I nearly died, but it was a nice day out

[Jaco45er]

I am not enjoying this spell at the moment, anxiety is back with a vengeance last few days and it's really peeing me off after so long feeling fine.

I took the kids out yesterday to Rockingham castle on an Easter hunt. I figured anxiety/panic is kicking my ass at the moment anyhow so may as well panic there as anywhere else.

I popped a beta-blocker before I went then hit the road, feeling apprehensive but not climbing the walls.

Once there, I could feel it all rising, the choking feeling, dizzy, like I am not there, same ole tosh as those of you who like a wee panic now and again will know.

"I know, I know what to do" I thought, my camera is in the car, I will go get it, something to do and a distraction technique.

I left the clan in the grounds and set off back to the motor, up the hill and then it hit bigtime. My heart was pounding out of my chest, I couldn't damn breath properly, and I swear, I thought I was going to die there and then. People were coming down the hill as I was almost staggering up it, "I am not stopping" I thought, it's bad enough panicking than to have people asking you why you are gasping for air doubled over.

I got to the car, picked the camera up, and spent the next 2 hours in what can only be described as a surreal journey around the grounds of the castle totally thinking about how I feel, what was happening and was this panic/anxiety really taking me to the limits of possible death.

Within 3 hours of this onslaught of panic, I was having a cuppa and a sandwich, then wandering around the interior of the castle reading all about the history in a calm, relatively anxious free fashion (had a band of pressure around my head but was not that bothersome).

Again today, another few hours of high anxiety, but it passed.

My point? This is how I overcame it the last time, stand and face so lets see how long this spell lasts.

I haven't got time for anxiety, and I am not going through all that crap again.

I am being left with the constant heavy chest feeling through the day, and fuzzy head, I am sure it's chemical, I just wish I knew what friggin chemical it was.

[finny12000]

hi jaco
me and your anxiety is similar and our outlook and actions are kinda the same and were bhoys lol
Once anxiety gets into my head it takes me ages to get rid off it again
as im wondering is it back...how long this time ect ect..
Also im king of the fuzzy head lol but i have noticed that when my blood sugars go down from not eating at right times i get same feelings as anxiety and im sure my brain doesnt know diff and leaves me in a tiz until i sort it out.
mines has been back and forth this year and its handleable as what else can we do but always at back of my mind is is it back as before but me and you
know we have countermeasures and tips ect to fight it m8 that we never before.
i would say dont dwell on it think back to last anxiety period and let it run its course

[diane07]

Jaco,

I went through exactly the same last week in the zoo, it is so scary when it takes over your body, but you know to keep on fighting it, as horrible as those feelings were, nothing bad actually happened, they're all just feelings.

Keep fighting it mate, all the way

best wishes

di xx

[Insomniac]

Hi Jaco,

I know you're having a crappy time, but it sounds to me like you are coping with it pretty well!! Managing to think clearly enough to remember to distract yourself and go back to the car for your camera.

I know what you mean about the pounding heart though. Even though the rational side tells me its just a tight chest from anxiety that doesnt stop it feeling terrible. But you got back, picked up your camera and walked around with your kids! Well done mate!

This is how I overcame it the last time, stand and face so lets see how long this spell lasts.

Nice thinking - its very positive. You've beaten it before and you will beat it again, also:

I haven't got time for anxiety, and I am not going through all that crap again.

Thats how I try to think of it. I thought today that its like a toddler having a tantrum. I'm not putting up with this, ignore its behaviour til it stops!

As for the heavy chest feeling and fuzzy head it probably is chemical, and the stress your body was under (or thought it was under) with the anxiety.

I am very seriously impressed with your achiements and you should be too. Keep it up mate, sounds like you got the right attitude. Hang in there!:shades:

[jodie]

jaco,

sorry your feeling this dam anx at the mo ,but you know as much as we all do it wont last and it wont harm you just feel so dam crap at the time .
i would say don't even think about why your anx is back and how long it will last just mumble through it till it goes again coz it will go, it has before it will again.

jodie xxx

wont give u a hug coz i know u like people to think your all manly and stuff lol
keep ya chin up mate x

[Nechtan]

It takes alot of bottle not to run so power to you. Personally I think panic is worse when you have not had it for a long time. All the guards are down. It must be very frustrating though when you've had a period without it for it suddenly to return but at least you are not letting it hold you back.

All the best

Nechtan

[amandaj]

sorry you felt crap bloody anxiety, hope it goes as soon as it came back for you
take care

[tigger1964]

hi jacco,
im sorry your feeling crap, u got over this before and u a can again, keep u chin up mate x

[sharona]

Hi Tiggs

Sorry you are feeling crap, I nearly had one in Ikea today but I told myself I would be O.K, it was packed so I just got what i wanted and got back to the car.

Hope you are feeling better.

Sharon xxx

[honeybee3939]

Hi Jaco

Sorry to hear about your panic hun, i hope it soon passes also:hugs: .

After reading your post i was just wondering if your sittuation was similar to mine as i have been to a big antiques fayre today and before i even left the house i was starting to worry because i knew it would be full of people when i got there and of course when i got there it was heaving with folk so of course the panic showed its ugly head again. i felt very uncomfortable most of the time while there but i stuck it out and as time passed i felt better:) .
Did you worry before you arrived there that it was going to be busy and afraid you may panic because of that? In a way its like i am expecting the panic to arise and because of that it does! I went to the exact same place last friday and i wasnt worried at all(because i knew it would be quiet) and i was fine!:yesyes:
Im waffling now lol.and thats before a drink of alcohol !...anyway hope tommorrow is a new day and a panic free one mate !

Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxx

[Jaco45er]

Thanks for the replies all :)

I woke this morning and the 1st thing in my head was "how am I going to feel today?", talk about inviting it. Then I turned on GMTV just as they were talking about panic attacks, spooky ;).

I am almost following the pattern of the old days, high anxiety to mid afternoon then being absolutely fine by evening.

As you say Andrea, Sunday could have just been anticipation anxiety but that was one hell of an attack, I mean like a man's panic attack (like man flu, it seemed to be worse ;)).

I am not going to dwell on it, dwelling kepted me in a state for tooooooo long last time.

Let it come Jaco, just let it come and go.

I hope everyone else is having a good day :)

Jaco

[Piglet]

Thank you for posting about your day Jaco cos it made me smile ... albeit a tad wryly! :shades:

I smile because the way you describe how you felt could be a day in my life too. It's funny how from the outside we appear fine (in the main) but inside us is this malestrom of feelings going on. You put it so well that I could substitute you for me and I was there lol!!!

I wonder how many others that day were wandering round trying to talk themselves out of a 'wobbly turn'!

Piglet :flowers:

[Jaco45er]

Tetley :) if anyone gets a panic attack on, and needs to flee, I for one would never critisis them. I only stand and face cause I am dumb and stubborn like that ;).

Even if you do flee, never think it has won, it's just a small retreat in the campaign to overcome anxiety. Man I have been reading Bills posts too much, I am getting all in depth (joking Bill my man :)).

Piglet :) I would have a panic attack to make you smile anyday, my pleasure ;), just don't demand too many ok lady.

So many times piglet, I have looked in the mirror, and thought, man you have the face only a mother could love. Serious though, I have looked in the mirror during anxiety and panic, and looked damn near calm.

It's such an inward thing, anxiety. There is nothing changed in our appearance (well most of the time, but sometimes I can look really withdrawn and blurry eyed) and I have even passed the day off appearing normal to others whilst having this "malestrom" (where are you getting these words? lol) going on inside.

I tell you one thing I have learned about panic though, it's as hard as hell to convince yourself you will be fine when you feel like you are about to die.

That said, I have cheated death in my mind a multitude of times, I often think I worry so much about my heart, liver and all those other squisy things in my body (I never was good at biology) that I wouldn't be surprised if I get run over by a bus and it's all been a waste of time worrying.

Ahh well you lovely people, onwards and upwards ;)

Jaco

[spaced]

Sorry your having a hard time right now. Jaco just a blip and you know what to do, stand up to it and tell it to go feck. I haven't had a pa for about 2 years and it nearly came back to bite me on my arse a few days a go. I told it to feck and it did, hope it got the message but if it wants to have another go I'm ready won't be beaten.

You've done this before, you know how it works, you can do it again.:shades:

[Piglet]

I have even passed the day off appearing normal to others whilst having this "malestrom" (where are you getting these words? lol) going on inside.

I like to bring a little culture to the proceedings lol!


I tell you one thing I have learned about panic though, it's as hard as hell to convince yourself you will be fine when you feel like you are about to die.

Yep this is the total crux of the matter isn't it.


I wouldn't be surprised if I get run over by a bus and it's all been a waste of time worrying.

That did make me snort! :roflmao:

Piglet :flowers:

[honeybee3939]

LOL Jaco and Piglet, you two are both so good with words you make me smile!:)
Its a good job we all still have a sence of humour isnt it!:D

Anyway, Jaco i hope you have had a better day today mate !:flowers:

Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxx