View Full Version : 'what if this is it this time thoughts'
Hi all,
I have had anxiety for 5 years almost and I can honestly say it has got a lot better over the last few years. During this time I have worried myself sick about thoughts of dying everyday either of -
1. Heart attack
2. Brain Haemorage
3. Stroke
4. Seizure/epilepsy
I have never experienced any of these illnesses but this does not stop me worrying about them continoulsy everyday. I have had numerous ECG's, 24 hr ECG, a MRI scan of brain which all came back normal.
I think fear of having a heart attack is the most dominant fear out of them all. What I cant seem to get my head around is although I have not yet taken a heart attack despite having chest pains. palpitations. etopic beats in the past, how do I know the next one isnt going to be the time it will happen?? I worry that all this stress has given me heart disease or heart problems now. Does anyone else get these thoughts?
I have had a lot of chest discomfort over the last few days which was a result of a very stressful week at work... So far I have managed to not get too worried about it but deep down I know i have been thinking. should I call NHS 24 or go to my GP??? I havent but how do I know whether I am just ignoring serious symptoms?
Does anyone else feel like this?
How can I deal with these thoughts?
sadie
Hey, dont you worry about it too much, obviously there is those statistics that whatever in whatever gets any of the diseases you say, but its probably not going to be you, i would love to say you wont ever but then i wouldnt want it to happen and you to feel bad about me saying it.
I have constant headaches as i worry all the time, so theyre stress headaches, a couple of migrains (which i need to consult the doctor about when i get round to it to see if its the pill). I think these headaches are brain tumours and no one can say they aren't 100% unless i have a scan but its unlikely they are so i just muddle on, also cos i am scared if i have a scan it will come back saying i do have something.. but thats another worry story.
Sometimes when i get very uptight my throat and chest constricts, sometimes quite nastily in my throat (although thankfully not so often to its most extreme) and i feel i have a pebble stuck, which is horrible.. i try to ignore this best i can, and if i am with my boyfriend he is great and has once when it happened sat me down by pompey footie stadium and sat there in silence letting me calm down.
I have weird flutterings in my heart which i also forget to mention every time i go to the doctors about something or to get more pill.. i have noticed them being more frequent when i get really angry or upset and it sometimes catches my breath so i have my mouth open and gasp like i have been under water too long.. I dont have them too often but they are a bit worrying when they happen.
I hope this long (which i apologise for, i just dont know how to be concise with my thoughts), answer has helped somehow at least maybe helping you realise you aren't alone. Chin up chuck, ignore the minor ones as best you can, and try to remain as calm as possible during the major ones, as stress only makes physical symptons worse, therefore increasig anxiety, and then we have the evil viscous circle..
Emily X
Power of the mind is incredible, we got thinking negative by it, we can get out thinking positive too!
I forgot to add, that one time a GP i went to see before going to uni, gave me a small asthma pump, a reliever or something i think theyre called, my dad has asthma, my brother used to have it badly but not so much now etc so yeah it runs in the family but i dont have it, never have done, but unfortunately due to anxiety and panic attacks etc, i have had very bad wheezeyness on occasion and a little wheezey a bit more frequent, and so when i am going out places i generally like to have it with me for security and peace of mind.
My mum has also noticed i have become self absorbed since my anxiety has gotten as far as it has, not as in vanity, but as in im constantly aware of how i feel, i feel sick, i have this i have that etc etc i dont feel well, especially without my boyfriend i feel weaker which is weird, but thats how it goes with me. Just try to focus on when you feel well, or when you do feel ill, push yourself to do things as most the time you will be able to push through it and when you do you will feel like you have broken through a barrier in your mind.
Emily X
Power of the mind is incredible, we got thinking negative by it, we can get out thinking positive too!
Sadie!
I'm a lot like you! I've had severe anxiety for about 3 months now and I worry too about how this is reacting on my body. My counselor claims no one has ever died from anxiety.....it's got to affect your body somehow though. When I was at my worse, I spiked my blood pressure up, way up. I've had bouts of bad palpitations too that lasted a day and another time a day and a half. Turned out it was ALL anxiety. Do you exercise? It's the FEAR that creates the ANXIETY which in turn can lead to DEPRESSION. You need to turn all those negative thoughts into POSITIVE thoughts. Easier said then done, I know too well. That's all what it's about................your fear and obsessing. Try to stay calm and keep involved with other things. I've also had a sore chest.....it goes with the anxiety territory, I'm afraid![Sigh...]
Hope I've been some help.
KATHY LYNCH
mama23girls
11-08-05, 01:46
I do the same thing. I am always worried about everything and I am afraid the one time I relax and don't worry will be the time when something is really wrong.
One thing that does help me is belly breathing.
If I am getting really freaked out I try to lie down and breathe really deeply into my belly expanding it to the count of six and then exhaling to the count of six.
It will usually help it is hard to lie down in the middle of the day though.
Jessica
Mama to
Rain
Celeste
Riley Mei
I've been meaning to write a piece on risk and probablility for a while and this is probably a good post to respond to with it.
Health anxiety is a constant inner worry about the state of our health. As children we always feel fine unless we really don't, at which point we either cry or tell someone who helps make it better and day to day most averagely healthy people are not aware of what is going on within our bodies at all - they just work and we feel fine !
But the body is a living thing made up of 10000000's of bits , from individual cells each doing their own thing, to the most elaborate chain of events that make your arm move etc and just like any complex structure we creak occassionally and things are different from day to day responding to our needs and in response to what we're asking it to do.
Mostly these are ok sensations and feelings and ones that we would not even have noticed pre anxiety and they would have just passed us by and disappeared but when we focus on things it brings them to life and they stay liking the attention.
Animals they respond by instinct as do we , we touch the bit that hurts, a mum always rubs things better, we know when we need fuel , we know when we're tired BUT we also know how to think logically and rationally and problem solve just as we do everyday as we go about our everyday business.
Humans have far more resources and options to use should we think we need them which is where we differ from animals who may know they feel unwell but apart from lying quietly or going to seek out a special grass do no have many options open to them to improve their situation so they have to accept what what is going on. My cats have never meowed to get in their baskets with a 'to the vet please' look.
With human health anxiety, somewhere along the line something happens or you read, see, hear about someone whom something tragically/ dramatically has happened to and you make that first connection- what if that was me ? That could have been me ? I get that !
This train of thought then gets transferred onto certain things that you feel within your body and you teach yourself to question everything unusual and immediately jump to the worst extreme conclusion that you know about. What used to be a headache is now a brain tumour, what used to be a cold is now pneumonia.
It is clear to me as a health care professional that all these extreme ailments everyone jumps to conclusions about are all fuelled by the power of suggestion, hear say and media as there are many much more dangerous illnesses out there that I never see mentioned on here and don't ever seem to come up even with all the googling that goes on which will always bring you up something dramatic and critical that fits one or two random symptoms. Google is not a doctor and just matches random symptoms and cannot begin to assess you for a full clinical picture which involves several body systems, a medical history and how you clinically present.
Anxiety and panic does bring with it a whole host of symptoms that can seem completely unconnected, which add to the worry that first brought on the anxiety so a roundabout situation can be reached very quickly and from there every single body symptom is analysed and a conclusion reached within minutes- usually a negative one at that.
I want to ask you to think about keeping logical and rational each time a symptom hits. Before jumping to any conclusion try to ask yourself -
What is the probability of this being imminantly life threatening for me ?
If you are a young adult, in good health generally, low risk factors, no previously known related illness and reasonably fit :
- the odds and probability of a chest pain being a life threatening
cardiac event is extremely low indeed.
- the odds of being a bit breathless turning into a respiratory distress incident are also extremely low.
Adding onto that the knowledge that you have anxiety which can cause chest pain, breathlessness makes the probabilty and odds eve
Meg
What a superb post - as usual!!!!
Is that on the health anxiety page too!!!
Made me smile in quite a few places as I'm sure it will with many others.
I must read it again and again when perspective is needed so I hope it is on the health anxiety page.
Love Pig
Thanks Meg, that was very informative as usual.
What my husband has pointed out to me today as becaue I have been suffering chest pains, missed beats etc etc I have totally taken my attention of worrying about having a seizure... just goes to show its all in the mind.
The thoughts are just the worse for me but I have to keep believing that I can get over this or I never actually will.
Thanks all to have replied.
sadie
Remember the 50,000 thoughts Sadie. Whe they're gone , they're gone !!
Love
Meg
jollywalrus
12-08-05, 16:01
Hi Sadie,
One way through this problem is to use the power of suggestion. I have an 11 year old daughter who sleepwalks. She worries that one day she will go right out on to the street in the night and not one of us will hear her. I have stopped this worry for her by suggesting that each night she taps the pillow three times and says " I will not sleepwalk tonight". Since she has done this she stays safely in her bed. She truly believes this ritual stops her from sleepwalking. And it does.
Most people live to a ripe old age and are never seriously ill and there is no reason why we shouldn't be one of them.
Best wishes,
Christine
Sadie, you have described my situation exactly on the button.
I've had the exact same thoughts / feelings as you for the last 9 months. I've had 3 or 4 ECG's and an MRI of the brain. I got he MRI results last week........OK. ECG's were OK at the time.
The symptoms and questions you raise are identical to mine. Like you, I've got alot better but I still can't fully get over the "What if next time?" and "What if I've done the damage to myself now and it's too late?" questions.
Thanks for that piece Meg. Any more on this stuff would be brilliant as far as I'm concerned.
Take care Sadie,
Cheers Trev
Trev,
I'm not sure that there is much more to write..
Think maybe its about diffusing each persons individual concerns. What are yours ?
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
I really struggle with getting over the the thought that I must have done or am doing myself harm and that it's too late now to sort it out without having done some permanent damage.
I just find it hard to believe that these symptoms can be so nasty yet not do you some sort of harm.
This gets reinforced in my mind by media articles saying that stress does this, that and the other to you.
I do try to ignore media stuff as mentioned on another post but sometimes I might catch something about stress and heart attacks etc and then, bang, it hits me and the confidence seeps away and is replaced by panic.
I suppose it's ultimately reassurance that I'm after that you can emerge the other side physically unscathed as it were.
But those two questions mentioned in my post are really at the root of all my worries I think. They are the ones that raise their heads every time without fail.
Thanks Christine for you reply - I will give it a go and see if it helps any and let you know.
Trevor - it is so good to know that someone else understands completely what you are feeling and experiencing... What started off as panic attacks for me after a car accident almost 5 years ago has now become health anxiety/stress. I find my health fears go round in circles... and the present moment it is 'heart attack' fears because I have been experiencing the chest pains, tingling arms, etopic beats, dizziness and nausea.... I do worry about worrying if you know what I mean and I too wonder if now I do have heart problems due to the long-term effects of anxiety and stress.
As Meg says its important to look at each person individual concerns on why they feel the way they do.... I have been doing alot of soul searching as to why I am the way I am and there is no doubt in my mind that my past experiences have a lot to do with it. I have a problem with self acceptance, low self esteem, guilt due to my anxiety and the affect it has on my husband and I have a major problem with trying to CONTROL everything in my life.... I am learning that life cant be controlled but I am finding it difficult giving up my control on mine. I once read when trying to control your life its like trying to stop the sun from rising..... its impossible.
I am not suggesting that any of these are what has caused you to feel the way you do but maybe looking at how you percieve the world, your health or even yourself might bring you to some important answers.
There is a book which I read recently from start to finish in one setting which has made an impact on me and my negative thoughts - You cant afford the luxury of a negative thought - A guide to positive thinking by John-Roger and Peter McWilliams. I would give it a go and see if it helps you on your road to recovery.
Thanks
sadie
Hi Sadie,
I too had a major accident coming up for two years ago. I was on my motorbike when I got hit head on. I was staqtionary and it was nothing to do with me. I got thrown about 15 feet and did a somersault, landing on my back. Somebody then stole the remains of my bike from the scene believe it or not!!! At the time I felt weird but I didn't see anyone. Just tried to brush it under the carpet.
A few other motoring things happened the following year.....somebody went into the back of my car.....somebody tried to steal the new bike I'd bought. Plus I have my own business and we had to make a major decision (that I wasn't happy about the outcome of) regarding pensions.
I went away on holiday last September and had a very relaxing time. Reminded me of years spent travelling.
Got back and then, BANG, panic attack city. Never heard of them before but I know all about them now!!
I think that you are exactly right about looking at how you view things. It does help to know other people know exactly what you are feeling.
I will get the book you mention. One thing though, does it mention alot of stuff about the negative effects on you of this sort of stuff as it still spins me out if I'm not feeling strong enough??
I do also feel that sometimes the best remedy for me has been plain distraction. At the start I couldn't think about anything else but my health but now I've had bouts where I am able to forget about it and just do normal things. Don't get me wrong, it's been pretty slow and gradual to get any result from that. It seems to me you ned to get a balance between using support tools when you are feeling rough but then trying to forget all about it all whenever you can and just be normal. Very easy said but not so easy done when you get that heart flutter, chest pains, tingling in the arm etc!!!!!!!
I've been lucky as well with supportive girlfriend and friends which has really helped me this far.
Thanks for the post and sorry to ramble on a bit. Thanks again for the book suggestion.
Take care
Trev
Trevor - the book I mentioned does not mention anything about the effects stress has on your body etc... it has nothing in it but lots of small chapters about how negative thinking effects your life and what you can do to get positive. I would not be able to read anything that was negative either.... its a disaster waiting to happen!
I am glad you have lots of support to help you on your road to 'normality'. I too have a supportive husband but he does get frustrated with me sometimes when I am my own worst enemy.
Take care
sadie
'What to say when you talk to yourself' - Shad Helmsletter.
Thank you both for the book suggestions. I'll get them both.
Has anyone ever done a piece on "Panic attacks and anxiety.......how they prop up the publishing business" by any chance?!!! I'm rapidly turning into a mini library :D
Only joking. Thanks again.
I'm off out on my motorbike tomorrow so that should be interesting. Getting a bit anxious already as last time resulted in a mini panic attack.
Still, JFDI as they say. I'll let you know how it goes (hopefully!)
Cheers,
Trev
Just a quickie to say that biking went OK. Very nervous at start and took it easy all day but back in one piece though VERY tired. Just pleased I got through it coz I don't want to be avoiding doing things. The therapist lady I saw through the GP said to ride the bike although I was thinking of selling it. Glad I took her advice now although I thought she was mad at the time!!
Hope you are all well.
Cheers,
Trev
HI Sadie,
Yes I have thoughts like yours regarding Health and many other worries. The worrying is exhausting. I have suffered from anxiety/panic all my life. I particpated in the TERRAP progam 14 years ago. It made a huge difference. I'm 52 and having some set backs right now. I have a few female problems right now (fibroids/ovarian cysts) and of course I think I have ovarian cancer and other. I've been to many doctors and 2nd.opinons, many test and all assured me I do not have these deseases. I have worried about brian tumors, Lou Gerhigs, MS, heart attackes and on and on. I've gone to emergency rooms many times.
I'm a high school teacher and have to go back to work in a few weeks and I'm already worrying about panic attacks in front of my students. I'm try to get through this one day at a time.(I had 3 attacks today) I do not know if menopause can make things worse. It no fun. Some people are understanding but I get embarrassed.
I have someone I'm starting to see again and I will continue until I get control of my life again. I have to drive to L.A. this Wednseday and am freaking on that.
I'm so tired of being nervous, panicky, worried. I do not travel far or fly. I'm lucky that I have a husband who helps but at the same time he probably gets so tired of my craziness.
Runnergal
TERRAP was one of the first CBT based American therapy Programmes that was very popular in the 70-80's.
I haven't heard much about it recently.
Runnergal- do feel free to start your own thread under introductions as well. Good luck for Wedensday
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
Sue K with 5
15-08-05, 12:57
Hi Sadie
I know exactly how you feel, I have the exact same anxiety as you do, its like being on a roller coaster, waiting for something bad to happen,
I have tried every scenario in the book.
My councellor says to me '' but has it happened'' er no but it could is my reply.
I think you need to take each fear and analyse it and then try to train the though process into something positive. I do have good days and even good weeks so I know it is possible.
Speak to your GP about CBT I think that could help you immensly
good luck and keep posting
pm if you ever need to chat
scknight
Trevor - well done for gettin back on your bike..... a huge pat on the back for that.
Susan - thanks so much for your reply and it is good to know that you are not alone with this battle. I have had CBT about 3-4 years ago but I only had a bout 5 sessions and I never felt it helped me much but thats not to say it wouldnt help me now.... I definetly need something to help as I just felt I am getting nowhere trying to cope on my own.
Runnergal - thank you for your reply too.... I do think the menopause can cause anxiety etc as my mother-in-law did suffer this for about 1 year there but she did get over it and so will you. It must be difficult coping with anxiety when you are a Teacher but you have coped many times before and this is no different. It is so easy to let your mind overtake your brain and every thought that it has is worrying about your health. We have to all keep stiving for a normal clam and peaceful life..... I hope your trip to LA goes well and we will be thinking of you.
Many thanks to everyone
sadie
hi there im the same im always convinced im dying from 1 disease or the other but my main concern is heat disease or heat attack....like you im worried that when my heart starts beating strange or racing due to panic i think this could be the time i go....the last few days especially ive been on edge having panics about everything that causes my heart to race miss beats and worse of all when the adreanaline gets realeased you get the felling that your heart is gonna stop or it pounds in your chest .... and im also terrified all this is putting strain on my heart even more.....sorry i cant help more but at least u no theres someone like u out there xxx
My main worries are about cancer. I was *extremely* pleased to have a cyst on my head. That's still worrying me and every day feels like a Sunday, like I shouldn't actually have any right to feel good because I'm slowly going to get consumed...
Hi guys,
I also know exactly how you feel. I live in the "what if" fear loops and that the next one will get me!
I have suffered really badly for about a year and a half now of new symptoms, i.e. chest pains, waking in the night with terrible palps, electric shock feelings in my head and constant ectopics, all of the above lead me to one thing .... fear of pending heart attack .... feelings that consume me and then I get obsessed and the feelings get worse !! I really, really hate feeling like that!!!
I have recently been given the all clear by the cardiologist (although he diagnosed the ectopics but said they are just an awful think I have to learn to live with). He couldn't find a reason for my chest pain which on the one hand was wonderful news but on the other hand it hasnt stopped it and I just live in complete panic mode all the time. I have a very demanding and stressful job and try to smile through all my fears and anxieties as I am essentially a very private person and have found through the years that people just dont understand!
I am having terrible trouble sleeping at the moment, even though I am exhasted, I just kind of go into "shock mode" when about to drop off. I really cant stand it. Its just awful to live like this, but am trying to be positive.
The cardiologist I see is a lovely man and one of the best. Stress can't kill you and nor can ectopics (hard to believe when going through them - I know!). I was terrified that my heart would be damaged through all it has gone through living in my body .... but he assured me it was really fine!
What is causing the chest pains .... I have an idea it is Mr. Anxiety once again, the ectopics I am learning to live with (but I really hate them!) and the anxiety is horrible too but I have to try and be strong and get through this (again!) .....
I hope this is of help .... you will be OK, we are obviously just very finely tuned human beings that are sensitive to everything and anything but we will come from it .... just wait and see.
Take care of yourself and hope this helped you a bit xxxxApril xxxx
I've just linked this thread for someone and in doing so re-read it. It's funny how sometimes reading back over stuff you've written a while ago can sort of bring the feelings on a bit. Does go to show how memory seems to play a part in your reactions.
I feel ok these days but it still sent a little wobble re-reading it. But on the positive side it shows how improvement can be made. :D
I hope you are doing ok these days Sadie?
Cheers,
Trev
Glad you posted, Trev, allowed me to find this great thread. :D
Sadie's problems seem to hit the nail on the head for me too: sure, nothing bad has actually happened for the last x hundred anxiety attacks, but I'm sure the constant drain anxiety places on my body is gradually wearing it out. So I'll worry myself stupid anyway.
I've just ordered Meg's 'What to say when you talk to yourself' book, so I'll see how I get on with that.
Anyway, good to hear you've improved, Trev. :D Hope the same is true of Sadie.
Cheers,
Henry
Thanks Henry.
It's a good book, you won't be disappointed. Meg also does a very useful CD course if you are at the early stage of recovery?
I know what you are saying. I've just read an article that is from a Norwegian study that has found increased stress actually reduces womens' chances of getting breast cancer quite considerably. I know it's a bit of a tangent but just making the point that sometimes we assume it's all bad and, like most things, it's not always the way.
Good luck and all the best,
Trev
Hi there
all this sounds very familiar. I constantly think i have something wrong with me the usual things are that im having , a heart attack, i have cancer or meningitus. I can sympathise its a horrible feeling , and when it happens it feels very real.
i find i am woarse when im alone.
And the problem is i am becoming more and more alone as due to my anxiety i no longer go out the only place i will go is a two min drive away to my parents house but that to is becoming harder for me to do.
The thought of going anywhere petrafies me , im scared of needing the toilet , being sick or collapsying when out. Luckily i have a very understanding husband if i didnt i dont know what id do. At the moment everyday is a battle , and the added worry of thinking im going to die everyday makes it alot woarse.
You are not alone
take care
jen x
All stuff I totally relate to.
Since joining the site though, so many of the threads that come up are on stuff I worry about so its been incredibly reassuring to read that other people get the same, this is making me much less anxious on that front.
Love Piglet:)
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
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