I thought that i had won my fight, I haven't

[spotty socks]

Hello
I am really struggling at the moment, i thought i had won the fight over my demons and past . I am coming to the end of 3 1/2 yrs of therapy and 3 yrs with my support worker and started to work with a pyscologist and preparing for emdr. Bluebells are coming up and coming out, just the smell and seeing them causes flashbacks, i sweat , get breathless and today was vomiting.
I think that all those who have been helping me have been let down. I don't want my past to win, I don't want this anymore but it has happened again.
Has anyone got any ideas to help me with the bluebell season?

Spotty Socks

[spotty socks]

:) After a some thought and determination , i can see that the emdr sessions that i am being prepared for is bringing up all my bad stuff and fears/ flashbacks. I have been told this is normal process , but it will get better . So i am still winning my fight and have decided my past is not going to win.
I have managed to give up using self harm as a coping mechanism after 30yrs. I have not self harmed for 8 months now and have learnt other ways to cope. I am determind to win my fight against my past.
Spotty

[suzy-sue]

Well done with controling the s/h. that is a great achievement and you should feel proud.I cant think of a way for you to deal with the Bluebell reminder ,but if it wasnt bluebellls it would be something else,at least its not something you see all year round.A small consolation i know! one way would be to create a new memory relating to bluebells ,but you would need special help to achieve that.Your bad experiences have robbed you of your past , and im so sorry for that. But i hope you will learn to put them behind you,and not let them take away your future.You have obviously had a terrible time and you deserve to be happy.You must have worked hard to get where you are now & with time and your determination ,im sure youll win your fight in the end. Wishing you luck and happiness Sue:bighug1: xx

[NoPoet]

Hi Spotty Socks! The sense of smell can be the most powerful trigger to our memory. One whiff of an old familiar smell can blast our minds decades into the past. It's likely that you caught the scent of the bluebells and it reminded you of a time when you were really distressed. Not a very nice memory to have, but nothing that can hurt you any more. Think of it as an echo :)

It's really good that you no longer self harm, I hear that can be quite addictive but you have overcome it and learned that there is a better way! You should be very, very proud of yourself. There is no way you can let anyone down, you have come so far and you have made measurable progress! Keep going! Good luck with the continuing treatment -- even though I'm sure you won't need luck :D

[spotty socks]

Thank you all for your kindness! I have passed another milestone i have said goodbye to my support worker after 3 yrs . I am going to miss her , i know that it is ok to miss her and trying hard to see it as positive because it is . I have outgrown her! E M D R is on going and difficult and i will be saying goodbye shortly to my therapist. I have also found out , that the trust i am under does not very often fund emdr and they have for me so they must think it is going to help me.
Thank you all again
Spotty