Is anxiety ruining your relationships?

[GirlAfraid23]

I have a real problem forming and managing to keep relationships due to my anxiety...I've been diagnosed with Health Anxiety, OCD, mild depression and seperation anxiety...the last being particuarly linked to my relationships.

I think I end up scaring guys away. I'm only 19 and 20 this year, however although I've had relationships, they never last longer than a few months (my longest being 7 months) I am too clingy and paranoid.
I hate people not replying to my text messages and always think the worst, things like that. I obsess with making them like me and not wanting to lose them. I think its ruining my chances of ever forming a long term relationship or even getting married :weep:

[Maybe_Baby]

Hi GirlAfraid.
I also Suffer Panic Attacks, Anxiety Attacks, Heart Palpitations and Health OCD.
Im also 19 - nearly 20.

I have been with my partner almost 2 years. And at the beginning of the relationship i was fine, had the odd panic attack now & then.
We went through a pretty rough patch over the christmas, and lost a baby, and since then my anxiety has been REALLY bad, and i have became paranoid and very clingy to him. I constantly need to know what he's doing, where he's at - who with!! Im also finding it very difficult to sleep alone on a night now.
He's trying his best to understand me, but im getting worse and worse, and its driving us apart.. He thinks my anxiety should just magically go away (I wish)
(and also i have totally lost my sex drive - Sry if thts to much info - but my doctor told me thats common down to anxiety)

xx

[lotte_82]

Sorry...But my experinece at the minute is YES....we have been together over 7 years and married for 7 months (and Im sure my hubby regrets this :weep: )

I feel like my anxiety & depression is killing my relationship as much as its killing me :weep:

My Hubby does not understand....and to be honest I dont think he even wants to :weep:

lotte
xx

[GirlAfraid23]

Sorry...But my experinece at the minute is YES....we have been together over 7 years and married for 7 months (and Im sure my hubby regrets this :weep: )

I feel like my anxiety & depression is killing my relationship as much as its killing me :weep:

My Hubby does not understand....and to be honest I dont think he even wants to :weep:

lotte
xx

I'm really sorry to hear this lotte :sad:

I hope everything works out okay, if he didnt love you, he wouldnt have married you right? And you've been together an awfully long time, surely he understands your anxiety? People who dont live with it often just shrug it off but maybe its your anxiety that is making you paranoid?

[GirlAfraid23]

Hi GirlAfraid.
I also Suffer Panic Attacks, Anxiety Attacks, Heart Palpitations and Health OCD.
Im also 19 - nearly 20.

I have been with my partner almost 2 years. And at the beginning of the relationship i was fine, had the odd panic attack now & then.
We went through a pretty rough patch over the christmas, and lost a baby, and since then my anxiety has been REALLY bad, and i have became paranoid and very clingy to him. I constantly need to know what he's doing, where he's at - who with!! Im also finding it very difficult to sleep alone on a night now.
He's trying his best to understand me, but im getting worse and worse, and its driving us apart.. He thinks my anxiety should just magically go away (I wish)
(and also i have totally lost my sex drive - Sry if thts to much info - but my doctor told me thats common down to anxiety)

xx

Sorry to hear about losing your baby.

You sound similar to me with the not wanting to be alone thing.
Maybe you should sit down with him and have a proper talk about it?

I know that doesnt always help but it might make you feel abit better.

The sex drive thing I can relate to aswell, when I'm very down, I dont feel attractive to anybody and can sometimes lose the thread that anyone would possibly want to even have sex with me

[Maybe_Baby]

we are a right bunch.

- lotte : my man doesn't understand either, he snaps at me, and i just know he cnt be fussed with it :-(

- GirlAffraid: i think we are going through similar things. I am going to try talking to him again tonight, as i have had a really bad day with anxiety today

xx

[PoppyC]

Hi!
I am so sorry to hear about your baby
I can relate to how you feel. I just posted a similar post. My partner (soon to be ex partner!!!) likes to think he is understanding of my anxiety and agoraphobia, if he is having a good day. When he is in a grumpy mood like today then it all changes. In his words - I am stuck at home all day and its not fair he has to accompany me out (due to my agoraphobia)when hes off work however he is away an awful lot including most weekends due to other committments he has.
I dont feel in the slightest bit sexy either. If I am not in the mood, (mostly I have to pretend to be in the mood) then he sulks for ages and is really grumpy with me - he thinks I am frigid! and he cant understand how having anxiety and all the rest makes me feel anything but sexy! My anti depressants dont help in that respect! This time last year I was about to be hospitalised and this time this year I am making so much good progress and doing all the self help there is, but he never praises or encourages me for it.
I try to explain how his behaviour affects me and its pointess as he thinks he is perfect.
I know how you two must feel. I just think some men are useless when it comes down to women and emotions. It makes me wonder what if I had have had a serious illness like cancer, would he stay or leave? :mad:

[Maybe_Baby]

Hi Poppy,
Thanks.
Im sorry you feel like this. Are you breaking up with your partner. I totally understand tho!! I just wish my man would understand, we had a big argument last night, as i couldnt face going to tesco alone, he has not idea how hard it is ..
My anxiety is that bad ive had to quit my job, as i was starting to take really bad panic attacks at work, and pass out!! =(

- i know what you mean to .. my man's drive is high .. my med makes me have a low drive, and also i have started taking cerazette contraceptive pill and its made me constantly bleed for almost 6 weeks now, and thats getting me down (& sore)

Arrghh MEN!!

xx

[PoppyC]

Thanks for reply! What is it with men and supermarkets! lol
I am sorry about your anxiety. Its awful isnt it. Panic attacks are the most horrid things too!
I cant go outside on my own at the moment due to agoraphobia which was worsened by anxiety. He works long hours and away a lot at weekends due to other work committments
I suggest we need food and supermarket about 10 mins drive away. I do need him to accompany me. He goes really moody. He says he is at work all day and shouldnt have to go shopping. I tell him well if he wants to eat then a supermarket is a good starting point. He eats in the day at work so often doesnt eat in the evening but if there is no food in and I am unable to get out on my own to get any, than I dont get any food.
I may start online food shopping before I die of starvation! lol
I can tell he gets fed up and bored with my problems but the thing is I dont hardly mention them to him anymore cos I know he looks bored and not interested.
I am seriously thinking of leaving him - he walked out the door about an hour ago and probably wont return now for 2 days - thats one of the things he does.
What is it with some men? Surely to love someone is to care for them isnt it!

[GirlAfraid23]

What is it with some men? Surely to love someone is to care for them isnt it!

This last sentence I can completley relate to!!

My last relationship...it started off perfect but when he realised I was needy and insecure, he backed off and ended up cheating on me.

At the end of the relationship he said to me "I feel like I'm your carer, I feel like I'm always looking after you"

That really hurt me, as I thought that if you love someone you do want to care for them! how confusing and heartbreaking :sad:

I am scared that men only want confident girls and I really am not that!

[Maybe_Baby]

Poppy -

I agree with you .. People that have never experienced a panic or anxiety attack have no idea, and if that someone is a man, its 10 times worse!! my man gets mad, coz i feel the need to mention EVERYTHING, everytime i feel anxious, everytime my chest hurts or i think im dying of a brain tumor... but its my way of feeling safe by telling him.
What would it take for them to go shopping with us?? It would be alot more quicker, and they would just complain if they were sitting in the car for an hour!!
Online shopping sounds like a plan to me, ive started doing it.. Ive also became an ebay addict... NOT good!! As i can't leave the house to go shopping, i need something to occupy my mind!! Im spending a fortune on anxiety/panic books and relaxation CDs!!
My man does the famous walking out too, it stresses me out so much, coz we'll end up arguing over txt/phone and then i get more anxious, and he thinks its an attention thing!! GRRR.
But seriously poppy, you sound like a great person, his loss. and i totally sympathise with you over the anxiety and agoraphobia!! =( Wish there was some magic cure!!

GirlAfraid .. I feel your pain also .. We look after men when there nursing a tiny little cold.. They totally dont understand!!

xxx

[PoppyC]

Hi Maybe_Baby & Girl Afraid
Thank you for replies and nice comments. I am sorry too for what you are going through and have been through. :flowers:
I find it helps talking about how I feel too - it does help doesnt it.
I too am an Ebay addict. I love buying online. :) I am definitely going to start online food shopping before I die of starvation!
I bet it must have been tough for people years ago when there was no internet. No sites like this! :ohmy: :weep:
I often think what would happen if anti anxiety and anti depressant medications had not been invented!:scared15:
Maybe if our partners had even 1 days anxiety, depression or agoraphobia, then maybe they would be a bit more understanding! Why do they have to do the walking out thing too!!! It really does affect my anxiety - I would much prefer to sit and talk things through.
Ok enough of my whinging lol Thank You for your replies! :)

[GirlAfraid23]

No...well, yes AND no.

I'm not a man, but I want to put in a word for men...I've lived with my boyfriend over a year, and he's been brilliant about everything (as in, eating disorder, severe anxiety), all the time. No one's perfect but really great, understanding men do exist. This is meant to be a bit of hope - they ARE out there!

As for the question..I have always been fine at romantic/sexual relationships, by that I mean anxiety hasn't really affected them, and most people I've been out with have been understanding or whatever.

What I really, really screw up on is the friends thing. I'm fine with acquaintances, people I don't know and people I have intimate romantic/sexual relationships with, but anything in between there, I can't do.

It's because, I think, I can't fathom what you're meant to DO with friends, there seems to be an unspoken code I'm not privy to..it's gotten worse as I've gotten older. When I was 17, I had a pretty big group of friends..then I had a breakdown. In college, I had a few buddies but have held on to none (they didn't seem interested anyway after college ended).

Now I'm at uni and I havn't been to the bar/communal social area, and I've been there 1 year and 6 months. It's sort of..no, its not funny. It sucks. I have high social anxiety, but only with the "friends" thing. I'm opinionated and assertive most of the time, and people seem to like me OK..I dunno. It just never materialises to friendship.

I kind of understand where you are coming from here...I get insecure about relationships with friends...but I know its easier said than done but maybe you should go out to a social night at uni and try and make some :) I know its easy for me to say but you might feel better for it in the long run, just try not to put loads of emphasis on it if that makes sense...
x