View Full Version : help!!!!!!
I cant baleive it here I go again.....
Can someone please help me to calm down. My fear is hiv and I have head this fear for ages now. Ive been testing four times, one with having baby last november and they have all been negative but i have read the guidlines for testing and it says that there is a specialist testing service that people who have been at high risk should also have a sample sent there. Now im totally freaking out because im thinking that that must mean that the tests i had werent good enough to rule out all hiv infections and that if there is a large risk they need to use better tests at the specialist place.. oMG i cant handle this, what if they have measured my risk wrong? How do they know how much risk I have been at? I have all these sympstoms and think my partner and even other people in my family have all these signstoo,
My anxiety is soo intense last night had another major panick attack and its still here, my hands are like claws when I stop typing.
I can feel gland sin my neck and i found them two years ago. The y are non both sides and dont hurt. They feel very small but they are not going away. Also i seem to have no blood in my extremities all the time and tingling in my nose. I have all this weird body hair growth and the hair on my head seems to be getting thinner. And also my wee(sorry) is always very sweet smelling and yellowy. It was bad enough when it was just me but now also my parners feet (sorry again) havevstarted to smell that way as well.
Also my best friend seems to have the hair thing going on too omg - could i have geven it to her by her using a razor of mine to shave her legs? SHe used my razor once about 3 years ago. Also could i have given it to my brother if i used his razor to shave my legs in 2002 when we were on holiday?
Some onehelp me i just cant take anymore
sorry
Lisa
x
Stressed32
13-04-09, 16:01
Lisa-
STAY OFF OF GOOGLE!!!! What are you reading girl? Stop doing this to yourself! They may (who know or who cares you don't live there anyway!) have other test and other strands in undeveloped countries, like places in Africa where it spreads like wildfire. Please calm down and remember what we have read.....It is spreading there not b/c of sex but b/c of unhealthy living conditions where they have to bathe in and drink the same water they wee and poo in.
1. HIV is not easy to catch sexually...not as easy as your HA is making you think! Your chances are less than 1% everytime you have sex with an at risk person or someone who is HIV+...LESS THAN 1%....IT IS ACTUALLY 0.05%. That is if the person was +...do u know that he was?
2. The tests in developed countries test for the only strand found there...I do not even think there are lots of different strands. Think about how many more people would have it if there were...the # of people with it is NOT on the rise as the media will have you to beleive but on the decrease. There are lots of other STDs that are on the rise.
Girlie, go back and reread those websites I sent to you about HIV testing and how low the risk is of catching it through sex (remember the prostitues? I know you are not having sex 35 times a day unprotected with 35 different people r u? LOL). Think about this too....how many people on this planet have unprotected sex with risky people and don't have it. My sister in laws (2 of them) are major drug users..major! One of them even prostituted herself out for crack! She is HIV- and just had a baby. Now can you honestly tell me that anything you have done has even been close to being that risky? NO!
Even if the information on those sites is not true, you need to read them over and over and try to reprogram your brain Lisa. You have allowed your HA to program your brain into thinking you have HIV when you don't. Your brain is a muscle. When you workout and your muscles get used to it and you stop getting sore and have to change it up....muscle memory...u have done the same thing in your brain but with your thinking.
The only way to fix it now is to reteach your brain something different, change it up. You have to go to those sites or buy a book that explains something OTHER than the fact that you have it then convince yourself of how true that is. Sweetie, you just had a baby and your hormones are all out of wack and then add anxiety..that is every symptom you are having, even your hair falling out. My hair fell out for months after my tubal pregnancy and my hormones did not get nearly as high as yours.
Relax, you are ok...- test, - test, - test!!! They do 2 tests you know...ELISA and Western Blot. Your neg. hun!
Get your OBGYN to run a hormone panel on you...hugs!
Stressed32
Stressed32
13-04-09, 16:11
oh by the way, you can't spread it even if you had it, which u don't, through razors...you are strecthing sweetie! PLUS...YOU DON'T HAVE IT ANYWAY TO BE ABLE TO SPREAD IT....but even if you did, it can't be spread through shaving. Stop having sex and sharing needles with your brother and sister in law...smile that was a joke LOL...relax your fine!
Thank you soooooo much. Im so gratefull for your sense and rational thinking. Just feel so rubbish. Going to print your answer out and keep it close to hand , maybe that will help. I am a total nightmare I know. Couldnt help but laugh at the idea of people drinking water they pood and wee'd in. Im trying to think how ridiculous it would be for me to contract a version of something so diverse that the standard commercial tests designed at least 4 years since my possible risks - if any, a guy from my local town who has only ever been as far as spain on holidy, having four tests months apart, having a baby but thay havent picked it up, having full blood counts all the way through preganancy and not showing anything and a full blood count, kidney and liver function blood tests in Jan 09 still okay other that slightly raised white count
and not only all that but managing to pass it onto my partner within weeks of meeting him, my friend through using my razor once, my brother and somehow both parents - oh and my nan seems to be feeling ill so maybe her tooooooooooo aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh it sounds mental but its just stuck in there and all of my stress symptoms are keeping it going!!
okay ..............i feel a lot better
How are you stressed32?
Lisa
xxxx:)
Stressed32
13-04-09, 16:47
Girl, it is ok. You are my sanity too. Everytime I type reason to you...I am repeating the same stuff in my head! Meeting you has been great support and therapy for me. Thanks. I just wish that it was under different curcumstances...like maybe a baby forum or something a little less scarey :) I do think you should have your hormones checked. I say that b/c u know how ur sense of smell is heighted during pregnancy? That is hormones making that happen and you have been smelling sweet in the wee and sweat...I wonder if hormones are making you smell funny?
I am good. Just finally got over my sinus infection. I tell you what it took everything I had not to come unglued when I saw online that chronic sinus can be HIV. I just had to remind myself that allergies are a lot more likely and the trees are all in bloom right now..LOL. But my HA tried to convince me that the chances of HIV are higher...LOL...especially when it moved to my chest. So....let me weigh this out...0.05% chance of HIV or 97% allergies given woods and trees in bloom...allergies are more likely yes?
So, I went to the Dr. on Thursday and made them just give me a shot to kick it out and today, I am good. I have my days too...or I would not be writing to you...especially when I see that nasal drainage and sinus infections can be due to HIV. I am in your boat babe! We just have to think positive and keep reminding ourselves of how silly we are thinking...I am being silly right?
google is not a doctor if you have had test your fine dont worry
wish you better
google is not a doctor if you have had test your fine dont worry
wish you better
Thank you
Im trying so hard to trust in the tests! Guess i have to try harder!!
Thanks for replying
Lisa
xxx
Girl, it is ok. You are my sanity too. Everytime I type reason to you...I am repeating the same stuff in my head! Meeting you has been great support and therapy for me. Thanks. I just wish that it was under different curcumstances...like maybe a baby forum or something a little less scarey :) I do think you should have your hormones checked. I say that b/c u know how ur sense of smell is heighted during pregnancy? That is hormones making that happen and you have been smelling sweet in the wee and sweat...I wonder if hormones are making you smell funny?
I am good. Just finally got over my sinus infection. I tell you what it took everything I had not to come unglued when I saw online that chronic sinus can be HIV. I just had to remind myself that allergies are a lot more likely especially given the fact that I live in the middle of 45 acres of woods and the trees are all in bloom right now..LOL. But my HA tried to convince me that the chances of HIV are higher...LOL...especially when it moved to my chest. So....let me weigh this out...0.05% chance of HIV or 97% allergies given 45 acres of woods and trees in bloom...allergies are more likely yes?
So, I went to the Dr. on Thursday and made them just give me a shot to kick it out and today, I am good. I have my days too...or I would not be writing to you...especially when I see that nasal drainage and sinus infections can be due to HIV. I am in your boat babe! We just have to think positive and keep reminding ourselves of how silly we are thinking...I am being silly right?
I do want to say thanks to you for keeping my dirty little secret. I had never confessed that to anyone and I think the guilt I feel from that really is what makes me think HIV so much....after all...now that we are good and back on track wouldn't it be a kicker to have HIV and have him find out....I even worry now about getting pregnant b/c of the test they give at the start. Lisa I have cried about 500 times because I am not getting pregnant and now I am scared to because of something I do not even have! What is wrong with me?
Awww..... there is absolutely nothing wrong with you at all..definately normal!! Your right it is something that you done even have. More importantly you know the whole hiv symptoms and stuff...they are all just symptoms of immune dysfunction, especially sinusitis. Apparently sinusitis is very common in people who are stressed and run down, also , i know not best example to give but in people who are pregnant because immune system is purposefully suppressed, sinusitis more common too. So really it doesnt matter what symptom you read about hiv, apart from the really serious stuff, it can happen in a stressed person too!! And whats more your secret is not dirty at all, we are all entitiled to do things out of character in our lifetime and we do them for good reasons at the time and it makes us who we are!! You have done nothing to feel bad about , its all in the past and you were out to hurt anyone - you did it for positive reasons for yourself and thats all - forgive yourself sweetie before that baby comes along!!!!!!!!
Im starting to think maybe my thyroid is playing up or something cos cant sleep at all just now either. Who knows!!
Lisa
xxxxxx:hugs:
I have this worry as well - I'm 23 and about 7 years ago, when I was 16, I had a - erm - experience which I would rather not talk about! It has suddenly dawned on me that maybe I might have it?! I have a dry cough at the moment....
But I had blood tests done recently and the doc said my immune system was fine. If I had it, my immune system would be damaged by now right?? I know a blood test other than one specifically for that wouldn't show it, but the fact that my immune system is fine is a good sign, right? Please reassure me, you guys seem to know what I am going through! xx
Stressed32
13-04-09, 18:25
Lisa- didn't it make you feel better to say that and reassure me? It is like reassuring yourself too. Thanks...hugs to you for your kind words! I appreciate it so very much...and you are right, I need to learn to forgive myself.
Just spoke to Dr. They want me to take 14 days of antibiotics on top of the shots I got...gosh looks like I'll be popping pills for the next 2 weeks..lol. If you print anything, I want you to print what you just wrote so that you can go back and see how rational you are. Why is it so easy for us to be rational to others' situations and not our own. Well, I am here for you girl and I do not mind telling you each and everyday that you are not + :)
Luchipoo- Welcome. I am glad that you are here amongst people who know how you feel, but sad that you are here feeling this way. I would never wish this on anyone! I thought infertility was bad....infertility don't have nothing on anxiety...especially HA! To answer your question, yes, HIV would show up in bloodwork as long as you had your white/red blood cell counts done. It would NOT show up as HIV because bloodcount is not an HIV test. However, there would be abnormalities there that would flag your GP to run further tests. This is actually how most people find out they have it. So, you are good or you would know by now. I have a lists of sites that you can visit that discusses how hard it is to catch despite what TV says...do yourself a favor and STAY OFF OF GOOGLE NO MATTER HOW TEMPTING IT MAY BE. If you feel the need to research, let me know and I'll give you those sites straight away.
Gotta love the media...
Stressed32 - thank you so much for your wonderful reply. It is so reassuring that it's not just me who worries about these things. I told my boyfriend about it and he just burst out laughing saying that of all the things I have thought I had over the past couple of months, this was the most absurd and that if I had it then he had it...which although was not the most comforting of responses, is probably true. But when you have HA it's really hard to be rational. The doc mentioned full blood count and said it was fine - I'm going to see her (again!!) tomo so I will double check just to put my mind at rest. Thank you so much again, you're a star :) x
Oh and yes please to those websites too - I read in your other post about the 0.05% chance of actually getting it. IT just worries me because other than that experience when I was younger (which was only oral sex actually...any less chance of catching it via that?!) I have only slept with two other people but managed to get herpes which is just great! So I suppose that's why it worries me...sorry to go on! x
Stressed32
13-04-09, 19:49
Luchipoo- No problem. I told Lisa earlier, getting on here and seeing that other people worry too makes me feel better. It also helps me to rationalize my own weird thoughts. Herpes is ALOT easier to catch than HIV. I have it too. I made my share of sexual mistakes but I think I got herpes from myself. I get cold sores and have since I was little. I was told to always be careful when on my period or having oral with hubby b/c it can transfer down town if you know what I mean :) Hope that is not TMI.
My hubby laughs at me too when I worry about HIV. But I swear I can make it work in my head! Especially when I am sick. It is like I can't see that I heal fast and feel better quickly. Like I just got over a sinus infection in under a week. All I see is that I had an infection and was just sick in Jan, 4 months ago so it must be HIV.
It all started when my hubby kept getting boils that turned out to be staph that was being passed around at work. He took a new job and they just kept coming. I googled boils and saw HIV and then began to think about the chances of us having it and then it spread like wild fire from there. I am no virgin and wasn't when I met him. However, I had a - test in 07. The whole thing is scarey though. Here are those sites I told you about:
http://video.google.com/videosearch?...sitesea rch=# (http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=the+other+side+of+aids&hl=eN&sitesearch=)
http://www.virusmyth.com/aids/hiv/cjtestfp.htm (http://www.virusmyth.com/aids/hiv/cjtestfp.htm)
http://aliveandwell.org/ (http://aliveandwell.org/)
http://rethinkingaids.com.93.seekdotnet.com/ (http://rethinkingaids.com.93.seekdotnet.com/)
www.helpforhiv.com (http://www.helpforhic.com/)
http://www.peaceandlove.ca/AIDSsexmyth.html (http://www.peaceandlove.ca/AIDSsexmyth.html)
http://www.healtoronto.com/ (http://www.healtoronto.com/)
Please let me know what your Dr. says about your blood work ok and if I am right that it would wack out your blood count. That is what my Dr. and a guy from the Aids center told me b/c I had blood work almost a month ago. Thanks
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