question for everyone

[bluewoman]

I am not even sure how to word this but does anyone here feel like everything changed the after you developed anxiety or panic. i mean for 35 years i was a pretty happy, outgoing, social person, excited about life and then after my baby had my first panic attack and constant anxiety. now a year and a half later i still feel really icky- a lot of lightheadedness, low blood sugar feelings (what causes this anyway), disconnected, and very sad. i no longer really see the meaning of life anymore and feel very uncomfortable when i think of even doing normal fun stuff like going out with friends or taking a vaca. i feel like i will get really sick if i do that stuff and just do not feel up for it at all. the old me was pretty much up for anything.
so i guess what i am trying to say is does this sound familiar to anyone? and how can this totally take away the person i was before and why :( i still cannot believe it is all related to anxiety and depression ya know, i feel like i was one person one day and then another the next.
i am trying to go with the claire weeks book advice but then my mind says what if it is not myself making me anxious and something else?? if that is the case than all of the let if float stuff in the world is not going to help.
i guess if i truly believed (which i know is the key) that this is anxiety and i do have some control than maybe i could make some progress-- so i guess after all of this rambling does anyone else have a really hard time believing that anxiety took so much of thier old self away?

[NoPoet]

I am not even sure how to word this but does anyone here feel like everything changed the after you developed anxiety or panic.
God yes. But life is about change. Hopefully as we start to conquer our problems we will become stronger people for it. The person you were before hasn't gone anywhere, she's just waiting for the rain to stop so she can come out to play again :D

[popsy]

First of all :bighug1: to you.

I know exactly what you mean, i dont feel like the old me anymore, its like she walked out and left me with this other broken version! It makes me feel incredibly sad thinking about it......however sometimes i do catch a glimpse of the old me, so i know she's still there, somewhere.....

It sounds like maybe you are suffering with some post natal depression after having a baby, have you seen your GP? I definitely think you should. You can get help with this, i promise you, i have been getting help and i am improving - although it can be a two step forward one step back process, but you need to admit you need some help & i know thats a really hard thing to do.

Anxiety and depression robs us of knowing that things can be good again and we can get back to how we'd like to be, but WE CAN! :)

Sorry if this hasnt made much sense, i find it hard to get out exactly what i want to say, but so many people on here can understand how you feel and can support you and alot of them have got better from this and have their success stories, they HAVE found themselves again, it gives me hope, i hope it does you too.

:hugs: Remember to try NOT to fight this anxiety but instead accept its happening, once the fear of its gone & you truely know it cant hurt you it has no fuel to carry on...... then you'll too start to catch glimpses of the old you again, i promise.

XXXX

[PUGLETMUM]

:hugs: it wasnt like that for me, as id had my first episode of anxiety/depression at age 14 - however the anxiety i felt after i became a mum at 26 was much worse than id ever experienced before - i didnt have my own mum, i was isolated and i didnt understand enough about anxiety and depression.

it is thought that a large proportion of women get agoraphobia and other anxiety disorders after the birth of a child - its to do with the endocrine system - so what starts off as a pretty normal body reaction to childbirth become a disorder becasue there is no understanding or advice as to what is happening. this is what i think causes it:

stress of pregnancy - probably working and not in contact with anyone else who is pregnant

stress of childbirth - probably with partner who have no idea what youve just experienced

overwhelming feelings of responsibility with no-one to talk to about this, feeling that we are failing if we say anything negative.

total relentlessness of parenthood, which we had no prior warning about.

feelings of inadequacy about our role as parent and our appearance as compared to ppl in the media or images we see in the media.

physical and hormonal changes that may cause new sensations and experiences - eg hearing or seeing things due to sleep deprivation - that will freak anyone out!

isolated at home with baby all day with little or no motivation to go out if you are already feeling tired, starts a vicious circle

i dont think you start off depressed but after a while feeling like this you start to question everything and most of all like popsy said you want to go back to something as this new position is scary and uncomfortable!?

this is what happened to me, but at the time i would not have been able to see it like that at all - i was just tired, confused, lonely scared etc etc and it robbed me of the enjoyment of motherhood - i greive for that time now, as i have had 2 miscarriages since and i dotn think i will be havign anymore tries now - my age and finances are against me, plus my social situation hasnt changed since then becasue of my years of depression and anxiety:weep:

i think if you are in that situation there is nothing anyone can say or do to help you out of it - but i think you have to convince yourself that you are not alone, and that in some way this is a natural thing to happen given how the world is now - its a modern society thing i think ,it isnt you:hugs:

[goingmadder]

Hey Blue,

I'm sorry you're feeling as you are and I agree with whats been said about Post natal Depression.

I felt like that two after my first daughter but i had already been experiencing anxiety about 4 years previously. Having my daughter added to it and the depression i had been suffering became worse too. Unfortuneatly i didnt know i was suffering from Anxiety, i was convinced by this point i was an evil human being unworth of anything good because I had allowed my negative thoughts to reign over me as ultimate truths.. In terms of the Post natal depression, it eased somewhat but then i fell pregnant again not long after so it all came flooding back after the birth of my second daught.. shes 6 now and I pretty much spent the whole time depressed.. every reltionship i have had since 1998 has been a total disaster and id say at least 80% of it was caused by my anxiety..

Luckily though finding this website a few days ago has completely turned my world around.

The simple fact that there are so many others experiencing the same problems has helped me realise im not insane, not evil, not wierd or isolated..

Reading up about GAD, Depression and cognitive behavioural therapy has also given me amo to fight the anxiety when i feel it coming on. Its only been about a week but for the first time in 12 years iv managed to fight the anxiety and keep it at bay..

So far so good, there is hope honey and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

You have to want the sadness and aniety and grey skies to clear ... I made a decision last week that i was fed up of feeling so pointless, so down, so worried, so scared and promised myself that i would turn it around because i want my life back...

You can over come this... seek help from a psychotherapist that specialises in CBT, speak to your gp too but also just as importantly, speak to the people around you, your loved ones, friends, let them know how you have been feeling.

Get yourself back out in the world, join a mother and baby group so you can meet other mums, these are a great souce of support and advice regards your baby and motherhood, you'll see most mothers have the smae worries and anxities ... You'll have the opporunity of making friends and improving your self esteem ...

Have alittle faith in yourself... The fact that you have come on here shows you want to help yourself and thats the first step, your already on your way ...

PM me anytime you like ok...

You might not be able to see the sun shine right now but i promise you it is just behind those clouds and the clouds will eventaully break!

Big hugs to you

XX