claire m
08-04-09, 09:51
I am posting this topic in the general anxiety section as it is a kind of general about my different anxieties and the way they affect my personal lives with my children and my partner.
I always was an anxious child as my parents had a volatile relationship, my dad is an alcoholic and towards the end of there marriage (when i was 13 years old) the relationship had turned violent. There was also alot of police involved as my mum got an injunction out against my dad as he was mixing in some criminal circles and did not want wants us mixing with these people.
I remember being at school and my head of year said to me that if i did not get some support then by the time i left this school i would be on course for a breakdown, which was correct and at 16yrs old i was hospitalized for the first time for 3 mths for severe anxiety and agoraphobia causing me to not even being able to get down the stairs.
4yrs later i lost my brother to a binge drinking session with my dad.
the effect these events have had on me have shaped me into the way i am today at times stronger then others its been rock bottom.
Only now having my own family and being married for almost 10yrs can others start to see how my anxieties are effecting those around me.
I find it very difficult to go out but force myself everyday i am ok in the village but as soon as i need to go any further the anxiety and panic kicks in and i find it almost impossible to speak. people who dont know me so well must think im moody but its i just find it really difficult to talk, i have alienated myself from every possible friendship because i cant socialise the way most people do and if there is something that i have to go to i am in the loo almost all night throwing up.
my eldest boy who is 8. is rather more sensitive than his younger brother and has started to show signs of behaviours that worry me like a lot of washing and cant sleep until his bedroom is all neat, i know this is what he gets from me.
The effect it is having on my marriage is massive i constantly snap at my husband as is idea of getting me to recover is by just forcing me into situations that i dont want to be in, it causes alot of tension and i never seem to enjoy anything we do together as the 'fear' is always there so the smile is a fake smile as behind it im scared.
When my husband wants to go out at a weekend i am a wreck and shake uncontrollably i worry that he wont come home that he will be really drunk and fears of the past resurface everytime.
I am currently on medication for anxiety but i have lived like this for so long i feel that this is the way i am now and i can live like this im just not sure if anyone else can live with me the way i am.
I always was an anxious child as my parents had a volatile relationship, my dad is an alcoholic and towards the end of there marriage (when i was 13 years old) the relationship had turned violent. There was also alot of police involved as my mum got an injunction out against my dad as he was mixing in some criminal circles and did not want wants us mixing with these people.
I remember being at school and my head of year said to me that if i did not get some support then by the time i left this school i would be on course for a breakdown, which was correct and at 16yrs old i was hospitalized for the first time for 3 mths for severe anxiety and agoraphobia causing me to not even being able to get down the stairs.
4yrs later i lost my brother to a binge drinking session with my dad.
the effect these events have had on me have shaped me into the way i am today at times stronger then others its been rock bottom.
Only now having my own family and being married for almost 10yrs can others start to see how my anxieties are effecting those around me.
I find it very difficult to go out but force myself everyday i am ok in the village but as soon as i need to go any further the anxiety and panic kicks in and i find it almost impossible to speak. people who dont know me so well must think im moody but its i just find it really difficult to talk, i have alienated myself from every possible friendship because i cant socialise the way most people do and if there is something that i have to go to i am in the loo almost all night throwing up.
my eldest boy who is 8. is rather more sensitive than his younger brother and has started to show signs of behaviours that worry me like a lot of washing and cant sleep until his bedroom is all neat, i know this is what he gets from me.
The effect it is having on my marriage is massive i constantly snap at my husband as is idea of getting me to recover is by just forcing me into situations that i dont want to be in, it causes alot of tension and i never seem to enjoy anything we do together as the 'fear' is always there so the smile is a fake smile as behind it im scared.
When my husband wants to go out at a weekend i am a wreck and shake uncontrollably i worry that he wont come home that he will be really drunk and fears of the past resurface everytime.
I am currently on medication for anxiety but i have lived like this for so long i feel that this is the way i am now and i can live like this im just not sure if anyone else can live with me the way i am.