View Full Version : PA's taking the kids to school
Does anyone get PA's taking the kids to school? How do you cope with them?
I have 3 kids, 2 of which I still have to take and pick up from school. I had actually got over this but due to stress piling PA's came back doing this about 8 months ago. The school is only a 10 minute walk and taking them in the morning is OK but it is the picking them up after school has finished. One comes out 5 minutes later than the other and this 5 minutes can be shear hell. My PA's are my stomach churning and this gives me an upset stomach, so I fear that I will get an upset stomach whist out. What do you do to help with the school run?
Turn 'what ifs' into 'I can' and you will.
Hi Apricot,
I dont have kids yet, but I do think i understand PA now. What is it that goes through your mind whilst your taking the kids to school and when your picking them up..I bet there is something your thinking everyday that has become a habit and which kick starts the churning stomach etc..Try and focus on what it is it could something really silly but which seems to start the fear cycle starting. I now try and do this as there are certain thoughts and behaviours which spark of my anxiety etc..
Hope this might help you
sadie
Hiya Apricot,
I too have children (4) to be exact. LOL.... :) I know what you mean, I feel extra anxious when my children are returning home from school. I start eating like a mad dog. However (3) of my children are in High School, and (1)in Middle School, ages 18,16,15, and 13. I`m not sure exactlty what the connection is either. I wish I did, I think though before it is time to pick your children up you should take time for yourself to calm down. Listen to a relaxation tape, stay away from the caffeinated drinks tea, coffee etc. Do your breathing exercises whilst listening to your tape and just get your anxiety level down before you pick them up, and that should take the edge off. If needed also include the Bach Rescue to take the edge off whilst figuring everything out. You only need a few drops in some water and sip all day. This will relax you. I know it is a terrible feeling , but just remember you are not alone. We are all here for you too. Take care dear, let us know how you are doing. Keep posting.
Diana xoxoxo
nomorepanic
30-12-03, 19:29
Apricot
Perhaps you had a bad panic attack or bout of anxiety one day when picking them up so now you associate this with that bad time.
You need to try and break the habit and tell yourself that nothing will happen and you will be fine.
Take a magazine to read whilst you are waiting - anything just to take your mind off it. You may find that if you can do this trip just once without anxiety you will break the pattern and in time the panic will lessen
Good luck
Nicola
Can you fit in a good, quick relaxation session before you pick the kids up? Focus on your breathing, being calm and thinking positively about handling the situation? It's interesting that you don't get the anxiety in the mornings. I'm more vulnerable to panic when I'm mentally tired and I guess if you're worrying about picking the kids up from 9am to 3pm, then you'll be mentally washed out when that time comes! Relaxation may give you the refresher you need.
Jim
perhaps,you can try some distraction techniques.
1/. as your leaving the house,pop an extra strong mint in your mouth.
2/. look at peoples front gardens,mark them 1 to 10,on tidyness,next day,mark them on flower arranging,etc ,etc.
3/. this one,belongs to emily...do a mental A-Z of animals..A= antelope..N=...?
4/. make up your own distractions..look at car number plates..M526 MWP now use it to make something up,for instance..mother of 5,age26 is a mucky wee pup.
in other words apricot,anything to distract your thought processes will help...best wishes..bryan.
nomorepanic
31-12-03, 19:19
Bryan
I love your car number plate thing - I use that one too to help me with driving.
Nicola
Rennie1989
03-01-04, 18:54
I have PA and I go to school. its hard when your trapped there for 6 1/2 hours
Jade
ps does anyone have any advise on what to do
Hiya Jade,
I think the distraction technique is always best, but of course whilst your in class it may be hard to zone out on distraction techniques and listen to what the teachers are saying. Could you possibly excuse yourself from class and get a little time to yourself to distract? I`m sure others will have more logical ideas keep looking for suggestions here. In the mean time good luck. Keep posting to let us know how you are doing.
Take care,
Diana xxxx
Thanks for all your replies. I have got over this before but as I said because of the build of stress I had, 'IT' is back. I know what my fear is...that I will have an upset stomach whilst waiting for the kids to come out from school...which will be embarassing, humiliating, etc. This has never happen but this is my fear. This is why I was fully agrophobic some years ago, I wouldn't even go out into my back garden!
Thanks again all. Kids are back Monday! But I know I have to get over this again, once and for all.
Apricot
Turn 'what ifs' into 'I can' and you will.
Hi Apricot :)
What about thinking if the worst did happen assuming you "had to go" you would probably pretty much automatically go into the school and either use a toilet or ask to use one! No one else would think anything of it!:) Try and think what you would think if you were someone else looking at the situation.
What about next time u go to school to pick them up wether u need to go or not go and ask to use the toilet? Just so you know any time you need to you can.
Just some ideas not sure if they are any use or not to you!:)
Take it easy and best of luck for the new term!:)
Matt
I was taking my children to school one day and we were walking to the bus stop and some man, someone I have never met slowed his car right down and started yelling abuse at me, telling me I wasn't a fit mother and that I should have more respect for myself. :(
I was a bit unsettled by this, and continued my journey to school.
Walking home, I felt very uneasy, watching every car that drove past me, waiting for another verbal assault. I called my husband and he talked to me until I got home safely.
I thought no more about it, and several weeks later I started to feel ill at the thought of walking to the bus stop with my children, so I began getting a taxi, then I couldn't face getting in taxi, and my problems started from there.
I understand what you must be going through, I think my mistake was not sticking with it, and giving in to the panic. If only I'd stuck with getting a taxi to school, maybe I wouldn't have become a sofa loving panic monster ...
Don't give in, don't let it beat you.
Take deep breaths, try to remain calm ( easier said than done.) Would it be worth your while talking to the staff at the school and explaining your difficulty? Maybe some one could bring your children out at the same time. Or maybe they could let you wait inside for your children, rather than with other parents at the gate.
I'm sure the school wouldn't want to see you suffering distress and would be only too willing to help.
Hiya Liz,
How have you been? Well I hope. So good to see you here posting like mad and giving advice :). My goodness if you don`t mind my asking what the heck brought the verbal assault on by that srtranger? Or did he perhaps have TOURETTES!!!? (check spelling) :). I was at the grocery store with one of my teenage daughters a while back and this lady, well looked to be around my age 30ish or so, and I don`t know who she was talking to or why but WOW!!!! she was really cussing someone out, saying "G** D*** it, I HATE YOU" at the top of her lungs. We just stopped and stared for a bit, and discovered that there was no one there and put it off to possible tourettes LOL........ :) Maybe not so funny to those who have it, but looked awfully funny at the time.
Take care all,
Diana
Hiya Diana
Not doing too bad, thanks for asking [8D]
I'm getting a star worker to help me tackle busses and outdoor stuff.
And I've got a place at a local day centre, and they do flower arranging, gardening and computers. So that should keep me out of mischief for awhile, especially when Steve leaves me and goes back to work.
To this day I have no idea why that man took into his own head to give me a good ticking off. I know he wasn't yelling at someone else as I was the only person walking along the path.
It really has shaken my confidence with regard to dealing with people. I'm scared stiff of verbal confrontation and afraid to stand up for myself. And to think I used to work at the Child Support Agency and suffer death threats every week like water off a ducks back !
I was even yelled at outside Asda! I accidently moved a shopping trolley with my heavy shopping bags, to be honest I had no idea I was stuck to a trolley until it moved and headed right for a car that was driving passed me. [:I] The driver stopped the car and a lady in the passenger seat went mental at me! " You nearly hit us with that trolley! ...."
I said I was sorry, and I truely was, I explained it was an accident and that I didn't know I had moved the trolley with my bags. Everyone was okay, the trolley missed the car, and it wasn't like I deliberatly decided oh that's a nice car, full of kids and shopping I'm gonna ram it.
So my mum, Alex and I continuted the short journey home, with me shaking like a leaf. I got home to Steve and I cried.
Sometimes, just the stress of watching more than one child at once in a sea of people is enough to make you panic. Especially when you hear stories on the news of children getting lost, and that fills your mind with "Buts" and "What ifs". The next thing you know a simple journey to school or shopping with your children becomes a real trial.
I'm not sure if my advice is good advice, it's more a personal - this is what I did, and this is what I would have done differently with hindsight.
In hindsight I should have told both people to [:p] off and stop yelling at me ... Oh well live and learn.
Love and light
Liz xxx
Hiya Liz,
I am exactly the same. Cant stand confrontation or even just good old standing up for myself.
The thing with lack of confidence is that people soon work out that they can say and do to you what they please and you will not say or do anything back. This in turn makes you mad at yourself and feel even more vulnerable.
Perhaps the man who shouted at you from the car mistook you for someone else or perhaps he was just mad!
It is easy to say dont worry about it but if you are anything like me, it plays on my mind and I would take it personally.
How are you coping now with taking the kids to school? Mine are now both at secondary school so I dont have to do the school run anymore.
But I remember when the violence fear was very bad, when I was having the trouble at the college, I was scared of even standing waiting for the kids to come out of school in case there was a violent incident. It made it worse because I knew I had to stand there and wait for the kids, couldn't just run away if something did happen.
Good luck with the day center, hope you are enjoying it
Kate x
Hey there Liz,
I am so proud of you, you are really moving on ahead. Any personal experience with this disorder given as advice is always good advice. As personal experience from a sufferer of this disorder seems to always do best for me. As it is been there, done that type of information. I certainly do not want anyone who does`nt know how this feels to give me advice or tell me to just get over it when they don`t
know how this feels. You are doing just grand, keep up the good work. Do enjoy the day center, it should certainly keep you out of mischief for awhile like you say. LOL.... :D I agree, when you have children it is very stressful on a daily basis just to think what if, or but. With all the crimes against children, and having all of the weight on your shoulders to protect them, it is sometimes hard to be what some may call "RATIONAL" I know it is that way for me. Though like Kate mentioned my children are older as well (2) in High School and (1) in middle school, but honestly though the age changes and the fears for them change with age appropriate fears, you never stop worrying for them. which I can honestly say gives me a much greater respect for my dad and grandma as he and she were the ones who raised me. Keep up the great work Liz, keep posting to let us know how you are getting on with things and how you are progressing. I love to hear of the successes of others as it inspires me. Liz stay away from those "CRAZIES" in the streets LOL.... :D, and if you can`t don`t let what they say get you too down. I know that is easier said than done at times, but you are doing marvelous. I betcha Steve is out of his mind with glee, and just as proud as he can be. He is such a great fan of yours (LUCKY YOU)!!!!! I loved the stories he would post about you and he, like a real life romance novel. Well Liz take care dear. Remember to keep us posted as to how you are getting along. Tell Steve I say Hi, and let him know he did great by supporting you through all of this. what a trooper he is. Now he gets to reap the benefits of his labor, by seeing you come into yourself again. Take care borh of you, love you both, you are such a strong couple, and you both let us see that love really does conquer all.
Take care Liz,
Diana xoxoxo
Diana, thank you for your kind words and encouragement :D
I showed your post to Steve, who said " Aw Bless isn't that nice, thankyou!"
I went shopping to West Bromwich with Steve, and we sat in the car eating pasties, Steve turned round to me and said "Oh you know how to spoil me .. We could have been in a fancy resturant, eating a lovely meal and here we are eating pasties in a car park on a rainy afternoon.";)
I said "What you moaning for 6 weeks ago it was all you wanted!"
Steve said "Yeah, good init:D"
So I think he is happy with the progress I'm making.
Today he drove me to Walsall park, and we took the kids to play on the playground. As we drove on I got that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me I was too far away from home and I should turn back.
I took a few deep breaths, listened to the radio, chatted to Steve about how the sun was shining after a whole day of rain, crap stuff really. But it seamed to work.
6 weeks ago I didn't think I would ever see the park again but I made to the park in one peice and we had a lovely walk.
It would be great to think that love really does conquer all.
Personally I think it's the medication.
But don't tell Steve I said that or he'll find more "daily punishment" for me to indure [:I]
He has been great tho, my CPN congratulated him on the job he'd done supporting me, getting me back on my feet and told him to keep me in line! Charming !
My Star worker wants to train me to walk to the bus stop and get on a bus. [:0] So that's my next big challenge.
Love and light
Liz xxx
Aw Liz how sweet. You keep up the great work. We are always here for ya, don`t forget that. I like the bit about eating the pastries in the car. What an accomplishment from weeks ago for you :). Sometimes to some that would be such a small thing or something most take for granted. I think for those of us who suffer with this disorder really appreciate the little simple things in life. You are doing great, take care and keep posting to let us know how you are progressing. I know you will only continue to move forward from here.
Love,
Diana xxxx
It is funny how you take something for granted and have no idea how important these things are until the simple things taken away from you.
Some people rush about picking up the kids, doing the shopping and I envy them, I really do.
But now Shopping and going out takes me 3 times longer than everyone else, because I just look at stuff. Ooh look at all the different types of donuts! Ohh look at them flowers, they'd look lovely on my window sill. Steve says he's going to stop taking me shopping as it takes me all day and costs him twice as much.
Worth it though, just to feel important and useful again.
Love and best wishes
Liz xxx
How true Liz,
I know how you feel. Hey you`ve earned being out a little longer now days, as there was a time you could`nt do it at all. Take your time Liz, it won`t always be this way. It`s like learning how to walk all over again, everything is so new and wonderful. Keep up the good work. Tell Steve to cut you some slack LOL..... :D. No really I know he means well.What meds are you now taking Liz, and how long have you been on them? Are you feeling "normal" now? I have been on Prozac it seems forever and it does`nt seem to be doing it`s job anymore. My doc recently prescribed ATIVAN, for the panic attacks, but I do not take it on a daily basis like I am supposed to. Just a little affraid of it too. Well dear take care, do keep posting to let us know how you are doing.
Love,
Diana xoxooxo
Hi Diana
I'm taking Lustral Sertraline, 150mg a day. Been taking them for a month now, and I have to say they do make a difference.
I wouldn't say I feel Normal. On a right-o-metre, I would say on a good day I'm about 60% normal. On a bad day it's 10%+.
I think the main thing is remembering you have a problem and accepting that there is a time when you may not feel "right". It's better to accept it, cope with it as best you can, and try again tommorow.
Love and Light
Liz xxx
Diana ,
You are absolutely right to not be taking Ativan every day . Just when you really need it as you can get some dependance after taking it regularly for a few weeks .
Liz- way to go, keep up the progress.
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Hey Liz and Meg,
You are so right Liz, accepting and coping all the way is truly the way to go. Good for you, you are really coming into your own again. GREAT!!!!! news for all of us here. Gives us inspiration. Keep up the great work Liz. Do keep posting to let us know how you are progressing. Meg thanks for the info. I was not aware of that, even my doctor has not said anything to me regarding that. That`s one more problem I don`t need, is a dependency on an addictive medication. Thanks again for the heads up. I will only keep it for dire emergencies.
Take care both of you,
Diana xxxxx
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