please talk to me im cracking up from stopping my meds

[shellywelly]

hi all,im 36 and im really in a state with myself i dont know were to start.i have been taking paroxetine for 3yrs but stopped them last october as i didnt want to be on them anymore,well about a 3 weeks ago i rang for a prescription for them again as i was soo depressed,but last week i stopped them again abruptly because i was getting palpatations and shakes and crying about things so i had 3 weeks on them then ive just stopped again.i have a fiance and 2 boys 8 and 17 my fiance was made redundant in october and all we do is sit around the house all day until our payday which is when i feel happier,i dont feel happy about anything unless the sun is out and im having a glass of wine.on friday i was in quite a happy mood considering i wasnt even having a drink,then yesterday i was shocking like this big dark cloud was over me and i couldnt get rid of it.i was that bad by 3pm i went to cry on bed.i even tried pulling the scarf i was wearing round my neck real tight just to see what it felt like (i would never harm myself)all i do is sleep im in bed most days for 5pm then if i have a drink on a weekend im out of it by 4pm and go to bed for the rest of the day,then fall asleep about 8pm then wake about 12pm and lay awake with my head thinking and worrying about things till around 3pm when i finally go over.i have had palpatations last week which is the main reason i stopped my meds again because it scares me so much,but ive been shaking had bad headaches which i never get,i feel physicaly sick somedays thinking ive got something wrong with me.we was due to be married on the 15th april 09 but weve cancelled it as im soo scared of people looking at me even though there is only 15 people from both sides of our family attending,the reception was even going to be in my house as i dont want a big fuss im so afraid to do anything away from my home were i feel safe,what is wrong with me?do i go back on the meds or stay off them,i dont like the side effects of the meds,after about a year and half of taking the meds i got slurred speach for about 4 days,palpataions nearly every day,head shocks,but i did feel better and relaxed in myself so i decided to come off them thinking i was better,but then i went downhill in a flash so i went back on them,so now this is the 3rd time ive come off them abruptly,i dont tell my gp i just do it myself.since i stopped taking the last tablet about a week ago the palpatations have stopped,but im so miserable about life,i dont know what to do for best.im actually sat here now feeling so proud because ive not had a drink for 2 days how sad is that,but i know for a fact if its a lovely day today the wine will be flowing,i dont seem to know myself anymore who the real me is,when im not depressed im the life and soul even my brother rang me at 3pm yesterday to come with his family to my house to have a drink with them but i couldnt even bring myself to let them come round,he was shocked how down i was,which does my head in because people think im so happy happy! sorry if this is all over the place i just type how it comes into my head.i just want to be happy about life again. can anyone advise me,thanks for listening michelle...

[marie.s]

michelle..go back to your doctor..asap..never stop taking meds your self hun..that just makes you worse..also drinking can make you worse also.what your going through is normal..if i can call it that..have you had a look on the forums michelle there is a lot of good advice on here love..if you can have a look..stop feeling guilty for the way you feel..you are ill just for a while you WILL get better..go back to your gp..there are plenty of meds out there ,,you will get 1 that will work for you ..you must tell your gp everything babe so he can help you ..remember michelle we are all here for each other on here ..you will get by love.i used to come off my meds all the time..BUT IT ONLY SETS YOU BACK EVEN MORE..FEEL FREE TO MESSAGE ANY TIME..AND GOOD LUCK HUN.X

[faith]

you sound as though you are drowning in booze and pills and misery may I suggest Alcoholics anonymous where you will find like minded people who are like you and those who are much much better and who have got their lives together, I think this will be more helpful than a GP but your doctor could refer you to a counsellor for alcohol and lifes problems. It seems to me that if you are smashed in the afternoons and have physical symptoms that alarm you then alcohol is a problem for you . My sister has been a member of AA for over thirty years and your story sounded familiar Take care

[Southern_Belle]

Hi Shelly,

I agree that you never go off these medications by yourself. You must go to your doctor and he can wean you off slowly (and I think this particular drug) with liquids. You could also try counseling to see what is making you depressed and/or anxious. Drinking is also a depressant so it just makes you more depressed and it is an endless cycle. Please let us know what your doctor says and you will feel better once you get straightened out on your medication. No matter how bad or good you are feeling though, please never play doctor on yourself again.

Do take care.

Laura

[shellywelly]

hi sorry ive not got back sooner as i didnt realize i had my email notifications turned off :) well im feeling a lot better than when i last posted.i know you advise me to go back to my gp to maybe try a new med but i dont want to be on any nomore.this 3rd time of coming off them has really put me off been on them.im in my 2nd week off been off them and im feeling great today and yesterday i was fine and sunday.i dont really feel i need to go to AA i do like a drink on a weekend with my family as most people do but i dont drink in the week and i definately dont wake up wanting a drink,its just a weekend thing really fri and sat,i know the drink doesnt help as it is a depressant.i think this has been the worst i have felt coming off for the 3rd time,last thurs i was like a zombie i had a splitting headache across my temple i could hardly see as if it was foggy,and i was literally shaking making my sons tea,that was after about the 4th day of coming off them,but this 2nd week i feel more myself,ive had a talk with my fiance hes very understanding as i have been a bit of a pain to him these past few weeks.i am going to keep a diary of how i get on aswell.i remember when i took the 1st tablet around 4weeks ago on the 2nd day we went shopping and i felt like i was floating round the shops very strange feeling.my mam also knows how i feel as she was depressed when she was around age 30 and was on vallium and allsorts and she thought she was dying most days she said she went through hell,(shes fine now)her 5 sisters have also suffered from depression so not sure if this is a gene thing in my family,she told me i shouldnt of come off them the 1st time but after over 2yrs of been on them you think your fine,maybe if i had gone to my gp to be slowly weened off them i wouldnt have had to go back on them another 2times in desperation.i know i wont go back on them as im too scared of the palpatations which i must get as a side effect (not all the time but i dont like the feeling),these have completely gone now as if im slowing back down again,ive also been doing some deepbreathing exercises,im going to try and think more positive,ive got a lovely family and 2 gorgeous boys and fiance who think the world of me,a lot of how i feel is down to having a bad image of myself and how people see me,as i think people look at me and think im fat i know im not but when i was in my teens i was rather big and i have been called fat cow in the street by complete strangers,i think this has had a deep effect on my self esteem,i was also cheeted on by my ex when my eldest son was 5months old which hurt me deeply.(havent seen him in nearly 17 yrs).i was asked by my gp when i 1st went on my meds 3yrs ago if i wanted to be referred to a counsellor but i turned down the offer,i seem to go on websites and forums about how i feel really. well im off to make a cuppa tea now,im up brite n early today,thankyou all again i will keep in touch,tc shelly :hugs: xx p.s ive put a little pic on of me on my profile so you can see who your typing to lol xx