Relationship trouble

[Eva May]

I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years and I'm starting to feel trapped in the relationship. It's nothing he's done because he really does bend over backwards for me so I think it's the panic and anxiety having some weird affect on my brain. I think I want to be single for a while but I start to panic if I really consider it, it just feels catastrophic to not have him as my boyfriend. I explained part of this to him (not the whole story) and he said he understood and that we would see how things go. Then this morning his bi-polar has kicked in because now he says he doesn't want to be without me and I have had to do a u turn and reassure him that I'm not going anywhere because I'm afraid how anything else will affect him. I feel more trapped than ever now, nothing was resolved by talking, it just made everything worse. :shrug:

[t50kym]

Hello i think you need to sit and think it out on your own and decide for your self what you actual, if you do decide to finish or have time you might stop feeling like you do? Sorry i hope i made a bit of sense xx let me know how you get on xx

[LittleWing]

Hi Eva,
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time...
I was in the same position a couple of years ago with my ex boyfriend. I felt like we were in a suffocating relationship and that both of us were so insecure to be alone, but we were doing no good to one another.

It took me a really long time to break up with him. I tried once but the next day we got back together. Then a year later (almost exactly) I finally did it. I t was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do but I'm so glad now because I've finally found someone I think I'm meant to be with, and I can see I was in a bad relationship that was making me unhappy.

Sometimes I convinced myself we should stay together - but really I think it was because I felt guilty leaving him all alone and I worried about how he would cope. In the end I came to terms with the fact that there's no point in being with someone if your heart isn't really in it - and he could feel that too - in fact it just made him even more insecure because he was left with the constant feeling that I could leave at any point.

I think t50kym is right - you should think carefully about how you feel. Perhaps it's even enough right now that you just acknowledge how you're feeling. I'm sure you made the right decision talking with him about it - its good for you to both know what's going on with each other.

Let us know how you get on - I really hope things get better soon.
LW xx

[Eva May]

I'm worried that if I break up with him it will turn out to be the biggest mistake of my life. We're so stuck because of my agoraphobia and panic. We have to do the same things in the same places and I'm just getting so frustrated. I can't trust how I feel because it could be false, this could all be my mind playing tricks on me. I absolutely adore him and the last thing I'll ever do is hurt him. I've never felt so confused about anything in my life and I have no confidence in my decision making, I almost wish he would be the one to do something. I'm glad you found someone else Littlewing, I really can't imagine myself with anyone else. Did it take you long?

[LittleWing]

Well, I was single for a year, but now I'm the happiest I've ever been. It was really hard at first, being single, but I knew that it was a bad thing being with my boyfriend who I felt stuck to, and I also felt he was really posessive of me. We had been together nearly 5 years, I can't imagine it lasting for 8!

I'm sorry about your agoraphobia and panic :( I know how you feel, and it's terrible. Also - the worst thing to think of is having your loved ones away from you.
I'm not suggesting you break up or anything, maybe that's not really what you need, but I think it's really good of you to talk about it with him. He should understand and respect how you're feeling, and you should be able to support each other.

I can understand all the difficulties you're going through; not trusting your state of mind is something I think we're all really familiar with and when it comes to making big decisions it can be really, really tough. There's no hurry - you don't have to decide anything right away (I hope?)

when you say you almost wish he would be the one to do something, what do you mean? How would you feel if he broke up with you?

LWxx

[Eva May]

On Monday night I thought he was going to break up with me and I immediately felt very panicky and told him I wasn't going anywhere. We have so much history together. I met with my therapist this morning. She thinks maybe we could take it in baby steps, start off with not seeing each other monday to friday or something. I feel like a world class bitch at the moment though because he's in a dip and I feel really impatient with him. My therapist thinks that I'm drained off patience for him

[LittleWing]

I'm sure you're not a world-class bitch! It's not easy both of you going through all this stress and anxiety and having to look after each other at the same time, let alone take care of yourselves, but it's really great you've got a therapist - that's a good step, I hope it's helping.
I like her idea of baby steps though... perhaps that will be a good idea?
LWx