missing my dad

[darkphantom]

hi guys
i aint doing good, ive been coping with taking pills to make me feel dopey and my blood sugar is high cause that will make me sleepy.
all ive done is cry i know it been 24yrs and should of got over it but some of you know the reason why. it first year without the support of my family and i finding it real hard, dad would of hated this.
i trying so hard but with other things going on which aint good, it would just be so easy just to keep popping the pills.
ive done one thing for dad, he didnt like me drinking, and this i think is my second week without drink, so far today i havent drunk i have felt like it, but i trying hard not to for dad and all my friends i have found here. i dont know what is going to happen today as i dont feel well writing this is hard, but if i can keep off the drink it be first time in 24yrs.
I sorry i miss him so much if i hadnt got married he be here helping me.
i feel such a failer and loser and waste of space, thats why my family left me.
love you all
thankyou for listerning
take care
love
susie

[Meg]

Susie,

Well done for not drinking thats a great step to take for Dad and for you.

I agree with Nigel - we don't do shoulds. It takes as long as it takes and that is ok.

Do ring some sort of bereavement counsellor like cruse or one from a local church or anything really as they can help you 1:1 to start to work through this and see it from a different angle and thinking about a different way to cope better.

What happened was not your fault and could easily have happened the day before, a month later, a year before - how long can you attribute it to your activities.

We're still here with you and you're doing ok.

Please take your insulin and mind your sugar intake


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[EmmaJane]

Hi Susie

Well done for not drinking for 2 weeks. Its not easy but take it oneday at a time. Im sure your dad is very proud of you and would want you to be happy.

I dont know your story, but when someone close to you has gone, there is no limit on how long you will grieve or miss them.

Try not to be to hard on yourself.

Take care

Feel free to PM me, if you want to talk.

Emma xx

Keep focused, keep positive.

[pinkscrumpy]

well done for not drinking susie.

You are coping so well. We are all here for you.

love

MANDIE XX

[seh1980]

Good on you Susie!! We are very proud :D

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

[trac67]

Hi Susie,
I have been thinking of you today hun. You are doing really well with the not drinking keep it up. And remember what i told you before, even thought your dad isnt with you in person he will always be with you in your heart and your memories, and he would not want to see you sad hun.
Take care, you know where i am if you need me ok.
Trac:D

its "just a thought"

[Barb]

Hi Susie

Thinking of you hun, you have done brilliant for not drinking for 2 weeks. I know its hard for you today, but we are all here for you

You take good care of yourself

Sending you a great big (((((((HUG)))))))

Luv Barb xxxxx

[nomorepanic]

Susie

Thinking of you today and hope you are coping ok.

A big well done with the alcohol - that is a massive achievement.

Nicola

"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"

[Piglet]

Hi Susie

Thinking of you today and sending you a big hug.


(((((((((((((((((((s))))))))))))))))))))))

Really well done on the not drinking - thats a hell of an achievement.

Love PIglet

[pips]

Hi Susie,

Thinking of you hun. WOW what a achievement with the drink. You have done so well and your Dad would be so proud of you.

Please don't think you are a failure you are so NOT hun! If your family are being so harsh it's there loss not yours!

Stay Strong and definately get some bereavement counselling mate.

Take care Big Hugs to you.

Love PIP'S X X

[Sax]

Hi Susie,

Just checking up on you since we spoke yesturday. How are you doing, hoping you will check in today or come into chat later, pm me when you are on if you want me to come in!

Hoping all is ok and speak to you soon.

Sax xxxxxxxxxxxxxx ((((hugs))))))

[Piglet]

Hi Susie

Just saying hello and seeing how things today?

Love Piglet

[pinkscrumpy]

Hi susie

Just checking how you are. Have no credit left on phone so can't text. SORRY.

Let us all know how you are

love ya loads

MANDIE XX

[Sax]

Susie,

I am concerned we've not heard from you on here - please let us all know you are alright Susie, thinking of you hun

Take care

Sax xxxx

[nomorepanic]

Sax

Just to reassure you and others, Susie has logged onto the forum today.

Hope you are ok Susie?

Nicola

"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"

[Barb]

Thanks Nic

I have been checking to see if she was online

Hope to hear from you Susie, we have been worried about you.

Luv Barb xxxx

[Sax]

Thank you Nic

Speak soon Susie

Sax

I'll be in chat tonight if you want to join us![8D]

[darkphantom]

hi sorry for worrying everyone but the 10th wastnt a good day, for several reasons.
and i have been copeing by knocking my self out with sleeping tabs, and a couple extra anti depressants, which was probably wrong tonight i came in chat to tthank you all.
but felt bad and have been sick alot tonight.
i have spoken to my crisses team who have told me to go to the docs or hospital and get blood test done which i will do,
but want to say that i did get through the whole nite on the 10th without no drink.
i sorry i lett you all down and i understand if you all mad at me
i sorry

thankyou all for all your love and support i wish i had done better to make you all proud

susie

[Meg]

Susie,

Lovely to see you on here again.

You haven't let anyone down at all and noone is cross at all. I think you did well especially to keep off the alcohol. Brilliant

I am concerned for your health diabetes wise so please do go and get that checked as you know that when your sugars are controlled correctly , you automatically feel brighter.

Take care and a big hug

[Piglet]

Hi Susie

Thanks for posting - we all like to hear from you!

Its been a tough week which you've got through and done very well.

Like Meg says look after the diabetes side of things and then you dont have to deal with feeling rough from that on top of any other stuff.

Love Piglet:D

[Karen]

Hi Susie

Just want to echo what others have said. You've done well to cope with an extremely difficult time and we are all proud that you managed to stay off the drink during this. Far from letting us down, we are proud of you.

Please look after your health regarding the diabetes.


Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[Barb]

Hi Susie

Glad to have you back hun. You did brilliant not drinking, you didnt let us down as everyone has said we are proud of you.

Barb xxxxx

[Lottie32]

My dad died six years ago yesterday.

It is still very difficult at times, but I can honestly say IT DOES GET BETTER WITH TIME.

Last weekend (six years ago) I was grooming at a show, when I had a phone call to tell me to race home, cos dad had less than 24 hrs to live.

Last weekend (2005), I was grooming at the same show, when a policeman arrived to tell us that the husband and father of the people I was at the show with had been involved in a fatal road accident.

Deja Vu was not the word. I can't begin to tell you how it made me feel - on many levels - grief and memories for my dad, total empathy for his daughter, and sorrow for his widow.

For a moment I didn't know how I would cope - then my coping instinct kicked in. I took down the tent, packed up the lorry and got the horse ready to go whilst his widow talked to the policeman. I drove her daughter home, made her eat lunch, and stopped at the supermarket to get something for tea, sorted the horse out when they got back, took the daughter off whilst the policeman was going through things, and fed everybody when he left.

Since then I have been down twice, doing odd jobs to help, and providing support.

This week I have the funeral to go to. I was dreading it, but I've got this far, and I know I can handle it.

The point of this story is that time really does make a difference. Yes I'm still taking medication (anti-depressants) and I'm still having therapy (CBT). BUT I am much more capable of coping.

Please hang on in there, and believe me when I say that you will get out the other side.

Take care of yourself, and well done for getting this far!

Love


Charlie

Nemesis - I JFDI'd IT!!!!!!

[pinkscrumpy]

Hi Sussie

So glad youv'e posted. Been really missing you.

You have done brill at not drinking and as everyone else has said you have let knowone down.

You have coped with it in your own way and did fab NO DRINK.

Well done plum

lots of love

MANDIE XX

[seh1980]

How are you doing Susie? :D

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

[darkphantom]

Hi guys
I still about, i did have a real low day that why not been here, i took od of my anti depress again and felt real bad and slept for ages, I still recovering from that as i get sleepy alot i still struggling to take my insulin so that hasnt helped with falling asleep as sugars are high, i still got make appoint for docs, but it thought that he will nag and i cant handle anymore nagging from him. i tried to take anti depress tab this morning but as soon as took it i was real sick which seem to be doing alot.
still one good bit news lea is back and we meeting this weekend again so i expect i be in trouble again and have to do alot of walking .

i missed you all i try and come in chat later
love you all
i still not drinking just wish i could handle the rest of probs
susie

[leo05]

hey you got it right i am back and you will be walking everywhere lol so bring your camping gear you know why lol

[Piglet]

Susie - Your doing great - enjoy your weekend with Leo, love to hear all about it afterwards!

Leo - Welcome back!

Charlie - How amazingly well you coped in a crisis - like you say what a difference that year made. Well done sounds so patronising but think you made a real practical difference in a horrible set of circumstances.

Love Piglet

[darkphantom]

Charlie
first of all heres a big hug (((((((hug)))))) im sorry for what you are going through, and very proud of you for coping so well.
thankyou so much for your reply.
im sure with all the help and support of everyone here we will both come through this.
if you ever want to chat im always here to help and support
take care


Thankyou everyone else, i coping because of all you guys
love you
((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

[Lottie32]

Thanks Hun

I'm doing ok, Meg has been in regular touch, and I have some great friends that are always hot to trot in an emergency.

I hope you are feeling a bit better now. Depression is a really difficult one, I am still battling with mine, I feel loads better, but I'm not even thinking about coming off the meds until after Xmas/New Year, which is always a bad time for me.

What I am trying to say is that you just need to keep going slowly. Every so often the depression likes to remind me that it's there and I feel like I've been hit by a sledge hammer. Hard. But because I have been making slow progress, each time it comes back it bothers me a little bit less each time.

You are doing so well, and looking at things in the right way, I know that if you keep tackling your problems with this attitude, you will start to notice an improvement. Quite often its so subtle you don't realise that you are getting a bit better, until something comes along, and you realise that you coped with it ok thank you very much.

Keep on keeping on going hun, you are doing very well

Thanks for the Hug!!!!

Thanks too Piglet!!!!

Love

Charlie

Nemesis - I JFDI'd IT!!!!!!

[darkphantom]

Hi
I had bad day the other nite and nearly did something stupid, i sorry, my doc, gave me some strong pills to dope me out for a few days, i had bad day to day and taken the 2 i have a day at once so i feeling real dopey now.
i missing you all havent heard from some of you and i worried you mad with me cos i took the pills.
i going to leas tomorrow nite i traveling late after work so be in the early hours before i get there. we cremated dad on that day so will be thinking of that as i didnt go to funeral, i will be doped up again that will be the last day on this drug dont know what it is but its strong.
wish could hear from certain friends to put my mind at rest, prob wont be on here till come back on tues, will have my moby,
i hope you all still love me, dont like to drive when i worried as i think of things.
oh yeah i took my insulin today, that a start i try for tomoroow, and still no drink.
but will have one or two with lea this weekend as it we celebrate my birthday that not till next weekend but wont see her then so one drink should be ok.
i hope you all ok cos i love you all and dont want to lose any off you
take care
susie

[pinkscrumpy]

Hi Sussie

Will get some credit on my phone tomorrow and promise I will text you.

You have done great with the no drinking. You should be really proud of yourself.

Glad to hear you are going to stay at leas. Have a fab time. Love you loads




MANDIE XX

Will I ever escape this?
Will I ever be free?
Wake me up from this nightmare.
Please just give me the key!

[Meg]

Oh Susie,

Very glad to hear you're taking your insulin again.Did you get your sugars checked ?

Also many continued congratulations with the lack of alcohol. This is a big step

Remember many people are away on holiday and are not around - don't take it personally that people haven't answered.


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Piglet]

Hi Susie

You are doing so well.

I always look to see if you have posted on this thread then I know how you're doing and I'm sure lots of the others do too.

Are you looking forward to the weekend with Leo - is it this weekend.

Love Piglet:)

[Sue K with 5]

Hi susie


have not see an update from your last post but hope your doing ok! I am sure you are still keeping up with the good work and you are achieving a sense of satisfaction from staying away from the alcohol! but hey we are here if you need us which I am sur eyou know so let us know how your doing


love sue with 5

scknight

[Sax]

Hey Susie,

You are doing so so well I reckon with the lack of alcohol and you've taken your insulin. Well done you:D

i hope you have a lovely weekend away with Lea and you know we are thinking about you even when we don't catch up in chat or on here.

Proud of you and keep it up and we'll speak when you get back.

Take care of yourself

Love Sax xxxx[8D]

[Karen]

Hi Susie

No one is mad or upset with you. I often read posts but sometimes when I'm feeling bad myself I can't think of anything useful to say and so end up not saying anything.

I think you are doing so well with not drinking and well done for taking your Insulin too. I'm sure we are all thrilled to hear you are taking better care of yourself.

Hope you have a lovely time with Leanne.


Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[darkphantom]

hi guys

got some sleep last night, today is last day of the tabs doc gave me to get through this week. I dont know if i can cope with out these cos they make me feel really good.
Docs dont want to give me any meds cos the risk that i will build them up again.
i slept some last night but woke up early hours and cause of the day today with dad i have just cut cause still blame myself.
people round me have said i seem different the last few days, they seem to no when im not right and i dont.
i have had thoughts of going off somewhere on my own and not coming back. but not to live happy ever after other reasons.
I dont know there just seems to much to handle, im getting family hassles again. sorry i just woke up feeling bad
i seeing lea later but had bad thoughts about driving up there like driving car into something i sorry, it how feel today.
love you all
sorry i having bad day it just hard think my brains dead and to dopey.
take care everyone
hope to chat next week if i come back
susie

[leo05]

hey i know that today is going to be hard for you yeah but i am here and you will be with me really soon (my way not the high way)

yeah am upset a bit that you cut but only cause i really care and dont want you to feel bad and as for crashing when you come up here dont i need you and you will be walking everywhere when you get here

but hey i never read this ok just like you told me not to as i always do as my told