4 years of my life has made me this way, I suppose it's a bit of everything. When I think back on the past few years it feels like it was someone else, I have been through soo much in such a short period of time. I find that I am starting to regret the choices I have made in life ie I wish I'd stayed on in school, if only I listend to what people were saying, what if I didn't get in with a bad crowd. the list goes on.

Sorry to just whittle on again, when I start writing I just can't stop, lol:)
At least I still have a bit of my sense of humour left, just waiting for that to go next

"Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!"

Piglet
06-08-05, 21:36
Claire

Ahh petal, I could so understand where you are coming from and I think just from the bits you've said its easy to see where anxiety etc could have started.

Mine started a couple of years after my divorce (but could have been brewing) and me being a single mum with all the responsibility that came with it. Although like you I loved being praised for what good mum I was etc and how well I coped with everything.

Like you I was a typical teenager moved 200 miles away at the age of 16 partying hard etc etc and I dont think anyone thought I would be very good at the whole parenting bit even though I was 24 when I had my first child. I was so determind to prove everybody wrong - now I dont give a damn (not entirely true but nearly).

My eldest is nearly 19 now and I wouldn't want her to have to cope alone and make the big desicions you have had to. Infact I do think you showed incredible maturity in your choices - such a big hug to you here.

In some ways your post brought tears to my eyes for all of us who have had to make choices and have felt lost and unsure when doing so and for sometimes boxing ourselves into corners by our own youthful ideas.

We are who we are though and we did the best we could at that time so onwards and upwards I say.

You most definately have kept your sense of humour Claire and I hope you are in chat which is where I'm heading now.:D

Love Pig

jammiebasket
07-08-05, 07:30
Thanx again Piglet, I was in the chat room last night but only for a little while as I was soo tired I wanted an early bed. As you can tell by the time of this post my kids are early risers,lol. They usually get up about 6am and that's a good morning! I don't suppose this constant tiredness is helping but don't know how to get my kids to sleep for longer, unless I clobber them over the head,lol.

I also think that the fact I am soo impatient isn't helping, I've been on meds for 6weeks now and am thinking that I should at least be feeling half way normal! I find that I am even beating my self up about it. I do think that I am going to go back to my gp this week as this has to be the lowest I have felt.

I find that I am thinking about things that I had even forgot had happend. I don't know if you are the same but most of my memories of my life are just sketchy, I don't really remember whole days or events. I was told this is because I am trying to block these things out and it's not nessesarly a bad thing. Lately though I am starting to remember small things and that's all they are is small, but I just don't know why.

Not so long ago I had a dream about my dad and I going to pick apples in his car, I was really, really young. My mum and my sister were there so I would of been young as they seperated and divorced when I was 3. I asked my dad about it sometime later and he said that we used to do that when I was little. I was born in Cornwall (moved back to scotland when they seperated) and where we lived there was an apple orchard not far from us and my dad used to take us pinching apples for apple crumble!lol. I just don't get why something like that would come flooding back like that.

I have so many things going on in my head I don't know what the hell is going on. I have tried speaking to my mum about how I am feeling and she just says that she blames my dad for everything and then she starts to go on about her depression and her childhood - which to be honest is of no use to me! When I talk to my Dad he blames my mum for being the worlds worst parent and then starts a full blown bitch about her - again doesn't help. I can talk to my sister but to be honest she really does have enough on her plate to be worrying about me all the time and my man, well, he's just of no use lets just leave it at that. I'm stuck!

My doctor has put me forward for CBT, I'm on a waiting list, I'm just not sure that this is the right kind of councelling for me, it's just that everyday goes by another problem has crept it's way to the surface.

Please tell me someone else has had this

Claire

"Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!"

mama23girls
07-08-05, 13:11
Hi Claire,
I just wanted to offer you a big hug of support and to know you are not alone..at all.
I could have written your post myself. First daughter a month after turning 19, miscarriage, 2nd daughter at 22, 3rd at 23. I've been a Stay at home Mom for 11 years!!!
Yes I think it is common to feel like you give ,give,give and you are taken for granted. Also doesn't help that day in and out it is the same mundane tasks of cleaning,cooking,washing etc....
For me I have decided to put my girls in school this year as we were homeschooling and give myself a bit of a break, the "baby" will still be home with me. I am also going to take a class at the local community college to start pursuing my Nursing degree and I am planning a trip to a Yoga center.
Is there anything you can do just for you? Go to the gym, out for a weekly lunch date with a girlfriend, take a class in something that interests you???
I understand the lonely feeling Just the other day I told my Mom I was lonely and she said "How can you be lonely when you have all these kids?"
Hang in there. You have a lot on your plate but tkae it one day at a time!

Hugs.
Jessica

Jessica
Mama to
Rain
Celeste
Riley Mei

Piglet
07-08-05, 13:33
Hi Claire

Yes most definately other people feel like you - I think this phase you are going through I would imagine most people go through, I know I have several times.

I dont know whether being low makes you more reflective, I think so actually but it can also colour the way you view past events. If I'm low I seem to make sweeping statements and evaluate my life as being all one particular way (negative of course) when in actual fact I know that just isnt true.

Often when I'm reflective funny little memories come back to me good and bad which I think is all very usual. You made me laugh about your mum and dad - ditto!

Something that has helped me a great deal recently is learning to live in the present moment ie; if you are washing up and the kids are around you, literally concentrate on the pots and the sounds of the kids, dont think what shall I do for tea or we've got the dentist next week - aim to stay right in the moment you are in or at the very least the day you are in!

Sound like a book don't I - well the book I read was called something like 'living in the present moment' and was by Shannon Duncan off Amazon. Henri also recommended a book here too by Erkhart Toille (not sure I've spelt that right) which is along the same lines I believe.

Always here to talk if you need to do more 'reflecting' (maybe keep a journal - sometimes I do that too, things look more managable written down).

Maybe catch you later.

Love and hugs

Piglet:D:D



"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

mama23girls
07-08-05, 13:38
I find that I am thinking about things that I had even forgot had happend. I don't know if you are the same but most of my memories of my life are just sketchy, I don't really remember whole days or events. I was told this is because I am trying to block these things out and it's not nessesarly a bad thing. Lately though I am starting to remember small things and that's all they are is small, but I just don't know why

I feel this way too. An old therapist told me this was your minds way of protecting itself. A learned defense mechanism left over from childhood.
After reading your last post I strongly encourage you to do something just for you..To cultivate yourself. I know that it is so hard with little ones but seeing you working on yourelf will only be healthy for them. Just one step at a time! Declare , say , Wednesday "Mommy day" leave the kids with a trusted person and take a walk, get a cup of something hot, read a good book, join a book discussion group...anythiong that makes yopu feel peaceful.
Jessica

Jessica
Mama to
Rain
Celeste
Riley Mei

jammiebasket
07-08-05, 15:43
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Declare , say , Wednesday "Mommy day" leave the kids with a trusted person and take a walk, get a cup of something hot, read a good book, join a book discussion group...anythiong that makes yopu feel peaceful.</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

I would do this but I can't as I live too far away from family and have no friends:(. sad case aren't I. Even if I did have family close by they wouldn't look after all three of my kids anyway as they find them hard work and they are. My mum has offered to take all 3 for a couple of days at the end of this month but I wont hold my breath, my mum is what you could call a selfish gambler and drinker. She suffers from depression and drinks to help her sleep (just an excuse if you ask me) and she goes to the bingo that much that she can never afford to eat or pay bills and we (my sis and I) are always lending her money right left and centre. She has only offered to take the kids so that I can give her money, you see she often takes my eldest for a few days here and there but there is always a price tag and this time with her taking all three I wouldn't like to hazard what she wants! To be honest though since my man lost his job we just haven't got it to give, not that she would care. I actually had my mum come to stay with me when I first took ill in may this year as I didn't know what was wrong with me and it cost me big time, I probably would of been cheaper paying for a carer (slight exageration but you get the point). Just yesturday I got a letter from BT saying that they had restricted my telephone line as I had run up an 80 bill in one night on national calls! I couldn't believe it so I phoned them up and it was true, It was my mum the last time she stayed here she sat up ringing in those satalite competitions! 147 times she phoned them in the space of 1hr 1/2, she had them on frikin redial!! I phoned her and told her this was out of order and all she said was 'well I made the call's so I'll pay it, but you'll have to wait till I get paid at the end of the month', I never even got a sorry!!

I could ask my sis to look after the kids or even go out with me but to be honest she has her own problems plus she's ten years older than me and I think that she could think of better things to do with her time. I've actually been trying to get her to come on here. She has been suffering depression and anxiety for years, not that it's all that bad for her as she works and has friends. So she is socialising constantly. I could also ask my man but he doesn't like to go out or do anything and he's very anti-socail. I think it all stems from his own problems with depression. so as you can see, apart from you guys on here, I am on my own. The only person I can rely on is me and the only people I have to talk to is you.

Reading back on this has just made me really sad! I really dont' have anything do I:(



"Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!"

Piglet
07-08-05, 16:18
Claire hun - how old are your little people, do they go to playschool or anything?

Most of the friends I have now I met when the kids were really small waiting for them outside playschool and in the school playground little knowing we'd all still be pals when our kids started driving, lol.

Is there an opportunity to make some more friends that way and possibly help each other with the childminding. I do so understand as babysitting was a major problem for me too and my social life is only just beginning to pick up and yet now I dont feel like going out - typical!!

Love Pig x:D

Could you join anything that includes the kids for now???

jammiebasket
07-08-05, 16:58
I have a son who's 3 and twin girls aged 2, they all go to nursery. My son goes tuesday to friday 9am-11:30am and my girls on wednesdays and fridays 9am-11:30am. So I do have Wednesdays and Fridays to myself which would be good if I had any friends.

The nursery that my kids go to is a community nursery and 9 out of 10 parents who go have drink or drug problems or the children have special needs. I only managed to get my kids in because of my health visitor, she felt I had too much to cope with and I needed a break and my son goes to a speech therapist there. I'm not saying that the parents are nessesarily bad people they just arent my type, if you get what I mean. There are one or two people that I give a friendly smile to in the passing but they are all friends with each other and have been for alot of years. You see one thing I have found since moving here is that it's a very clicy (not sure if that's how it's spelt) place, your either in or your not. Also I find I think people think I'm a snob because I'm soo quiet and tend to keep myslef to myself. Again a no win situation.

Also regarding joining something with them, it's all too expensive or too far. I had already looked into that.

I do speak to my neighbours when I am out the back with the kids (I live in a tenament), the women down stair has 5 kids ranging from 6months to 10 years but to be honest she's a bit..........well.........two faced and a bit of a poop stirrer and I really don't connect well with people like that. I like more easy going people, nice people, I know it sounds like I am too picky but really I'm just a bit choosy because of the bad friends I have made in the past.

maybe I should post an add in the local paper,lol.

"Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!"

mama23girls
07-08-05, 18:56
How bout the library?? I don't know how it is in the UK but here in the states each town library offers fun , free things to do for both kids and adults. Craft/story times where you could meet other Moms or, if you could swing a sitter (a teenage girl or college student?) they sometimes have monthly book discussions or crafty type prgrams. Ours even has a photography club.
Your babies are still very small and you are in the thick of it. Mine are now 10,6 and 4 and I am just now feeling like I can breathe a bit. In another year your life is going to look totally different.
You mentioned the paper perhaps an ad that says something like "Stay at Home Mom of 3 seeking other Moms of young children for weekly park days" You could even post it about in the library at churches etc.

I get not having family support. My Mom lives close but has issues of her own.

Jessica
Mama to
Rain
Celeste
Riley Mei

mama23girls
07-08-05, 18:58
I realize you were joking about the ad but I think even a small flier in churches or libraries would be a good idea to start meeting other Moms.
Worth a shot anyway.

Jessica
Mama to
Rain
Celeste
Riley Mei

jammiebasket
08-08-05, 11:10
STRESS!!!STRESS!!!STRESS!!!STRESS!!!STRESS!!!STRES S!!!STRESS!!!

I feel like I am wound up like an elastic band about to snap today!!! I just can't take any of this any more! Everything that is going on and with how I am feeling I just can't do it!!!!!

From the minute I open my eyes in the morning I am runing about like a nutter after everyone else, listening to my 3 year old whine and throw tantrums till he goes to sleep at night, my man does sod all but lay about and whine and bitch and my twins just run riot!!!!!!! I can't take it anymore!!!

We have all just had a trip to town and to be honest I wish we never it was a frikin nightmare!! All my partner does is shout at me/kids but he doesn't help the situation!!!! Right now I just feel like I can choke him!!! I couldn't of landed my self a more selfish, lazy, horrible man if I tried!!!!!

I even have grey hairs creeping through, I am 21 for goodness sake!!!!
I am soooo livid with everything - what the hell is the point?!?!

aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggh hhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Well I am going to go and clean somthing because if I don't I think I will be doing time for murder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!"

Piglet
08-08-05, 11:31
Claire

I've just come on so seen your latest post - aww lovie I wish I could wave a magic wand for you and make it all easier.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry for you here as it all sounds so familiar but I can tell you with each year they get older it starts getting easier.
When they are so little the problems are largely practical ie; just not enough hours in the day, when they get older (like my lot) its a different set of worries.

At the moment you need to take one day at a time - does your partner know just how stressed out you are feeling.

I bet any mum with small kids reading your post thinks omg thats me!!!

Love Pig

pips
08-08-05, 11:57
Hi Claire,

Sorry you have having such a bad time hun.

Have you tried talking with your partner and asking him for more support. Tell him you need help.

I hope you manage to sort something hun i'm here if you wanna chat.

Take care,

love PIP'S X X

jammiebasket
08-08-05, 12:16
I could talk to my man untill was blue in the face, he doesn't care!!! As long as I'm still cooking and cleaning up after him he's fine!!!

I tell him how upset I am feeling and how stressed I am and his response is 'Well I'm stressed too'!!!! It's always about him and if it isn't he makes it that way!!! Like I said before he's selfish.

Right now he's moping about the house shouting, slamming doors and making my life an absolute misery!! saying things like 'Well it's obvious that you don't like me any more just say the word and I'm gone', how frikin selfish is that!!!! I'm feeling this way and all I ask is for a little bit of support and this is what I get day in day out!!!!

I know that I should just tell him to go, really what do I have him around for?! He's not a good dad, he doesn't work, he doesn't do anything but bitch and moan!!!

Really though what would you do?

"Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!"

mama23girls
08-08-05, 13:04
As long as I'm still cooking and cleaning up after him he's fine!!!

I say stop doing this..if he doesn't work and doesn't opffer any support don't enable his bad behavior by taking care of him. You are not his Mother. Your list of priorities are to you and your children at this point if he has made it cleaar he doesn't want a halthy relationship.
Have you considered couples counseling?

Jessica
Mama to
Rain
Celeste
Riley Mei

jammiebasket
08-08-05, 13:48
He wouldn't do councelling, it would be too much like hard work. Also he doesn't feel like he has done anything wrong, everything he does wrong is my fault somewhere along the line. He wont take responsibility for anything, not himself, not his kids, nothing! He just doesn't care.

I would love to think that I could ask him to go and everything be fine, but would it? Would my kids resent me like I did my mother? Could I handle being on my own again?

I have this big issue with being on my own just now, mainly with how I am feeling but I think the fact that I have spent most of my adult life and motherhood on my own I'm scared to be in tha situation again.

I don't want to live like this anymore I am begining to hate him but at the same time I don't want to be on my own!! That is exactly what I would be on my own, I have no-one here but him and moving back home is out of the question as I don't know what's worse mum or him?!

I really don't know what I have done to deserve this. I am not a greedy person, I like to think I am not selfish, I'm caring, giving ect so why have I been landed with this. Is it because I've just let it happen? probably!

I shouldn't of taken him back the last time. When he left me for that wee tart I should of just let him stay there, but the minute he said he missed me and wanted to come home I said ok!! I was soo anxious when he came back for days I couldnt sleep for thinking 'have I done the right thing?'. It felt like I had done something really bad, my stomach was in knots!! Here I am just over a year later and no further forward, he's still an ******* and I'm still upset and a nervous wreck constantly!!! I just don't know what to do anymore. I would like to think he would change, but I feel I am just kidding my self on. I give him chance after chance, I support him in all his stupid plans and idea's with the stupid notion that all he needs is a little love and incouragement!! Not really the case though is it?! He doesn't care enough. How could anyone who care's about someone treat them the way he treats me!

He's left me soo many times I have lost count, he's been behind my back god knows how many times, he's even left me for a 16 year old!! Yet I am still here with a WELCOME sign on the back of my head! I compulsevly eat because I am so bored and upset with myself. I look in a mirror and feel disgusted with what I see. He makes me feel horrible and sad all the time. He's even taken to harrassing me for sex (sorry to embarrass you) and when I say no because I feel so disgusting and un-atractive, he fall's out with me and starts calling me names!! What the hell does he expect, he's made me feel this way (I believe on purpose) and is then mad with because of how I feel!! He knows how unhappy I am with my weight and how disgusting I feel yet he say 'I like your big bum and that just keep it'!!, how would that make you feel!!

I am just sick to death of no-one actually giving a crap and always treating me like I don't matter!! I DO matter and should be made to feel like I do!!!

If anyone has been here and has advice it would be greatly appreciated.

Take Carexx

Claire.

"Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!"

Piglet
08-08-05, 14:21
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">
He makes me feel horrible and sad all the time.

I am just sick to death of no-one actually giving a crap and always treating me like I don't matter!! I DO matter and should be made to feel like I do!!!

If anyone has been here and has advice it would be greatly appreciated.

Take Carexx

Claire.

"Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!"

<div align="right">Originally posted by jammiebasket - 08 August 2005 : 13:48:23</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">


Claire hun,

When you are in an unhappy relationship you can be far more lonely than if you were on your own.

Are your little ones by this guy??

Whilst I can't really relate to my ex being like your partner, I certainly can tell you what being a single parent is like. Mine were 3,6 & 8 when we split up and yes the last 10 years have been really hard (but a lot of fun too at times) but no harder than staying in an unhappy marriage would have been for me.

It's a shame that he won't go to counselling as I do think its important to explore all avenues before ever calling it a day (regret that we didnt do this).

I dont think your kids would hold it against you - I have an exceptionally close relationship with my kids and I think they know I maybe a bit soppy at times but I love them to death and my eldest despite now house sharing with friends always comes to me with any sorts of problems.

The friends you have on here do care how you are - and yes you are very important. Its also important for you to try and create a happy life for yourself as this impacts all the way down to the smallest member of the houshold and all in between.

Keep talking Claire and you will begin to see the way forward.

Love Pig

jammiebasket
08-08-05, 15:02
yes my children are to him. I just wish he would realise that. I think that he thinks being a father begins and ends at the begining if you get my meaning!

anyways thats me had a good cry and an argument with him, it's got me no further forward with my relationship or anything else for that matter but I feel that I have released a little of the tension!

i'm just going to go and sit in a quiet corner of the house and try and forget everything because i am sick to death of worrying and dwelling on everything.

he doesn't care and wont ever care and i think that i am just going to have to accept that. i don't think anybody else would ever give me a second look any way, i'm fat, short, ugly, a dodgy hair cut (thanx to a dodgy hair dresser,lol) and my latest is spot!! like i don't have enough problems with apperance they decided to throw them in for good messure.

anyways i'm sure everyone is sick of hearing me go on and on. i will let you all go now.

take care everyone

claire

"Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!"

Meg
08-08-05, 15:20
Claire

**I really don't know what I have done to deserve this**
You haven't done anything at all. Stuff happens to everyone at some point. You're only 21 - once you get this chapter in your life sorted out the next 50 years may be fab.

You have options -

First I suggest you get Citizens Advice Bureau help.

You have kids so you will get priority help if you choose to go but you could also ask him to leave either permently or as a break for a bit.

Accepting where you are now is good as you can decide which bits need attention first.






Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

jammiebasket
09-08-05, 12:10
Well last night after I had a good cry and that, I went into chat room whilst my man went to a friends house, he said he was going to give me some space (about ****** time,lol). Anyways whilst in the chat room I heard someone come in and I just assumed it was him coming home. no it was my down stairs neighbour coming up with her baby. I about had a heart attack as the visit was soo out of the blue. I started to feel really nervous and panicky, I managed to keep it under control thankfully but it's definatly had it's toll on me today!

With all the arguing and crying I did yesturday and then the unexpected visit. I couldn't sleep last night and today I am just a wreck. I can't stop yawning, my eyes are blood shot and sore, my head it thumping and the list goes on.

I just can't believe how panicky I was last night, I came out in a sweat rash in the short time she was and that's no joke. I don't even know what it was we were talking about, I was concentrating too much on my breathing and not going into total panic.

My man and I are barely speaking today, which isn't nessesarily a bad thing, I need a bit of peace,lol. He actually got up this morning and hoovered! My god I nearly fainted! It gets better though, he then went and got the kids dressed and saw to their breakfast![:O][:O][:O][:O][:O]
Think maybe what I had to say yesturday hit home?! Long may it last, other wise I see no other option but to ask him to leave.

I am soo tired, I am away to give the kids there dinner and then see if they will go for a nap as they have been up since 6am![|)]:(And maybe I can get a bit of sleep too.

Thank you everyone for your support, I really appreciate it right now.

Take Carexx

Claire

"Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!"

Piglet
09-08-05, 15:20
Hi hun

That was good to get a bit of help today from your guy wasnt it - step in the right direction!

Sorry I missed you in chat last night I was in and out a bit - I like to make sure i get an evening walk in most nights as it helps with the agoraphobic feelings.

Maybe catch you tonight.

Love Pig[8D]