now im petrified

[lonely]

ive got to go to a meeting with cpn, gp and my pshychiatrist the cpn and gp think im not moving on any, or making progress but my pshychiatrist thinks im doing well and what is asked of me from her, so i get confused

i fear im going to be forced into something i dont want to do, i wont feel comfortable with all in one room looking at me and discussin things :weep: i feel ill spend whole time in tears and trying to hide wanting to run out at anytime can

its not till mid may and im already freaking out now about the idea, and seeing cpn for second times next week :wacko:
its also about trying to getting me to see a health care professional less maybe cause i had to go back see gp last week as i wanted to die, but i was petrified and it was nearest place to go :scared15: now i fear im wasting there time if i do go :weep: i only ever normally go when they ask if they say ok ill see you again in a week or if they say 2weeks
i went today week earlier as needed my arm wound checking it seemed to be bleeding through stitches and i didnt want to mess with it and end up back at hospital

i fear im going to be forced into saying yes or put under pressure to say yas to group situations/courses when im not ready and they have never worked for me, not in school, work or in cbt group therapy last year even the lady running it said they knew from start it wasn't for me in a group sitaution

i have agreed to one to one cbt councelling and waiting for it

i kind of feel better talking to the phsychiatrist more then the others, ive wrote all this down what i have written now to explain on monday when see them, but also see cpn next week for 2nd time dont want to go
i keep thinking it would be soo easy just to take more of my promazine as it would be easier then taking loads of pills as its medicine, the thoughts are disturbing me :weep:

[Southern_Belle]

Hi Lonely,

I know it is scary facing all of your doctors but they are doing it in the best interest of you and your care. You were smart to write down how you are feeling so if you get nervous you can just read from your notes. I would also read from your last sentence so they know how bad you really feel. Please if you really feel like that call from the numbers on the link I am going to put below immediately. Let us know how the meeting went because we do care. Please pm me and let me know, okay?

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=38701

Take care,

Laura

[lonely]

thanks for the link, yeah i feel like gp thinks im not really suicidal because sometimes ive manged to get thoughts to back of my head, but they are always still there even when doing something i once enjoyed
i didnt tell gp of how i planned on taking the promazine but have written it down to show phsychiatrist, she seems to take more things in that i have to mention, as with gp only get 10min appointments

[lonely]

im really upset right now :weep: im scared it a care plan and to try stop me seeing hleath care professionals like i have well they say every few days, but ive only gone when told like every week if they say see me again next week or in 2 weeks etc only last week was emergency and i went back, so now today was made to feel like i wasnt wanted really i felt like was wasting their time
and that i might as well just rot away or die and get away from it all


i cnt get better without any help i cant do it alone, if i didnt wat help wouldn't have gone in first place

[lonely]

i feel my gp doesnt want to see me anymore :( like im a incinvienince

[Southern_Belle]

Hi Lonely,

We can't really discuss suicide here on the site. Can you change your GP? It sounds to me like you need to asap! If not, write in detail what you want to say and stress how much you need assistance. If you still don't get anywhere ask your psychiatrist to get involved. I honestly don't know how they hear anything if you only get 10 minutes with them! Good luck hun and please let me know what happens.

Laura xxx