I am not sure whats wrong anymore

[kissie123]

Since I was 17 , I always use to get into my head I was going to become unwell, and due to the panic it make me very hot beating heart and use to make me almost sick. I am really scared of being sick and having any kind of cold or flu. If my daughter or partner become Ill I panic and stay in my room and refuse to touch nothing in the house, which is so unfair on my family, but I can't control it.
My partner feels I have serious issues, I am getting married in a couple of months and lately I have been feeling rather low, sleeping alot some days I feel I can't even get up to do some house work. I keep snapping at my partner for no fault of his own. I feel I am falling apart very slowly. Sometimes I feel I just want to end it. I have had such a bad past, and I am not sure if its that effecting me? I never think about it so I don't know. I feel like nothing ever goes right for us theres always something that goes wrong. 2009 is meant to be a good year lots of happiness happening and a fresh start but I believe something will go wrong it MUST go wrong because it always does. I must be cursed!

I dont know what to do anymore, I cant talk to my partner like I use to because I feel he may of had enough of it too.

[NoPoet]

Hi Kissie

It sounds like your fear of illness has developed into a phobia so you need to get it sorted out. If it helps, I don't like touching things that have been touched by people who have colds etc, I don't like sharing drinks or food with people and so on. Eurgh.

While your issues are definitely "serious" in that they are causing you distress and need to be dealt with, they are not in any way life threatening or anything like that, they are just unpleasant and making you miserable.

The added stress of getting married can't help! I would be stressing as well!

You can start by making peace with your partner. Next time you want to say something horrible, stop yourself and think about it. Do you really need to say it? Could you phrase it in a way that is less offensive? It is possible to stop yourself from snapping and snarling at others with a bit of effort. You need him on your side.

Your "bad past" is obviously still upsetting you and so it is highly likely it is partly responsible for how you are feeling now.

I hope things pick up for you, and congratulations in advance for the wedding :D

[nikkinik]

Hi Kissie,

Pyschopoet said everything (and more) that I couldve said.

I did want to add that its sometimes nice to think about all the good things that have happened too..
Im like you, every yr has been sh*t in some ways, I cant think of one good yr where nothing nasty has happened, but I think its the same for everyone!?? And the bad stuff usually stands out above the gd.. then you start to think 'nothing ever goes right' etc etc.. You have a lovely partner Im sure, a nice child too(?).. so theres some good right there in just a few things.
Try and find 5 mins with your future hubby to tell him how you feel, that youre worried hes getting fed up of you.. make sure hes not tired/stressed himself.. Im sure he will tell you hes not fed up with you and that perhaps he doesnt know how to help you (saying 'youve got serious issues' doesnt help imo either).

Talk to a counsellor too.. perhaps your past is upsetting your life now?


Hugs xx.