DOUBTING GAD Please comment

[goingmadder]

Hey everyone,

I think im thinking too much!. Finding out about GAD was very helpful last week.. but now I can't stop thinking that its not GAD.. Im fidning it hard to convince myself that my negative thoughts aren't turths.

My anxiety is always quite isolated. Like I read peoples stories on here and their anxiety is about everything or lots of things.. mine seems to be isolated to one area.. as a general term il say love. The trigger is always getting into a relationship.. the thoughts start and its a downward spiral of doubt and pain.

In my calm moments i know what i want and i know i am in love and even writting this now i feel the warm glow inside. But when the thought start i get so worried and scared of hurting my baby breaking his heart, losing him etc.

Sometimes the negative thoughts aren't coupled with the feeling of anxiety, the rushing adrenaline and sometimes they are. The negative toughts are isolated to doubting just my love for him in that when it gets really bad i quetion how i feel about everyone in my life, children, family, friends... but its still always based on Love or doubts about love and always end with me feeling like an evil horrible person who doesn't deserve the people in my life.

Nothing else in life really gets to me, i have no problems with socialising ( except perhaps seeing i am quite extrovert when im out like over compensating and people pleaseing but i feel no anxiety) i'm fine with work, shopping normal everyday stuff... so if none of those things really cause me any trouble am i really suffering from GAD or am i using it as an excuse?

I'm so sick of feeling these negative emotions and all i really want is for it to go away so i can enjoy my life with my man and love him and build our lives together, get married have a family... I want all these things but my negative thoughts and emotions make it so hard and so scarry...

I just don't know anymore, i can't trust my own mind! I've lived like this for 12 years and so im more accustomed to beleving the negative thoughts then the positive ones..

Any comments advice or suggestions would be appreciated!

love to all

X

[Yvonne]

Hi

I don't think it's GA either. This sounds more like an insecurity issue to me. General anxiety doesn't really manifest itself just in one area of one's life I don't think.

I'm just wondering if there is something in your subconscious from the past which makes you question your love for others. I think you need a good counsellor/therapist to chat to and someone to get to the bottom of why you should feel like this.

Some of the things you say are pretty normal for people to feel - I think we all have thoughts sometimes like you are having.

I think there is a low level anxiety there but I definitely think there is something triggering this doubt in you.

Take care.

[goingmadder]

Thanks for your reply yvonne..

Half my brain says one thing the others not convinced.. But having read your post i went and re read the info about GAD on the home page and all or most of what it says relates to what i go through every day.

The anxiety is with me upon waking which then triggers the negative thoughts followed by doubts... It can last for days at a time before i have peace and this only lasts a few days at most if im lucky before the anxiety comes back.

Re reading my own initial message i think perhaps i under estimated how i feel when it hits, theres a post i left yesterday about an episode i had on Wednesday. My anxiousness and worry and panic weren't related to doubts of love but to fear and worry .. i was convinced my boyfriend had had an accident and was dead all because he wasn't answering his phone.. this lasted for an hour until i finally spoke to him and i was not able to calm down until i actually saw him.

I think i mis led myself in a way because i wrote the initial thred while feeling the anxiety and doubt re GAD...

At my worst moments, my anxiety has caused me deprresion, suicidal thoughts, one very very close call, major supersticion and i suppose youcould call it OCD as I could not run my life under certain circumstances, for instance if i saw a mag pie i would stand there as long as it took in the snow or rain until another came along because 1 meant sorrow and it meant to me the anxiety would never leave me. I would stand as long as it took even though i was meant to be at college or work... there were lots of other things i used to do to including pray for forgiveness (im not a religious person)

Recently i've not reached these depths but i have found myself unable to NOT read my horroscope even though my rational side knows its all a load of crap.

My negative thougs take up pretty much all of my time so although i can socialise i am alwasy constantly thinking and dwelling and feeling anxious .. its just that its not the Socializing thats making me feel that if that makes any sense? I've been at work now for 3 and a half hours and i have done absoultely nothing work related.. iv spent most of that time on here becasue i can't concentrate on anything else except the anxiety and negative thought..

i'm afraid of the relationship going wrong, not being in love, losing love, him leaving me, me breaking his heart .. its all totally irrational becasue none of that has happend and nothing has happend to make me think any of it could occur.. but I feel so evil for thinking these things...

All i want is to be happy and not have this awful anxiety... I can't switch it off.

I hope this makes more sense than my last one..

Thanks again for your reply

hugs

x