View Full Version : Two weeks without contact.. continued
Hi, thanks, i just had the sudden jolt urge when i wrote my previous post, and its nothing easy even now but i kind have some control! yay! hehe.
I find it weird not talking to him as around 10 is our time for the conversations so i am always working round that, and in a way i find it liberating not to have to order my life around talking to him at 10. Not that he makes me mind you!! i must say its personaly choice but still, its nice to think, ooh i wanna watch this etc and can!
I miss his voice but i can relax at the same time cos im not overwhelemed by my emotions for him as i know theres nothing much i can do. Weird how we work isnt it?
But i will say this, i may be ok-ish at the moment, that can change VERY quickly, hehe, i am a rollercoster big time at the moment!
Thank you sal by the way for saying i can lean on you guys, its nice to know, cos people on this site will all have some idea as to love being not just intense but the anxiety makes you sort of needy in a way, and as my boyfriend mark calms me and balances me, i notice the lack of the better side of me when i dont have him around or to talk to...Ill be like that for myself one day but im at the start of the race at the moment so i still need my mark to make me level out.
Emily XXXX[:o)]
Power of the mind is incredible, we got thinking negative by it, we can get out thinking positive too!
Glad you are coping ok Emily. Well done you!! :D
"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal
You are doing great hun and i hope it carries on but you know we are all here to support you.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Hi, i am having a bit of a low moment at the ... well moment!![^]..
I have felt almost relieved i havent had to speak to mark which is sorta true, just no pressure (from myself) at talking to him etc. But the no missing him thing is my safety mechanism i have when i feel too much of something, like missing him, i therefore dont really miss him at all, which sometimes backfires as my worry thinks i dont love him so i get confused! Thankfully i haven't really felt like that at all, but if i do i know my mum can slap me out of it..metaphorically speaking!!
I just feel weird not being able to talk to him, the last few days have been horrid the first day cos its breaking habbit, but then ok.. but now i just sort of feel it should be over, and tonight i should speak to him or be able to text him and get a reply.. he is my everything and i love him so much, i just feel a little sad at being unable to talk to him and my chest feels tight (dont worry you guys i wont panic over it honest[8D]) cos i am getting upset about missing contact.:(
I have never felt so complete as i do with Mark which astounds me completely, and he is my friend as well, i would go talk to when i feel low etc, so i miss the boyfriend part, i want to go to mark the friend and say about it but i havent got either part of him to talk to which is not nice..
I had a horrible horrible day yesterday just being bored out my skull, i know i should keep busy but its hard when any of the people you'd ask to do something with, are busy at work, or out, and there is nothing on telly etc and you have no money.. it kinda stops the whole thing happening. I haven't really gone out since he has gone on holiday due to no one being free etc, but tonight i am going out to the pub (places i try to avoid i might add) with my friend, also called Emily. So i am at least going out, and combatting my anxiety in the process.
I wish i could tell mark when i get back from the pub though :([Sigh...], ill just have to put it in my letter instead... which is starting to grow!
Sorry for going on for such a long amount, i forgot to mention about yesterday, last night.
Emily X
Power of the mind is incredible, we got thinking negative by it, we can get out thinking positive too!
Hope you have a nice time at the pub tonight Emily!! You really are coping well - I'm sure he'll be back before you know it..:D
"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal
Well, i went out saturday night and felt relatively ok really! I felt slightly uncomfortable and told Emily who i went with, just so she knew, and she said i'd be fine. It didn't take long for me to settle and then we saw someone we knew who was there with other old friends. After the pub closed we went to his house with the others and i played table tennis which i haven't done for yonks so that was fun.
I really needed that evening, to get out and to have gone somewhere cos i was getting really low not going out and not being able to do cos people were busy, yet i wanted to.
I haven't recieved a post card from Mark yet... he said he would send one from New York and one from Disney at least... i dont know how long they take but i have started thinking he has forgotten me and is having so much fun he has forgotten to send me a post card...
But he has a photo of me with my phone numbers and address on so surely he hasn't forgotten im here?? i know im being silly but its easy for him to forget me, i mean how the hell would i compete and win against being in an amazing place with amazing things??:(
I hope it is me being silly and that he still thinks im wonderful or something and hasn't forgotten me, and misses me.
I cant believe how slow time is going as well, grr!! damn time![:o)].
Well hope i get the post card soon, and time goes quicker, cos this is so frustrating and not easy[Sigh...]
Emily
Power of the mind is incredible, we got thinking negative by it, we can get out thinking positive too!
Emily - you're doing great and yes snailmail seems to take longer each year but I think we're so focussed on instant everything now so it just seems that way.
**I had a horrible horrible day yesterday just being bored out my skull** This is a real downer both in terms of bordom not being good for anxiety and a wasted day.
You don't have to spend money to do things during the day - especially with anxiety as we're happy with small gains. Local galleries, libraries, walks,gardening, elaborate baking- start your Christmas cake, pickles, drop in community yoga etc.
BBC.co.uk where I live or something and whats on often turns up unexpected opportunities.
Take it gently but try to keep occupied.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
It'll be the half way mark tomorrow and i cant wait to cross over that boundary. The time going so slow is really frustrating but there's not much i can do about it apart from wait it out.
I am realising how much i have a connection with mark, and ignoring my worries of do i love him etc that i always go through with stuff like this, i really miss him. I was watching hopeless husbands last night and it really touched me how people can change and improve themselves, and i thought about things i do which are to do with my paranoia and anxiety and how i really must try to lessen them, not only for myself but to make mark happier in our relationship (well more happier then he is).. and it made me want to hug him and to say i do care, but its frustrating not being able to, not even on the phone. I still haven't recieved a postcard, but as was said to my last post, snailmail (i do like and agree with that term) does take its time, and he is abroad too.. i just cant wait for any kind of contact from him.
Im just venting my thoughts and frustration here, i know i have to occupy myself and what not, and i haven't lost my sanity yet so alls well that i am coping.. i just miss him is all, he really is the ying to my yang and i feel we are one person rather then two people, thats why i find it being apart with no contact. Anyway, thanks for letting me outlet my thoughts [:I] XXX
Power of the mind is incredible, we got thinking negative by it, we can get out thinking positive too!
Glad you're doing well and if you can find a way of self development this week too - then bonus .
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
:D[Yes!]YAY!! I GOT THE POSTCARD!!!!:D[Yeah!]:)
Not that i ever doubted it!![?][8)][:o)]....hehe.
He also sent me a letter, which he wrote after 40 hours of no sleep!! Instead of waiting til the night after, he did it the night they were there on the first day, which was really really lovely for him to do when he must have been so exhausted!
That really perked me up and when i first read them whilst lying in bed (cos i haven't got anywhere else thats comfortable in my room), i just was there afterwards holding them to my chest and i felt very peaceful:).. For the moment i am a happy bunny again, til it wears off and i miss him more, hehe, but ill be ok, one week down one to go! AND The mummy returns is on tonight, one of my fave films which i haven't seen for ages, yay!:D
[:o)]Emily[:o)] X
Power of the mind is incredible, we got thinking negative by it, we can get out thinking positive too!
Nice one Emily
Not long now !
Hi, i have just read an article on the bbc website (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/kent/4142100.stm) about an old couple who have married after not seeing each other for years. They broke up because he loved football so much and she couldnt stand it... :(Thats set me off getting all worried cos mark supports bolton wanderers and loves football, admittedly he isnt as bad as he could be but i still hate it and wish he would be less obsessive about the sport..
This article has made me worry that we'll split up because of my dislike for the sport (although sometimes i am ok with it), and that itll be my fault or worse, that he wont compromise... He isnt back for another few days from his holiday so i dont want to think about this too much but i know its not something ill forget easily....:(
Oh god, i wish it wasn't such a problem, its just a stupid interest so why do i have such a problem? If there is anyone, female or male, from either my perspective or the footie fans, that has been through this and it has worked then could you give me some pointers on how to chill out about it? Or how you would appreciate your partner to be if theyre like me? Thanks X
Power of the mind is incredible, we got thinking negative by it, we can get out thinking positive too!
nomorepanic
12-08-05, 14:44
Has your partner ever said that this would be an issue between you?
Everyone has likes and dislikes but it doesn't mean they will split up over it. My partner loves motor racing and I hate it but we don't argue over it. He watches it and I do other stuff whilst it is on.
There are always compromises to be made.
I am sure things will be fine between you.
Nicola
"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"
He says we should do things that the other doesnt do, like time apart, hobbies etc, but this is where part of it is entirely my problem rather than it being his.. We are both new to the whole relationship thing, and although i have had two boyfriends, one physical, before him, i am still new to it... so he is being himself, which is the there is nothing we can do so dont worry type person, and i love him so much that i dont know how to direct that love, (if that makes sense?) so anything short of 24 7 being together isnt enough.
The football could also be me being selfish i have thought before, 'cos i want him to focus solely on me but his big passion is football... and as i am his first girlfriend, and he isnt comfortable talking to girls, my jealousy in a way is with football... God i must sound like such a horrible person:(...
I hope we dont split up over it, and i dont think as marks on holiday, he has any intention of breaking up so its just my over active imagination mixed in with fears etc...
Thanks nomorepanic X
Power of the mind is incredible, we got thinking negative by it, we can get out thinking positive too!
Only two days (estimate) left! yay! Although two days weill drag 'cos thats how it goes but i look forward to hearing Marks voice on the phone being silly no doubt and trying to be funny by firing me up (in the good way) grrr :Dhehe.
I haven't got a post card from disneyland yet but i dont know when he will have sent it so i might get it after he comes back, who knows? doesn't matter too much though, i have my other one and letter:D!
xxxxxxxxxxx
Power of the mind is incredible, we now think negative by it, we can get out thinking positive too!
Sue K with 5
15-08-05, 12:48
hi ya
the one thing about this site is no matter what the problem is someone is always here to lend a helping hand !
you will never be totally alone and isolated because the people on here understand
Hope things get better
sue with 5
scknight
This is pure torture! because it is so close to him coming back and me being able to speak to him on the phone, i cant stop thinking about mark and then also i cant stop thinking how much id want to be able to hug him and hold him and kiss him but cant, ill have to wait til either i go to see him or he comes to see me.. which is something we shall discuss when we get to speak on the phone. Argh!!! I hate the waiting game i really do.. ill be ok, just a bit emotional because of body getting ready for female thing... (sorry if i have offended anyone).. and i get very insecure with it too so here goes self rationalisation and in comes mum slapping me on the wrist!
Emily X
Power of the mind is incredible, we now think negative by it, we can get out thinking positive too!
HE'S BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY YAY YAY YAY!!! he phoned me and was on the phone over an hour bless him!! and said he missed me and loves me :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D.. wahoo!! AND i have another post card, which i was wondering if he would remember to send, but its just gonna get here after he has! And when i said oh good i thought you would forget about me, he asked me why would he? :D:D:D:D:D:D yay!
Lots of happy things!
Power of the mind is incredible, we now think negative by it, we can get out thinking positive too!
Great news!! :D
"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal
You've done really well these last 2 weeks so congratulate yourself..
Have a good meet up
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
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