sick of arguing

[eeyore]

does anyone else constantly argue with there partner.my partner has already said he doesnt understand wot im going through.which is fine but he also tells me he doesnt know how much more he can take of me .(very supportive).im trying hard to get over my anxiety but even i know it could take a while.he cant stand being around me and when he is we constantly fight.does anyone have the same problem or have any advice.i think if i had more support off him i'd feel better.

[patmac]

hi,
i know the feeling all to well.:weep: i dont think that anyone without anxiety depression or low self asteem knows what we are going through, but i think all our partners feel the same way as yours.
i discuss what other peoples problems are with my partner and tell him how many other people are on nmp i think it helps because we used to think it was just me who felt like this and i have found out that is not so, so should he. fact sheets could also help if you could get them off the internet.
your partner needs to understand what it is but do you know what heneeds to learn to live with it until it goes away, arguing is not good for your anxiety so try not to come on to chatroom for an hour or so, discuss the feelings you are having, and you will feel better i know i do xx:hugs:

[alihud]

Hiya EEyore,i used to argue with my ex husband alot he just did not get anxiety at all and believed you just had to get on with it,that was his favourite phrase.I believe if someone truly loves you they would help you cope with your condition as if you had a physical illness but sadly not everyone understands a mental health illness which is daft when u think about it really.I know alot of people on here who are going through the same as you.I live on my own now with two children and my anxiety is much much less now i dont have to put up with an unsupportive partner!!!I am so much stronger and happier.
Ali xxxx

[belle]

Yep - certainly do!!!

My (ex) partner and i argued for almost 7 years about my illness...then....he left me.

Unless you have experienced anxiety first hand, NO ONE can truly understand how it makes one feel. You can talk about it, show them literature, online videos, whatever....i don't think it really helps.

They can be more supportive, sure, but understanding? Not so much.

[eeyore]

thank you all for your advice and experiences.im so glad i found this website

[lotte_82]

Hi :hugs:

Funnily enough I posted something very similar to this also on the Depression/Anxiety board...I have a similar problem, however we dont argue NO.....We just dont talk!! I dont which would be better!!

I am in the process of writing up a load of stuff of the interent which I am gonna print off and give to him to read about the causes etc etc and hopefully we may get somewhere ( But I doubt it)

I think for us that go through this we have some understanding...for them that dont go through this and never have I imagine they think we are some sort of freaks!!

xx

[bishops]

Hiya EEyore,i used to argue with my ex husband alot he just did not get anxiety at all and believed you just had to get on with it,that was his favourite phrase.I believe if someone truly loves you they would help you cope with your condition as if you had a physical illness but sadly not everyone understands a mental health illness which is daft when u think about it really.I know alot of people on here who are going through the same as you.I live on my own now with two children and my anxiety is much much less now i dont have to put up with an unsupportive partner!!!I am so much stronger and happier.
Ali xxxx My x wife used to be like that untill one day she ended up in A and E only to find out she had a PA this was five years ago since then she has had really bad times, i have helped her as much as i can. Needless to say she cant forgive herself in the way she treated me before it happened to her, i just want her to be ok again like us all

[Anxious_gal]

see it's not fun for him, somethings blocking him from understanding.
my friend got depression a year ago. I was already dealing with my anxiety. I found that she drained me, the constant analyzing, moaning , complaining , needing attention, generally being no fun, so I started not wanting to be around her. we stopped talking but then worked things out.
sorry I don't have much advice.
I don't mean to take your boyfriends side, just that I loved my friend dearly but still i stoppped talking to her!
maybe show your boyfriend this site?
i know my issue was i just did not understand my friends depression even though i had been depressed before.
i find being open and honest and not placing blame helps.

[PoppyC]

Hi!
I am sorry to hear how you are feeling.
I dont think I could ever be in a relationship with someone like me. Some people are very good at being around others with mental health issues but for other people they dont know how to deal with it and find it depressing.
Maybe your husband is genuinely very concerned for you but is not the openly caring understanding type. I have met many people who adopt the attitude of 'snap out of it' and they were not bad people, just people who due to not having experienced for themselves anxiety and depression, could not understand it.
A lot of men (not all !) are not good around women when they start expressing how they are feeling. One of my ex's told me it was 'womens problems' and promptly switched off lol
I really could not be around someone like me in a relationship. I know being ill was not my fault but it must be have been depressing and boring to others in my life. I went from being a bubbly outgoing type to someone who was the total opposite.
However your husband and I am sure he loves you, is probably scared deep down of what is happening to his wife.
I found this site to be really good in that I could go on about how I felt rather than boring everyone I know offline with it all. They know how I feel but I truly think it is only people who go through what we do that understand.

[goingmadder]

Everyone makes good points on here..

luckily for me My man does understand to some degree partly because he's suffered with it mildly from time to time and partly because he's coping with his own issues that bring him down. He's trying his hardest... He always manages to lift me up somehow.. I love him so much

Seems the one who has most trouble is me and i should know better but i think its a case of we're both trying to cope with our own internal struggles.. His is jealousy, fear of losing me.. when he goes off on one, or starts talking about he becomes angrier and angrier and I try to make him feel better reassure him etc but after a couple of days it seems his attitude and fear and aura trigger my own negative thoughts, im i losing him, will things go wrong, will he always feel like that, will this be a life long issue and eventually down the slippery slope to anxiety which is where i am today again! I think we're both great for eachother but can also be equally bad for eachother if don't keep things in check...

I think with relationship issues whatever the cause the grass will always seem greener on the other side.. but it isnt really...

Just try to talk to him.. I think him reading blogs on here will help him understand you better...

And when you're having a good day or hour make the most of it and give him lots of love and attention!

Take care

x