Hurting

[indie44]

And am not dealing with it in a good way.. Just had enough the last couple of days. I have not had anything to eat since saturday. I am just to upset to eat. And just don't care. I feel so lonely and fed up. Went to see a couseller today one i had saw last year for the anxeity there is stuff though she can't help with so will help to go elsewhere. But now i won't see her till end of April which is not great. But there is nothing i can do. She has gave me numbers for some others so will try them. And told me to go back to relate, which again will take a few weeks even if i do this. All i need at moment is someone that i can see next week to talk to. Not next month. My head is just gone at moment and i know not having any food is not helping. I want to wake up tomorrow and for all this to have gone, as am just fed up now of feeling this crap and this hurt about some things.

[NoPoet]

"No post goes unanswered -- nobody gets left behind"

Hi Indie44, I'm sorry you're not feeling good at the moment. The silver lining of your dark cloud is here:


I want to wake up tomorrow and for all this to have gone, as am just fed up now of feeling this crap and this hurt about some things.
There seem to be reasons why you feel the way you do. If you can identify these reasons, you can find ways to deal with them. This is often the hardest part as you are directly confronting something that you naturally want to run away from. You must do it -- there is no alternative -- hiding from your problems is tantamount to surrender.

Don't worry though, you don't have to face everything straight away. Just take baby steps, work through it gradually.

You can always speak to the Samaritans on 08457 909090 and if you are lucky, you might even get to speak to my uncle Ron ;)

You should surround yourself with people you care about. You need friendship and companionship. Eventually you might be able to start talking about your problems with your friends, and that's another step towards finally being rid of the problems once and for all.

[Asha1979]

Hey hang in there have you gone to your doctor? Perhaps you should be taking antidepressants while you wait for your next councilling session x

[indie44]

Hey and thankyou for replying, I am on anti depressants have been for nearly two months now. They seemed to take the edge of it then i went back down hill and even thought about asking for them to be put up, just before i saw the counseller. Things then level of again, but the last few days have been so hard. I have just being staying in bed again, just don't see the point of getting up, I got up yesterday as a mate was going to come over and we where going to go out, i was looking forward to this a lot. They had to cancel it due to being unwell.. Which is fair enough, but the part of me that isn't great half expected it and was just waiting for the text to tell me.. So i was left feeling alone again for yet another day. I don't have many friends here, i have friends else where but hardly see them. All i can think of at moment is getting through a bad day. I feel so alone and isolated at the momet. I went out yesterday in car and when i got to where i was going for a walk, i then thought no, and ended up back in car and came home. I thought things where getting easier but not the last few days.. I miss someone a hell of a lot and I can't even tell them.

[indie44]

last 3 days have been really bad, last 3 days i've just stayed in bed, till well into the afternoon, today i got up at 5pm, didn't see any point to it. All i am doing is isolating myself further, its like am going back to a few years ago and am not even that bother that i am. Even though i have fought to be where i am at today. What do i do with all these feelings of being so alone and hurt. What do i do when someone i was with for a while took everything away from me. When that person used to have little digs at me, threw a lamp at me. Say about my driving, even though they failed there test on more than one occasion. Take my belief in me away. I let them do this. When all i did was love them, care for them. My pain is not getting easier, the thoughts of death are still here. The fear that i will be isolated yet again in my life. I hate depression so much. I hate the fear it brings. The emptyness it brings.
Tonight is just another night of being alone, feeling alone, coming online to fill a gap. I hate all this.. I hate depession it sucks

[woody32]

Hi Indie, I also struggle day to day and can relate to the not wanting to get out of bed...I have a list of things to do, which I will do but wanted to post to you first. Are you going through a relationship break up also? just that you mentioned about this person..I have recently broken up too if it will help to talk..depression is horrible I agree, and finding the motivation can be impossible sometimes..do u think you could manage to eat a little something? even if its something on toast, or your favourite cereal? I also find it very isolating and spend a lot of time on my own...I try to keep busy as if i do nothing things are a lot worse and my mind races...like today i am going to paint my sons room...yes i was going to get up earlier, but i didnt, and am still going to do it...thats the thing, dont beat yourself up about things you haven't done...you are a worthy person and dont let anyone tell you different. If you want to chat im around ok..in between painting! lol..now try and eat something...just a little!!

[PoppyC]

Hi !
I am sorry you feel like you do. I have been there, like I am sure a lot of the people on this site have, and there is nothing worse than feeling depressed and alone, especially when a relationship has ended.
I am in a similar situation right now where its going wrong and the other person is not being fair I dont think. I am weighing up, do I stay and work through it or go, perhaps be happier, but be lonely and on my own.
I used to be so independent and now I feel like I wont be able to go through what I do living on my own -although my anti depressants have really helped me.
Loneliness feeds anxiety and depression I find. I also think a lot of what is classed as depression is pure loneliness.
If you had all your friends around you and you were going out lots, you would feel a lot better.However I know its not always possible for people to be around and at times we have to spend time on our own.
In the run up to my breakdown I was spending far too much time being on my own when I had anxiety and it was absolute hell.
It was loneliness that was causing me so much unhappiness. I was working all week and coming home to an empty house and all my friends were with their families and never wanting to go out. I was a single woman with a son at uni and living on my own.
I may have to go back to that again but I am thinking that now I am on anti depressants that I am feeling stronger. I am going to fill my days and some nights doing things as much as possible. I do work from home so that helps. Do you work? In the evenings can you get out to see your friend rather than him or her coming to see you? Do you have family you can visit or neighbours? Could you get involved in voluntary work or do a college class? Go to the gym?
Do you have pets? Taking your dog out for walks helps, plus pets I find are a big comfort when living on your own.
Lying in bed no matter how bad you feel with depression does not help it. Once you are up and moving about it will lift somewhat.
Make sure you are eating healthily, not drinking or smoking too much, getting a set bedtime routine. Dont sleep all day and be awake all night as that has been proven medically to cause depression and anxiety issues.
At least you have a car - I dont. You are fortunate in that respect.Drive out somewhere and go for that walk - dont allow yourself to return home until you have been for a walk. The fresh air and countryside is really beneficial in making us feel better.
I know when we are so low with anxiety and depression that making the effort to do anything seems one hundred times harder. Please try and fight it. Read books, keep the tv on or radio on as background noise, or put some uplifting music on....there is nothing worse than silence I find when I feel down.
I hope things improve for you. They will do as it wont always be like this for you if you make the effort and really try to overcome the loneliness in any way you can. :hugs:

[Anxious_gal]

could you ring those free phone numbers? like the samaritans? or they have helplines too for depression.
use the chat room, msn or even skype it may help you to feel less alone!
god i know the pain of depression too well, it is so unbelievably hard to be positive and to get your self out of that black hole.
one thing I've learned though as hard as it is , you have to help yourself!
i know it's easy to say, super hard to do!
try and reach out n find some support be it helplines, family, Internet people....
hope you get to see a therapist really soon x x
good on you too for not giving up!