melody
05-04-09, 04:08
Hi,
this is very scary for me. I feel very emotional having read all those welcome comments. I have anxiety and depression and chronic spinal pain. I constantly feel misunderstood or like I'm either being too negative, or too idealistic and that I weird everyone out. When people say what they actually think about me, it's stuff like they love how I'm an individual & creative & do what I want without trying to be like everyone else.
I wasted a lot of years trying to be "normal". I may hate who I am & what I have to deal with, but eventually you have to accept that you are who you are, even if it means I'm a coward & a loner who makes up for it by being a total showoff & painting on a happy smile so no one gets upset just because I am. I think I block people out so I can be myself. Ignore starers.
I hate when in a conversation mental illness comes up & I admit about having depression. I get a sinking feeling in my chest that lasts for a couple of days. It's because of bad reactions from my past like the bullying & being called a psycho every day for a couple of years because I admitted it to a jerk to explain why I accidentally got upset for a minute. Most people are very supportive. I hate how I feel if I drink when I was depressed.
Thankyou, it's good to have a safe place to admit what I think are my terrible secrets.
Melody
this is very scary for me. I feel very emotional having read all those welcome comments. I have anxiety and depression and chronic spinal pain. I constantly feel misunderstood or like I'm either being too negative, or too idealistic and that I weird everyone out. When people say what they actually think about me, it's stuff like they love how I'm an individual & creative & do what I want without trying to be like everyone else.
I wasted a lot of years trying to be "normal". I may hate who I am & what I have to deal with, but eventually you have to accept that you are who you are, even if it means I'm a coward & a loner who makes up for it by being a total showoff & painting on a happy smile so no one gets upset just because I am. I think I block people out so I can be myself. Ignore starers.
I hate when in a conversation mental illness comes up & I admit about having depression. I get a sinking feeling in my chest that lasts for a couple of days. It's because of bad reactions from my past like the bullying & being called a psycho every day for a couple of years because I admitted it to a jerk to explain why I accidentally got upset for a minute. Most people are very supportive. I hate how I feel if I drink when I was depressed.
Thankyou, it's good to have a safe place to admit what I think are my terrible secrets.
Melody