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bananas13
30-03-09, 03:07
ive been suffering from panic and anxiety since november and it caused me to come home from college for a semester. it's been a difficult road... ive been in the behavioral health ward (voluntarily) twice. im on a few meds now that keep me stable most of the time, but i have my setbacks.

ok, so for the past week or so ive had some strange new symptoms. my main problem is that i think way too deeply about everything... i basically over analyze life and being human and it scares me.

ive been overthinking my body and my sense of sight... its really weird! its like i suddenly realized "whoa... im in a body... i cant see myself... my brain is controlling my body... this is so weird! why is this suddenly weird? ive lived my whole life like this and been absolutely fine!"

its really bizarre... and i keep having to distract myself from thinking about it. i've had derealization before (december and january) and i know what that feels like... but this is just weird and its scaring me!

has anyone else ever had this problem? i just need to relate to someone so i can feel a little sense of relief.

072106
30-03-09, 04:27
Greetings!

First off, let me say that you are not alone.

I am too a full time college student. First year might I add, though I am not away at school, it's still rough. I have some really boring classes. And when I say boring, I fall asleep thru some of the lecturs. I'm also in EMT school and volunteer firefighter.

Second, I started to begin to feel this way the beginning of the month. It was so rediculous, omg. I would do the whole "wow I can't believe i'm seeing things through my eyes" like it was the first time or something.. And I overanalyze every small or non exsistant bump/pain/burn/tingle/sensation i got going on in my body I would've ignored if i wasn't on work-overload.
I too questioned the human life.

It started to get really bad to where I realize I felt like I was just exsitanting rather than going on and living. Part of it was the way I chose to live my life this month.

Here is an example of my scheduele:
7am: get up
8am: 1st class.
11am: 2nd class
12:30pm: 3rd class
2:00pm: go home
5:00 :eat
7:00: emt
10:30 go home.

that's how it is every... single... day..
it's consistant.. and i t hink that's what put me in the funk in the first place.. realizing i was doing the same thing every single day with barely any supportive friends, or a loved one.

Perhaps you can look into a community college to go to or take up a small job to get you into a groove of living again? Or.. take some nice walks around your neighborhood or park and start a hobby.

I hope everything works out for you.
If you need anything, dont hesitate to PM me

Nicola_lou
30-03-09, 05:47
Hi, I also have the same thoughts, it started when I was driving home anxiety
Was high and I had a fear of losing control. And then these thoughts and I had
Images of the human body like in a science book just the skeliton. And I was thinking
My brain does everything.
Then I was worried cause I though this sounds like what a child would ask and though I had alzeimas, sorry spelling sh**. So is it anxiety thoughs or depreal.... I think it both.
Hey and I didn't no you could go to hospital with pa and anxiety

bananas13
30-03-09, 07:39
well im going back to school in the fall... just taking some down time right now because of all the stuff i've been through.

i went to the hospital because my panic was so bad that i thought i was gonna throw myself out a window... i know that at least in the US they have behavioral health wards that you can stay for up to a week to pull yourself together and get on the right meds. i was extremely depressed and wasnt aware that what i had was anxiety, so i needed to be there.

well im glad im not alone. its like i suddenly realized that im a creature with a brain that's controlling everything i do and think... the weirdest thing is thinking "i can see the world... but i cant see myself"

i almost want to laugh at myself for having such stupid thoughts, but they scare me and i dont know why. i just wanna stop. =(

goingmadder
30-03-09, 09:42
Hey KMlittle

You definately are not on your own..

These thoughts can be so overwhelming, You slide down them and lose control...

I sat with a friend once and we were having a chat and I suddenly blurted out to her, "have you ever felt the back of your head?" She looked at me like Hu What the F**k?" so she put her hand to the back of her head and I said "no, have you ever felt the back of your head without touching it with your hand".. this confused her more but to me it was a totally logical question so i explained it to her..

If you look at your hand you can pinpoint a spot and feel it, you can feel the air on it or a tingle or whatever... so have you ever felt the back of your head"...

I had, and could and still do... i can pinpoint any part of my body and feel it... and that drove me nuts for a time btu the worse part was it led to more analyzing of everything.. In my worst moments (also back in college) I was doing Biology and I was given an exercise where we had to measure parts of a cell using the mitochondriah as our scale. Anyway long story short, i did the exercise and called the lecturer over .. i asked him "whats inside that?" He siad i didn't need to know that to pass the exams, this wasn't good enough so I went off on one whats inside that protons electrons neutrons, whats inside all of those.. obviously i got him to a point where he had no answer and It drove me insane, I had to leave the class, shouting how could he have the cheek to teach when he doesnt know these things ,...

I actually quit college because I had become so analytical of everything and turned it in on myself the same as you have, Wow I am seeing through my eyes but i can't see myself, even thoughts like you can pretty much experience anything you want in this life except " I'll never know what a man feels when he has an orgasm" i know whats wierd but it drove me nuts for ages.. like i would never ever be able to fully understand how it felt.. i think thats where alot of it comes from.. the need to FULLY understand something, an inability to just let things be what they are without question, a longing for logic and reason where logic and reason have no place...

I could go on and on about all the crazy and analytical thoughts i have posed myself and others over the years but I wont bore you with them :)

I guess knowing Im not the only one helps.. I just posted on another thread a specific negative thought which Il quickly share here for relevance. I have thought at times that i have downsyndrome and that the people around me are simply humoring me.. Hows that for Nuts? I know its not sure and i realsie how irrational it is.. but whtn that thought has entered my mind it seems tooooo true, soo accurate...

ANyway, We're all in the same boat here although our symptoms wont always be the same... but we can understand eachother and relate to the anxiousnes...

I do hope you feel better ...

Take care

X

bananas13
01-04-09, 05:51
I would do the whole "wow I can't believe i'm seeing things through my eyes" like it was the first time or something.. And I overanalyze every small or non exsistant bump/pain/burn/tingle/sensation i got going on in my body I would've ignored if i wasn't on work-overload.
I too questioned the human life.

The best way I can describe this feeling is like I suddenly became aware that I was alive and inside a body and witnessing everything with my eyes... and I keep thinking "whoa... I have organs, and bones, and a brain controlling everything... life is so weird! Why is this suddenly weird?" When I let the anxiety get the best of me, I just wanna like jump out of my body because I feel weirdly colostrophobic (sp?).

It feel like I was just given sense of sight and am totally weirded out by it... but I know it's just the anxiety doing this to me because I've obviously lived 19 years of my life and been just fine. I just want to stop thinking about it. :weep:

Does it go away??


We're all in the same boat here although our symptoms wont always be the same... but we can understand eachother and relate to the anxiousnes...

I'm glad that you guys can relate to me... it makes me feel a lot better. I know I just need to stop thinking about it, but it's hard. With my anxiety, once one symptom goes away, another one comes along. Before this whole brain/sense of sight thing, I was anxious about my breathing. It's a never ending cycle!

I can distract myself for short periods of time, but then my mind automatically checks to see if I'm thinking about it again. Anxiety is so awful.

I'm glad I'm not alone though.

goingmadder
02-04-09, 14:28
Hi Kaylee Marie,

'I can distract myself for short periods of time, but then my mind automatically checks to see if I'm thinking about it again. Anxiety is so awful.'

This is the part of Anxiety that freaks me the most, because its the part that makes the Negative thoughts harder to deny.

I know exactly what you mean. If i am calm and collected and Haeppy for a while, the minute i become aware of the fact that im ok, my brain decides it should check almost like I shouldn't be ok, i should be feeling crap and the Anxiety kicks in again.

It's exhausting to say the least.

Have you tried CBT? I have not yet but would like to if my anxiety doesn't start improving soon.

What you said about becoming aware of your breathing.. Thats happend to me, to the point that i start trying to control it and worry that i'l scre up the volutary muscles and they wont work and Il stop breathing and well you see how the mind can catastrophise the situation...iv ended up out of breath with pulpatations and all sorts..

The desire to jump out of your body is known to me too... Its like we analyse everything one thing at a time within us, down to cells and it becomes all so wierd and just unbeleivable that all of that works just like that with no real effort on our part...

So many things to drive us up the wall...

Does this tend to hapen when you are alone or is it all the time? I had to quit Biology A level because it was the equivilant of an HA sufferer surfing the web for symptoms...

Have you tried meditation? Perhaps rather than avoiding your body you could become one with it through meditation?

I hope you've been feeling better of late hun

big hugs

LittleWing
03-04-09, 21:32
I have been feeling this way most of the time.
Sometimes I think it might be a way of my mind distracting itself from things I have to be getting on with (studies and dissertation).
Whenever I think of these things my stomach hurts and I get really worried.

I never heard of depersonalisation until really recently and I'm so glad I found some explanation for how I've been feeling. It scares me a lot, but not as much as it used to, because now I understand it's a symptom of anxiety and most of the time I think I can let it pass.

You're not alone.
LW xx