Went to pieces in interview :(

[lesleya]

Had to go into work today to talk to my 'potential' new manager as ive asked to be re-deployed to a different office after a bullying/harrassment grievance i went through lately.... and im embarrassed to say I just about went to pieces:weep:
My insides shook, my voice trembled and i felt like crap. I had to aoplogise for myself because when they asked me questions i couldnt keep focused on the answer i wanted to give..if you know what i mean, i knew what i wanted to say but it just wasnt coming out right, and i felt like a right fool.
The interview was supposed to be just an 'informal chat' but it was more like a formal interview and i just wasnt up to it and i felt really stressed and panicy.
Ive proved to myself im definitely not ready to go back to work.
I feel guilty that my husband is the only one bringing in a full wage just now as im only on ssp until i go back to work....just wish i was able to pull myself together:weep: :weep:
Sorry for whinning but i need to get this off my chest as i cant really say this to hubby he doesnt really understand how i feel.
Thanks for listening
xxxx

[lesleya]

Aaaw thanks paul i appreciate you saying that. Your absolutely right i need to go back only when im really ready and i proved to myself today that im not.
I sympathise with you for having a bad day too hun its such an awful feeling isnt it and so embarrassing too. I hope your feeling a little better now though.
Cheers and take care
xxxx

[woody32]

Don't beat yourself up hun...I have done exactly the same in the past, but wasnt strong enough then to say what i really felt...you should just take care of yourself for a bit and take it easy. Must have been hard to go through grievance procedure and I can totally relate to how you felt..hope you can get some support from others and lean on them for a while.

xx

[eurotrashcub]

i am sorry to hear that.

Chin up! Things will get better and you will eventually go back to work...

WE all go through rough patches...

I certainly never thought I could be working full time and I have been doing it for 5 years now...

Hugs

[NoPoet]

Bad news Lesley, there will be other interviews though so don't beat yourself up, you're not the only one to have a crap time. My older sister recently failed a promotional interview because she got so side-tracked with nervous rambling she had to ask them to repeat their questions three times! (Beats my record lol)

[lesleya]

Thanks psychopoet and eurotrashcub.
Part of my problem i beat myself up to much...born worrier i suppose, and Im being pressured by work to go back so it didnt help any.
Your poor sister psychopoet, but i know how she felt its upsetting, embarrassing and frustrating all rolled into one.
Wish we were all well:wacko:

xxxxx

[daisy76]

Lesley

Never apologise for getting things of your chest, you are doing so well, but you are right, you are not ready for work, and thats ok. I know there must be a financial issue but your health so much more important tha money.

Take care hun xxx

[lesleya]

Sorry i havent replied for a day or so but my internets been down and ive been totally lost without nmp :weep: Im using my ethernet connection at the moment as my wireless is still down...see how long it lasts!
But thank you daisy76 your a very kind lady and youve got enough on your plate right now youself....i really feel for what your going through, the not knowing is the worst part ever, but my best wishes are with you and im sure everyone else on nmp is behind you too hun.
I just got an email from hr saying after all my jibbering and making a fool of myself etc that manager actually wants me to work for her???....but the only problem is she wants me full time! and i went part time last year, i dont think im ready for work yet let alone going back to full time i dont think i could cope, but i dont like to let people down either....im confused more than ever now:wacko:

xxxxxxxxx

[suzy-sue]

OOH well done Lesleya, just goes to show doesnt it. ? As for going back full time ?i think that would be too much at the moment,could you speak to them and explain ,you would be willing to go part time to start with ,with a view to longer hours when you feel that you can cope better ?.You must have made a good impression on them so ,its worth a try.Good luck Sue :hugs:

[happyone]

Please don’t feel guilty. I am glad you are sharing this to get it off your chest.
I will share with you my experience of a few months ago. I had been off sick for a few months and just like yourself, I was to be redeployed to another post. I had ben deemed unfit to do my substantive post anymore. I refused to have union representation, or the support of my cpn or husband with me at the meeting. It was supposed to be an informal chat but just like you, it felt like a formal meeting or interview. I couldn’t speak. Their voices were far away and the blood was pumping in my ears. All I could hear from them was that if I didn’t get myself fit for interview, then I would lose any employment with them. I couldn’t cope anymore. I started to cry, tried to get up and leave the room, and then tripped over the leg of my chair.:blush: I then just went whole hog and burst into tears.:weep: They were shocked and left me alone with my manager...bless her....who was blooming just as terrified to be left alone with me!
I am still not back at work but I am not able.
I just wanted to let you know I knew sort of how you felt.
Happyone
xx

[lesleya]

Oh my goodness happyone that sounds so awful what theyre putting you through you poor thing. Have you been seen by your occupational health doctor? I saw one about 2 weeks ago and previous to that last october and ive seen the same doctor both times and luckily she has told my employers that they must find me a suitable job and have put the onus on them, but i only have 3 months from the 16th march for them to find me one then i could maybe face the same as you hun. I dont think its at all fair for them to start your redeployment while your gp doesnt think your fit for work i dont understand that part. They told me last month that if they found me another job then they said i can ask my dr to sign me off??, but whats the point of that when your still not ready to go back?....they seem to cause people more stress.
Im going to get some advice from a solicitor and see what they say.
I hope your a little better now though and wish you all the best in getting back to work when your well...but dont push yoursel;f to go back too soon either.
Take care
xxx

[sharona]

Hi Lesley

Its obvious you are not ready for full time work but ask them can you go part time at first to see how you go.You must have made a good impression if she wants you to go full time.

Take care

Sharon xxx

[happyone]

Thanks Lesley.

Unfortunately I am nowhere near fit enough for work. I actually have an appointment with the gestapo.....aka dept of work and pensions...next week to see if they will continue to pay me employment support allowance. I am there to convince them that I am sick enough to receive the same amount per fortnight that I used to earn per day. It seems so unfair that a letter from my psych would not be enough:lac:
I did have an occ health interview...several actually..but the most recent, I took along my cpn for support, after my disaster at my unsupported meeting. It made all the difference! They recommmended my employer leave me alone for a minimum of 3 months which will take me to the middle of May. Then I should be re referred back to them. I think ultimately, I will lose all employment with them, but hey ho....thats life eh?
Good luck with yours.
Happyone
xx

[lesleya]

Hi Sharon hope your doing ok, its a day or so since i spoke to you. I dont want to go back ft sharon. The main reason is that i leave home at 6am and return home between 6pm and 6.30 pm, but then i start all over again at home with the usual, cooking tea, washing, ironing, cleaning etc so i never got to sit down till at leat 9.30-10pm and then it was off to bed and then same again next day. My hubby bless him does nothing at home so i get to do all they joyful housework!!. But i was at the point where i was just soooo tired and run down i couldnt cope so i gave hubby an ultimatum... i either cut my hours or he helped with the house?...his answer was cut my hours so that i could catch up on my days off!. So i cut from 5 days a week to 3, and the thought of going back to that is:scared15: ..i couldnt cope, i really couldnt, i just get so tired so easily these days and im not getting any younger either:blush:
I know theres plenty of people who probably do as much as i was and maybe more, and i totally admire anyone who does it too, but i cant anymore....wish i could.
Happyone is employment support allowance similar to ssp or is it different?. Im not up to scratch on benefits as i used to be.
Thanks so much for your replies it means a lot to know someone understands.
Take care
xxxx